by C C Monroe
“What did he do, baby?”
“Nothing.” She’s shutting down, keeping more secrets.
“Don’t lie to me, Lana. What did he do?” I lean forward and kiss each rose colored nipple, then the faint white scar.
Exhaling on a deep ragged breath she confesses. “Remember that summer, the one I quit wearing tank tops and bikinis?” I flash back to the first time I saw her in a one piece. I was peeved that she was covering her beautiful body because I was desperate to see what I couldn’t have.
“Yeah, unfortunately. You looked delicious in fucking tank tops.”
“Joel told me I couldn’t wear tank tops anymore because it teased other men and it made me look like I was asking for it.” She gulps, adjusting herself on my lap, getting closer to me, asking for my protection. I pull her flush against me and surge my strength into her. She sits up straighter and I smile inwardly. Lana felt it.
“Go ahead, Lana.” Kissing between her breasts I gaze back up to her.
“When I got home after one incident with me wearing something he didn’t approve of, he brushed it off and was actually nice to me for the rest of the night. Then in the middle of the night,” she pauses, her lip quivers and her body shakes with each inhale and exhale of breath. My fists clench then release, up and around her back, pulling her closer. He fucking cut her, I know it, she doesn’t even have to tell me. Red hot blood boils in me like lava waiting to simmer. If I ever see that man again I may just kill him. Lana is scared. My Queen is scared.
“Come on baby, you got this, stay strong.” Looking to the window in her living room her face turns to stone. Not attempting to hide her fallen tears, she presses on.
“I felt this sharp pain in my sleep and I awoke, panicked. He was cutting my chest with a pocket knife. He told me this way I could no longer wear bikinis and no man would see my disgusting body. He said he did mankind a favor for keeping a beast like me covered.” I would throw her off me and fly my ass to Utah and beat his ass again if he wasn’t locked up. I knew about most of the abuse but she never told me this. I would have drawn the line if she would have told me. I would have taken that pocket knife and fucking castrated him. My heart snaps in two, because we are one. When she is wrecked, my heart is half of a whole, acting for its other part.
“You’re so strong, sweetie.” I tangle my hand in her hair and pull her face toward me, our foreheads touching.
“No I’m not. I wasn’t strong, I have scars to prove it.” I tug her hair a little tighter.
“You’re more than your scars my Queen, more than the fears that swallow you whole. I know who broke you and I also know the person to help heal you. Let me be the one, let me be the one who heals the deepest wounds, the ones deeper than your skin.” I pause leaning down to kiss her scar with my pursed lips and the tip of my tongue, all the way from the top to the bottom.
“The ones that torment your soul. You’re rising from the wreckage, Lana. You’re the strongest fucking person I know, be the survivor, quit letting him win.” Her tears are mixing with mine. I don’t cry. I’m nowhere near a sensitive guy, but seeing her like this destroys me. Knowing she woke up to the man she once loved cutting her, scarring her forever kills me. Lana faced that alone and I hate that I didn’t know.
“Kingston, I’m not a Queen. Queens are strong, not weak. I wasn’t born to be a Queen.”
“Wrong Lana, you’re wrong. You were born to be my Queen. I’m the King and I protect my Queen. That includes protecting you from your own self.” I kiss her forehead turning my deep penetrating voice into a gentle whisper. “Please let me in, let me love the broken parts, let me love the beautiful scars that show your survival.” I’m not sure where these words are coming from or where along this road I changed. But fuck, I love the man I am becoming for her.
I lick her tears away one by one, then kiss each of her closed eyelids. “This is the part where you say you’ll let me help heal you.” Chuckling along with me, she nods.
“Okay.”
“Okay?”
“Yeah, okay Kings.”
I accept her answer. “Good.” Standing, I carry her to the bedroom, ready to show her the touch of true love. One where only love can be made and never feared. I will rebuild her, I will save her.
Tonight was a breakthrough, a huge step for my relationship with Kingston and for my own personal growth. I dreamt of even just an inkling of freedom for years, only to find freedom isn’t just physical but emotional as well.
I’m still scarred from the past and I crave the feeling of succumbing to total freedom. Joel still lingers in my every thought and every action. I’m always scared the disapproving blows will come from the shadows and drag me down while I plead and cry for help.
I still hear his threat as if he was here now, “You will never be able to leave me. I’ll be in every dark corner, in your every thought, and I will shatter every moment that brings you the slightest bit of happiness. Because you will forever be mine.” For once, that threat seems to finally be laid to rest because Kingston makes me feel safe, even in the shadows.
Laid out under his strong body built to protect me and fight like a warrior makes me grow needier. He looks so handsome, so desirable—delicious. He is my King, defending me with honor and reviving me by breathing air back into my lifeless body. How could I not desire him more?
“I love you Kingston. Thank you.” Removing his lips from my chin, his gaze falls upon mine, his smile reverent, his eyes shining.
“I love you Lana James. We’re gonna be okay. We’re gonna have a beautiful life together.” I nod, trusting him. Reaching down he touches my clit with the flick of his fingertip. I arch from the bed as he latches onto my nipple. He hasn’t spent more than a minute off my breasts since I showed him them, I think he’s found a new obsession.
“You’re so responsive tonight, beautiful. Tell me what you want.” Sitting straight up on his knees perched between my raised ones he doesn’t remove his finger. He just keeps sliding it up and down my wet, open slit.
“I want you to show me how much you desire me.” He eyes my body from the top of my hair down to my pink, painted toes.
“I don’t need sex to show you. I look at you and I fall more and more in love with you. I hear that laugh.” He tickles my side and I giggle. “I get to see you before I sleep and the first thing in the morning. Those small things make me crave you most.”
“Baby.” I reach up and run my fingertips across the tattoo of my name.
“Call me baby again,” he begs bringing his hand to run across his broad chest, biting his lip while I tease his lower stomach, just above his pelvis.
“Baby,” I moan watching him bring his finger to his lips to bite his knuckle. His cock bobbing, it’s so hard. I feel like a goddess under his lusted gaze.
“I touched myself after you got this tattoo,” I confess, unashamed. Kingston and I can be completely who we want, completely intimate without any kind of embarrassment. We both crave that deep connection, the unadulterated lust.
“Fuck yeah, show me—tell me.” I bring my finger as high as I can and he knows what I’m asking. Leaning forward he licks my finger. Pulling it from his mouth I reach down to my clit and start rubbing it, slowly.
“Mmmm, I saw the tattoo and I kept picturing you stroking yourself to the thought of me, my name right there. I thought about any woman you might be with, and how she will see my name and know that you’re thinking of only me.” He cuts me off, grabbing his hard cock.
“I wouldn’t touch another woman, ever. I only want you.” He starts stroking himself and I’m turned on even more, giving my finger a new coat of arousal. I start to move my finger faster, matching his rhythm. He moans, biting his lip. I love when he bites his lip, add moaning and I’m complete putty in his hands.
My fingers move faster over my sensitive clit and I feel my impending orgasm building to the surface, breaking through the barrier and threatening to come fast. I watch him stroke faster and squeeze himsel
f tighter while he watches my skillful fingers move.
“Kingston, I’m gonna come!” I moan into the silence of the night.
“Not without my cock, baby. Give me your eyes and spread your legs farther.” My eyes fly open and I look up into his green irises, spreading my legs as far as they will go before they reach the point of pain. His next action has my moans turning to pleasureful screams. Without any warning he plunges deep and hard inside me, my walls sucking him in deep and my clit pulsing with a long orgasm. It feels like hours, it takes everything in me to stay conscious and focus back on Kingston.
“Fuck. I love making you come, you’re so beautiful, Lana,” he professes, slowly thrusting into me with long, drawn out movements. It feels lazy, it feels like what love should be—it feels like lovemaking. I’m making love to my man for the first time. Before it was pure sex for me, desire more than anything. Now, I’m discovering Kingston as my lover, my partner, my best friend.
His head slants to the side and tilts down, looking at our connection, my legs still bent and my knees digging into the bed.
“Look how beautiful that is, look at our connection baby. That’s what fucking love feels like.” Looking down where his eyes are, I see his huge cock sliding in and out of me, my lips gliding with it, covered in my arousal.
“Look how perfect we fit, feel that pull,” he moans biting his lip and throwing his head back.
“I see it Kingston. I feel it.” I wrap my fingers in his hair and bring his face back down to mine. That’s when I see it. A single tear sliding down his cheek. Kingston Donovan has never cried in front of me. Ever. But tonight he cried twice with me—for me.
“Hey...baby, what’s wrong?” He thrusts into me a little faster turning his head to the side, away from my watchful gaze. The tears that were there fall onto my neck. He’s avoiding me, turning away. I won’t let him do that.
Wrapping my legs around his waist I clench down on him and moan when he hits the deepest part of me. I force myself to stay focused and hold off the second orgasm I feel waiting to ignite. I tighten my grip on his face just a little and pull his face back to me making our eyes fuse together. Brown to green.
“Kingston, what’s wrong? Please tell me, talk to me.” His hips don’t miss a beat and his thrusts stay steady, still lazy, but steady.
He searches my gaze, looking from each of my eyes to the other, licking his lips and rubbing them together he finally tells me, “I’m so in love with you, Lana. I have fought so hard to have you as mine like this, without the possibility of you pushing me away again after we fuck. But this,” he says thrusting hard, emphasizing the act we’re doing. “This is lovemaking, you said you loved me and I’m scared, Lana, I’m a weak fucking man when it comes to you. I can’t not have you forever. I’m scared when the dust settles, you’ll push me away again.”
Be still my beating heart. He’s bleeding, open wounds in front of me, while we’re connected in the most intimate way. I’m a broken woman, beneath a man wounded by my past, two souls searching, one for deliverance, the other for allegiance. I want to forget the past and survive, while he wants me to love him with all that I don’t seem to have. I want to do that for him, he deserves a great love. And make no mistake, I know I want it, too.
“I won’t baby, I won’t. I promise.”
“How can I trust that?” He slows his thrusts, another tear hitting my cheek. I caused him to break like this, my past has nearly destroyed my future. I need to fix us.
“What can I do to prove it?” I beg on a mingled moanful sob.
“Tell me why you love me.” He sniffs, fighting the other tears puddling in his eyes.
“I love you because I trust you. Trusting you is the ultimate thing I can give you.” The other tears don’t stay hidden for long, pushing the tears down his cheeks when he smiles, where they mix with mine.
“You can always trust me my Queen,” he promises, sincerity entwined with those seven powerful words. I just nod and let him finish taking me to paradise.
With renewed purpose, he pushes into me faster, his lips sucking on my nipple, as he runs his hand up the back of my knee, up to my thigh, pulling me deeper into him. Our hips grinding against each other.
“Kiss me,” I beg licking my dry lips, searching for his searing hot tongue. Once his soft lips hit mine, I feel fused together. Our lips touching, kissing with passion, my tiny breasts grazing against his broad chest, our hips rubbing against each other, the friction hitting my clit and the intensity of his deepness, push me over.
“Oh baby! Uhhh!” I moan throwing my head back, letting go of everything.
“Squeezing me so fucking tight,” he moans into my ear, biting my lobe and dragging it between his teeth.
Holy shit.
“Tell me you love me while I come inside you, Lana.”
“I love you, Kingston! Oh!” His thrusts become un-even and shaky. His cock hitting my spot over and over. I come again not even completely finished with my last one.
“Yes! Fuck yes, baby... ohhhh!” he growls. I watch the veins in his neck protrude as his warm come fills me, heating my insides deliciously. I love knowing this visceral man can be satisfied by me, completely growling while he loses himself in me.
I’m too happy. When is the other foot gonna drop? I want to stay optimistic, so I chose to stay that for now. For one night, I want to be worry free.
Basking in the glow of our lovemaking, we cuddle for a little while. My body is splayed out on top of his, my face in the crook of his neck, his lips at my ear. My eyes flutter open and close lazily as he rubs up and down the curve of my spine.
“Perfect. So perfect.” I smile, listening to his deep voice, whispering sweet love confessions in my ear.
“My Queen. My everything. Soft skin under my touch. I love you, baby.”
“I love you too, Kingston. I really, really do.” We stay like this for a blissful couple of hours. I stay silent and he professes his love to me. A side of Kingston Donovan that only I get to witness.
“Black and white movies, my old soul lady,” Kingston says from the kitchen island, while he grabs himself a beer and me a water. We couldn’t sleep, so he agreed to watch one of my favorite Marilyn Monroe movies. I’m obsessed with black and white films, but anything classic will do, even in color.
“What? I like love back then, it was innocently beautiful, if you will.” He rounds the couch and sits down by my feet, handing me my water, then pulling my little piggies onto his lap.
“Just like our love,” he says and I smile at the calm simplicity that’s fallen over us. He takes a swig of his beer and rubs the ball of my foot with his free hand. Domestication feels like home for the first time in a long time.
“Just like ours, baby.”
“I wanna take you out tomorrow. What are your plans?” I take a sip of my water and turn on my back, giving him my full attention, while Marilyn talks about marrying a millionaire in the background.
“I haven’t seen Shayla since she got married, other than at work, so we’re gonna shop and have lunch.” I fiddle with the hem of his shirt I’m wearing, nervous his reaction may be disavowed, Joel hated when I made plans without telling him first.
“Sounds good to me, I’ll steal you away for the night. That sound alright to you?” He takes another sip of his Corona then places it on the coffee table, before climbing over me, spreading my legs with his hips.
Gulping, I look up into his kind eyes. Seeing zero rage, I will my nerves to relax. “Sounds perfect. What should I wear?”
Lifting his hand under my top his hand grazes over my chest, while he looks above my head, he’s really picking out something for me to wear while groping my chest. I am still highly insecure about my scar, but he is helping me find some sort of peace with it. I chuckle when his eyes brighten and his smile flares.
“You know that sundress you wore the day before Shay’s wedding, the red one?” I nod. “That one. You look so beautiful in that dress.”
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��You like me in dresses.” Joel hated me in dresses, they showed too much skin.
“Yes, I do, you look stunning in dresses. All that tan skin showing makes me proud to show off such a beautiful woman like you, baby.” Kissing me quickly on the lips he jumps back and repositions my feet onto his lap. Laughing he tickles my feet. I smile at how perfect this night is going.
“You’re glowing this morning, L. How did it go with my brother yesterday? You pissed him off pretty bad at the bar, ya know?” I shift through the maternity clothes. I feel like everything in here is for women over the age of fifty. I would still like to be cute while pregnant.
“Yeah, Kings and I worked all our stuff out. We’re kind of a couple now, actually.” She stops sifting through the rack. Turning to me she gives me her wide, pearly smile.
“Like boyfriend, girlfriend couple? Or just exclusive friends with benefits couple?” I laugh. Shay’s more excited than I am, I think.
“First off, he’s the only guy I’ve been having sex with and second yes, like the real deal.”
“Oh my God! Yes! Lana! This is a big deal!” Jumping up and down like a teenager she squeals, pulling me in for a hug. I see the associate glaring at us, like we’re disturbing the only two people here, one of them being her. I toss my best bitch face at her and she goes back to counting her money. I finally wrap my arms around Shay’s wiggling body, trying to settle her down. It does nothing but make her hold tighter and shake harder.
“I bet my brother is on cloud nine! Oh my gosh I need to call him. I’ll be back! Ahhh!!!” I watch her run out of the store, snorting at her enthusiasm. I grab my phone out of my pocket and read the messages waiting for me. I have some from my mom and I cringe when it hits that I still need to tell my parents. Shit. My dad is a Sergeant in the Marines and he acts like nothing less of one. Controlling, moody, and always has to be right. He also hates Kingston, he always thought he was a punk kid who chased tail all the time... honestly, he kinda did, so.. I read my mom’s first.