by S. Massery
Sebastian grins and strides forward, patting my shoulder on his way by me. “This is going to be fun.”
Two weeks. Sure, we can survive that.
And if not… I’m not sure what I’m going to do. But the consequences might be worse than getting caught trying to cheat.
9
Lux
“Are you settling in okay?” Amelie asks.
“Yeah, it’s fine.” I’m on the main campus, sitting on one of the benches that faces the quad with my sister’s call playing into my earbuds. Some guys are tossing a frisbee around, hollering and yelling. Generally being loud, although they’re far enough away that it isn’t too bad. “I got my student ID and set up my classes.”
“What are you taking?”
“Just general stuff. A math class, English, biology, and a philosophy class.” I sigh. “I don’t know what I want to even major in. They told me to start thinking about it, but I thought I would have two years to figure it out at the community college.”
I hate talking about this with her, because our parents forbid her from going to college. They say they know what sort of things happen—worse than the parties Amelie attended in high school, apparently. Less control on our parents’ end. At least if she’s living under their roof, they can set a curfew and monitor who she’s with, and when…
Not that any of her friends remained in Rose Hill.
That was probably the hardest part of finishing school. My sister sat at home, reading and daydreaming, or pacing the mall. Sometimes her fiancé would call on her, and they’d go to lunch or something. But it was never enough to keep her mind occupied.
And now I’m at a university I never thought I’d get into, much less afford on my own.
“You’ll figure it out,” she murmurs. “Classes start Monday?”
“Yep.” It’s only Saturday now. There’s still plenty of time for things to go wrong. “My roommate seems nice… her brother and his friend, not so much.”
She sighs. “I wish I could be there.”
“You can live vicariously through me. Or visit, maybe?”
“I’ll see what Mom thinks.”
She’ll probably say no.
“What’s your roommate’s name?”
“Ruby.” I fill her in on the little information I’ve managed to sleuth about my new roommate. Her father, Everett Devereux, is a pharmaceutical mogul. He apparently made most of his money in England before spreading his business to the United States. Specifically, the East Coast. Her mother is an actress, although it seems her most recent endeavors have been producing and directing nuanced films. The type they show at Sundance that receive the haughty awards.
They’re rich and impressive.
It’s no wonder they managed to groom three beautiful children. Even the youngest, Maisie, seems more put-together than the average teenager.
“Wow.” Amelie laughs. “Would she have fit in at Emery-Rose?”
“Probably. With her background. She’s pretty, too. She probably would’ve been the queen bee.”
“And take my role? Never.”
I laugh, but it dies off fast. Things like this remind me how different Amelie and I are. How rough growing up was.
“You’re doing okay?”
I sigh. “You already asked that.”
“I asked if you were settling in okay, not if you’re doing okay. But now I want to know how you’re doing. Since you suck at talking about your emotions, you’re not allowed to say you’re fine or good or okay. So, Lucy, how are you doing?”
“Stressed but well dressed,” I say lightly.
She waits for a serious answer.
“I’m a little weirded out by everything,” I admit. “I went to a party last night, which was kind of cool. It was at one of the fraternities. But going back to the dorm and sleeping in a nearly empty building will probably be a ridiculously different experience from tonight. Everyone’s moving in.”
It was chaos when I tried to track down Felicity. She was surrounded by a gaggle of incoming students, but she seemed grateful for an excuse to make her escape.
“If I could be there, I would.” She makes a noise in the back of her throat. “Shit, Mom just got home. I’ve got to go.”
I’m the black sheep. Always have been… and I suspect I always will be.
“Love you,” she says.
“Love…” The beep of the call ending interrupts me. “You.”
I grimace.
“Who do you love?” Someone drops down beside me, nudging my arm.
Sebastian. Of course. Because things can’t just be simple. And while he’s cute, and mildly intriguing, something inside me is irritated with him. I shouldn’t have danced with him. Plain and simple. It was fun while I was in a drunken haze, but sober Lucy is embarrassed for herself.
“My boyfriend,” I lie. “Childhood sweetheart. He forgave me for dancing with you, so don’t think of coming between us.”
He laughs. “Right. Is his name Theo Alistair?”
I choke.
“Just paid him a visit, actually. He said you were fair game.”
“Like hell.” I cross my arms. “He’d never.”
He glances at me, then refocuses on the frisbee players. They’re closer now. One wild throw and we’re toast. Men don’t seem to realize the real estate they take up. Even Sebastian is spread out, the whole bench practically covered by his wingspan.
“He did,” he responds. “Poor bastard said I could have a fair shot at you. Seemed eager to get you off his radar.”
“See, that’s your mistake.” Irritation flashes through me, and I stand.
He stands, too, narrowing his eyes. “What was?”
“Theo would never take me off his radar. If you had said he wanted your help to take him off my radar…” I back away and grin. “He’s not the crazy one—I am.”
He just stares at me.
I do actually feel crazy in this moment, but I can’t verbally spar with Sebastian right now. I whirl around and stride away, gaining confidence the farther I get from him. Theo wouldn’t do that to me, which means Sebastian is lying.
Am I shoving away a perfectly nice boy? For someone who can’t, and won’t, love me. For a future of circling Theo. Yes.
“I’ll show you crazy, Lucy Page!” Sebastian yells when I’m more than ten yards away. “I promise you that.”
“You can try,” I call over my shoulder. I lift my middle finger—just for extra emphasis.
His laugh chases me all the way back to LBU West.
I’m too restless to sit in my room, and Ruby isn’t back yet. I find my camera and slide a new memory card into it, check the battery, and loop the strap around my neck. As much as the conservation area scares me, I can’t let a path through the woods deter me for the rest of the year.
So I circle the building and locate one of the entrances to the conservation forest. The whole area is refreshing, well-maintained, and the path is wide. It’s sunny, and light filters down through the trees. It’s completely different from just thirty-six hours ago, when a man was shoving me against a tree attempting the unthinkable.
I shudder. I can still see his blood on my hands. The weight of him pressed against me as he tried… No.
I’m not big into nature photography—something that could be captured by anyone with a macro lens, for example, or those with the patience to wait out the creatures. I wander until I hear voices, and automatically drift in that direction. The sound leads me off the path, but after a moment’s hesitation, I do it. I step through the forest, avoiding the loose sticks and stones, the crunching leaves, and focus on being quiet.
Felicity comes into view, standing out in a small clearing. She wears a white strapless dress and beckons to someone. She seems sort of shy, but… not. She moves like there’s music on the air, a slow dance just for her. And whoever’s watching.
They walk toward her. Dark clothes, a hood. A guy, if I had to guess, although I’m not confident in that.
/> I drop into a crouch.
When they kiss, my cheeks heat. Longing plays a fickle melody in my chest. I want to be kissed like that. The guy cups Felicity’s cheek, and their lips part.
It’s hot and beautiful and sad at the same time. I’m intruding.
I raise my camera and take a photo before I lose my nerve. Before I’m discovered.
The thought comes a moment too late.
A hand wraps around my elbow. My captor tows me backward, and it’s all I can do to not scream. I mean, I should, but I also don’t really want to reveal to my RA that I was spying on her. I spin sharply, ready to attack, and stop suddenly.
Theo stands before me.
Sebastian’s words come roaring back. He wants to use Theo against me because of the photo. Because he must enjoy a challenge when a girl doesn’t fall head over heels for him.
“Lux,” Theo says hoarsely. “What are you doing?”
“I…” I glance over my shoulder, but Felicity and her suitor are out of view. “Photography.”
“In the woods. Alone.” He balls his fists. “Remember what happened the last time you wandered—?”
“I didn’t wander. I was led there by the guy who wanted to assault me. And yes, I remember what happened,” I whisper. “Did you follow me?”
He mirrors my expression and remains silent.
Of course he did.
“Tell me what you said to Sebastian,” I demand. “Why is he saying—?”
“What did he say to you?”
I rear back. “He said you gave him the green light to pursue me.”
His gaze is intense. Like he’s trying to say something without actually speaking. And unfortunately, while my psychic ability does sometimes work when Theo is involved, I have no idea what he’s trying to communicate.
“Well?”
“I did.”
I’m surprised at the flash of anger that boils through me. I take a deep breath, electing not to smack him until he’s black and blue, and instead focus on the camera in my hands. The only thing worth saving.
“Lux.”
I shake my head. A lump forms in my throat. He was that willing to give me up? To let Sebastian Redmond have his shot at me?
“No,” I whisper. “You’re the one who’s been there for me. You’re the one who is the most possessive, infuriating man I know. You are the one who helped me when no one else would.” My eyes burn, but I’m not going to cry. I’d rather shriek than sob. Smash something than give in to the waves of disappointment knocking into me.
“I’m sorry.” He takes a step back. “Give Sebastian a chance.”
I used to wonder where my darkness came from. When my skull cracked open and all the light fled out, leaving only black. But my analogy isn’t necessarily true, is it? Theo dosed me with hope. Every time we fought, it brought me a little closer back to myself.
And now he’s the one who seems to be snuffing out the hope by giving me away.
“I won’t let you go,” I say. “You, Theo Alistair, will regret this. If it’s the last thing I do. You don’t just get to decide that we’re…” Done. I can’t even verbalize it.
It’s ridiculous.
He’s not looking at me anymore. His gaze has risen past my shoulder.
“Take her back to the res hall,” he says.
I spin around, flinching at how close Felicity got. It’s laughable—the spier becomes the spied.
“We’re not done,” I snap at Theo.
“We are.” He scowls at me. “Hold on all you want, Lucille. It won’t change what’s happening between us.”
I jerk back.
Felicity comes forward and takes my hand. “Come on. It’s okay.”
It’s not fucking okay.
What if this breaks me, and all my darkness goes away? What if I’ve tied it all up in Theo, and ripping himself away from me takes those pieces of me with him? Who am I then? I can’t swallow over this damn ball of fire lodged in my throat, and I’m going to lose it at any moment. I let her guide me back onto the path toward campus.
Theo doesn’t follow us.
“You okay?” Felicity asks once we’re inside.
We climb the stairs and pause outside my door. I shrug, staring down the hall.
“I’ll be fine.”
“It sounds like he was breaking up with you? Ice cream usually makes me feel better. I think I can scrounge some—”
“No,” I say. “I’m all right. I just think I need to wrap my head around what he wants.” And plot ways to torture him in my imagination.
But once I close myself in the room, I have to cover my mouth to stop the noise that threatens to burst out. My stomach knots, and nausea has me moving to the bathroom. I always knew Theo and I were meant to be together. I felt it in my bones.
He doesn’t feel that way.
We’re done. His voice echoes around my skull, the ricochet like a damn bullet. It cuts me open. I allow myself the few moments to freak out, then mentally tape myself together. It’s fine—if Theo needs more convincing, I can do that.
Or…
Maybe it’s time to just prove to Theo that I’m right and he’s wrong. If I can just prove that he is a jealous monster, just like me… I’ll win.
Which means accepting Sebastian’s advances.
I shudder.
Honestly, I’d rather eat nails.
Ah, well. I’ve done worse.
10
Theo
Three and a Half Years Ago — Theo’s Sophomore Year of High School
Lucy Page sits high up on the bleachers today, in front of the cheerleading practice. They’re shaking their pom-poms and dancing around, a major source of distraction for my teammates. For once, though, there’s not a camera in Lucy’s hands. She’s bent over her lap, occasionally raising a pen to chew on the cap.
“Dude,” Liam calls, jostling me. “What are you staring at?”
I shake it off. I haven’t told anyone that Lucy has caught my attention. Maybe it was the other week when her sister ditched her, or before that… But every time I see her, my gaze snags. She’s a magnet, and I hate it.
“Is that your stalker?”
“No.” I turn away.
“Because she looks like her. The girl in middle school who was always staring at you. Weird how she found you again.” Liam jogs ahead, abandoning me.
The whistle blows, the play starts, and I shove thoughts of Lucy Page out of my head. Well, I try to, but I keep glancing at her. It gets bad enough that Ian rams his shoulder into my back and hisses to pay attention.
I grind my teeth until practice ends, and I find myself walking just behind Caleb and Amelie.
“My sister wants to do dinner,” she’s saying to Caleb. “And I told the girls we would do something. I’m not sure why my parents want me to bond with her every week. It’s a lot.”
“So you’ll ditch her,” I say without thinking.
Amelie glances over her shoulder, eyes narrowed. “You don’t usually have opinions.”
I shrug. “I do now.”
She spins and squares off with me. “Fine, then you take her to dinner.”
“I—”
Caleb snorts. “Well, you stepped in it this time, my friend.”
I grunt. The two of them disappear inside, and I slowly rotate back to the field. Lucy is still on the bleachers, doing homework or whatever. It has her enthralled—I doubt she’s even realized practice is over. That kind of bubble kills me—I want to stalk over there and rip the book from her hands.
But then she looks up and over, meeting my gaze.
The force of it knocks the wind out of me.
Why?
She collects her things and walks over, taking her time. She finally stops in front of me. She seems less severe today. Her light-blonde hair is down, glasses in place. Not as much makeup on today. No bracelets, either.
The change gives her a more innocent vibe—until she smirks.
“I’m taking you home,” w
e say at the same time.
I frown, off-balance once again.
“What?” Again, simultaneous. “Stop it.”
My eyes narrow, but she only lifts her chin.
“My sister pawned me off, huh?” She pretends to pick lint off her shirt.
I stare at her. “Smarter than you appear,” I finally say. “Even if you’re annoying.”
She shrugs and brushes past me, opening the door and holding it for me. “I know.”
“As long as we’re on the same page.”
“I’d be shocked if we were on different ones.”
My irritation grows. I step inside, and she tags along, too close for comfort. My skin prickles. It isn’t a bad thing until she reaches out and touches me—then it turns to pain. A sharp blade. The sound of screeching metal.
That car accident I wish I could forget.
So much blood.
I shouldn’t have this reaction to something that happened when I was a kid. An accident I had no control over—and no involvement in. But her presence seems to draw it out of the depths of my memory.
“Earth to Theodore,” she says, her hand still on my arm.
“What?” I snap. Get yourself under control.
Control has kept me sane all these years. What won’t keep me sane is Lucy Page.
She gestures to the locker room door—the one I almost walked right past. I hold back my sigh and step inside.
She follows.
“You can’t come in here,” I bite out.
It’s empty, though. Everyone must’ve been in a hurry to head home. It’s a Friday, after all, one of the rare ones that we don’t have a game tonight.
She strides forward, peeking into each row of lockers, then back to me. “No offense, but I don’t trust you not to ditch me.” Like last time. She doesn’t say that, but I hear it nonetheless.
“Fine.” I yank off my jersey and pads, then undershirt.
I’m not afraid to say I’m ripped. Muscles born out of a desire to blow off steam—running and weight lifting, among other things. I don’t have an ounce of extra fat on me. And apparently it catches her attention, because her face goes slack for a split second.