by Grace Martin
‘I don’t believe that.’ It was automatic.
‘I know you don’t.’ He turned to face me, lean face gilded by moonlight, solemn and sincere. ‘And that’s part of why I would follow you anywhere. I may not have faith in our ability to survive this, but I have faith in you.’ His expression changed as he glanced past my shoulder. ‘And we’re about to be tested. Look.’
I looked.
Silver wings shining like the waterfall in the moonlight. And others, behind, glittering green-grey, washed free of colour in the moonlight and the shadows.
Dragons.
Chapter Twenty-One
I jumped to my feet. And to tell the truth, I was relieved. I didn’t have the emotional vocabulary to deal with all the suffering I’d endured over the last few minutes, but I was pretty good at smashing things. Time for me to do what I was good at.
I changed into a dragon as I leaped into the air. Oisin leaped beside me and changed at the same time. All the grief and anger and despair I’d suffered at the edge of the stream, I channelled into my attack. The silver dragon responded, but slowly, and I spied Kiaran on its back. I let Oisin take care of the green and focussed my attention on Kiaran.
He knew it was me. He went straight for me. He probably recognised me from last time. I couldn’t even recall if he’d been in Rheged when I’d fought Darragh, but I didn’t care. I dipped and wheeled and came for him with teeth and claws and fire.
We battled in the clear moonlight, giving me endless strength, Umbra’s savage joy singing through me like my own. She was visible, in my dragon form: I could feel her, present in my brow, shining and sparkling as she gave me all her power.
Kiaran wasn’t ready for how vicious I could be. He hadn’t known me very long. Only a few hours, when he was the hundred-year-old man in the body of a thirty-year-old who thought he was Hot Stuff. Only a few days when I was Aoife’s slave. We’d been friends then, or at least I’d thought we’d reached a tentative alliance. Our ambitions had aligned. The jaws of his dragon snapped a scale’s width away from my shoulder.
When he’d found out I was the long-lost daughter of the Dark Queen he’d changed, giving me over to the creepyguardians. He was the ward of the old Master of the Order of the Guardians, but I was pretty sure we’d never met. From that moment, he’d seemed to hate me. And now here he was, doing his best to get his dragon to rip out my throat, to twine its wings with mine, to rake my belly with its claws.
I shot into the air, like an arrow fired at the moon, my tail lashing just out of reach. Far above us, Oisin and the green dragon were entwined, wings tangled as they snapped at one another. I closed my wings suddenly and let myself drop until I was face to face with Kiaran’s dragon.
I’m not proud of what I did then. The dragon was a threat. I made sure it wasn’t a threat anymore. I didn’t think about the rope Kiaran held in his hand, or the fact that the dragon probably had no more choice in that battle than I. I couldn’t think about that. I swiped Kiaran from the dying dragon’s back with my massive claws, held him curled inside them like in a cage as I returned to the ground.
Oisin and the green dragon landed with a thump that resounded like an earthquake a moment later. Oisin disentangled himself from his limp opponent and knelt on his hands and knees on the ground, recovering, his head hanging low, hair obscuring his face. I returned to my own shape and kept Kiaran in a shield, similar to the one that Saoirse had placed around Ce’Branna. There was a simple way to escape it, but Kiaran had spent all his study learning how to imprison people, not how to escape.
He thrashed and yelled inside the bubble. I sat back down on the rock near the waterfall, waiting for Kiaran to fall silent. He was tenacious, I had to give him that. Finally, when he was quieter, I approached.
‘What do you have to gain out of this?’ I asked. ‘Why risk your life for a Queen who never cared for you?’
Kiaran spat at me. It hit the inside of the bubble and slid down the invisible shield between us. ‘Everything has to be about you, doesn’t it, Bach Chwaer?’ He was the sneering champion of the world tonight. ‘You took everything from me. I’d partner with any villain who has graced our history, if it meant I could make you pay for what you did.’
‘Me?’ I was genuinely surprised. ‘What did I ever do to you? I barely even knew you.’
‘You took my family from me. I lost my parents when I was small and the Master took me in. He trained me to be a powerful mage. But his attention was always diverted to you. You were his secret project. Protecting you and harvesting your so-called sister. Going to Caillen for the Solstice Ceremony every year. Everything was always about you.’
I blinked. ‘You’re trying to kill me because you were jealous of me when we were children?’
He pushed up close to the edge of the bubble. ‘It’s a hatred I’ve nurtured all my life. When I thought you were just a slave with a surprising amount of power, I was willing to help you. I was even willing to stick my neck out and risk my dragon’s neck for your sake when the Queen was torturing you in Eramar. But when I found out that you weren’t nobody after all-’ he looked away, like I was a waste of his time, ‘I decided that you deserved whatever you got.’
He looked past me. I followed his gaze, even though it was probably a dumb idea. Oisin was approaching. Kiaran tried to get his attention. ‘Oisin, Oisin, it’s me, do you remember me?’
Oisin examined him, more polite than I would have been. ‘No, I do not.’
‘Of course, you do, I was your master, remember? When we were in Cairastel, I was your Rider. We were together for years. We did great deeds together.’
‘And you controlled me with Niamh’s hair?’
Kiaran clearly didn’t recognise the fury building behind Oisin’s calm expression. He thought Oisin was just agreeing with him, because he said, ‘Yes, yes! You were impertinent sometimes, but the best mounts have spirit!’
Kiaran was lucky he was in a bubble. If not, Oisin would have killed him. As Oisin stalked closer to the bubble, Kiaran seemed to remember that Oisin’s first act, after regaining his freedom, was to try to strangle his Rider.
‘We were companions!’ Kiaran cried, scooting back as far as he could go in his bubble. ‘We had great adventures together. In the future!’
‘And in this future, I am a beast, to own and to ride?’ Oisin’s voice was quiet.
‘We were friends! You were like a faithful hound that I loved!’
Oisin moved slowly. Kiaran’s eyes followed every movement as Oisin drew his dagger. He raised it and brought it down on the bubble, slipping against the invisible surface. It was smooth, there was no purchase for the dagger to pierce, since it was a magic shield, not a solid one. Finding no place where the bubble could be pierced, Oisin sheathed his dagger again. He leaned forward. Kiaran, in a mirror movement, leaned forward, too.
‘I am not a faithful hound,’ Oisin said, slowly and carefully, ‘to be loved and ordered around, rewarded and punished. I am a person. And I would sooner die a free man than live as your pet.’ He spat the last word. Kiaran flinched.
‘But… why did you never say anything? I cared about you. I would have listened. I thought you were happy!’
‘I cannot speak for my future self, but if you had the hair of my true love, if I was a slave, how could I possibly speak freely to you? How could men possibly be friends when the relationship is so unequal? You will never know what it is to have a friend until you learn that people are not things to be owned or mastered.’
Oisin walked back to join me where I waited and sat down beside me. ‘What shall we do with him, Bach Chwaer?’
‘You suffered the most from him, your Majesty. I trust your wisdom to find justice and determine whether he deserves mercy.’ I raised my voice a little to make sure Kiaran heard me. I was fairly sure he didn’t know all of this. ‘He lacked much, as a boy, and it was his own fault. As a man, he went back in time and became a powerful Librarian. He supported the White Queen in her war against the
Camiri. Little did he know that his own parents were Camiri, good people, caring people, and the war he supported destroyed his own family. As an old man, consumed by ambition, he found himself as a child, and raised him as his own. But a man who has never learned that love means to give of himself is not a fit guardian for a child. He raised himself, and sowed in himself the seeds of self-doubt and jealousy. He never had a chance to become anything but what we see before us today.’
‘How can such a man find another path?’ Oisin asked. ‘Does he even want to find another path?’
We looked over at Kiaran. Tears were brimming in his eyes. He whispered, ‘Is that true, Emer? Was my Master really me, as an old man?’
‘It was. You watched over me. You tortured my sister. You allowed me to be abused. You allowed my son to be taken from me.’
‘I didn’t know about all of that, I swear!’
‘Not you as you are now, but you will.’
‘Please, Emer, have mercy. I beg you. I’ll be different. I’ll be better. I swear I will. I swear it.’
If I hadn’t heard such words from creepyguardians before, I might have believed them.
Oisin nodded. ‘You speak the truth, Bach Chwaer. Such a man never had the chance to know true friendship, true fidelity. Therefore, let us allow a punishment fit for him.’ He bent and pulled a few strands of long grass, twisting them quickly into a rope that smoothed itself before my eyes. When he dipped the end in the stream, water wound its way up the rope, twining with the shadowy grass in a ribbon of silver. This was magic I’d never seen before.
Oisin rose to his feet. ‘Remove the barrier, Bach Chwaer, that this man may find justice, and perhaps, in time, mercy.’
I did as he bade. Kiaran cringed as Oisin approached, but he didn’t run away. Oisin raised the rope. I was afraid he was going to use it as a whip. Kiaran clearly thought the same bringing up his arms to protect his head and shoulders.
Oisin tossed the rope over Kiaran’s head. It snaked its way around his neck and looped itself into a collar. Kiaran’s hands came up to grasp it, but the cord of silver and shadows would not yield to his touch.
‘Herein, find justice and mercy,’ Oisin said.
‘What’s happening to me?’ Kiaran whined — it was a whine, his voice changing. His body was changing, too. He fell to his hands and feet, shrinking, becoming a silver wolf with a collar of silver and shadows.
‘In such a form,’ Oisin said, ‘you will learn fidelity, you will learn friendship. Your collar will not allow you to do otherwise. Now, come to heel, hound. Perhaps, if you are a good boy, I may find a name to suit you.’
I knew my mouth was open, but I couldn’t say a word as Kiaran — as the hound — did as he was bade, went to heel, and followed Oisin into the woods, back towards the camp.
When we returned to the camp, it was a lively space. They were singing and dancing around the fire. They hadn’t even heard our battle in the skies. Andras and Gwydion were nowhere to be seen. Sparrow and Rhiannon were still dancing together.
Oisin found Derala and spoke with her. The hound sat by his feet. I saw another familiar face in the crowd. I went to say hello.
‘So, you didn’t stay with the refugees in the hospital?’ It was Jegu, the man who had given them care while still in the forest.
‘They no longer required my help. They are in far better hands than my own, now. I see that you didn’t stay buried in a prison so deep you never saw daylight again.’
I remembered Saoirse’s threat. ‘I tried it.’ I shrugged. ‘It wasn’t for me. Why do you travel with the Wild Ones? I thought you were fleeing Rheged?’
‘I was. Can I interest you in some tea?’ We were strolling along and someone had set a cauldron by the fire, keeping warm but not boiling. ‘One of Derala’s Wild Ones shared it with us. By all reports, it is delicious.’
‘All right.’
Jegu poured the tea, gave me a cup and took one for himself. We walked along further, our strolling steps moving in unconscious time to the music as we sipped tea from metal cups as though they were finest china.
‘To tell the truth, I’m here to follow you,’ he said.
‘Me? I raised an eyebrow.
‘Yes. You go to Ce’deira, do you not?’
‘I do.’
‘Yes. I want to see the famous library of Ce’deira. It has been hidden from view for hundreds of years and there are many fabled treasures therein. Perhaps one day there might also be a library of Ce’deira. Should you breach those walls, I want to be there. Until the Fall, I was a Librarian in Cairnagorn.’
A chill ran through me.
‘Is the tea not to your liking, Bach Chwaer?’
I couldn’t quite contain the shudder. ‘Uh, no, it’s delicious.’ I mustered up my courage to look at him, really look at him.
When Kiaran founded the Order of Guardians to hide me and Sparrow, he had selected his compatriots from among the Librarians. I could accept that a young girl like Eliann was not complicit in what Kiaran had done, but Jegu was an older man, obviously accomplished, obviously ambitious. He was just the kind of person Kiaran would recruit. I examined his face.
I’d seen every creepyguardian Kiaran had on the books. Every year at the Solstice Ceremony, I’d seen all their faces. I’d been in the dubious care of a dozen of them I could remember and a few more I couldn’t.
I didn’t recognise Jegu from that time. I had to deliberately breathe in and out. Deliberately raise my cup to my mouth, deliberately sip, deliberately swallow. I knew the faces of every creepyguardian and Jegu was not one of them.
I pretended nothing was amiss, but it was hard to look at someone I knew to be a Librarian, even if he hadn’t had anything to do with my upbringing. ‘A library at Ce’deira?’ I asked. ‘I’ll have to remember not to leave the place in rubble then, I suppose. Excuse me, I’d like to talk to my sister.’
I went to Sparrow. I tossed the tea into a bush and dropped the cup into a pot that would be later used for washing up. She was talking to Rhiannon, their faces bright in the firelight.
‘Hawk, what is it, you’re so pale!’ Sparrow cried. ‘Here, come sit down.’ She guided me to a log.
‘There were some things I wanted to tell you, Sparrow. Sorry, Isolde.’ I took her hand as she sat next to me. Rhiannon moved away on some discreet pretext.
‘You can still call me Sparrow, Hawk. Those have always been our names for each other. It’s just other people I want using my new name.’
‘So, you know I’ve been… busy… in the last year.’
She smiled and she actually meant it. ‘I may have spent a lot of time in a featherskin, but not so much time that I don’t see the change in you. I’m sorry I’ve been so difficult. You seem so at home here and I feel so… so out of place. You belong and I don’t know where I belong.’
I patted her hand. ‘Well, that’s part of it, Sparrow. You belong here, too, if you want to.’ She slipped off the log and sat at my feet, laying her head in my lap, just like she’d always done. This, this more than anything, this made me feel like everything was going to be all right.
I told her all the good news. It did me good just to tell it. I told her that our grandfather knew we were alive and longed to have us join his family. I told her that David was alive, and that I would find him somehow. I told her that Caradoc was alive and pressed my tears into her shoulder.
Sparrow patted my knee as I tried to regain control. All this news was too joyous, and there were tears in her eyes, too. I know, because they fell into my lap. I told her that the old Master had faced justice, but I didn’t tell her what kind.
She sat up, her eyes very bright in the firelight. ‘Oh, Hawk, I’m so glad.’ And I wondered how I could be the one who was not the nice one, because I’d felt a twinge of conscience, and Sparrow clearly felt no such qualms. I didn’t regret allowing Kiaran to face justice. Kiaran was not safe to remain out in the world. And perhaps Oisin was right. Perhaps he would learn what love and fidelity
really meant.
Sparrow put her head back on my knee. ‘The future is nearly upon us, Hawk. If we can liberate the forest maids in Ce’deira, if we can stop the White Queen from consolidating her power, we can be free, too.’
‘Who told you about liberating the forest maids?’
‘The princess. Your mother.’ She pointed, but discreetly, at Aine, chatting now with the Librarian. ‘She said she made them a promise and she’s been studying to learn how to free them.’
Aine had been busy in the time I’d been away. I liked to know that she was working towards keeping her promise. She would be a good Queen.
Sparrow went on. ‘After that, I think I’d like to travel. I know you’d like to settle down with a family, but I’d love to see the world. Rhiannon told me of some of the places she’s seen, and there is so much more that I’ve read about that I long to see for myself. You wouldn’t mind, would you, if I didn’t settle down right away?’
I stroked her hair, dark and soft and loose. ‘I only want you to be happy and safe, Sparrow. It’s all I’ve ever wanted. I’m sorry I never realised what the Master was doing to you on your holidays. I’m sorry he used those words to keep you in a cage. I’m trying to make a world where you can be free and happy.’
She looked up at me, eyes shining. ‘Right now, Hawk, I’m happier than I’ve ever been in my life.’
A new song started. Someone had brought a small flute and was guiding the voices. Sparrow rose to her feet and held out her hand to me. ‘Dance with me, Emer. The Draceni have so many dances, it’s wonderful!’
I laughed and let her raise me to my feet. ‘Where did you learn these dances so fast?’ I asked.
I was surprised by her blush and followed her eyes to where Rhiannon was standing, just out of earshot, terribly busy with the washing up. But there was a slight smile on her lips when she realised Sparrow was looking at her. It warmed my heart to know that Sparrow’s heart was warming, too. It was love that had been missing from Lynnevet’s life. Lack of love that had made her bitter and turned her heart to evil. I needed my Sparrow to be happy. And as we danced, I truly believed it was possible.