by Rose Pearson
This did not, however, have the effect Sarah had hoped for.
“You see!” Miss Marks exclaimed, patting Lord Ruddington’s arm as though he were a small child in need of cajoling. “We are to be quite all right. Do come along, Lord Ruddington. I can see a dear friend of mine I must greet!”
Lord Ruddington gave Sarah one long look, which sent a frisson of heat down her spine as she held his gaze. Her stomach tightened, her awareness of his nearness to her heightening suddenly, but then he was gone, and the moment passed from her quickly.
She was alone.
Sighing heavily to herself and knowing she was duty-bound to keep a watch over her cousin and Lord Ruddington, Sarah shifted her seat so that she sat close to the window, able to see the way her cousin took Lord Ruddington’s arm. Lord Ruddington himself was stiff-backed and did not appear to be greatly enjoying himself, for he continued to throw swift glances over his shoulder towards the carriage as though he wanted her to follow them regardless of what Miss Marks said.
Sarah wrapped her arms about her waist and tried to contain the sharp edge of sadness that broke through her heart. The new light green gown she was wearing had made her feel more aware of herself, more poised and refined. Lord Ruddington had, it seemed, noticed her again given his glances towards her—but now she realized he was so near to her and yet clearly caught up with her cousin, even if Miss Marks was overly forward and a little improper. The only reason he looked to Sarah was in an attempt to ensure he behaved with absolute propriety with Miss Marks. There was no other reason for it, and she was foolish to have allowed her heart to feel so much for him already.
And yet, the sensations remained within her still. Even though she knew it was nothing more than foolishness to think of him so, it lingered within her, growing all the more steadily as she watched him walk with Miss Marks.
“Foolishness,” she muttered to herself. “Utter foolishness.”
“What is?”
Sarah shrieked aloud, one hand clasped to her heart as a sudden face appeared at the window, clearly having overheard her mutterings.
Lady Smithton chuckled, her expression bright with mirth. “I do apologize, Miss Crosby. I could not help it,” she grinned as Sarah tried frantically to catch her breath. “Now, you are to come along and walk with me. I insist upon it.”
Sarah shook her head, her breathing still coming in short gasps. “I cannot,” she replied as Lady Smithton frowned. “My cousin bade me to remain here in sight of both herself and Lord Ruddington.”
“Ah.” A knowing look came into Lady Smithton’s eyes as one of Lord Ruddington’s footmen opened the carriage door for her so that she might climb inside and sit opposite Sarah, out of the summer’s heat. “Then it is he that you were referring to when you spoke of your foolishness.” Her expression softened. “Is that not so?”
Sarah wanted to deny it but found she could not lie to Lady Smithton, who nodded understandingly.
“I do not know a great deal about Lord Ruddington, I confess, other than the fact that he has a younger sister and both his parents have already passed away,” Lady Smithton murmured, looking over towards Lord Ruddington, who now stood by Miss Marks side in a large group of people. “He did apologize to you, Lord Havisham informed me.”
“Yes,” Sarah replied quietly. “Yes, he did. Most generously, I might add.”
“That is good,” Lady Smithton agreed, looking back towards Sarah. “And might I surmise that how you feel about that particular gentleman has been burning in your mind and heart for some days now? It is that feeling that you regard as foolish, given he is walking with your cousin?”
Sarah’s embarrassment began to rise within her, to the point that she felt it explode into both anger, shame, and mortification.
“Of course it is foolish!” she exclaimed, throwing her hands in the air. “I have found Lord Ruddington to be handsome, kind, amiable, and considerate, and that, for some reason, has quite captured my heart!” Closing her eyes tightly, she let out a long breath and put one hand over her eyes. “It is nonsense, Lady Smithton. My cousin considers him to be suitable, and therefore, my duty is to encourage that as best I can.”
Lady Smithton said nothing, allowing silence to grow between them. Sarah felt the pressure within her heart continue to grow, her mind burning with all that she wanted to express but could not find the words to do so.
“Your cousin cares for Lord Ruddington, then?” Lady Smithton asked gently. “She has told you of this? The reason I ask is Lord Havisham gave me the distinct impression that Miss Marks is inclined to give her attention to any gentleman who shows her even a flicker of interest.”
Nodding, Sarah let out another exasperated sigh, frustrated with herself for having such peculiar and yet determined feelings. “My cousin has stated she cares for no gentleman in particular but feels her parents are urging her towards matrimony by the end of her first season.” She shrugged, trying to feign a nonchalance she did not feel. “She often has gentlemen calling upon her but never accepts another invitation from them thereafter, seeking to put them off for a time so that she might enjoy the company of others.”
“It sounds as though she is not quite ready for matrimony but rather seeks only to enjoy her season,” Lady Smithton commented, dryly. “But she believes Lord Ruddington is, in fact, suitable should she decide to do as her parents request?”
“I believe so.”
“And this torments you for you have some feelings for the gentleman you cannot easily brush aside,” Lady Smithton finished as Sarah dropped her head. “Then the answer is clear.”
Sarah sighed heavily, her hands fixed on her lap. “It is. I must do my duty.”
To her utter astonishment, Lady Smithton burst into laughter, making her cheeks flare.
“No, no, my dear Miss Crosby,” Lady Smithton laughed, reaching across and patting Sarah’s hand. “No, you are to follow after what you desire! I can promise you a marriage between a lady and a gentleman that has no kind of fondness or affection between each party is doomed for failure. Whereas if even one cares for the other, then there is often a chance of contented happiness.” She smiled and sat back in her seat. “If Miss Marks does not care one jot for Lord Ruddington, then you have every opportunity to seek his attention, Miss Crosby.”
“I—I cannot,” Sarah protested weakly, fearing the wrath that would come upon her from both Miss Marks and Lord and Lady Britton should such a thing occur. “Besides which, I cannot speak for Lord Ruddington. It may be that he has an affection for Miss Marks.”
Lady Smithton clicked her tongue, gesturing towards the throng of people. “Look at Lord Ruddington, Miss Crosby. Tell me what you see.”
A little reluctantly, Sarah let her gaze fall back upon Lord Ruddington, taking in his handsome features and seeing how he stood, straight-backed and unsmiling, as the others chatted around him.
“He does not appear to be very pleased with the company at present,” she remarked as Lady Smithton nodded. “Most likely he is eager to spend time with my cousin whilst she is eager to—”
Her words came to a sudden stop as Lord Ruddington turned his face towards the carriage, their eyes meeting in one swift, intense moment.
“You see,” Lady Smithton murmured. “He is not entirely caught up with Miss Marks as you might believe. Lord Havisham told me last evening he had to be dragged into conversation with Miss Marks and that, thereafter, he made certain to include you also.”
Sarah swallowed hard, seeing Lord Ruddington still holding her gaze and dreading even to breathe for fear he might look away.
“I think that there is a good chance Lord Ruddington might consider you, Miss Crosby, once he comes to realize you also are a lady of the ton and not merely a companion.”
“I do not think so,” Sarah whispered, too afraid to believe it for fear of what would occur thereafter. “I cannot believe it.”
“You must,” Lady Smithton replied warmly. “For there shall be no progress without you
r faith and your belief in yourself. You are the equal of Miss Marks, no matter how you have been treated. Lord Ruddington must be made aware of that. And I have every intention of doing precisely that, so that his attention is finally allowed to settle where, I believe, it has begun to long to be.” And with that, she pressed Sarah’s hand again and withdrew, climbing down from the carriage and, with a quick smile back up at Sarah, walked quickly towards Miss Marks, Lord Ruddington, and the others that were present. Sarah watched her go, her hands twisting together in her lap and her mouth parched. Was there even a small chance Lady Smithton was right? If, as she said, Lord Ruddington was interested in furthering an acquaintance with her, then could she let herself hope, let herself believe that she could one day find happiness with him that she had barely allowed herself to dream of?
“I must hope so,” she whispered, her stomach tightening all the more as Lord Ruddington looked towards her again, but, this time, with a small smile on his face that sent a stream of warmth directly into Sarah’s heart.
Chapter Six
“Good afternoon, Lady Smithton.”
Daniel bowed over Lady Smithton’s hand, aware of just how tense he felt at doing so. He was in awe of Lady Smithton for although she was quite beautiful, she exuded a confidence and a self-assurance that somewhat overwhelmed him. He had heard the rumors that went about London over the death of her late husband, but Lady Smithton showed no inclination even to acknowledge such whispers and continued her way through society with that ease of manner that caught his attention.
“You appear to be in the midst of a conversation and yet having nothing to say,” Lady Smithton commented, gesturing to the group of ladies and gentlemen that surrounded Daniel but also noting he had not found a way to engage with the conversation as yet. “Surely you cannot find it all dull!”
Daniel laughed uneasily, hating that Lady Smithton had noticed such a thing. The truth was he had felt awkward about leaving the carriage with Miss Marks when Miss Crosby was not to join them—but his feelings as to why such awkwardness filled him, he could not quite work out. It was either because he felt Miss Marks should not be so forward and, in demanding that her companion remain in the carriage, a trifle improper, or it was that he did not like leaving Miss Crosby to sit alone in the carriage. If it were the latter, then that made Daniel question what it was that he felt for Miss Crosby, and given that he did not want to do that, he had simply tried to ignore his feelings of awkwardness and had gone on to accompany Miss Marks as she had asked. Unfortunately for him, Miss Marks had then found a group of acquaintances and appeared to have, thereafter, entirely forgotten about him as she had engaged in conversation with almost every gentleman present.
“You are acquainted with Miss Crosby, I believe,” Lady Smithton said as she gestured towards the carriage, making him look towards it once more and catching sight of Miss Crosby seated within.
“Yes,” he said with a slightly tight smile as he looked back at Lady Smithton. “I am acquainted with her. She is the cousin and companion to Miss Marks.”
“Only a distant cousin, of course,” replied Lady Smithton with a wave of her hand. “You may not know this, Lord Ruddington, but Miss Crosby’s father is titled.”
Daniel, a little surprised, looked back at Lady Smithton, who was smiling a little coyly at him.
“Oh, yes,” she continued, taking his silence for astonishment. “Her father is Viscount March. His estate is a good distance away from London, and so he thought it best to send her to reside with her cousin for the season since he cannot attend himself for there is much to do at his estate.”
Even more astonished at this, Daniel threw yet another glance towards the carriage, seeing Miss Crosby in a brand-new light. She was, then, the equal of Miss Marks. He had not expected that to be the case, for he had presumed she was merely a poor relation who had no other means except that of relying on Lord and Lady Britton.
Now, it seemed, he had been mistaken.
“She has not as much of a dowry as Miss Marks, I grant you, but she is still eligible nonetheless,” Lady Smithton said airily as though this were something Daniel ought to take note of. “It would be a mistake to consider her nothing more than a companion.”
Daniel frowned hard. “But she is to accompany her cousin, yes?”
Lady Smithton nodded, although the smile left her voice. “It is unfair, I think, that society determines a young lady not yet past her prime is considered to be entirely without hope of securing a husband,” she stated, her expression growing dark. “Miss Crosby might be a little older than Miss Marks but I would not place her on the shelf just yet, even though that is where society might expect her to be.” Her eyebrow lifted gently, her eyes piercing. “Would you, Lord Ruddington?”
Daniel’s voice stuck in his throat. He wanted to say he did not think Miss Crosby was too old to be considered by the gentlemen of the ton, but if he were to acknowledge that, then it might make Lady Smithton think he would consider courting Miss Crosby. That particular urge, whilst within him, Daniel had to admit would never be satisfied. He had only one path to take, one route to follow—and that meant courting Miss Marks. Besides which, when it came to the end of things, he had no doubt Miss Crosby would come to despise him, just as he now despised the Britton household. There would be no chance of happiness then.
“Oh, good gracious! Lady Smithton, I did not even see you arrive!”
Thankfully, Daniel’s need to respond was broken by the sudden exclamation of Miss Marks, who upon seeing Lady Smithton moved quickly towards her. Lady Smithton’s attention was caught at once, and Daniel was able to remove himself from Lady Smithton’s side, relieved he would not have to discuss matters any further.
Lady Smithton greeted Miss Marks warmly and then suggested they take a short stroll about the park together, given she wished to further her acquaintance with Miss Marks. This seemed to please Miss Marks enormously, for she agreed at once and fell into step with her, leaving both Daniel and her other companions behind.
“Perhaps you might accompany Miss Crosby, Lord Ruddington,” Lady Smithton called over her shoulder, her eyes twinkling. “I should not like to leave her sitting alone in the carriage!”
Daniel swallowed hard, seeing how Miss Marks turned her head to say something in response, only for Lady Smithton to speak over her and draw her attention to someone or something in front of them. Miss Marks was caught in a moment, evidently forgetting both Daniel and Miss Crosby almost at once. Lady Smithton’s presence was so much sought after by so many in the ton that it did not surprise Daniel to see just how eager Miss Marks was to fall into step with her.
Slowly, he turned around and began to make his way back to the carriage. His heart hammered in a most painful fashion, his breath quickening and his hands tightening in evident anticipation. Try as he might, he could not thrust such a sensation away, even though he did not want to have even the smallest amount of feeling for Miss Crosby. It distracted him, took him away from his purpose, and that was almost unforgivable. He wanted to dislike her, wanted to think her entirely unsuitable, but now that Lady Smithton had informed him that Miss Crosby came from a titled family also, there seemed to be no reason for him to push her aside.
Besides, were he honest with himself, he had no wish to do so.
“Miss Crosby,” he said as nonchalantly as he could. “Lady Smithton wishes for you to join us for our short stroll about the park. Will you come down?” Squinting a little in the sunshine, he looked up at the carriage window and saw Miss Crosby staring at him, her cheeks a deep red and her blue eyes filled with doubt.
“She has just gone with Miss Marks,” he continued, gesturing towards where the ladies had gone. “She was most insistent that you come. Please.” So saying, he pulled open the carriage door, only to realize the steps had been taken away so that the carriage might move forward should himself and Miss Marks walk a little further than they had intended. One of his servants made to climb down, ready to fetch the steps,
but Daniel stayed him with a flick of his hand. There was no need to fuss. He could easily help Miss Crosby down.
“If you are quite certain, Lord Ruddington,” Miss Crosby murmured, making her way carefully to the door of the carriage. “I should be glad to join you all. The sun does make the carriage rather stifling!” She leaned out, making to jump down, but before she could do so, Daniel had stepped forward and caught her about the waist, aiding her in her descent. Her feet touched the ground, but Daniel did not let her go, looking down into her face and seeing the same astonishment in her features that he now felt coursing through him. His hands ought not to be resting about her waist, and her hand should not be pressed lightly against his chest, with her other on his shoulder, and yet he could not move. Neither, it seemed, could she, for whilst her breath brushed across his cheek and her eyes roved about his face, she did not move an inch.
It was only when a loud burst of laughter from a group nearby split the air that Daniel collected himself, stepping back from Miss Crosby and clearing his throat much too gruffly as if doing so would take some of his embarrassment away.
“Do excuse me,” he stammered, more than a little confused about his behavior as well as Miss Crosby’s stunned reaction to his closeness. “Shall we go, Miss Crosby? I do not want to be tardy.” He held out his arm to her but kept his eyes turned away, pretending to search for Miss Marks and Lady Smithton somewhere in the distance. He jerked visibly as she touched his arm tentatively, making her catch her breath and bringing a flush of embarrassment to his cheeks. Again, she touched his arm, and he stiffened, waiting for her to take a better hold before they set out.
“I—I apologize if I...” Her whispered words held a good deal of uncertainty, and Daniel’s heart burned with guilt.
“You have nothing to apologize for, Miss Crosby,” he replied firmly, finally turning his head to look at her. “Please, do not concern yourself any further. Shall we go?”