by S Lawrence
“It is a burden you shouldn’t have to bear alone. You have too many already.”
Heavy is the crown. The saying plays through my head, and I glance down at Sitara and she nods. Holy hell. I need to talk to her. Alone. I clear my throat and the others look at me.
“Sitara is tired. Would you guys mind...” I imply the ‘get out.’
“Of course.” Lillian stands, smiling, then starts back to Torryn who had stayed by the door.
Luc looks at Sitara, studying her for a moment before standing with the baby. “I’ll take Chana back to the nurse I hired in New Orleans.”
He sees Lillian’s shocked expression. “I couldn’t leave her in Hell with a demon babysitter. The lady is staying at Demon Bayou headquarters so Evander can keep an eye on her.”
“Her the nurse or Chana?” Torryn smirks.
“Both.” He disappears.
“It’s still hard for me to grasp. Lucifer with a baby.” I shake my head and then notice Lillian’s hard look.
“You don’t know him.” She spins away before I can reply, and Torryn shrugs, following her.
I cross and close the door, leaning back against it as I turn back to Sitara.
“I didn’t mean anything by it.” I sigh.
“She cares a great deal for him. She sees him for what he truly is, not what people and God force him to be.” Her voice is filled with disappointment. “If you looked hard, so would you.”
“I don’t not see his goodness; I just haven’t forgotten a lifetime of stories.”
“I told you many different stories.” She looks hard at me. “Why do you think he is so protective of me?”
The question shocks me but as I think back over the last few weeks, I realize the King of Hell has been very attentive to her. I frown. Yuck. She’s my mom.
“Not because of that.” She chuckles. Thank God, literally. “I knew him before. Not personally but I remember when he was just Morning Star. When he sat beside the Father and was a beacon of hope and goodness.”
Oh, well damn, and here I am silently judging him for everything but the way he has treated me. I’m an asshole. A bitch.
“I will do better. I promise.” Her lips curve slightly. What can I say, she knows me. It will be a struggle. “But now you need to tell me about that look we shared. What is it you were thinking?”
“Same as you, daughter. He will be the one to rule it all with all sixteen of you to help him. A king in Heaven and Hell.” Well, damn. That is exactly what I thought.
“Do you know for certain?” I have no idea of the real scope of her powers.
“No one spoke to me about it, if that’s what you mean. I just feel it, more so now than before.”
“Now since you revealed yourself or …?” I watch as she struggles to find the words.
“Now that I’m home. I always thought it but now…” She looks around her. “It just… I don’t know.”
I look around the temple and then I realize she means home in Avalon.
“How long did you live with them?”
“Hundreds of years.” Her eyes fill with tears. “They loved us.”
“I’m sorry you lost them and Theon but I’m not sorry I killed him.” I can't be, not when he was so intent on killing everyone I loved and me.
“It was time. The Theon I knew died a long time ago. He let the need for revenge destroy every bit of the boy I loved so much. I actually am tired, so you go let me rest.” I nod and turn, walking to the door but slowly hating to leave her when she is so sad. “I’ll be fine. I promise.”
I look back and smile. “I love you. You are my only family.”
“That’s not true anymore.”
I guess she’s right but still. “I’ll check on you in a little bit and heal you some more.”
Nodding, she turns her head away toward the wall, and I don’t miss her shoulders shaking. I force my feet to move and let her grieve alone. For now.
Joining the others in the kitchen/living area of the temple, I sit down hard on the chair that I used to sit curled in as I listened to Sitara’s stories. My brain is working hard to process everything.
Lillian and Torryn are sitting on the couch. I remember when Sitara brought it here. I was tiny still but I can remember all the village men working hard to convert the rooms to living areas. I don’t even want to think about what they might have been originally. The temple was built during the time of sacrifices, and even though Sitara was considered a goddess of healing, much blood was spilt in this temple in her name. Blood to call to her.
Of course, I know now she had been gone watching one of the Princes or the King when the people here called to her for aid. It would have been the wards calling her home, not the blood, but they wouldn’t have known that.
From the legends I heard through the years, it took her a very long time to stop the killing. I hate that I brought it back to her home. I refocus on the others. Lillian is sitting stiffly. Damn, I’ve never been good at having girlfriends or really, friends in general. I have no idea how to fix this.
“Lillian.” Her eyes turn my way. “I’m sorry. I was judging him on stories I’ve heard, not his actions.”
I tell the truth, hoping it’s enough to at least help. Torryn glances at her before looking back at me and smiling. Maybe there’s hope.
“He deserves happiness.” Her voice is low. “Maybe the most of all of us.”
Nodding, I try to understand her zeal.
“He lost everything, Citlali. Everyone. He was forced to become the most hated creature in human history because he dared to stand up for us.” She stares at me hard as her words sink in, and I picture the man.
The angel that has done nothing but be kind to me. The angel that cradles a baby so tenderly in his arms and tries to save those that are important to him from pain while saving a world that hates him, that vilifies him.
I really am a bitch.
“You’re right. How we gonna make it happen?” I may be a bitch but I’m also super focused when it comes to a task.
Lillian grins. My first real girlfriend.
He won’t know what hit him.
Chapter 38
ARKYN
Hell is just like I remember, and my room is the same. It’s like Luc is some weird empty-nester whose kids are at college.
I should have brought my laundry.
Dagen took Charlie to his room, most likely to have sex. I need to find Grace before Luc figures out we aren’t in Amsterdam looking for Zeph’s woman, or at least who we think is Zeph’s woman. Opening my door, I step out and see Zeph leaned against the wall across from it.
“Are you ready? This isn’t going to be easy or pretty. I haven’t seen her, but Victor was the last of us that did something similar. It was bad and it didn’t last this long.” Pushing off the wall, he moves to my side as I turn down the hall.
“Do we know what Luc has tried?”
Shaking his head, Zeph leads the way through a part of Hell I’ve never been in. It’s dark and screams bounce off the walls; it is the epitome of Hell.
I don’t like it. At all.
He finally stops in front of something that can only be called a dungeon door. It’s thick and practically screams ‘stay out.’ The noise coming out of it is truly hellish.
Things are being destroyed on the other side of that door, and Grace is making a sound that is reminiscent of a wounded animal. Breathing deep, I steel my nerves.
“Let me go in by myself.”
Zeph raises his brow at my words but doesn’t stop me. I turn the knob or rather, I try. Zeph grins and whispers some words, and I hear a click. I don’t ask how he knows them, and he doesn’t offer but he does stand ready as I once again turn the knob.
“I’m here if you need me.”
I know my brother. He always has been, it seems.
“Get out, Demon,” she growls the moment I step through and close the door behind me.
Grace faces the wall and doesn’t turn to face m
e. The place is destroyed.
Anger and pain radiate off her, and I remember the feeling. It’s like two thousand years haven’t passed at all. I might not have gone through a long process but I remember waking and feeling so betrayed.
Betrayed. I look at her, at the tattered wings. Wings. She still has her wings, but like the others, they are black. No, not like the others. Hers are blacker than black, whatever that is.
Her hair is still the purest white, although when she moves, I can see it now has hints of silver in it.
“I SAID LEAVE!” She screams, spinning. Long razor sharp claws curve out from her fingertips, and crimson shines from her once beautiful eyes.
So much hate.
It breaks my heart because it’s not for us. Another emotion I understand too well.
“I can’t, Grace.”
She growls at her name. I understand that too.
“I love Evander too much to leave.”
She blinks. I’ll take it. Just listen, Grace, please.
I start talking to her about me; I tell her every detail. Things I never want to tell another person. Every failure, every self-doubt, every minute of self-loathing. I tell her about thinking I wasn’t good enough. I tell her about every worry I’ve had since we found out the truth.
I talk to her for hours. Every once in a while, I get a flicker of those angelic eyes I saw in New Orleans for just a minute before it all went to...well, Hell.
I finally fall silent, my throat dry. We sit there staring at one another for a few minutes.
“Thank you for listening, Grace.” A quiet growl. “I’m not going to lie and say you will ever be the same again.” She fidgets at my honesty. “But Evander deserves for you to fight. Not just for yourself but for him. He’s spiraling, Grace. Luc will have to do something soon.”
I push up turning to leave.
“Like what?” Her voice is more like her own.
“Like this.” I wave my hands out at my sides. “Locked away...or worse.” Glancing back, I see a tear slide down her face.
Pulling open the door, I step out and close it behind me. Zeph is still standing there. She starts to rage as soon as the door is shut.
I sigh. Failure. I should be used to it.
“No, not a failure, Arkyn. She hasn’t been that calm since she woke. Not for anyone. You reached her. Now let’s hope she’s willing to fight for him.”
“Did you hear everything?” Please say no.
“I didn’t listen to your secrets, Arkyn. They are yours and yours alone.”
“Nothing you didn’t already know, I’m sure.” I shrug and try to shake the shame of it all away.
“No one can change how you feel about things, and I wouldn’t try but I hope you will some day believe me, us when we say you are a good man.” He turns and strides away.
So do I.
Chapter 39
CITLALI
Zeph texted hours ago.
Arkyn is in Hell, in more ways than one. My heart is breaking as I look at Zeph’s words again.
‘He is trying to reach Grace by telling her about his own anger and shame.’
My poor broken man. If only my power would heal his soul. I can ease his pain but not heal it, not with the power given to me. I hope my love will do the rest.
He will balance my dark side, and I will keep his demons at bay.
Luc appears and looks at me hard. “Did you know they were going to Hell?”
Shaking my head, I walk over to him and watch as he tenses. I did that. I made him uneasy around me.
“I thought they were going to Amsterdam. I told him to go to Amsterdam.”
That gets me a smile from the gorgeous man. “You will quickly find out, demons rarely do what they are told.”
Nodding, I glance over at Torryn and lower my voice. “How’s Evander? Arkyn is very worried about him.”
“We all are.” He is still tense.
“Can I talk to you someplace private?”
He nods as he reaches for me. The next thing I know, we are standing under a massive tree with branches hanging low. Moss hangs from them, and I know instantly we must be near their beloved New Orleans.
The people of my city strive to be as sinful as the stories we hear of this one. His hand lays on the bark of the tree, and I understand his love for it. I love my jungle, and this tree is amazing. The moss is breathtaking. It looks a little bit like a movie as fireflies light up the canopy like twinkle lights.
Just beautiful.
“What did you want to talk about?” He finally looks back at me, and his voice forces me to lower my eyes.
Now that we’re here, I don’t know what to say or how to say it. I look at him through Sitara’s words, trying to envision the angel he once was.
Again, I figure the truth will be the best way to proceed. “I judged you by the words of countless others who have never known you, not by your actions. I’m sorry for that. You’ve been nothing but kind to me, and I was rude, among other things.” I swallow. “Arkyn loves you, and that should have been enough. I see how the others feel about you. You are a good man, and I will do everything in my power to make sure you get the life you deserve.”
He stares at me like I’m an alien. I have left Satan speechless. I’m way more proud of that than I should be, I’m sure.
“That’s it. That’s all I wanted to say.” I pick at the edge of my shirt as he continues to stare at me. Maybe I broke him. Can you break Lucifer?
He finally clears his throat, and his eyes dart around a little. He suddenly looks like a teenager, young and awkward. It breaks my heart into tiny pieces because I can see him then. Not the angel he was before or the devil he is now.
I see him. The man that he is, so unaccustomed to people loving him that he doesn’t know how to respond.
I’m going to change that with Lillian and Charlie. I’m not a hugger by nature but I move before I can change my mind and wrap him in the tightest one I can. Shock rolls off him in waves. Me too, man, me too.
I release him quickly and step back and smile at him.
“Umm, thank you,” he murmurs, and his voice is thick with the emotions I now understand he keeps locked away behind a wall the size of the one in China.
Lillian was right—this is going to take a very special person indeed. His hand closes around my arm, and I reach my other hand over and pat it even as we disappear. He drops me in the temple, not materializing himself.
I shake my head but smile at Lillian. She smiles back, and Torryn shakes his head at our scheming.
I turn to go heal Sitara, my head whirling with thoughts. He deserves happiness. I won’t let anyone hurt him. Death raises her head at the thought, and for once, we are symbiotic in our thoughts; I will kill anyone that tries.
It will take a special person to love him the way he needs.
Chapter 40
ARKYN
We couldn’t stay with Grace. I’ve done what I can for now, and we hope it works or at least helps. Luc wasn’t happy that we didn’t tell him.
He’s in a weird mood. I glance over at Zeph and Dagen. Charlie is out searching. We are going to join her as soon as he is finished, I would say talking to us, but currently he’s just staring out the windows.
The others look just as confused as I feel.
“So…” I start then stop, letting the word drag out for way longer than it should.
He finally focuses on our reflections before shaking his head and turning to face us.
“Grace seems a little calmer, so maybe you reached her.” He locks eyes with me. “You have given her more time, if nothing else.”
I nod but say nothing, not wanting to interrupt him now that he is actually speaking. “I checked on Evander. He is also finally getting himself under control but he is different. Losing her…”
He doesn’t need to say more. Dagen and I both can’t imagine losing the women, now that we’ve tasted what their love is like, and Evander had Grace for a very long time in
Heaven and then he had two thousand years of thinking she was gone. Only to lose her again, it is unimaginable.
“But your focus here needs to be the woman that Citlali saw.” His voice sounds weird when he says her name. I narrow my eyes on him and reach for her.
‘Why is Luc being weird about you?’
Amusement.
‘I think I almost broke him, but it’s fine. He’s fine.’
I think there is more to that story but I look over and realize he’s stopped talking and is watching me. Waiting.
“Sorry. Just checking in with Lali.”
His face softens. Yep. So much more.
“I was saying we need to figure out how she’s finding or was finding us. We need to know if she is one of the descendants or something else.” Zeph and Dagen nod as they turn to leave.
I hang back, wanting to talk to him about something else. He looks at me, waiting.
“Did God want me dead?” I can see I’ve surprised him as he blinks slowly. “I wasn’t supposed to be in Heaven that day, but the Father called me back. Did He want me to die? I always went to see Raphael when I was in Heaven. He always wanted to know about the tribes.”
Luc shakes his head slowly from side to side. I’m certain it isn’t a no; it is just his denial that it could be true.
“I don’t know, Arkyn.”
“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked. I just…” I hate that I’ve upset him. I mean, what does it matter now?
“No. You deserve to know. I’m sorry I can’t give you an answer.” He turns back to the window.
Watching him, I try to think of anything to say that might make him feel better. So what if God might have wanted me dead all those lifetimes ago? Does it change today any? No. I am still me. I am better than I was. Stronger. Today I have the honor of fighting alongside the best men I know.
It makes me think, to wonder, but I don’t voice those thoughts.
No one is ready for that idea.
“I’m going to go search.”
He nods once but doesn’t say anything as I leave. Everyone else went to the roof and took to the sky, so I decide to head down to the ground. I walk the streets.