“Just that he knew it was just a matter of time before his life blew up, and he didn’t want the children and I to be caught up in the blast when it happened. He said that’s why he didn’t respond to anything. He knew he’d be too tempted if he talked to me. He said each time he came here to visit the children, it was all he could do not to break down and tell me everything. He should have, too! I would have been there for him. That’s the thing that makes me the maddest, even madder than him leaving me. He didn’t give me the choice.”
“Ken isn’t the kind who can easily admit weakness,” Julie said. “He’s pretty strict about right and wrong. It must have just about killed him to find out he’s a mere mortal.”
“You mean he’s judgy, and you’re right. He needs to get that stick out of his butt,” Jolene said. “It’s a sign of pride not to be able to admit it when you need help. It’s not something I’m going to automatically forgive him for.”
Julie hugged Jolene. “I’m glad you’re home, and I’m glad you’ve got a plan. You rest, and I’ll make a quick batch of spaghetti. I’ll send a kid in to get you when it’s ready.”
“Thanks, Julie. I’m so very grateful that you’re here right now. Thank you.”
“It’s nothing,” Julie said, and walked out, closing the door behind her.
“Who wants spaghetti?” she asked the kids. They didn’t; they wanted pizza again.
“Nope, it’s spaghetti night,” she said. “Let’s make it together!” It was much harder to make dinner with the kids’ help than without it, but it would keep them occupied and hopefully someday they’d actually learn how to cook. She put Eddie in charge of washing and tearing the lettuce. He was old enough to be somewhat helpful.
She put on Jolene’s baby sling and popped Georgie into it so she couldn’t lose track of him while she was busy. Tori and Lizzie were directed to set the table. The two were a disaster at filling glasses of water for everyone. She directed Lizzie to wipe up all the water they spilled on the kitchen floor.
By this time, she had the water nearly boiling and some Italian sausage and chopped onion in a skillet. Jolene typically made the sauce from scratch, but Julie had already decided it was a good night for bottled sauce. And she skipped chopping vegetables to sneak into the sauce. There was enough chaos in the kitchen as it was. Anyway, Eddie was patiently tearing the lettuce into tiny pieces so at least they’d have salad.
When everything was ready, she sent Lizzie to call her mother to dinner.
Julie cast around for a good dinnertime topic. The dark circles under Jolene’s eyes showed the stress she was under, and Julie wanted to keep things light. She tried several subjects but Eddie turned the conversation to farts. Julie looked at Jolene. She was usually strict about keeping things nice at dinner, but she seemed past caring, tonight. Emboldened, Eddie told one fart joke after another, and his little sisters laughed at all of them. Georgie didn’t follow, but still laughed because the other kids did. Julie looked at Jolene, who didn’t seem to even hear the forbidden jokes.
“Eddie, why don’t you tell your mom about all the dinosaurs you made today,” Julie ventured.
“I made a fart-a-saurus!” he said. He clearly thought he was hilarious. Julie gave up. If they wanted to laugh at bathroom humor tonight, so be it. She didn’t care anymore. They got through dinner, Jolene eating little, and then Julie suggested Jolene climb into bed and read to the kids while she cleaned up dinner. It would relax Jolene to be comfortable and surrounded by her children, she thought. And the kids probably needed a little extra mom time.
She put away leftovers, did the dishes and wiped everything down. They were out of milk and bread, she noticed. Jolene needed to go shopping but had obviously been too distracted. She’d offer to stay with the children after classes the next day so Jolene could go without her tribe. It was a major undertaking to take four kids shopping. If Jolene went by herself, Julie knew, she could be done in half the time.
When she was done with the dinner clean-up, she went to her bedroom and texted Nick, filling him in on everything that had happened. He suggested they get together the following night, but she said she wanted to watch the kids. He texted back that he could come help her watch them, and she agreed, hoping he knew there was zero chance of more than a few kisses with four small chaperones around. Then she immersed herself in the truly fascinating world of kidney disease until she was too tired to read anymore.
Chapter 13
Julie had told Jolene she’d watch the kids while she did her overdue grocery shopping alone, and that Nick was coming over to see her.
“Don’t worry, he knows he’s going to be helping me wrangle kids the whole time. He likes kids,” she said.
“Oh, I’m not worried about you guys getting up to any hanky panky here. The kids will keep a better eye on you than you will them,” Jolene joked. She was making a written list, using a very specific method she’d come up with when she was first married. All her usual meals were written on index cards, and each card listed all the ingredients needed for the dish. She’d sort through the cards, come up with a menu, and then make a shopping list by reviewing all the ingredients on the back of each card.
Keeping four children and two adults fed was a major undertaking. It was even harder when choices were restricted by a tight budget. Jolene’s dinner menu for this week included potato soup, a lentil casserole, a bean dish, a vegetable stir-fry, breakfast for dinner and more spaghetti. Tonight had been the lentil casserole. It was nutritious and good and all the kids would eat it, but Julie knew its chief attraction to Jolene was that it was dirt-cheap and filling.
Jolene went off, her arms filled with reusable canvas shopping bags, and Nick arrived minutes later. Julie introduced him to all the kids again, and they went to the backyard, where Nick devised a game with the giant plastic ball. It was something like soccer, but there were few rules. Mostly, it just gave them all an excuse to run around like crazy.
“I can’t wait until Matthew and Jameson are old enough to play like this,” he said. “I kind of envy your sister. Not the things she’s dealing with right now, of course. But just having a house full of kids to play with all day long. It must be great.”
“Except you don’t just play with them all day. They’re a heck of a lot of work, you know.” She kicked the ball toward Tori, carefully, so as not to bowl her over.
“Oh, I know. But they’re also a lot of fun.” The kids had ganged up on him, kicking the ball to him every time. Julie didn’t mind being left out; if the kids were happy, she was happy.
“The kids will sleep well tonight,” she said. “So will you.”
It was starting to get dark by the time Jolene returned home. Nick offered to carry in all the groceries while Julie continued the game. Lizzie actually pouted when Nick walked away.
“Can Nick come here to live?” Lizzie asked.
“Nick has a place to live already,” Julie said. “He lives with his sister, just like I do.”
“When I grow up, I’m not going to live with my sister,” Lizzie said. “I’m going to have my own castle.”
“Good luck with that,” Julie said.
Nick returned to the back yard, but he had bad news.
“Sorry, kiddoes, but your mom says you have five minutes while she finishes putting away the groceries, and then you have to start getting ready for bed.”
They grumbled, but much less than they would have if their mother weren’t home. They didn’t fight her as much as they fought Julie. They obediently trooped inside when Jolene came to the door and called them in, leaving Nick and Julie alone in the backyard.
“Can we start a fire in this thing?” Nick asked, pointing to the chiminea on the patio.
“We never do, but yeah,” she said. “I’ll go get a lighter if you want to arrange the wood,” she said, pointing to a small woodpile at the side of the yard.
She brought not only a lighter but two cans of soda.
“There’s no beer in the house,” she said, apolog
etically. Nick had arranged the wood with small bits of tinder on the bottom, and now he put the lighter to them. He knew what he was doing, and all the small bits quickly caught fire. He scooted his patio chair closer to Julie’s and accepted one of the cans of soda.
“No problem. Obviously, Jolene can’t drink right now.”
“She doesn’t even when she’s not pregnant. She was never a big drinker, but now not at all. Of course, she’s been either pregnant or nursing or both pretty much her whole marriage. And Ken doesn’t believe in drinking.”
“But pills?”
“I know. That’s kind of what made this whole thing even worse. He’s always been so judgy about any kind of drugs and alcohol, so when he found himself addicted, he couldn’t just admit it and get help. He just kept denying it and trying to quit on his own. Sometimes, stubborn people can be infuriating.”
“Well, I’m glad he’s getting treatment now.”
“Me too. Can you believe Jolene? She’s just carrying on like everything is normal. She’s barely even cried, to my knowledge.”
“Watch her, Julie. I don’t know her, but I bet she’s struggling more than she shows. Like her husband, sounds like.”
“You’re right, of course. That’s part of why I wanted to stay home tonight, just to give her a hand.”
“You’re a good person,” Nick said. And then he leaned over and gently kissed her.
The kiss couldn’t lead to more, they both knew, but their bodies didn’t.
“One kiss is all it takes with you,” Nick said.
“That’s good, because it seems likely that one kiss is all we’re going to get for some time,” Julie said.
“Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but soon, we are going to have some time alone together. As much as I like my nephews and your family, it’s going to be somewhere totally kidless.”
“You don’t have any friends with their own apartments?”
“What, Kip’s basement? No.”
“Me neither. This is like being in high school again. Except in high school I wasn’t having any actual sex.”
“My high school girlfriend was an only child, and her parents didn’t get home for at least two hours after school let out. So we had total privacy for two hours pretty much every single night. I never would have guessed that five years later I’d be wishing for that kind of opportunity.”
Julie gave him a playful smack. “Well, go ahead and call her, then. Maybe her parents are gone right now and she’ll invite you to come over and do it in her pink canopy bed.”
“Ha, I don’t think so,” he said. He’d grabbed her hand when she pretended to hit him, and hung on to it. Now he was holding and caressing her hand. Julie shivered. It was amazing how your body could respond to the most innocent of touches when that was all you had available.
It had grown dark, and the sounds coming from inside the house of a pack of rambunctious children had faded. Jolene must have gotten them all into bed already. The fire was going quite well now, with the larger pieces beginning to catch.
“I don’t know why we don’t sit out here like this more often,” Julie said. “We never do. But there’s something about the flames that’s just mesmerizing.”
“At a guess, I’d say it has something to do with the best time for a fire coinciding with the bedtime of a whole pack of kids,” Nick said. “Your sister will be able to enjoy quiet evenings better once her kids are a little older. Eventually, they’ll all be able to get themselves ready for bed.”
“Well, that depends,” Julie said. “Don’t forget there will be another one in a few months, and for all I know she and Ken will just keep on having babies for the next 10 years.”
“I think I’d like to have two or three kids, but not one every two years until I’m old,” Nick said. “At some point I want to concentrate on doing stuff you can’t do when your hands are full of toddlers and babies. Like going on camping trips out in the woods. Or playing board games.”
“I still say I’d rather help other women have their babies and help Jolene take care of hers than have my own,” Julie said. “Because you know what I can do when it all gets to be too much? I can leave!”
“You don’t really, truly mean that, though, right?”
“Nick, is this going to be a problem? I get that we’ve just started dating, so this subject seems kind of premature, but you really do seem like ideal dad material, so why would you even date a woman who doesn’t want to have a family of her own?”
“I never guessed how much I liked kid and family life until recently, and partly through meeting you,” Nick said. “I like how you seem to have everything all figured out, and how you help me figure out what I want, too. I feel like I’d just been coasting through life, amusing myself with games and just letting life take me wherever. Believe it or not, I even made an apple pie last night, all my myself. And Patty and Brad said it was good, although it didn’t look as good as the one you helped me with. I would never have tried something like that before I met you.”
“I don’t want you just assuming I’m going to change my mind and want to have a bunch of babies in a few years. That’s all.”
“I know. You’ve been clear on that,” he said. “Let’s cross that bridge when we come to it.”
Julie still felt misgivings, but she pushed them away. For now, it was just nice to sit in the cooling night air, the slight warmth of the fire just detectable from a few feet away, while Nick held her hand.
“What time are you done tomorrow?” Nick asked.
“Actually, I’m going in ultra early for clinicals, so I’m supposed to be done around 3 or 4.”
“I’ll be off at 5, as usual. My schedule doesn’t change much. What would Jolene think about us taking her minivan and hauling all the kids out to eat at Vinnie’s? She could have the whole night off for herself.”
“And you could get your kid fix.”
“I just think it would be something she’d appreciate. I read between the lines and I think she was upset that I suggested her husband was on drugs, right? Just trying to demonstrate to her that I’m a nice guy.”
“She still isn’t going to agree to you sleeping over, you know, no matter how much you impress her,” Julie teased.
“Ha, plan foiled. No, seriously, let’s ask her before I go.”
“OK. You know this is the weirdest courtship ever, right?”
“You’re a little bit of a weird girl, though.”
“Ha, I’m totally normal. You’re the weird one.
“This is why we make a good pair,” Nick said. “We’re both weird. Come here,” he said, and leaned toward her. It was fully dark, other than the light of the dying fire. They hadn’t added any more wood, so it was down to embers. Their lips met and he kissed her hard.
“I am going to get you alone, soon,” he breathed. “I’m dying to touch you.” His hands stroked up and down her arms. “Your skin is so soft,” he said. “I want to touch more of you. Like the last time, but more.” His lips moved to the side of her neck and he whispered. “And I want to kiss you … everywhere.”
Julie shivered as their lips met again. She returned the kiss, but then she giggled. “So you invite a carload of kids to come on our date. Great plan, Romeo.”
“I am working on a plan, girl. Don’t worry about that.”
“I hope so. Because you’re not the only person dying for this,” she said. Julie felt as if she could kiss Nick all night, but she knew her sister’s patio wasn’t the ideal location. So she ended the warm kiss they were in the middle of and reluctantly pulled back with a groan. “You’re killing me, Nick.”
“I should probably head home. You have to get up early, and I’m trying to make a good impression on your sister. Which, if she catches us doing what I want to do now, isn’t going to happen.” He stood up and pulled her to him. “Maybe just one more kiss.” Now that they were standing, their bodies were able to press together, and Julie could once again feel the proof of his excitement.
The kiss went on and on, and her hands couldn’t help but reach back and find his tight little butt. She pulled him to her, and he groaned.
“Unless you want to do it right here and now on the patio, you better stop playing with fire,” he breathed. She reluctantly stepped back.
“You’re right. Let’s give you-know-what a chance to go back to normal, and we’ll go inside and talk to Jolene. She’s going to suspect you’re ravishing me on the patio if we don’t get in there.”
“Don’t think I didn’t consider it,” Nick said. “But the concrete doesn’t look very comfy.”
Chapter 14
Vinnie’s didn’t look any better in daylight than it had late at night. But the kids were more than excited about the adventure of going out to dinner with Julie and Nick. Julie concentrated on Georgie, who couldn’t yet be counted on to cooperate at all, and he kept her hands full. Nick had to wrangle the others.
Julie kept her eye out for the waitress they’d seen last time, but she was nowhere to be found. Instead, a woman in ordinary jeans and blouse waited on them. She looked tired and less than thrilled about having a table full of children. Two tables, actually; they’d had to pull two smaller tables together to get one large enough for all of them.
It took some time to get them all settled, and then Julie read bits of the menu aloud to everyone except Eddie, who announced he already knew he wanted a cheeseburger and fries. Lizzie decided on the same sausage, eggs and hashbrowns platter that Nick was getting, which meant that Tori had to have the same thing. Julie decided to go for another tenderloin and only ordered a side of scrambled eggs for Georgie, who couldn’t be counted on to eat more than a few bites of anything.
Eddie had three refills of his root beer before the food arrived; Jolene didn’t often let the kids have soda, and Eddie obviously saw this outing as a chance to make up for lost time. Tori knocked over her orange soda and the waitress held her lips in a tight line as she wiped it up. She’d no sooner stepped away than Georgie knocked over a bottle of ketchup he’d been playing with. Julie had been letting him because it seemed like a harmless way to keep him occupied. But the glass bottle broke when she dropped it, and this time their waitress was obviously annoyed, despite Julie apologizing profusely. She couldn’t blame her. Wiping up a pool of ketchup studded with bits of broken glass wasn’t fun.
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