Submitting to the Shadow: Kindred Tales 27

by Evangeline Anderson

  “You need death and that’s what you’ll get,” Roark growled savagely. “I only pray it takes a long fucking time to find you.”

  Then he kicked free of the male’s grasp and carried Samantha up the stairs to freedom.

  Fifty-Eight

  “Please, can you tell me anything? Is Samantha all right? Will she live?” The words spilled from Roark’s mouth the moment the human doctor, Liv, came into the Med Center waiting room, where he was pacing like a caged animal.

  He had been reaching out desperately, trying to see how the woman he loved was doing. But the temporary strengthening of the partial bond between him and Samantha seemed to have faded and now he couldn’t feel her at all.

  The look on the human doctor’s face was grim, causing his heart to nearly stop in his chest.

  “I’m sorry, Commander,” she said, putting a hand on his arm. “But I’m afraid it’s still touch and go at the moment. Her trachea was partially crushed—it’s a miracle she was still alive when you brought her in. I can tell you that Commander Sylvan and Yipper, our Tolleg surgeon, are working as hard as they can to save her and you couldn’t ask for two finer doctors to be operating on your wife. Or, er, your…”

  She trailed off helplessly, obviously not sure what relationship Samantha had to him.

  No relationship, Roark thought, angry with himself all over again. She has no relationship to me and that’s my fault. She’s not even my employee anymore, since I fired her.

  But there was more to consider than Samantha and himself.

  “And the babies?” he asked tightly. “The twin girls? Are they…?” He shook his head, unable to ask the question.

  “We’re monitoring them—they’re still very small,” Liv told him. “As far as we can tell, they’re okay.”

  Well, that at least was a relief, Roark thought. Though of course, he was still more concerned about Samantha than anything else. Samantha who had nearly died because, in trying to run away from him, she had run straight into the arms of her stalker.

  “This is my fault,” he said in a low voice, looking down at his hands. “I’m to blame for all of it. If I hadn’t hurt her and sent her away she never would have gone down to Earth and been attacked. Gods, I hate myself.”

  “Don’t say that.” Liv squeezed his arm. “We’ve all done stupid things—I told you my own past history with my husband, Baird.”

  “Stupid is one thing. Cruel and unethical are something else entirely,” Roark said fiercely. “I haven’t treated Samantha the way a male should treat a female from the first. I used my past pain as an excuse but there is no excuse for the way I acted.” He shook his head. “If she lives, the kindest thing I can do is leave her alone.”

  “Do you think that’s what Samantha would want?” Liv asked quietly. “Maybe she just wants you to love her and treat her right. Maybe—”

  But just then a nurse put her head in the door and said, “Doctor Liv, we need you in triage!”

  “Coming!” Liv gave Roark’s arm another quick squeeze. “Hang in there. I’ll come back and let you know the minute anything changes.”

  Then she was gone, leaving Roark to pace back and forth, his arms behind his back, his head bowed and his brow furrowed with self-hate.

  What he’d said to Liv before she left still resonated in his mind.

  Leave her alone—I should leave her alone. She doesn’t need someone like me in her life. She’ll probably never want to see me again after the way I acted. But we still have the partial bond. Even though it’s not as strong as it was, it’s there, tying us together. What can I do about that?

  Suddenly an idea popped into his head—an obscure religious rite that he’d read about, which was hardly ever performed.

  “A Blood-Letting Ceremony,” he murmured to himself. “A Severing—that’s what I should do.”

  It wouldn’t dissolve the partial bond—nothing could do that. But it would formally free Samantha of him and absolve her of any need to ever speak to him again.

  Just thinking about it made Roark’s heart ache. But it seemed like the right thing to do—to set the woman he had wronged so horribly free. He would still help to raise the twins, of course—if she wanted him to. If not, he would simply pay to support them.

  And Samantha would never have to see him again.

  “Oh please,” he muttered. “Just let her live and I’ll set her free—I swear I will. Though it will be like carving my own heart out with a knife, I’ll let her go and never see her again. Please.”

  It was half prayer, half oath and as he spoke it, Roark felt a cold chill rush through his entire body. His vow, now spoken into the universe, could not be rescinded.

  Suddenly, all strength left him and he had to stagger over to one of the chairs and drop into it, as his legs lost their ability to hold him up.

  Bending low, he hid his face in his hands. Hot tears stung his eyes and a sense of complete hopelessness came over him.

  “Samantha,” he muttered, his voice low and choked. “Oh Gods, Samantha—even if you live, I’ve lost you.”

  Fifty-Nine

  “Don’t try to talk,” a voice said the minute Sammi opened her eyes. “Your throat was badly injured in the attack and you’re still recovering.

  Attack? Sammi thought in confusion, and then everything came rushing back.

  Sonny-boy, forcing her to wear the awful dress and heels…the strange, disgusting meal of cold spaghetti and clams with grape juice to wash it down…the “dancing” where he had jerked her around like a rag doll and then the way he had forced her down on the bed…

  Her mind shied away from the awful memories and she closed her eyes tightly for a moment, wishing she could just go back to sleep—or back to unconsciousness, at least. But someone was stroking her hand and a familiar voice was calling her name.

  Sammi opened her eyes reluctantly and saw Meg sitting there beside the bed she was lying in. Her best friend had tears in her eyes, though she tried to smile when she caught Sammi’s gaze.

  “Hi there,” she murmured. “How are you feeling? No—don’t answer that,” she added quickly. “You can’t talk right now—doctor’s orders.”

  Sammi put a hand to her throat and felt how tender it was. She swallowed tentatively and winced in pain. What had happened to her? The memory of Sonny-boy’s thick thumbs digging into her neck surfaced in her mind in answer to the question.

  But just because she couldn’t talk, didn’t mean she didn’t have questions.

  My babies? she mouthed at Meg and put a hand on her lower belly, raising her eyebrows. My babies—are they okay?

  “Yes.” Meg nodded vigorously and squeezed her hand again tightly. “Yes, hon, the babies are fine. Liv says they’re developing normally and they’re both still okay.”

  Thank God! Sammi felt herself sag in relief.

  “I knew you’d want to know that.” Meg grinned at her. “You’re going to be okay. And you don’t have to worry about that horrible stalker anymore—Commander Roark killed him.”

  Sammi widened her eyes, wanting to know more about Roark. But Meg mistook her questioning look.

  “The police were looking for him in seven states—did you know that?” she asked. “His real name was Joseph Renner and he’d killed twenty-six women! The police found a photo album with pictures of all of them—and locks of their hair. They said it was like his trophy case, if you can believe that!”

  Sammi could well believe that what her friend was saying was true. The memory of the way Sonny-boy had snipped off a piece of her hair as a “souvenir” was still fresh in her mind. She nodded.

  “But here’s the worst part…” Meg’s eyes went even wider. She squeezed Sammi’s hand again fiercely and leaned forward. “The very first one he killed was his own mother. Isn’t that awful?”

  Remembering the strange, Oedipal scenario Sonny-boy had forced her to play out with him, Sammi wasn’t a bit surprised. Still, she nodded because it was awful. Clearly she had barely escaped
the jaws of death—and only because Roark had come to save her.

  “The guy who helped him kidnap you is in police custody too,” Meg said, a note of satisfaction in her voice. “That stoner kid who was apparently in one of your classes. They’re getting him for conspiracy to commit murder, since he was complicit in the kidnapping and he delivered you right to the killer’s hands. And he told them he did it because you gave him a failing grade on a test! Can you believe that?” She shook her head. “I’m so glad you’re up here now. You never have to deal with that bullshit again!”

  Sammi appreciated all this information but the person she really wanted to know about was Roark. She knew her best friend could keep talking for hours if she didn’t find some way to stop her and get the conversation back to where she needed it to go.

  Taking Meg’s hand in hers, she squeezed it and mouthed his name while raising her eyebrows.

  Roark?

  Meg frowned and then her face brightened.

  “Oh yes—he saved you! You know, Sammi—I’m beginning to think he’s not such a bad guy. Maybe everything that happened between the two of you was a big misunderstanding. At any rate, he certainly got to you in the nick of time!”

  Can I talk to him? Sammi mouthed.

  “Oh, you want to talk to him? Of course!” Sammi nodded. “He’s been at your bedside night and day for this whole week, you know. I just made him leave to grab a shower and something to eat a little while ago, but he should be back any minute.”

  Sammi’s heart gave a little leap. If Roark had been so attentive to her while she was ill, surely he must still have some feelings for her! Surely they could get things straightened out between them and have the kind of relationship she’d been longing for from the moment she’d fallen for him.

  As if on cue, there was a knock on the door of her room and Liv stuck her head in.

  “Excuse me, Meg but Commander Roark is back and he’d like to see Samantha.”

  “Oh good—Sammi’s awake.” Meg nodded at Sammi and grinned. “And she wants to see him too.” She turned back to Sammi and squeezed her hand. “Now remember, don’t try to talk! But I’m sure you’ll still be able to communicate just fine.”

  Leaning over, she gave Sammi a kiss on the cheek and then, with a promise to see her later, she left the Med Center room and at last, Roark came in.

  Sixty

  Sammi’s heart jumped in her chest the minute she saw him standing there, so tall and handsome. But there was a haggard look on his sharp features that worried her.

  “Samantha,” he said formally and came to sit in the chair beside her bed where Meg had been sitting when she first woke up. Sammi wished he would reach for her hand but instead, he crossed his arms over his broad chest, as though to keep himself from touching her.

  “Samantha,” he said again, shaking his head. “I have so much to say to you—so much to apologize for… I hardly know where to start.”

  He looked down meditatively, a frown on his dark face. At last he looked up at her and took a deep breath.

  “The children you are carrying are mine,” he said, lifting his chin. “The entire time we were doing, er, ‘experiments’ with my machine, I wasn’t using fake seed as I had told you—I was using my own seed on you every time.”

  Sammi felt her eyes widen at his confession. She had suspected something like this—of course she had. But to hear him admit it like this, so bluntly… She shook her head, unable to quite take it in.

  “It’s true.” Roark nodded, confirming the fact. “I did it because I thought my sperm was completely nonviable and that there was no way I could make you pregnant. But also…” He took a deep breath. “Also because I wanted so desperately to Claim you and I didn’t dare try to bond you to me, the way I should have.” He pinched the bridge of his nose. “What a coward I was,” he muttered, clearly talking to himself. “And what a fool.”

  Sammi wanted to reach out and touch him—to tell him it was okay. She knew she ought to be mad—hell, she ought to be furious. But she couldn’t find anger in her heart for the tall Shadow Twin. She only wanted to love him…only wanted to know that he loved her in return.

  “Anyway…” Roark cleared his throat. “I was so certain my sperm was nonviable, I was sure I couldn’t be the father when you told me you were pregnant. And the fact that the babies you’re carrying are twin girls, well…” He shook his head. “The astronomical odds against a Kindred male fathering twin females convinced me that I couldn’t be to blame for your condition. But I was wrong.”

  Damn right, you were wrong, Sammi thought indignantly. She wasn’t angry with him for trying to Claim her by injecting her with his own seed. She probably should have been, but that wasn’t what was bothering her. It was the way he had reacted when she showed him the two precious pink flowers proving her pregnancy.

  Her righteous indignation must have showed on her face because Roark winced and nodded, as though agreeing with her.

  “You’re right, of course. I have no excuse for the way I treated you,” he said in a low voice. “Though I have thought of a way to make things better. To make amends, in the only way I know how.”

  Sammi’s heart started to pound.

  Now he’ll ask me to marry him, she thought, looking up at Roark. He’ll say he wants to marry me and help raise the twins and spend the rest of his life making this awful misunderstanding up to me!

  She was so certain of what she was about to hear that Roark’s next words flattened her like a steamroller.

  “I have a way you can be free of me,” he said, looking down at his hands. “A way you’ll never have to see me again. It’s a ceremony called a Blood-Letting or a Severing. It…it’s the closest thing the Kindred have to divorce.”

  What? Sammi looked at him, horrified. Divorce? What was he talking about? Why would he even think of such a thing?

  “It cannot sever the partial bond we have between us,” Roark continued, still looking at his hands. “But it will absolve you from any need ever to see me again. I will, of course, be involved in our children’s lives if you want me to. If not, I will simply pay for their care.” He took a deep breath and looked Sammi in the eyes. “You don’t have to worry about being kicked off the Mother Ship—now that you’re carrying Kindred babies, you’re automatically granted permanent citizenship here. So you don’t have to go looking for another job or feel like you’re stuck in a situation where you have to do whatever your employer demands, no matter how unethical or unreasonable…”

  Sammi shook her head, wanting to tell him it was all a mistake—that she hadn’t submitted to him because she felt stuck, but because she’d fallen in love with him.

  But Roark clearly didn’t understand.

  “I’ve already scheduled the Severing,” he told her in a low voice. “Doctor Liv has told me you should be able to leave the Med Center in a week. On the day you’re released, we’ll go to the Sacred Grove and one of the priestesses there will perform it.” He took a deep breath. “Once she does, the bond between us will be formally severed.”

  No! No, no, no! But Sammi was so horrified she couldn’t even mouth the words. She just stared at him, feeling like her heart was breaking all over again. Her eyes began to sting with hot tears.

  He doesn’t want you, whispered a little voice in her head. This whole Severing thing is just another excuse to never see you again.

  Roark rose to go while she was still reeling.

  “I’m sorry,” he said again, looking at Sammi with eyes full of anguish. “So sorry for how shamefully I have wronged you, Samantha. I’m doing the only thing I can think of to make things right between us. I hope that some day you can find it in your heart to forgive me.”

  Then he turned swiftly and left the room, leaving Sammi to sob silently into her hands.

  Sixty-One

  “Sammi, honey? Are you okay?” Meg came to sit beside the bed and squeezed Sammi’s hand.

  Sammi tried to smile but she could feel the effort fall
flat. She hadn’t been able to feel anything but a dull sadness ever since Roark had come a week ago to tell her they would be severing their relationship both formally and permanently.

  “Are you still thinking about that jerk, Commander Roark?” Meg demanded, frowning. “I can’t believe he had me fooled into thinking he was a nice guy when he’s actually such a jerk! I can’t believe—”

  She was interrupted—to Sammi’s great relief—by a knock on the door. She still couldn’t talk so it was almost impossible to stop her friend from going on and on about the one subject that was so painful Sammi could barely even stand to think about it—let alone discuss it.

  She’d been trying all week to put Roark out of her mind but today she couldn’t avoid him. Because today was the day of the Severing. In fact, it was probably Doctor Liv at the door right now, getting ready to release her from the Med Center.

  “Come in,” Meg called, since Sammi couldn’t. Sure enough, a blonde head popped through the door and Liv said,

  “Excuse me, Samantha—we need to talk to you.”

  We? Sammi wondered but her question was soon answered when a little hairy creature that looked like a cross between a baboon and a hound dog walked into her room right behind Liv. He was wearing a miniature lab coat and his long ears flopped when he walked.

  “This is Yipper, the Tolleg Surgeon who helped save your life when Commander Roark first brought you in,” Liv said, nodding at the little creature.

  He nodded vigorously at Sammi.

  “It’s very nice to meet you. Yes it is, yes it is!”

  Sammi just nodded back, since she was unable to speak.

  “Are you here to release Sammi from the Med Center?” Meg asked hopefully. “And to tell her when she can speak again? We can carry on a conversation just fine because we’re so close, but it’s going to be hard on her if she can’t talk to anyone else,” she added.