“She’s getting ready.”
“Hmm, is she?”
I look up at the ceiling. “Spit it out, Mum.”
She claps her hands together. “I heard your door open late at night. Did you go to her? Are you together? She’s such a lovely girl, Reid, and I see the way she looks at you, too.”
“Slow down.”
“I can’t. Have you told her how you feel?”
“Not all of it. Jesus. Don’t say anything.”
“I won’t, but you should. Oh, honey. I understand that you’re scared. There’s a lot to unravel here, especially with Grandad, but if you have the chance for happiness, I want you to take it. He would want you to take it.”
The mention of my grandparents injects a fresh shot of guilt into my veins. “I’m okay with that. Well, no, I’m not, but I don’t associate Mila with that day. None of that was her fault.”
“No, it wasn’t. I wish you’d forgive yourself because it wasn’t your fault, either.”
I rub my forehead. “I should have been there.”
“Reid…”
I shake my head. “It’s okay, Mum. I know he wouldn’t blame me. Every time I think about that day, I can hear his voice telling me not to carry something like that around with me. He wouldn’t want me to blame myself. I do it anyway. Maybe there’s nothing I could have done… but maybe there was. We’ll never know, and I have to live with that.”
Her shoulders fall. “He loved you.”
“Yeah, I know. I loved him, too.”
“You love Mila.”
“Yeah, I do.”
“What would Grandad say about that?”
I laugh, shaking my head as I picture him in front of me, irate that I’m taking so long. “He would tell me that I’m wasting time.”
“And he would be right. Your dad would say the same.”
I grab three mugs from the cupboard, since Mum doesn’t have one. Lexie has a choice of milk or water.
“Dad has said the same.”
“No one resents her, if that’s what you’re worried about.”
I freeze, my finger hovering above the ‘start’ button.
Mum doesn’t wait for me to reply. “What happened was horrible, but he had a heart attack, Reid. You couldn’t have stopped that. No one blames you. I spoke to Uncle Graham, and he thinks you should go for it, too.”
Uncle Graham is the one who properly introduced me to books after Nan’s death. He’d just lost his mum, but he was still more concerned about me. I’ve seen two dead bodies and loved them both.
“I love you all for that. I’d hate to think that anyone wouldn’t accept her because of that.”
Mum laughs quietly. “It’s impossible not to fall for her, isn’t it?”
“Tell me about it.”
“Be happy, Reid.”
“I am.”
I make three coffees, and that’s when Mila walks into the room. She doesn’t come for me first. She says morning to Mum and then sits next to Lexie. Damn, I love that.
I carry the coffees over and take a seat next to her at the table that’s far too big for our family.
“Morning,” I say.
She wraps her hands around the mug. “Morning, Reid.”
I watch Mum roll her eyes as we pretend that we haven’t spent the night together.
“Oh, that looks so yummy, Lexie,” Mila says, handing her another slice of toast.
Lexie grins and take it from Mila. If I’d tried that, she probably would have thrown it and burst into tears.
“If you’ve got Lex, I’m going to start our breakfast. Mila, do you like omelettes?”
Her cheeks turn pink, and I know she’s thinking about when I made them after our first night together. “I love them. Do you need a hand?”
“No, you sit. Lexie will only scream with Reid, anyway.”
“Oh, girl, you have got to start loving your Uncle Reid,” Mila coos, handing Lexie a bottle of milk. “He’s actually pretty cool.”
“Actually?”
She turns to me, trying not to smile. So, there was a time that I was uncool to her. That’s great to know.
Her shoulder lifts in a lazy shrug. “Well, you know.”
“I don’t.”
Mum laughs in the background.
“You don’t know? For real?”
“Mila, you’ve lost me. Are you going to start making sense soon?”
“I always make sense. It’s not my fault that you don’t always understand.”
I take a breath. I love and hate it when she does this. “Mind explaining it then?”
She shrugs, and her cheeks turn pink again. “Before we started hanging out, how many times did you come and talk to me?”
“I… don’t know.”
“I do. Well, kind of. My memory isn’t that great. We had one conversation.”
Two. I played it cool, but I do know this.
“Mila, you would walk straight up to the devil himself and tell him to turn the heating down. You never came to me first.”
“You were…”
“Wow, is this going to be another ego hit?”
She laughs and sips her coffee. “No. You’ve always been the super-hot neighbour, but you were so locked away. Believe it or not, I don’t go up to people who look like they want the whole world to leave them alone. Unless I’m drunk. If I’ve had too much wine, no one is safe.”
“I’ve been that unapproachable?”
“Oh, yeah.”
“See, love, I told you to get out a bit more,” Mum calls from the oven where she’s pouring eggs into a pan.
“Yes, thank you, Mum.”
“I don’t think you’re a stuck-up dick now.”
Mum laughs out loud.
“Wonderful.”
She bites her lip, smiling up at me. There’s nothing in her expression but hunger now.
“You asked.”
“Yes, I did.”
“Lexie, does the floor really need your banana?” Mila says, jumping up and picking the slice that’s about to be thrown from Lexie’s hand. “Okay, I think you’re done, huh?”
I’m about to get up and clean her, but Mila clearly has it covered. Before I can move, she’s picked the banana up and is pulling a wipe out of the packet to clean Lexie.
She’s a natural.
“You have any babies in the family, Mila?” Mum asks.
“No, but babies and kids let you know exactly how they feel, no punches held back, and I feel that.”
Her eyes flick to me before her attention is back on wiping mushed banana off of Lexie’s cheek. I have a feeling that when it comes to me, she’s not as straight up as with everything else in her life. It’s not like I can call her out on it, either. I’m no better.
I still can’t tell her that I love her.
Forty-Four
Mila
I can’t remember the last time I went to a spa. How ridiculous is that? Hotties giving you massages and a bar full of cocktails. It’s the best thing ever invented.
Kelly, Phoebe, and I are wrapped up in soft white robes—so it’ll be obvious when I spill my pornstar martini down myself later—and walking towards the pool.
It smells like expensive oils mixed with chlorine.
I hold my cocktail in my hand and follow them to the reclining deckchairs. Some weirdos are swimming lengths of the pool.
They must not know about the bar.
“So, Mila,” Phoebe says once she’s sitting down.
“Yeah?”
“You and Reid?”
“What about us?” That’s right, I’m not going to make this easy.
“You said that you’re over your ex.”
Oh, we’re going about it this way. She’s changed direction, coming in from the back entrance. It’s plain to see what she’s asking, so she may as well cut straight to the point. Phoebe wants to know if I have feelings for her brother.
Obviously, I do. I mean… duh!
I really like him.
>
I shake my head, my heart pounding. I hold my glass like it’s about to shatter.
These feelings are normal, right? He’s my friend, and we’re having the best sex of my life. Wouldn’t it be weird if I didn’t like him? But there’s a lot more to it than that. I feel it growing inside me, multiplying every time I’m around him or every time I think about him. It’s like knowing something big is about to happen but having no idea when. The calm before the most beautiful thunderstorm lights up the whole sky.
“Mila?” Phoebe says, leaning forward to get in my line of sight.
“Yeah, sorry. Liam. I’m over him, yeah.”
“That’s good.”
“It’s not easy letting go of your first love, even if you’re no longer in love with them. I spent a long time being scared. Eventually the fear of us both living a lie and regretting each other outweighed my fear of being alone.”
“You’re scared of being alone?” Phoebe asks. I hear the slight hysteria in her voice as she asks around the question she really wants to put to me.
“I was but being alone has changed me so much. I’ve grown a lot, and I’m looking forward to my future. One where I don’t have to slot into someone else’s carefully planned out life. I don’t need a man to be successful.”
“Good for you,” she replies, raising her glass. “So you and Reid are just friends?”
She would be great at hosting quiz games on the telly.
“Ah! What, Mum? I’m only asking!”
I drop my hand and turn to them. Kelly retracts her arm from where she hit Phoebe.
Good. Kelly got a whack in.
“We’re still just friends for now. We’ve been spending a lot of time together, which has honestly been the best time of my life. Do not tell him that!” They both laugh. “Right now, I’m happy with how things are. We both want to see where this goes and let it happen naturally. Neither of us are looking elsewhere. Besides, he’s probably going to want a break from me after a full-on weekend.”
Phoebe clears her throat. “No.”
Kelly smiles wider. “He said that you started coming over pretty much as soon as you two began talking.”
“Yeah.” I wince at the memory. “I didn’t give him much choice. As soon as I knew that he works from home sometimes and all of those books were right across the road, I couldn’t help myself.”
It was an instant addiction. Like the first time you taste bacon.
“God, you two are perfect,” Phoebe mutters.
“He seems to get me. I can talk about anything and he listens. He has this way of drawing all of your secrets out. I’ve told him so much more than I’ve told anyone else.”
“He’s always been like that. He smiles, and you just find yourself spilling your deepest, darkest fears. My brother is a great listener.”
I take a big swig of my cocktail, thankful that it all went in my mouth and I’m not wearing any. “We talk a lot. He said he started reading when he was ten.” As I say the words, I want to jump into the pool and hide. Whatever his reason for picking up a book, it’s something that he should tell me himself.
Kelly’s eyes drop. “That’s right.”
Oh God, what happened? I started reading when I was about eight, and that was because I couldn’t handle my emotions after Hugo was in a car accident with his friend and the mate’s parents. I remember Mum and Dad getting the call and panicking. I was convinced that he’d died. Thankfully, he was only a little shaken, but from that day, I knew how easily bad things could happen.
I had therapy in school. Once a week, I would go and speak to Mrs Lane about all the things that troubled me, and we’d pick apart which ones were worth my worry. Then, she would talk about how to deal with them and file them away.
I worried about everything, from big things like my family dying, to little things like losing my snack money. About two months in, she started giving me books to read—fiction novels where the characters overcome a whole host of issues. I devoured them and kept going. I’m not saying books are miracles—I kept talking to her until I left primary school—but they’re pretty much little bound miracles.
“I wasn’t much younger than Reid. The only thing my two brothers ever read is the TV listing.”
Kelly smiles sadly. “Reid is strong in almost every way, but sometimes it takes him a while to open up. Give him that time, Mila. Please.”
I nod. “I will.”
“Thank you,” she whispers.
“Where did you and Callum meet, Phoebe?” I ask.
My heart is beating too hard, doing the thump of shame in my chest. That wasn’t my place to ask. We didn’t all start reading because we need it for a particular reason. Some just enjoy it.
Not all of us are saved by words on a page. But was Reid?
Forty-Five
Mila
After the best weekend on record – all of the records, I’m calling it – being home feels flat. It’s like arriving home after a holiday. I’ve gone from a solid weekend with Reid, waking up beside him, to today where all I’ve done is long for yesterday.
His family didn’t say a thing when we turned handsy halfway through the first day. I didn’t miss how much that seemed to please Kelly.
Now it’s late afternoon, and I’m done with uni for the day.
I walk towards the car park with a skip in my step. I’m meeting up with the girls to shop. As I approach Hilda, I freeze.
Are my eyes broken? It can’t be.
Unfortunately, I don’t need to hit up the opticians because I can clearly see Liam leaning against my car.
What the hell is he doing here? Has a year passed, and I didn’t realise?
I’ve not heard anything from him since I ran into him in the bar, so why is he here now? Maybe something’s up. God, I hope his family are okay.
I shake my hands and walk towards him.
He looks up as I get close.
Pushing off my car, he takes a few steps. I stop because I don’t think we need to be right on top of each other.
I look at him now and although I’ll admit he’s still handsome, he doesn’t hold anything on Reid.
“What are you doing here? Is everyone okay?” I ask.
“Everyone’s fine. You didn’t text me back.”
“What? That was ages ago, Liam, and we’re not supposed to.”
“I didn’t think you’d ignore me.”
“You said a year. What are you doing here?”
“You’re hostile. Why?”
How long will the migraine take to hit? “I’m confused. If nothing is wrong, why have you turned up at my uni?”
“Can we go somewhere and talk?”
“Where? About what?”
“To get a coffee. Please?”
I’m seeing Reid. There’s no way I’m going anywhere with my ex.
“We can talk here.”
His eyes tighten. “Why can’t we go to a café? One quick drink.”
“We can talk here,” I repeat.
“Mila, you don’t need to be difficult about this.”
“It’s a bad idea.”
“You want to have this conversation in a car park?”
“It’s the car park or not at all. I’m fine with not at all, so the choice is yours.”
I don’t want to be a bitch to him, but he’s not my main concern anymore. I’m not going anywhere more private with him because I’m not willing to risk messing things up with Reid.
He folds his arms and his face tints red. “Fine. Here it is.”
“So… what’s going on? You said everyone was okay.”
“I wanted to see you.”
I narrow my eyes. “Don’t do that.”
“Do what? We were together for a long time, I can’t just flip a switch and not care, not want to talk to you.”
Groaning, I put my head in my hands. “No, Liam.”
“Mila.”
I drop my arms. “Please don’t do this. I thought you’d moved on. You had a date
in the bar.”
“That doesn’t mean I stopped loving you.”
“I think I should leave.”
I go to step around him, but he blocks me with his arm. “No, wait. Two minutes, please. I know where I was going wrong. I see that now. God, I’ve been stupid, and I should have never got so complacent. We can try again. I promise you that I’ll be present. We’ll go out and do more of what you want. Hell, come on nights out with my friends, if that makes you happy.”
Reid makes me happy.
“I’m sorry, Liam.”
“Don’t say that. The woman in the bar was one date. I haven’t moved on.”
I take a breath. “Where is this coming from? Why now?”
He kicks a stone on the floor. “I was looking through some old photos of us. It was a shock, you know, realising what I’ve lost? It hit me all at once.”
“I’m sorry, Liam, but I can’t do this.”
His face falls like he cannot comprehend what I’m saying.
“Mila.”
“I’m sorry, but I’ve moved on,” I repeat.
He steps to the side as I walk past and get into my car. I almost stall it as I shove it into first gear and pull away.
My heart sinks to my toes. I don’t like being cruel to him, but I had to be clear. He can’t keep popping back into my life. Now he knows that there’s no chance for us.
I need to forget that happened and focus on wedding stuff.
Indie’s home from LA and finished with her last patient, and Wren managed to get off an hour early. I arrive at the dress shop and greet Wren and Indie with a hug. Liam melts away.
“Thanks for being here,” Indie says.
“Duh. I want my maid of honour dress,” I reply.
Wren rolls her eyes. “We’re both bridesmaids, Mila.”
“Sure, babe,” I say.
The store has our measurements and has set aside dresses that Indie said she liked.
“This one?” Indie says, trying to be funny. She holds the awful gown up. It’s pink lace and big sleeves.
“If you make me wear a dress with puffy sleeves, I’m going to object when the registrar asks,” I warn.
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