by Zavi James
"You know, it's something you guys can probably fix if you talk about it."
"I don't want to talk to him." Stubbornness had always been my downfall.
"I gathered that much," Dante said and chugged some orange juice.
"He makes me so angry, D," I explained. "What he does and what he says are two different things. I don't know where I stand with him."
"You don't know where you stand with him? Really?" Dante said, snorting.
"D, he tells everyone I'm a business arrangement. I feel like a prostitute who sleeps with him because my Dad needs to pay him back. It makes me feel cheap," I said feeling deflated.
Dante choked on his bite. When he recovered, he asked, "You guys have slept together?!"
My face went red and I shook her head. "No. No, but it's not like we haven't wanted to."
I couldn’t believe I was having this conversation, but it felt good to finally talk to someone about all this. It made the ache in my chest ease.
"The both of you need to talk about this, Mia," Dante told me. "He was in such a mood last night and you, darling, look a mess this morning."
I felt miserable and although it pained me to say it, I knew that Dante was right.
"I wouldn't even know where to begin," I admitted.
"Being in the same room might help," Dante suggested, and I resisted the urge to reach across and smack him upside the head. His phone started to ring, and he fished it out of his pocket. "Speak of the devil." Dante answered the phone and I drank from the mug, letting the morning sun bathe me. I thought Brazil might be the chance we needed to become closer, but it had driven a wedge between us.
"Yeah, of course. We'll get sorted now." Dante hung up and downed the rest of his orange juice in a single gulp. "We need to go. We're leaving this afternoon."
"This afternoon?" I asked surprised.
"Yeah," he said, and placed some bills on the table.
"I thought we were staying for a few days," I said to him.
"Change of plans."
Chapter Twenty Five
Lucas
The entire car ride to the airport I had been glued to my phone trying to sort things out before I had minimal contact for 8 hours. Through the fog of my hangover earlier, I had picked up a call from Lydia who had an update on my mother. A fall meant a trip to the hospital, and although Lydia tried to assure me everything was in hand, I wouldn’t be able to rest easy unless I saw her myself. They say the Lord only gave you as much as you could handle, and He was testing my limits at the moment.
Mia took a window seat again and for a moment I hesitated before Dante nodded to the seat beside her and dropped in the seat opposite. The flight took off and I balled my hands into fists and closed my eyes. Images of my mother filled my head. We maintained a close relationship, and I did my best to make sure she was comfortable and had what she needed.
"I think I'm going to see whether I can convince the pilot to teach me to fly this thing,” Dante said.
"I'll jump the moment you take the stick," Mia replied dryly.
I could hear Dante get up and leave. There was a gentle brush of fingers across my knuckles and my eyes snapped open. Mia stared down at my hands where the skin had split open. Thick scabs had started to form with the skin surrounding them angry and red. If I held on any tighter, I would undo the repair job that my body had initiated.
"What did you do?" she asked gently.
I snatched my hand away from her. Mia blew hot and cold and I didn't have the headspace for the games at the moment.
"Punched a wall," I replied shortly to answer her question.
"Who won?"
"The wall's still standing without a scratch on it."
An awkward silence settled between us again.
"Are you going to talk to me now?" I asked her eventually. We had both calmed down from last night and my resolve had broken in record time. I couldn't do this whole journey beside her in silence.
Mia shrugged in response and I felt my frustration grow. "Mia." I didn't have the time and energy to play with her. "If you want to talk about it then go ahead and if you don't then fine."
"Are you really going to turn this on me and make it seem like it's my fault?" Mia asked me, her own fury rising to the surface.
"You're the one behaving like a child and giving me the silent treatment," I told her.
"Because it's so mature to get drunk and punch a wall."
I knew she must have spoken with Dante. A little bit of privacy would be nice, but it was almost impossible with Dante in my life. He liked to think he knew what was best for me.
I undid my seatbelt and twisted in my chair to look at Mia. "I came to find you last night to apologize and you didn't want to hear it," I reminded her.
Mia followed my motions and undid her belt so she could turn to face me. "I didn't even want to look at you last night, Lucas," she told me honestly. "I told you to stop calling me a business arrangement. Do you know how it makes me feel?"
"You never gave me a chance to explain."
"It makes me feel dirty," Mia pushed on. "You can't kiss me and sleep in my bed and make comments about me if this is all business."
We’d had a good run without any arguments but here we were thousands of feet in the air and locking horns again. For someone so quiet, Mia had a bite when she wanted to. How could someone so small hold a rage that could rival my own once it had been stoked?
"Why would I give you a chance to talk yourself out of things again?" Mia asked me. "I'm an idiot for believing you in the first place!"
Her arms flailed around the place as she spoke and I caught both of her wrists and pulled her towards me, the armrest the only divider between us. "You really do have a problem with listening, don't you?"
"Maybe I'm tired of your bullshit, Lucas."
"I'M TRYING TO KEEP YOU SAFE!" I exploded. I’d reached my breaking point and she was currently the lone soldier in my firing line. Mia shrank back a little, but I still had a hold of her wrists.
"I never asked you to," she almost whispered.
"Okay, so I should have left you with Marco last night?" I asked. "You were dealing with that, were you?"
Mia fell quiet and I knew I had made my point. She was out of her depth last night and we could all see it. Mia had no idea who half the people around her were or what they were capable of, and I was mostly to blame for that.
"You don't know what Marco is like, Mia," I said, calming down. "I told you he doesn't treat women well."
"That still doesn't explain why you called me a business arrangement."
I could see the hurt in her large, brown eyes and the anger fizzled away. Any time that look crossed her face all I wanted was to put it right. I’d never felt responsible for someone’s happiness the way I did with Mia. "Princess, come here. Please." I tugged at her wrists, wanting to pull her onto my lap. "I need you."
Every time I said those words, they held more and more weight. Originally, I had just needed her body. I wanted no one else to look at her or to touch her until I had my fill. And while that remained true, there was more to it now. I needed her because Mia calmed me, and because I couldn't stop thinking of her. I needed her to need me.
Mia resisted the pull, so I stopped but didn't let go of her.
"No. You need to explain what's going on, Luc. I'm not doing this again."
"If you had let me in last night, I would have explained it all."
Mia gave me a look that could have rivaled Lydia's. I wasn't ready to tell her everything, not willing to let her into my world just yet. Seeing Marco with her last night had left me raging and I never wanted her to see me dealing with business in the flesh. She’d only ever seen the aftermath of it, and although she hadn’t run then, I still had no guarantee that she would accept every facet of this life. I never wanted Mia to truly know what I was capable of, in case we reached the point of no return.
"Mia, I had to," I told her.
"Why?" she asked, not willing
to let it go.
"They'd use you if they thought you meant anything more to me," I explained. She chewed on her bottom lip, something I noticed that she did when she was unsure or nervous. “The way Amber treats you…”
At the mention of Amber, Mia's body stiffened.
"Nothing happened between us yesterday," I clarified.
"I saw you at the bar together," Mia said to me, tone flat as if she longed to conceal how it made her feel.
"She was at the wedding with Marco. I didn't even know. Mia, I swear to you there's nothing going on between me and Amber," I told her firmly.
"I thought maybe that might be why—" Mia started.
"Why I called you a business arrangement?" I finished her sentence, realizing why she had run. "No, Mia! No. I was not trying to prove loyalty to Amber. I was trying to keep Marco away from you."
"What does he want?" Mia asked, letting my admission sink in.
I looked at her for a moment. The truth was the only plausible thing to tell her because avoiding it had led us into this mess. "He wants me to work with him and I refuse to. If he knows you mean anything to me, I know he'll try to use you somehow to twist my arm."
The hair on her arms rose. Mia wasn’t stupid, she knew this was a dangerous life. I gave a gentle tug at her wrists. This time she didn't resist and moved over the armrest and into my lap. It felt good to have her this close again.
"You know I'll be honest with you," I reminded her. No lie had left my mouth, but I’d been careful about what I let her know.
"Marco said something."
"What?"
Mia looked at me and I wished I could get into her head. "It doesn't matter," she said eventually.
"Are you sure?"
Mia nodded but then blurted out, "Amber."
"Mia. I have a past," I told her. Amber had stuck a stiletto heel between us and refused to pull away, leaving me to this damage control. "Amber is part of that, but tell me, are you a saint? No ex-boyfriends?"
"The difference is that they aren't acting like they're still dating me," Mia told me.
"We never dated." A small detail but it held some importance. I had never considered Amber as a girlfriend.
"Lucas."
I frowned at the use of my full name. "Mia, I can't help it. I've told her to stay away and I'll keep telling her but there's not much more I can do. You need to trust me."
"The last time I trusted you, you ended up in bed with her."
I flinched at the reminder. Mia would be the woman that put me in my grave, because either I’d risk it all for her or she’d kill me for fucking up. "I didn't know what I was doing."
"Really?" Mia asked with a raised eyebrow.
"No," I said honestly. "Okay, I knew what I was doing but things were a mess and I didn't know what I wanted. You had every right to be mad at me, but it will never happen again."
I looked at her, hoping that whatever had started to grow between us was not broken beyond repair. I hadn't even had a chance with her yet. Now, with everything that was happening I needed Mia more than ever.
"No more, Lucas," Mia told me. "No more telling people I'm business even if it's to keep me safe. You can't try to get in my knickers and then call me business."
"I haven't even gotten close to your knickers."
That earned me a slap to the chest.
"Lucas, I mean it. Whatever this is, whatever is going on between us, it can't happen if you're embarrassed or ashamed of me."
Pulling her tight against me, I dotted a kiss on her shoulder. "Mia, I'm not embarrassed or ashamed. I promise you that much." She relaxed against me and I continued, "I really am sorry for last night. I should have never left you alone, and then we could have avoided this mess."
I leaned down and kissed her, slow at first and then hungrily. Mia responded and I was grateful that the anger and seeped away from her.
Mia mumbled words against my lips, "Never again."
"I promise," I told her. She could have told me to open the door and step off the flight and I’d have done it, because an addict would do anything to get the next fix.
For the rest of the flight, I held her on my lap, unwilling to have even the smallest distance between us. There was a fear that had taken root, that if the distance between us grew, then one day she would no longer be in my life. That wasn’t a reality I was ready to face and refused to accept.
Once we landed the three of us took the car back towards the house.
"I need to go sort something out when we get home," I told Mia. "We'll talk properly later."
Mia nodded but looked uncertain. Lifting her hand to my mouth, I kissed the back of it. In the rearview mirror, I caught Dante miming throwing up and rolled my eyes.
"Lucas!" Lydia called as we walked into the house, bags in hand. "I've been trying to call you."
"Sorry, Lydia," I said. "My phone died. Is everything okay?"
A man appeared next to Lydia looking tired and disheveled. He had more stubble across his jaw than when I last saw him but other than that he hadn’t changed at all in the months he had been away.
"Stefan, you're back early. " I said before turning back to Mia. "We shouldn't be long."
Mia looked from me to Stefan and back before she nodded. "I'll be here."
She grabbed her bag and took it upstairs.
"No introduction?" Stefan asked me, watching her go.
"Stef," I said through gritted teeth. "I'm not in the mood."
"It's basic manners, Lucas," Stefan replied curtly.
"Her name's Mia," I relented.
"Mia," Stefan rolled the name on his tongue. "What's her surname?"
"Griffin," I answered him. "Why?"
I could see Stefan mulling over the answer and the nervous energy that I had felt before we boarded the flight filled me again. "Stef, I assume you're here for Mom, so rather than standing here we should go. Unless you’ll make your own way there."
Stefan gave Lydia a kiss on the cheek before he followed Dante and me out of the house. All three of us climbed into the car before we set out for the hospital.
"I thought you weren't planning to come back until the end of the semester," I remarked. We’d kept the line of communication open long enough for Stefan to inform me that he would be moving home permanently during Christmas break.
"I transferred out early," Stefan told me. "Mom's been calling me and keeping me up to date."
I clenched my jaw. Of course, our mother would want to keep Saint Stefan directly in the loop. We sat through the rest of the journey in uncomfortable silence.
We took the elevator to the seventh floor of the hospital and made our way to the room at the end of the hall.
"My boys!" Mom sat up in her bed, tremor more pronounced than usual as she greeted the three of us, Dante included in the greeting. I hung back as Stefan sat on the edge of the bed and scooped her into a hug.
When our Mom had first been diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease, not long before Dad left us, it had hit hard. The doctors told us that she had probably had the symptoms long before her diagnosis, and Stefan had always taken it personally that he hadn’t caught it sooner. The hospital had become a regular part of her life now, and although there were times Mom seemed to cope fine, it was never long before things took a turn for the worse.
Dante sat in a chair by the bed and listened to Stef as he told Mom about college, but all I could see was how tired and frail she looked after the tumble at the residential home.
"I knew my baby wouldn't let me down," Mom said. "Always working hard to find a way to make me better." She placed a shaky kiss on Stef's forehead.
"I've transferred here, Mom," Stefan told her with a smile. "I'll be able to see you often now."
"Stefan," Mom started, frowning at him.
"No, Mom. I wanted to so please don't argue."
She wrapped him up in a hug before her eyes flicked to Dante and finally landed on me. Mom patted the space on the bed beside her.
"I want to hear all about this wedding," she said.
I hesitantly walked over to her and took a seat before I took her hand in mine.
As the night wore on, Mom kept us occupied with chat and even placed Dante on the spot when she asked when she would be getting an invite to his wedding. Dante looked panicked at the thought. Hell was more likely to freeze over than Dante locking someone down.
"At least I know I'll see one of my boys walk up the aisle," Mom said. Her hand cupped Stefan's face and I felt a twinge in my chest. Stef would always be the one to give her everything I couldn't. The career, the daughter in law and the family. Golden boy could do no wrong in anyone’s eyes.
I got off the bed, needing a breather from the affection. "I'm going to speak to the nurse."
Walking out of the room and towards the nurse's station, I quietly greeted, "Hi, I was wondering if I could have a chat about Maria Foster... Evans," I corrected myself. "I mean Maria Evans."
"Hey, sugar," a familiar, matronly nurse greeted me. "What are you after?"
"Just wanted to know how she's doing, Kel."
Kelly took me through to the day room and sat me down. I always felt uncomfortable in the hospital with its antiseptic smell and white walls. Too sterile and ordered, even for me.
"You know it's progressive, Luc," Kelly told me gently.
I nodded. We’d had this conversation plenty of times and I always buried my head in the sand, but there was no avoiding it.
"She's knocking up a few more bad days than good at this point. The fall isn’t great but thankfully nothing broken. We're keeping a close eye on her and you know that we'll be in touch with you if there's anything you need to know," Kelly said.
"Thanks, Kelly."
"The doctor is due to see her tomorrow and hopefully we'll know a little more then."
"Call me as soon as he's in," I told her. I may not have had the same relationship with Mom that Stefan did, but that didn’t mean I turned my back on her.
"Of course," Kelly assured me. "I see Stef's back in town."
"For good," I confirmed. "He's worried about Mom."
"That boy's going to make a fine doctor one day," Kelly said with a smile. I returned it before I got up. "Sugar," Kelly called as I walked towards the door.