“You’re fuckin’ killin’ me here Evie. You’ll just have to take my word for it that it was the kiss to end all kisses. I’m not sure I can see another man’s lips anywhere near yours without wanting to rip his bollocks off,” Tommy replied.
“There’ll be no damaging of other men’s…private parts, thank you very much. Lucky for you I’m not the sort of girl to be spreading my affections around to any Tom, Dick and Harry. Do you know how many bacteria are carried in the human mouth? Lord knows what you could catch swapping saliva with complete strangers,” I explained, a slight shudder running through me at the thought. Tommy’s responding laughter was infectious, and I’d never felt so light and carefree. It never occurred to me to worry about what I said or how I acted around him. I was myself, and unapologetic for it. To act any other way would be to show him an illusion I had no hope of maintaining. The fact that he seemed truly happy when I’d blurted out something completely inappropriate and hopelessly unromantic, made me fall for him a little more.
“Don’t ever change darlin’. Life with you sure won’t be dull now, will it?” he replied, still chuckling.
“Where are we going?” I asked, realising that he had thrown his arm around my shoulders to tuck me into his side, and was herding me towards the car park.
“In case you haven’t noticed love, we’re a bit fuckin’ wet, and whilst I wouldn’t mind that under normal circumstances, I’d rather it was me that made you that way,” he replied.
“What do you mean?” I said, coming to an abrupt halt. “How would you get me wet?”
“Umm…urgh,” he replied, rubbing his neck and looking embarrassed at my ignorance, as I stared at him, wide-eyed and innocent.
“I’m just messing with you,” I replied, elbowing him gently in the side. “I’m not that naïve.”
“Oh, woman! You’re gonna pay for that,” he warned, the look in his eyes telling me to run.
“You have to catch me first,” I grinned, getting a head start towards his car.
His laugh was a sound of pure joy, and I squealed as he caught me mid-run and hoisted me over his shoulder.
“Tommy!” I protested. “Put me down! Everyone in the care home can see my rear like this!”
“And what a fine arse it is too,” he replied, slapping it playfully and making me squeak.
“If you don’t put me down, I’m going to make you carry me for the rest of the night!” I warned him.
“Darlin’ you weigh less than a hose reel, and I’d happily carry you everywhere for the rest of our lives. But your little legs were taking too long to get to the car and we’ve got a date to get to,” he replied.
“Two dates in one day Thomas Riordon. I’m not sure about this,” I said.
“What? Afraid that I won’t make your date as special as Doris’s?” he asked.
“No. I’m just not sure I want her sloppy seconds,” I replied, with a giggle, earning myself another slap to the backside.
Chapter Thirteen
TOMMY
“Will you lot shut the fuck up,” I moaned, ripping apart my tie in frustration, and trying in vain to redo it.
“Having a little trouble with your ensemble there, Tommy?” Kier asked, sniggering again.
I was majorly regretting that I’d agreed to come in for an early sparring session with Con this morning. It meant I had to shower and change at the gym in order to meet Evie on time, and I’d been taking flack from the boys all morning because of it.
“Fuck off,” I replied, grumpily.
“For fuck’s sake, let me do it,” Liam said, taking pity on me. Brushing my hands aside, he tied a perfect Windsor knot, first time.
“That’s not bad you know. Gay people have this dressing up thing in the bag, huh?” I said.
“There’s so much wrong with what you just said, I don’t even know where to start,” Liam replied.
“What?” I asked, having no idea what I’d done wrong. As far as I was concerned, I’d given him a compliment.
“My sexuality has nothing to do with my ability to dress myself. It’s not like you’re handed automatic membership to the gay school of fashion as soon as you come out the closet,” he replied, rolling his eyes.
“Look, all I know is that you looked like a gym bum before Albie. Now you dress nice and smell good and do ties and shit,” I said.
“I dress better because I have someone I want to look good for now. And stop smelling me,” he replied.
“It ain’t like I do it voluntarily!” I protested. “You do smell good though.”
“Fuck off,” he replied, smiling with amusement.
“If you ain’t learning this stuff from Albie, how d’you explain how you can do a tie?” I asked him.
“We went to high school together for five fucking years dipshit, and wearing a tie was compulsory. How is it that you don’t know how to do it?” Liam asked.
“I couldn’t get the hang of it, so Ma made me a clip-on tie,” I admitted.
“Why am I not surprised?” he said.
“So where are you going on a Sunday morning that warrants a tie?” Con asked. “My guess would’ve been court, but I know they’re closed on weekends.”
“Funny, asshole,” I replied. “I’m going to church with Evie.”
The guys looked at each other in shock, then exploded with laughter.
It was the unspoken club rule that everyone went to confession before a fight. Other than that, hatches, matches and dispatches, otherwise known as christenings, weddings and funerals were the only other times you’d catch one of us in church. It wasn’t so long ago that I’d be spending Sunday mornings hungover to all fuck and trying to remember the names of the women I was waking up next to, so I wasn’t surprised I was getting shit from the guys.
“You are so fuckin’ whipped,” Con said, grinning.
“Really?” I said. “You guys are giving me shite about this. Look up ‘whipped’ in the dictionary and I’m pretty sure you’ll find your pictures.”
“I don’t care what smart ass remark comes out that loud mouth of yours. I’ve waited a long fuckin’ time for you fall for someone, and I’m gonna enjoy every minute of it,” Con said, looking smug.
“Take the piss all you like. She’s worth it,” I replied, smiling. I wasn’t lying either. I’d walk into a thousand churches if it meant she’d be walking next to me.
“Good for you, Tommy boy,” Kieran said. “You sure you’ve thought this through though? Evelyn’s devout Catholic. You walk into Sunday morning mass at St Paul’s with her on your arm and your Ma’s gonna take that as an engagement announcement,” he warned.
“That ship sailed the minute I brought her home for dinner,” I replied. “I’m in this for the long haul and if putting on a tie and hauling my sexy arse to church is what it’s gonna take to win her over, then I’m down with that.”
“Tommy, does your Ma still go to church with her friends? You know, the group that had kids in our year at school?” Kier asked.
“Yeah, why?”
“Didn’t you fuck one or two of ’em when you were younger?” he said.
“Yeah, what’s your point?” I replied.
“So, exactly how many women that you’ve slept with…” Kier said.
“Or given oral to,” Con chipped in.
“Or given oral to,” Kier reiterated, “will be at mass today?”
“Fuuuuck,” I said, as I realised what he was getting at.
“Oh man, I’d love to be a fly on the wall for this one. This is gonna be a clusterfuck of epic proportions!” Con replied.
It was on the tip of my tongue to tell him to go fuck himself, but he was right. I was absolutely fucked and there was nothing I could do about it.
“Well hello Tommy. Is there a funeral today that nobody told me about?” Father Pat asked, as he greeted me leaving the church. I’d arrived just in time to slip into the pew next to Evie. When I laced my fingers through hers, she looked shocked. Like it wasn’t the sort of thi
ng people did at mass. But she didn’t pull away. In fact, after giving my hand a quick squeeze, she left it there for the rest of the service.
I had no idea what people thought of my being there, and quite frankly I didn’t give a fuck. That was until one of Ma’s friends noticed me. She’d nudged her friend and whispered in her ear and by the end of mass, half the church was staring at us. The stiffer and more tense Evie became, the more on edge I felt. Being the queen she was though, she’d straightened her spine, kept her eyes trained on Father Pat and squeezed my hand a little tighter. She ignored all of their stares and whispers and not once did she let go of me or push me away, and I fucking loved her for it. Convinced we’d weathered the worst of the storm without incident, I was upbeat by the time Father Pat noticed me on our way out.
“Very funny Father. I suppose the funeral suit was a bit over the top, but I didn’t know most people dress casual for mass. Still, I look pretty fucking hot dressed up, so I gave your congregation something nice to look,” I pointed out. Father Pat chuckled, while Evie just rolled her eyes, smiling.
“So, to what do we owe the pleasure of your company today Tommy? If it’s confession you’re after I need some notice so I can block half a day out of my diary,” he replied.
“I’m here with my girlfriend,” I said proudly, throwing my arm around Evie’s shoulder and tucking her into my side.
“Well, the Lord does work in mysterious ways now, doesn’t he?” Father Pat replied, looking at us both intently. “And how are you doing Evelyn? I spoke to Cormac’s wife Emily the other day, and she told me all about Tommy pulling you out of the fire. How are you feeling?”
“I’m well thank you Father. It’s been a crazy few weeks. A lot has happened. But I’m feeling happy,” she replied, looking towards me as though I was the reason for that happiness. Puffing out my chest a little more, I gave Father Pat my biggest grin, letting him know how awesome I was feeling.
“Well, you’re a fine looking couple, and I couldn’t be happier that God has brought you together. Maybe now we’ll see you more often on a Sunday Tommy?” he asked, putting me on the spot.
“Um. I’ll definitely think about it. I mean, I had to come today to get Evie to go on another date with me, but it’s a bit boring. No offence, Father Pat. It ain’t like I fell asleep or nothing, but you might wanna think about jazzing up your show a bit if you wanna get people in through the door,” I said honestly, and Evie covered her eyes.
“What?” I asked her. “I was just giving him some feedback. Like trip advisor for church.”
“Tommy, don’t ever change,” Father Pat said, wiping his eyes as they watered from laughing so hard. “So what would you suggest? Perhaps a half time show after my sermon.”
“How about some of that choir shit? Like in that Sister Act movie. You know, just to keep people a bit more entertained,” I suggested.
“You know, that’s not a bad idea! I have been thinking about inviting a choir from a neighbouring church to come and join us,” he replied. “A youth choir would be a wonderful way to engage with my younger congregation. Thank you Tommy.”
“Think nothing of it Father. I’ll see you soon,” I said.
“Goodbye Father,” Evie said, and rushed down the steps of the church as I followed.
“Are you mad at me?” I asked when I finally caught up with her.
“No,” she replied, smiling. “I just can’t couldn’t hold my laughter in any longer. I can’t believe you told him that mass was boring and that you wouldn’t be going back.”
“He’s known me since I was a kid. Believe me, he’d be more pissed off if I lied to him than he would be for telling him the truth. Besides, he’ll thank me when he takes my advice and his numbers go up,” I pointed out.
“You’re something else Tommy Riordon,” she said, affectionately. Knowing I was out of the dog house, I wrapped my arm around her again and she placed hers tentatively around my waist, bring us closer together. I was about to suggest we go out for lunch somewhere, when one of Ma’s friends, Anne, stepped in front of us.
“Fondling and lusting all over each other is hardly appropriate behaviour for church Tommy. Evelyn, you should be ashamed of yourself,” Anne said, looking at Evie in disgust. My good mood evaporated, and I let go of Evie as I readied myself for a fight. I didn’t give a shite if she’s was Ma’s friend, nobody spoke to my girl that way.
“Holding hands and hugging is hardly fondling, but even if it was, what business is it of yours?” I argued.
“Your behaviour in church is the business of everybody here. We attend mass to become closer to God, not to have to witness your public disrespect for the values this church stands for. There’s a time and a place for that sort of thing,” she replied, venomously.
“Seriously, you need to get a hold of yourself. If anyone here is behaving badly, it’s you,” I replied, feeling more than a little pissed off that she was pulling that shit.
“Tommy, what’s going on here?” Ma asked, wandering over to join us.
“Your friend here is pissed because she thinks me and Evie were being inappropriate in church,” I summarised.
“Is that true Anne? Because I was sitting a row behind you and I didn’t see my son and his girlfriend doing anything that would make me feel less than proud,” Ma replied. Her hands went to her hips, telling me she was ready for an argument. If there was one thing you didn’t fuck with when it came to Mary Riordon, it was her family.
“I’m sorry Mary. I know he’s your son, but his coming here at all given his promiscuous lifestyle, and carrying on with Evelyn in front of everyone, is just disrespectful. It’s a mockery of our Christian values,” she said, blowing the lid off my explosive temper.
“Weren’t too worried about your Christian values when you were bent over with my thumb up ya arse now, were ya?” I said. “Let’s not pretend this is anything other than you being a jealous bitch because we fucked once or twice that summer I mowed your lawn. You want to take a look at yourself before you cast judgement on anyone else.”
“Is that true?” Ma said. Her voice was scarily quiet, which would have been my first clue that shit was about to go down. Anne looked at me with hate in her eyes for outing her. A look my mother wiped right off her face with a resounding crack, as she slapped her hard.
“This is the first and last warning I’m going to give you Anne Hastings. You stay away from my family, or I’ll make you regret the day you were ever born. And just to be clear, my family includes Evelyn. I don’t want to see or hear you in my presence again,” Ma warned.
“You’re blowing this out of proportion Mary. I’m sorry that you had to find out this way, but it happened when Roger and I were having problems, and we all know what Tommy’s like. He’s never been what you’d call innocent,” Anne argued. She looked shocked and hurt at Ma’s reaction, as she made a point of cupping her injured cheek protectively. Ma clenched her fist, and I was sure she was going to go for her again. Ma knew how to fight dirty, and if Anne had any sense, she should’ve been afraid.
“Do I have to remind you that he was a minor the summer he spent mowing lawns? I don’t care if he was the horniest boy in London! All fifteen-year-old boys are horny! It was your responsibility as an adult not to touch him. Let alone that you were unfaithful to your husband, to your wedding vows and to our friendship. The fact that you’re trying to justify it at all, sickens me. Now, I have no wish to air my dirty laundry in public, so unless you want people finding out why we’ve fallen out, I suggest you keep your mouth shut. And if you can’t, let’s see what happens when I get the police involved for statutory rape,” Ma said, her voice still painfully low so as not to draw attention to us. Anne went white at her words, but sensibly kept her mouth shut.
“Tommy. Go and find Evelyn and make things right with her. I’ll deal with you later,” she ordered. Her body shook with temper as she turned her attention back to Anne. It was only then did I realise that Evie was gone, and how badly I’d
fucked up by opening my big mouth.
I had no clue how she’d gotten to church, but I ran along the route I figured she was most likely to take if she were walking, and breathed a sigh of relief when I spotted her up ahead talking with her own Ma. I touched Evie’s elbow as I reached them both.
“Sorry about that Evie. You didn’t need to rush off,” I said, careful not to let on to her mother what had just gone down.
“Tommy, I’m sure you know of each other but this is my mother, Catherine. Mam, this is Tommy,” Evie said.
“Her boyfriend,” I added, hoping that hadn’t changed in the last few minutes. “Nice to meet you Mrs Danaher. We’ve not been introduced before but you probably know me Ma from church. I’m Mary Riordon’s son.”
“Yes. I know who you are,” she replied, coldly. “If you don’t mind excusing us, my daughter and I were in the middle of a private conversation.” She couldn’t have been more of a stone cold bitch if she tried, but there was no way I was fucking up by starting another fight, and pissing off Evie.
“Evie?” I asked gently. If she wanted me to back off and give her some space to talk to her Ma, I’d do it in a heartbeat, but it was her decision. No way was I leaving her otherwise.
“It’s okay Tommy. Mam and I were done. I was just saying goodbye,” Evie replied, a little sadly.
“Evelyn, please don’t be difficult about this. Come home with me and we can talk some more. You haven’t come by once since you left. Don’t you think it’s unfair of you to completely cut your father and I out of your life? At least have the dignity to come and talk with me privately. You owe me that much at least,” Mrs Danaher argued.
“She doesn’t owe you anything. And she didn’t just leave home. She was being treated in hospital after a life threatening accident that could’ve killed her, only to find that her mother lied about having cancer so she could control her. So stop making Evie feel like shit,” I said, clearly unable to learn from my mistakes by keeping my opinion to myself.
The Fire (Hurricane Book 4) Page 12