I looked at Naomi wide-eyed, gesturing for her to say something like it wasn’t necessary. This woman appeared to be working on a computer that looked to be as old as she was. A smaller office behind her embedded into the stairs. Rickety blinds over the small window and door behind her. Even the old walnut wood looked like it had seen better days. Various notes attached to the door indicating the Hours of Operation and Breakfast time, which we had narrowly missed.
“I’m sorry what’s your name?” I asked approaching the desk with my purse in hand. Rummaging through it for my reservation information.
“Jia Tan, a very dear and longtime friend.”
I looked at her over my shoulder and smiled. Now she finds her voice. It was good to see her smiling the kind of smile that creates wrinkles in the corner of her eyes.
“Well Jia, dearest and longest friend, there really is no need to return the money. In fact, I’m kind of dog tired and just want to crash into bed. Leaving you two up to reminisce and connect without me breathing over her shoulder.”
Jia clapped her hands together. “Sure and I saved the best room with a view for you. Not that its much of a view, but better than the brick wall of the building next door. It also has a queen size bed.”
I released a heavy breath. “That sounds heavenly, just because you said the word bed.”
She pulled the key off of her neck and disappeared into her office returning with two key cards. Handing me one and going over to hand Naomi the other. “Room 2N is yours. Go up the stairs and walk all the way to the end. There should be signs if you get confused.”
I considered her statement. “Maybe I should take the bags upstairs and you can come up later when you’re ready.”
Naomi squeezed Jia’s hand. “I’d like to see the room first, but I will be right down.”
I grabbed her bag and mine as she followed me up the stairs.
“I have to say, Naomi,” Jia said, placing her hands on her hips. “It is really good to see you.”
She froze on the steps and stared down at her. “Don’t call me Naomi. Call me Mara.”
I looked at her confused as I waited on the landing. That was the first time I’d ever heard that name. But it couldn’t be good. The smile lines around her eyes were gone, and back was that same cold monotone that kept her going every day. Why did she feel like she needed that cold blanket to keep going? Three years and I still couldn’t stop dreaming about Kohen and our almost perfect life. Who was I to talk?
Jia laughed. “Mara! Why the name change?”
“The Almighty has made my life very bitter. I went away full, but the Lord has brought me back empty. Why should I let anyone call me Naomi? The Lord has chosen to afflict me. The Almighty has brought misfortune upon me.”
My gaze darted to Jia the smile completely disappearing from her cheery face. As if Naomi or Mara had slapped her. I opened my mouth to apologize, but for what. Her justified anger. The sorrow crawling up from the pit of her stomach like black bile. Her utter bitterness.
“She’ll be back down—maybe.”
I don’t think I’d ever seen her walk so fast. Already halfway down the hall by the time I caught up with her. I put the key card in the door and pulled it out, waiting for the light to turn green. For such an old building, I was quite impressed with the updated security. The room bright from the sunlight streaming in through the window. As beautiful as the view of the city was I couldn’t help, but think that there was no way I was getting any sleep with all this natural light.
I brought my bag over to the bed and placed it on top. Painfully aware of Naomi’s every movement in the room as I tried to gauge if she was still angry or upset. The room itself was definitely rustic the walls an eggshell blue with an aged wooden headboard. That seemed to have two mason jar lights attached to it. A small white nightstand on either side that matched the white duvet.
But there was more on my mind than the ugly brown pillows with the continents drawn on them. I needed answers from Naomi or Mara.
I sat on the bed, playing with my pajamas.
“Spit it out, daughter.”
I picked up the pink and black top and examined the collar as if it was the first time I had seen it. “I have a serious question to ask you, but I want to know who’s going to tell me the truth. Naomi or Mara?” The look she gave me was nothing nice, but I refused to be deterred.
But silence hung between us like a heavy, itchy blanket.
“Mara.” Overstepping my bounds a bit with the name, but doing it intentionally to measure her reactions. I clutched the shirt close to me as if it might shield me from her answers. “How long did you know you were coming out here to stay? How long did you know that you didn’t want us with you?”
She sighed heavily. “I told you at the airport I agonized over that decision all the way up until the last minute, and even now I can only hope that I made the right decision by bringing you. But I did make the right decision for me. That place was no longer my home.”
“Are you selling it?” I said making my way over to the closet to hand some of my clothes before giving up and placing the whole bag on the floor in the closet. “The house, I mean. Are you selling it?”
Naomi nodded. “The lawyer that did Eli’s will was able to recommend me to someone that takes care of this sort of thing. I gave him a call sometime after New Years. I didn’t want to use Opal for obvious reasons and—-,” she trailed off, taking my lead and putting her bag in the closet without unpacking. I knew it would kill her to keep it that way and by the end of the night one of us would end up hanging them up nicely in the closet.
That was just it, I knew that every night she drank a glass of prune juice before bed. And she’s probably the only person on the planet who doesn’t like baked macaroni. That she’s never missed an episode of Wheel of Fortune, and she keeps the current book she’s reading on the table by her favorite rocking chair. And no one else is allowed to sit there but her. I know everything except that she was about to sell my very life out from under me. I didn’t see how hurt she was. More so, she didn’t believe that I could help. She was hurting on this island alone, but if she merely walked to the other side she’d know that there was a whole world of people missing Kohen, Mailer, and Eli just as much as she was.
Naomi needed hope and that’s what this place was. I wasn’t going to let her use this as some sort of banishment. She didn’t get to sell off my baby’s home and his things and his memories for nothing. We were going to make the best of this place. Our hope.
“I’m going to take a much-needed nap,” I said, My tongue stuck to the roof of mouth. Barely able to look at her, sure she would see my tears. “You should go and spend some time with your friend and try not to be so dreary. Its a vacation and seeing old friends and family can never be dreary.”
“I’m sorry, daughter.”
The click of the door behind her was like all of the air had been let out of the room. I picked up one of the ugly brown pillows and began swinging it at the floor and the bed. Screaming and sobbing at the top of my lungs.
“I hate her so much, God. How could she sell my memories with him? Everything that I shared with him is in that house. She didn’t even think to ask us? We weren’t even important enough,” I said, kicking off my ballet flats, uncaring of what direction they went in. Narrowly missing the lamp on the table. “Everything she does is important to me . . . and Opal to in her own way. Yet if I went back home what would my room with Kohen even look like. I miss Kohen too. I need him back too. I hate her. I hate her. I hate her.” Collapsing on the floor in front of the bed. Burying my head in the crook of my arm. “God help me. I don’t know how to deal with my grief and hers. I don’t think I know how to make this better for her because it’s not better for me. I miss him so much my bones ache.”
The door opened and I sat up. A gasp coming from Naomi as I wiped my teary face.
“Girl, I nearly killed myself on this pillow that you left on the floor. I just came back for
my tablet.” Closing the door behind her. “What is going on? Have you been crying?” She knelt on the floor beside me and held my face in her hands.
“I miss him too. I miss him too.” The only phrase that my brain could get my mouth to say. Snot running down my nose like an annoying five-year-old kid. I could barely see her face through my blurry vision.
She held my hand tightly. “I’m so sorry if I implied you didn’t. Or if I started to play an evil game of whose misery is worse. Which is exactly why I didn’t want you here, Ruthie. My life is dark and empty and it rains every day, and I don’t want to pull you in here with me.”
I shook my head. “You still don’t understand. You’re not in that place alone. I’m there too and I call out for you, but you don’t hear me. So I call on God in the hopes that he will open a door that will lead us both out of the darkness. But this time I think I may have cursed your name.”
She put her forehead against mine. “Sweetheart I have cursed God himself. And we’re not even on speaking terms right now. But I’m sure he understands what you’re going through, but if it troubles your soul. Repent and ask for forgiveness.”
She helped me to my feet and I sat back on the bed. “If you like we can spend more time together talking.”
“I-I can’t. I need more time, but you go and enjoy Jia. She seems positively lovely.” I said pushing her hands away.
She shook her head. “This is exactly what I feared. I’m poisoning you.”
“That’s not what’s going on here. Please, I just need a moment alone. That’s not too much to ask right now.”
She seemed to accept my request and grabbed her tablet and headed downstairs. I went over to my purse attached to the top of my luggage and pulled out my phone. Dialing Opal’s number. And it occurred to me for the first time that I wasn’t sure that she’d actually answer. Going to lay back on the bed sensing that this was going to be a conversation that I should have laying down. The clock on the wall said that it was almost 1 indicating that it was probably 12 there. Since she married Mailer we had talked almost every other day and I couldn’t imagine a world where that wouldn’t happen anymore. But I supposed that was a conversation we would need to have too.
“Hey, I didn’t expect to hear from you.”
Her voice brought a smile to my face as comforting as ice cream on a hot summer day. We went to the same high school, but I barely knew her. It wasn’t until we all went to college and it became clear that she was a permanent fixture in Mailer’s life as I was in Kohen’s that we actually got to know each other. If Naomi was my heart, Opal was my ear. When complaining got the best of me I could always go to her and know that she would listen. I couldn’t always trust her advice, but that wasn’t the point. She was also dependable.
“Yeah, I wasn’t sure either.”
“Well, what brought this call on.”
Opal had already walked away when Naomi changed her mind about me going with her. I began to wonder if it was even appropriate to bring it up. “Naomi’s selling the house. And I don’t have anything of Kohen’s and I thought that maybe you could go into the house and pick up a few things of his?”
“Yes, of course, Ruthie,” she answered. “I was going to mail back the house key because it would be too hard for me to see her again.” A keyboard clicking in the background. “But I still have it. I’ll get over there as soon as I can. Anything in particular that you want?”
I tried to remember. Memorabilia from our childhood together. Pictures. But I had everything I wanted on my phone, one touch away. Books that I used to bore Kohen to death with, that he merely tolerated. Yet, he only tolerated it. They were never his thing. Most of his clothes had been donated to charity a long time ago. Why was this so hard?
“Ruthie? I know what he meant to you which is the only reason I feel confident enough to say that you don’t need anything to keep his memory alive. You’re doing it just by being you.”
Her chest felt heavy. “Sometimes that’s not enough.” I sat up and gazed at the large picture frame half-hidden by the television. An abstract watercolor scene of a beach.
“I’m not enough.” The sound of the keyboard ceasing. “Truth be told I only settled for Mailer and in the end, I gave in to all his hair-brained ideas to make up for the guilt. Too afraid to grow up and grow beyond my high school sweetheart and college love.”
Kohen knew Mailer better than most, by extension I got a peek into the man’s psyche. “You did the best that you could and that was more than enough. You made him happy, Opal.”
“There’s a hoodie. It’s Kohen’s from college. I lost mine. I don’t even remember when, but I’d like his hoodie.” I asked, my breathing growing shallow at the thought of never stepping foot into that house.
“I suppose I should pick up a few things for myself, but I’ve got some things leftover from my life with Mailer back at our apartment. I actually took a tip from Naomi and I’m moving back in with my parents. Just for the time being. Until I can find my own place.”
“That sounds great.”
“Are you back with your parents? Is that where you want me to drop off the hoodie?”
There was no real reason for me to lie. “Actually, I convinced Naomi to take me with. I won’t be coming back to Chicago.”
“I don’t think I expected anything different from you. Text me your new address, and goodbye Ruthie.” Before I could say anything she hung up the phone.
8
Ruthie
I opened my eyes, feeling much better than when I closed them. The sun was gone for the evening casting the room in darkness. No signs of Naomi anywhere or if she even came up to the room. So much the better because the conversation with Opal was still on my heart and I know she would see it in my eyes.
The last thing I remembered was getting off the phone with unanswered questions like pine needles in my head until I was sure I had worn a groove into the wooden planks on the floor. Finally collapsing after my body said no more.
I rubbed my eyes and leaned over to cut on the lights on the headboard.
It cast the room in a warm and inviting glow, but I needed a little more light if I was going to get my bearings so I got up and cut on the light to the chandelier.
“Oh, you’re up?” Naomi said looking a bit startled to see me standing next to the door as she opened it, but she smiled.
“Yeah, just now.”
I was also pretty hungry and wondered what we were going to do for dinner. To think before we left I had made this entire touristy to do list for us and now it seemed so stupid. Still, it might be worth looking at for the eats I had written down. But now that I knew we were staying, and would need this money for the long hall; perhaps it was also time to think smaller.
“How did you sleep?” Placing what looked to be a bag of cookies on the small breakfast table for two. “I came up here once to check up on you and tried not to wake you. Those stairs might be the death of me though.”
I got up and took one of the chocolate chip cookies from the bag. “I don’t suppose you also had a plan for a permanent place to stay.” She bit into the cookie and it tasted like heaven to her curdling stomach.
“Well, you weren’t supposed to be here. I figured Jia would house me for as long as I needed it.” She reached for the television remote and sat in a cream-colored armchair.
I looked down at the floor, not sure how I should respond to the biting comment.
“Oh, I’m sorry Ruthie. I didn’t mean it that way. Just to say that I didn’t have a plan B. The both of us can’t very well stay here for the long haul.”
I sat at the table and reached for another cookie. Paying no attention, to the television for I already knew she was trying to find her favorite television show that comes on right about this time.
“I’m sure that if I asked she would acquiesce, but it wouldn’t sit right on my heart. I’d feel like a freeloader and I don’t need any more worries.” She finally found the channel and the familiar mu
sic of the game show came on.
The pressure on my shoulders began to mount up. “I suppose the first thing to do would be for me to find a job.” I brushed the crumbs from my shirt onto the floor. “Any ideas on where to start here?”
She seemed to look off in the distance. Her blue fingernail polish chipping as she bit her fingernails. “Times have indeed changed here, but I would pick Jia’s brain for a question like that.”
“Where is she now?”
Naomi looked over at me and frowned. “No, not now. She has invited us to dinner with her and her husband, but not later either. You wanted a true vacation and that’s what I’ll give you. I figured that tomorrow we could go site seeing to some of my favorite places. If they’re still there. Later you can talk to Jia about open jobs.” Plumping up the bottom of her bob hairstyle, streaks of grey throughout. “And truthfully it will give Jia time to work her magic.”
I bit the inside of my cheek, not sure if any of that was a good idea anymore. “Her magic?” There were many things about German Village and its occupants that I still had to learn. I had a feeling that I’d be feeling like the odd man out more often than not. “Is she going to put in a good word for me somewhere?”
“What? No. We haven’t even discussed your job prospects. No. Jia is just the town gossip, and I’m sure she will need a full day to spread the word around town that I have arrived to answer all the questions that I would prefer not too.”
I raised an eyebrow. “I didn’t actually think there was an upside to having a best friend that’s the town gossip.”
She sent a slight smirk my way. “If you know how to work it.”
“So when is dinner?”
“In an hour.”
“I’m going to take a shower and wash the sleep from my bones and I’ll be ready to go down.”
I quickly undressed and ran the hot water. Staring at my pale reflection in the mirror. What I needed from this vacation was some sun. But it’s not a vacation. This is my permanent home now and the sooner I realized that the better. Perhaps going back to work will ease the pain of the past few years.
Miracle Walk (The Designed Love Series Book 2) Page 5