by C C Monroe
“I wanted you to have this home, I wanted you to relax and be ready when Prince gets here.” He kisses the valley of my neck then moves all the way to pepper kisses on the peak of my shoulder, my eyes flutter shut. I’m overwhelmed with the want to lose myself tonight. Thank my best friend for spoiling me.
“I don’t get it. How did you fall in love with someone like me?” He gives me a small guttural laugh in my ear before biting it. I shiver in pleasure, the sensation amplifying with his whisper.
“Lots of sass makes me chase harder. I like a challenge. But really baby, falling in love with you was easy, making you mine was the hard part.” My eyes drop and though his words are beautiful, poetic at best, I still hate that I made him fight to keep me.
“Before you start blaming yourself, let me finish. Keeping you was worth the fight, worth every sleepless night, every glass of burning liquor, every damn punch to the gut, because it made me love you more, made loving you a necessity.”
I absorb these words, they ring true, flood me with memories from the night we first touched, the night he made love to me like never before. That was the night he owned me, even if he doesn’t know it.
“You remember that night?” I turn in his arms. Reaching on my tiptoes I look into his beautiful green eyes shining down on me.
“How could I forget the night that you owned me?”
Past
“Joel, I want to go to this party, I promise I won’t stay too late. You’re working anyway, it’s your last shift.” I stand outside my car, the night is dark and the only lights raining down on me are from the street light I am parked under and the far lights of Kingston and Trey’s work place. I look in, seeing Kingston talking to one of his tables.
“I don’t care. I want you home,” he barks in the phone and I cower down, dropping my head and kicking at nothing.
“Joel, please it’s my last night with all my friends before we move. I want to say bye to some people,” I beg again, knowing it’s only going to make things worse. I see a car drive by and I say a quick prayer that it’s not one of his friends. For some reason they weren’t following me tonight, but maybe that was wishful thinking.
“No. Go home and I’ll see you after my shift at the bar. I swear I’ll lose my shit if you aren’t home, Lana,” he threatens. I hear the faint sound of bar-goers and glasses clinking in the background.
“Okay,” I lie, knowing I can probably get away with it. “What bar are you working tonight?” I ask making small talk all while getting intel so I can know my time frame. Joel is a security guard for a couple local bars, sometimes ones as far out as Ogden.
“I’m in Salt Lake at the Old Tavern.” I close my eyes and silently celebrate, that’s far enough out and he usually doesn’t leave until two a.m. giving me enough time to go to the party.
“Okay, well, be safe. I will see you when you get home.”
“Yup. I mean it Lana, no party.”
“Okay. Bye...”
He hangs up before I even finish, like the classy gentleman he is. I take a moment to collect myself. Putting on my game face, I head into the restaurant to wait for Kingston and Trey, their shift ends at nine. Checking my phone I see it’s 8:29.
Walking in I’m immediately greeted by a few members of the staff.
“Hey Lana! You want your regular booth?” Julie, the sweet red headed pixie asks me, her dimples looking adorable on her round face.
“Yeah, thank you,” I reply back keeping my head low. I feel embarrassed being so soft spoken when I’m around big crowds, I used to flourish in them, reveal in being me, but now I get scared to even talk to those who aren’t in my close circle.
“Perfect! Let’s go!” I follow her peppy step with my reserved one. We pass by Trey as he sets down drinks and winks at me over his shoulder.
“Hey L.”
“Hey.” I smirk, giving a slight wave. When we approach my booth in the back corner of the roadhouse themed restaurant, I scoot into the booth quietly.
“Dr. Pepper?” Julie asks and I nod politely with a grin. I come here all the time and wait for Kings and Trey to get off work. Usually Shayla is with me but she had to work her last shift at the store tonight, mine was yesterday. Bouncing off with a pep in her step, Julie nods and heads to get my drink.
I still haven’t seen Kings since I walked in, meaning his order is probably up. Distracting myself I pull out my phone and see my waiting text.
Joel: Your parents aren’t home. Where did they go?
I hurry and reply, knowing he will see I read it. If I don’t answer back fast enough he’ll think I’m out doing something I shouldn’t, which I am in his eyes and the last thing I need to do is tip him off.
Me: They had to fly to California right after my graduation for the Annual Ball. They wanted to get back before we leave for Seattle so they left as soon as graduation was over. Why?
I hate that the last few days here in Utah, I will be without my parents, but dad is a Sergeant and he has to be there.
Joel: My guys drove by, noticed they were gone. I was curious. What are you doing?”
I choke, nervous. Does that mean they are headed to the apartment to make sure I am there? I think up a lie, a way to answer inconspicuously.
Me: I just stopped to grab some dinner before heading home. If your guys drive by I will be home in ten minutes. Just so you know, baby.
I type out baby with slow heavy fingers, feeling disgusted, even typing them feels like selling my soul to the devil, but I don’t want to tip him off.
Joel: They aren’t. They have shit to do tonight. They just happened to be in your parents’ neighborhood. Get home fast. Don’t fucking piss around, Lana.
I take a deep breath, reading his text over again. Double, hell, even triple checking that I read that right. You’re off the hook tonight, Lana, relax.
Me: Yes. Be safe tonight.
I type that while my brain screams, please someone punch this fuck-face so hard he sees stars.
Joel: Start packing. What are you eating btw?
Me: A hamburger from In-N-Out.
I think this up on the spot, trying to reply fast enough to keep him in the dark.
Joel: Lana, didn’t I tell you needed to lay off the fast food? You have gained way too much weight. No wonder I cheat on you, you don’t give me a choice, baby. Come on...
My eyes well with tears. No matter the hate I have for him, nor the knowledge that he is fucked up in the head, it still hurts. Still burns like a cowpoke branding me right in my chest.
Me: I can toss it. I wasn’t that hungry anyway. I have lost three pounds since last week.
Looking down I assess the parts of my body I can see, knowing those three pounds came off from my lack of eating and increased case of anxiety. Joel has me on high alert, even more so now that we’re moving to Seattle.
Joel: Good. Oh, Hilary stopped by tonight, she forgot some shit. I put it by the door. leave it there and I will take it to her tomorrow.
My eyes nearly bulge out of my head while they burn with the promise of tears.
Me: What things Joel...and Hilary, Kingston’s ex, Hilary?
I know what things he is talking about...I know what he means when he says she “stopped by.” Cheating isn’t out of his character. We both are very aware that I know it happens, but nevertheless, it splits me into two. And why Kingston’s ex? What is she doing sleeping with Joel when she clearly stills wants Kings?
Joel: Don’t play stupid, baby. You know the score.
Me: Yeah, I do. I’ll see you when you get home.
I flip my phone over and make work at the tears stemming from my eyes. I can’t believe he still has the power to hurt me, say things so small but have the impact of a semi-truck straight into my heart. I loved Joel once, he once was good to me—great to me, but sometimes people are wolves in sheep’s clothing. My phone vibrates and I flip it in habit, scared to do anything other than reply.
Joel: Bye, clean up a bit.
M
e: Okay.
“Babe, what are you doing here? Shit, Lana, what’s wrong?” Kingston appears. Scooting into the booth across from me, he places his tattooed hands over mine.
“Do I even have to say? He’s being so mean to me. By the way he slept with Hilary, heads up.” I sniff on a lifeless, not surprised at all chuckle. Looking up I expect to see him red with jealousy, seeing as he had her first and Kingston is a jealous man, he doesn’t like when others take what is or was once his. But when I look up he shows nothing but concern.
“Lana, I’m sorry, god I fucking hate that dick. What did he say?”
I shake my head, a fresh wave of tears coming on. “I’m disgusting, I’m fat. I know this, but I’m trying to lose weight,” I ramble on, using the back of my hands to wipe the fast-moving tears that I can’t keep up with.
“Lana, baby stop, hey...look at me.” Reaching for my hands he stops them abruptly gaining my attention. Looking up, his green eyes search my face, his brows drawn in distraught. “We’re gonna talk about this right after work. I only have three tables left then I’m done, okay?” I nod my head and he leans in closer. “And you are fucking beautiful, baby.” He doesn’t linger or give me a second to debate what he says, he leaves the booth with a stern glare on his face and moves to the table a few spots down.
I calm myself, closing and opening my eyes over and over again, draining the last tears I can from my swollen eyes. My labored breathing goes back to normal and I hear Kingston and see Trey coming out with a saddle.
“Attention roadhouse guests! We got ourselves a birthday over here for Paul. Why don’t we give him a loud and proud YeeHaw!” I smile at Kingston, a snorted chuckle leaves me and my heart feels lighter as he grabs the cowboy hat and places it on the birthday boy. Him and Trey yell YeeHaw and then the sound of Garth Brooks, “I Got Friends” starts up.
The restaurant goers all start laughing and smiling, while Trey and Kingston start singing, grabbing the cowboy hats and placing them on their heads. This is a roadhouse tradition and the people always love it most when Trey and Kings are the ones doing it.
Kingston looks over at me winking. “Think I’ll slip on down to the OASIS! Oh I got friends, in low places!” The beat picks up more, the crescendo building as he starts walking over to me, singing. Everyone catches on to what he’s doing and Trey starts the clap. Joining in, everyone claps along as he sings toward me, moving to me until he’s on his knees and singing loud.
I blush, completely emotionally drained. I laugh hysterically, covering my mouth, my swollen eyes heavy with new tears. But, the good kind, the ones you need to heal you after you break.
The crowd joins in on the last chorus, making my stomach tie in a knot. When I look down at my best friend he’s on his knee, holding my free hand and singing his heart out. His handsome features make my tummy do the funny dance, his carefree attitude making me feel a tad lighter. The best part, though, is his willingness to make all things in my world feel right again.
The song ends and everyone cheers and hollers and just when I think he is going to stand and get back to work, he does something else. Leaning in he grabs my chin between his thumb and finger then descends his full lips on mine, taking me in a kiss. My heart rate spikes, my reaction to push him away nonexistent. He tastes good, like mint and Kingston, the perfect concoction to make me forget about anything but him and me and our lips touching. It’s nothing rushed, it’s sweet and understated, the way first kisses should be.
What feels like eternities passing is really only a few short desperate seconds of me clinging to the antidote to my disease, the answers to my prayers, the savior to rescue me from my hellish captivity. Pulling away, the background fades to a blur, the sound of others cheering and going back to their conversations going deaf around us. Our eyes lock and I bite my lip, still feeling his there. I have never had his lips on mine, but the way they laid on mine so perfectly, so beautifully, keeps me from wanting anything else ever again.
He licks his lip, then uses his thump to lightly tug my chin down so my lip will release from my teeth. “Don’t hurt those lips, they’re mine now and tonight I’m going to save you. I’m going to show you real love, Lana James.” I gulp and my lip quivers. I’m sinning so bad, but I want nothing more than to go to confession for this man.
My best friend is the one I want, I always have and more than anything I want to run away with him, alone, no one else, and never come back. “I’m yours. Forever.” The words fall from my lips without a second regret. I want to leave Joel, I need to leave him.
He nods at me and then leaves me to get back to work. For the last ten minutes of his shift, I watch his body, dressed in all black, the tight work shirt he wears stretches over his back and taut chest perfectly, his tattoos showing intricately against his tan skin. I can’t take my eyes off him while I fantasize about that kiss.
When he leaves to go clock out and say goodbye to everyone, I’m now without his physical presence and the guilt seeps its way in. I kissed another man, I cheated, I’m a whore like Joel always says. How could I be so stupid? What if he finds out? I ask this ten million times before Kingston gets to me.
“Ready? Give Trey your keys, he will drive your car home since he came with me and you’ll come to my place with me.
“Okay,” I whisper, handing my keys to Trey and climbing out of the booth.
“Thanks Trey,” I tell Trey, turning to hug him as we approach Kingston’s car.
“You guys have fun. Shay and I will be at the party whenever you all decide to come.” He gives Kings a one handed half hug then we part. Kingston opens my door and helps me in. My stomach feels heavy with regret, excitement and arousal.
Hoping in, he throws his leather jacket in the backseat and starts up the car. Turning the heater on, we wait in silence, his eyes focused out the window for what feels like years while mine stay glued to the side of his ticking jaw.
“Lana, baby you have to leave him. You have to.” He finally breaks the brief silence, turning to look at me.
“I know, I’m just scared—terrified actually.” I rub my shaky palms, now covered in sweat over my jean clad thighs. I’m feeling big in this small car, my emotions swelling me it seems.
“Baby, please, I’ll keep you safe, we can go together tomorrow and I’ll tell him. Your parents are out of town, Trey and Shayla can go somewhere safe. He won’t be able to hurt anyone.”
“Joel will have them followed. I know he will,” I say in a panic when I realize that this conversation is actually happening.
“No baby, he won’t. Shit, we can have them leave tonight. Are his guys watching them now?”
I shake my head rapidly. “No, but who’s to say he won’t by the time we even end this conversation?”
“Lana, we can’t let him come to Seattle, we can’t have you in danger anymore. He’ll go too fucking far one day. Don’t you get that?” He slams his fist down and I shiver, pulling my knees up to my chest my feet sit on the edge of the seat as I rock.
“Kingston, please don’t yell at me, it scares me...I’m just scared for you guys. I don’t care if he kills me. I don’t want him to hurt you,” I whisper, my body breaking into a full-on shake.
“Baby, come here,” he softens his voice and I look over at him, he’s relaxed, no longer tense like seconds ago. “Come on, it’s okay, it’s me Lana, it’s me,” he repeats and I hesitantly reach out and take his hand. He maneuvers us so I somehow straddle his lap. I weigh ninety-six pounds now, so I fit perfectly in his lap, no matter the confined space.
“Look at me.” I look up from behind the veil of hair covering my face. Moving it out of the way with his large calloused hands, he cradles my face making my cold colorless cheeks warm.
“I won’t let him hurt me, or you, or our fucking friends, especially Trey and Shayla.” There’s no hesitation, not an ounce of doubt in his voice as he promises me this. “Believe me, baby. Believe that I love you enough to keep you safe. Don’t ask me to protect him any
more. I won’t do it. He is ruining you baby, destroying you from all the way inside your perfect soul to the outside of your beautiful body. Please...” One lone tear drops with his plea.
“Don’t, please don’t cry, Kings. I will, okay. I’ll leave him, I trust you to protect me,” I say the air rushing out of me. Grabbing his face, I cradle him in my hands. I kiss his face, his forehead first, then each of his closed eyes as he takes in my surrender. Moving from his eyes, I kiss his perfect nose, sharp and sculpted to fit perfectly on his handsome face.
“Fuck, Lana.” He releases me, frustrated. I lean back unsure of what’s wrong.
“What, Kings what?”
“You sound unsure, like you don’t want this. Lana, do you still love him, baby? Please tell me you don’t love him.” I choke on a sob, fighting the thick despair in my voice, the angry tears that so badly want to fall. How can he think that?
“No, baby...no—I just...I...”
“Did you just call me baby?” he asks, on a pained whisper, his voice so low I almost miss the question.
“Yes, I’m sorry, it just happened...” I look down, fiddling with his shirt.
“No, don’t say sorry, just say it again, call me baby again,” he begs pulling me in closer. I search his eyes and I feel the tightness in my stomach release.
“Baby...” I trail off while he soaks in my words closing his eyes.
“Tell me you don’t love him, tell me it’s not him anymore. Promise me you’ll leave him, Lana.”
Without pause, I do just that. “I’m scared to let him go because I know he won’t let me go easily. I know what’s at stake, but I trust in you and I trust in us that I know we’ll survive it. I do not love him, Kingston Donovan. I can’t love someone I hate. I couldn’t love him even if he was a saint because my heart has no more room, my heart is filled with you.”
“Oh Lana, fuck. My heart is yours. I’m yours. I’ve waited for you since the day I was old enough to know what this was. I love you, baby.” He leans into me with a touch to aid his perfect words. Our lips find holy ground when they touch again. My hands flattening on his defined pecs, where I feel his heartbeat, bringing me back to life.