Beautiful Redemption

by Jamie McGuire

  Taylor laughed. "You don't have to take care of him. You just have to share a seat with him. I have to strap him in though. Abby is kind of a fruitcake about this dog."

  Taylor opened the other side and secured Toto into the nylon harness. Toto must have been used to it because he sat still while Taylor snapped each clip into place.

  Thomas rolled the seat cover under until it revealed a hair-free section of the seat.

  "There you go, honey." The corners of his mouth were trembling as he tried not to smile.

  I stuck out my tongue, and he shut the door.

  The seat belt clicked when I pushed it into the buckle, and I heard Taylor laughing.

  "You pussy-whipped douche waffle."

  Thomas gripped the handle. "She can hear you, fuckstick. My door is open."

  Taylor opened his door and bent down, looking sheepish. "Sorry, Liis."

  I shook my head, half-amused and half in disbelief at their banter. It was as if we had fallen down a rabbit hole and landed in a frat house full of drunken toddlers. Suddenly, Eat Me had a whole new meaning.

  Thomas and Taylor buckled in, and then Taylor backed out of his spot. The drive to the bachelor party was full of colorful insults and updates on who was doing whom and who was working where.

  I noted that Trenton and Camille weren't mentioned at all. I wondered how that went over with the family, knowing she'd dated both Thomas and then Trenton, and how they felt about her, if they disliked her at all because Thomas didn't come home anymore to avoid causing awkwardness for them or further pain for himself. Shame washed over me when, for less than a second, I hoped they didn't like her at all.

  Taylor pulled into the driveway of the Rest Inn and then drove to the backside of the building. Twice as many cars were parked back there than in the front.

  Taylor turned off the ignition. "Everyone is parking here, so we don't tip him off."

  "Cap's? The bachelor party we've waited a year to throw Travis is going to be at Cap's?" Thomas said, unimpressed.

  "Trent planned it. He's taking classes again and working full-time. Plus, he's on a budget. Don't bitch if you didn't offer to help," Taylor said.

  I expected Thomas to lash out, but he accepted the scolding.

  "Touche."

  "What about the, um..." I pointed to the dog looking up at me like he was going to lunge for my throat at any moment--or maybe he just wanted a pat on the head. I couldn't be sure.

  A car pulled up next to us, and a woman hopped out, leaving the engine running and the headlights on.

  She opened the back door and smiled at me. "Hey, there." She looked at Thomas and stopped smiling. "Hey, T.J."

  "Raegan," Thomas said.

  I already loathed the nickname. Taylor didn't refer to him that way. The woman was exotically beautiful with her layers of chestnut hair, the wavy ends stopping at just above her waistline.

  Raegan unclipped Toto's harness and then gathered his things.

  "Thanks, Ray," Taylor said. "Abby said everyone else was going to the wedding."

  "No problem," she said, trying not to look at Thomas. "Kody can't wait. He's been wanting a dog so bad, but I don't know how people keep a puppy from being lonely while they go to work and school." She looked down at Toto and touched her nose to his, and he licked her cheek. She giggled. "Dad offered doggy daycare, so we'll see. Maybe babysitting for a few days will help us decide. Should I walk him? I don't want a mess in my car."

  Taylor shook his head. "I just took him right before I picked them up. He should be good until you get home. Did Abby tell you about the harness?"

  "She told me--in detail." Raegan scratched the dog's head and then turned around, opening her back door. She let the dog walk around on the backseat while she buckled in the harness, and then he sat, astonishingly well-behaved, while she buckled him in again.

  "Okay," Raegan said. "That's it. Good to see you, Taylor." Her expression instantly lost all emotion when she looked at Thomas. "T.J."

  She had to be an ex-girlfriend. Between the nickname and overly cool demeanor, he must have really burned her.

  She smiled at me again. "I'm Raegan."

  "Liis...nice to meet you," I said, completely unsettled by her one-eighty.

  She hurried around the front of her car and then disappeared inside. The car pulled away, and Taylor, Thomas, and I sat in silence.

  "Okay then!" Taylor said. "Let's party."

  "I don't understand this," Thomas said. "He's not a bachelor."

  Taylor patted his brother's shoulder, again so hard that it made me wince in reaction. "The whole point of this weekend is to celebrate what we missed out on because that little bastard eloped. And, Tommy..." Taylor's grin faded.

  "I know. Trenton called me," Thomas said.

  Taylor nodded, a touch of sadness in his eyes, and then he pulled on the door lever before setting off across the parking lot.

  When I opened my door, the cold air was shocking. Thomas rubbed my arms, breathing out a small cloud that was a stark contrast to the night surrounding us.

  "You can do this," I said, already shivering.

  "You've forgotten how cold it gets here? Already?"

  "Shut up," I said, walking toward the building where Taylor had gone.

  Thomas jogged to catch up and took my hand. "What did you think of Taylor?"

  "Your parents should be proud. You have exceptional genes."

  "I'm going to take that as a compliment and not a pass at my brother. You're mine for the weekend, remember?"

  I smirked, and he playfully jerked me against him, but then I realized how much truth was behind his lighthearted remark. We stopped at the door, and I watched Thomas psych himself up for whatever was on the other side.

  Without knowing what else to do, I rose up on the balls of my feet and kissed his cheek. He turned, catching me square on the lips. That one gesture began a chain reaction. Thomas's hands went straight up to my cheeks, gingerly cupping my face. When my mouth parted and his tongue slipped inside, I gripped his sport coat in my fists.

  The music inside suddenly became louder, and Thomas released me.

  "Tommy!"

  Another brother--obvious because he looked so much like Taylor--was holding open the door. He was wearing only a yellow nylon Speedo, barely big enough to conceal his man parts, and a matching wig. The hideous bright yellow acrylic on his head was a mess of curls and frizz, and he flirtatiously bounced it with one hand.

  "Like it?" the brother said. In small steps, he pirouetted, revealing that bit of fabric he wore wasn't a Speedo at all but a thong.

  After getting an unexpected eyeful of his snow-white hindquarters, I looked away, embarrassed.

  Thomas looked him up and down and then breathed out a laugh. "What the hell are you wearing, Trenton?"

  A half smile dimpled one of Trenton's cheeks, and he gripped Thomas's shoulder. "It's all part of the plan. Come in!" he said, moving his hand in small circles toward himself. "Come in!"

  Trenton held open the door as we walked inside.

  Cardboard renditions of breasts hung from the ceiling, and golden confetti in the shape of penises were sprinkled all over the floor and tables. A table sat in the corner, crowded with liquor bottles and buckets of ice filled with various brands of beer. Wine bottles were absent, but there was a cake in the shape of very large pink breasts.

  Thomas leaned down to speak into my ear, "I told you it wasn't a good idea for you to come here."

  "You think I'm offended? I work in a field that is predominantly male. I hear the word titties at least once a day."

  Thomas conceded, but he paused to look at his hand just after patting his little brother's shoulder. The body glitter covering Trenton's skin had rubbed off on Thomas's palm, and it shimmered under the disco ball above. Thomas was immediately horrified.

  I grabbed a napkin off a table and handed it to Thomas. "Here."

  "Thanks," he said, half-amused and half-repulsed.

  Thomas took my hand
. The glittery-wadded napkin was mashed between our palms as he pulled me through the crowd. Loud music assaulted my ears, the bass humming in my bones. Dozens of men were standing around, and there were just a handful of women. I instantly felt sick, wondering when I would run into Camille.

  Thomas's hand felt warm in mine, even with the buffer of the napkin. If he was nervous though, it didn't show. He greeted several college-aged men as we crossed the room. When we reached the other side, Thomas held out his arms and hugged a portly man before kissing his cheek.

  "Hi, Dad."

  "Well, hello there, son," Jim Maddox said in a gruff voice. "It's about damn time you came home."

  "Liis," Thomas said, "this is my dad, Jim Maddox."

  He was quite a bit shorter than Thomas, but he had the same sweetness in his eyes. Jim looked upon me with kindness and almost thirty years' worth of practiced patience from raising five Maddox boys. His short and sparse silver hair was now multiple colors from the party lights.

  Jim's hooded eyes brightened with realization. "This is your girl, Thomas?"

  Thomas kissed my cheek. "I keep telling her that, but she doesn't believe me."

  Jim opened his arms wide. "Well, c'mere, cupcake! Nice to meet you!"

  Jim didn't shake my hand. He pulled me into a full-on hug and squeezed me tight. When he released me, Thomas hooked his arm around my shoulders, much more cheerful to be amid his family than I'd expected.

  Thomas pulled me into his side. "Liis is a professor at the University of California, Dad. She's brilliant."

  "Does she put up with your shit?" Jim asked, trying to speak over the music.

  Thomas shook his head. "Not at all."

  Jim laughed out loud. "Then, she's a keeper!"

  "That's what I keep telling him, but he doesn't believe me," I said, nudging Thomas with my elbow.

  Jim laughed again. "Professor of what, sis?"

  "Cultural studies," I said, feeling a bit guilty for yelling at him.

  Jim chuckled. "She must be brilliant. I haven't a clue what in the Sam Hill that means!" He put his fist to his mouth and coughed.

  "You want a water, Dad?"

  Jim nodded. "Thank you, son."

  Thomas kissed my cheek and then left us alone to track down the water. I wasn't sure if I'd ever get used to his lips on my skin. I hoped I never would.

  "How long have you worked for the college?" Jim asked.

  "This is my first semester," I said.

  He nodded. "Is that a nice campus out there?"

  "Yes." I smiled.

  "You like San Diego?" he asked.

  "Love it. I lived in Chicago before. San Diego's weather is preferable."

  "You're from Illinois originally?" Jim asked, surprised.

  "I am," I said, trying to mouth the words precisely so that I wouldn't have to yell so loud.

  "Huh," he said with a chuckle. "I sure wish Tommy lived closer. But he never really belonged here. I think he's happier out there," he said, nodding as if in agreement with himself. "How did you two meet?"

  "I moved into his building," I said, noticing a woman speaking to Thomas by the beverage table.

  His hands were in his pockets, and he was staring at the floor. I could tell that he was being purposefully stoic.

  Thomas nodded, and she nodded. Then, she threw her arms around him. I couldn't see her face, but I could see his, and as he held her, his pain could be felt from where I stood.

  The same deep ache from before burned in my chest, and my shoulders pulled in. I crossed my arms over my midsection to camouflage the involuntary motion.

  "So, you and Thomas...this is new?" Jim asked.

  "Relatively new," I said, still staring at Thomas and the woman clinging to him.

  Trenton was no longer dancing. He was watching them, too, almost exactly parallel from me.

  "Is the woman with Thomas...is that Camille?"

  Jim hesitated, but then he nodded. "Yes, she is."

  After a full minute, Thomas and Camille were still wrapped in each other's arms.

  Jim cleared his throat and spoke again, "Well, I've never seen my boy so happy as when he introduced me to you. Even if it is new, it's in the present...unlike other things...that are in the past."

  I shot a small smile in Jim's direction, and he pulled me to his side with a squeeze.

  "If Tommy hasn't told you that yet, he should."

  I nodded, trying to process the dozens of emotions swirling within me at the same time. Feeling such hurt was quite surprising for a girl who was happily married to her job. If I didn't need Thomas, my heart didn't know it.

  THOMAS'S EYES POPPED OPEN, and he looked directly at me. He released Camille, and without telling her good-bye or even giving her a second look, he walked past her, sweeping up a bottle of water on his way to where Jim and I stood.

  "Did you interrogate her sufficiently while I was gone, Dad?" Thomas asked.

  "Not as well as you would have, I'm sure." Jim turned to me. "Thomas should have been a detective."

  Despite the uncomfortable proximity to the truth, I held a smile.

  Thomas had a strange expression as well, but his features smoothed. "Are you having a good time, honey?"

  "Please tell me that was good-bye," I said. I didn't try to keep Jim from hearing. It was an honest request, one that I could ask and still keep our cover intact.

  Thomas gently took me by the arm and brought me to an unoccupied corner of the room. "I didn't know she was going to do that. I'm sorry."

  I felt my expression crumble. "I wish you could have seen that through my eyes and then hear you say she's in the past with my ears."

  "She was apologizing, Liis. What was I supposed to do?"

  "I don't know...not look heartbroken?"

  He stared at me, speechless.

  I rolled my eyes and pulled on his hand. "C'mon, let's get back to the party."

  He pulled away from me. "I am, Liis. I am heartbroken. What happened is fucking sad."

  "Great! Let's go!" I said, my words dripping with false excitement and sarcasm.

  I shouldered past him, but he grabbed my wrist and pulled me against him. He held my hand near his cheek and then turned to kiss my palm, closing his eyes.

  "It's sad because it's over," he said against my hand, his breath warm on my skin. He turned and looked down into my eyes. "It's sad because I made a choice that has changed my relationship with my brother forever. I hurt her and Trenton and myself. The worst part is that I thought it was justified, but now, I'm afraid it was all for nothing."

  "What do you mean?" I asked, eyeing him warily.

  "I loved Camille--but not like this, not like you."

  I glanced around. "Stop it, Thomas. No one can hear you."

  "Can you?" he asked. When I didn't respond, he let go of my hand. "What? What can I say to convince you?"

  "Keep telling me how sad you are to lose Camille. I'm sure that will eventually work."

  "You've only heard me say that it's sad. You ignored the part about it being over."

  "It's not over," I said, laughing once. "It's never going to be over. You said it yourself. You'll always love her."

  He pointed to the other side of the room. "What you saw over there? That was good-bye. She's marrying my brother."

  "I also saw you in pain about both."

  "Yes! It's painful! What do you want from me, Liis?"

  "I want you not to love her anymore!"

  The music was in between songs, and everyone turned toward the corner where Thomas and I stood. Camille and Trenton were talking to another couple, and Camille looked just as humiliated as I was. She tucked her hair behind her ear, and then Trenton guided her to the cake table.

  "Oh my God," I whispered, covering my eyes.

  Thomas glanced behind us and then pulled my hand down, shaking his head. "It's okay. Don't worry about them."

  "I don't act this way. This isn't like me."

  He puffed out a breath of relief. "I can relate
. We tend to have that effect on each other."

  Not only was I not myself around Thomas, but he also made me feel things I couldn't control. Anger boiled inside of me. If he knew me at all, he would understand that erratic feelings weren't acceptable.

  Being with Jackson, I could control my feelings. Yelling at him during a party would never have crossed my mind. He would have been shocked to see me lashing out.

  When it came to Thomas, I was all over the place. My head was pulling me in one direction, and Thomas and my heart were pulling me in another. Unpredictable outcomes scared the hell out of me. It was time to bridle my emotions. Nothing was more frightening than being manipulated by my own heart.

  When the crowd turned away, I forced a smile, lifting my chin to meet Thomas's eyes.

  Thomas's eyebrows pulled in. "What is that? What's the sudden smile about?"

  I walked past him. "Told you that you wouldn't be able to tell the difference."

  Thomas followed me back to the party. He stood behind me and then wrapped his arms around my middle, resting his cheek in the crook of my neck.

  When I didn't respond, he touched his lips to my ear. "The lines are beginning to blur, Liis. Was that just for show?"

  "I'm working. Aren't you?" A lump formed in my throat. It was the best lie I'd ever told.

  "Wow," he said before releasing me and then walking away.

  Thomas stood between Jim and another man. I couldn't be certain, but the man had to be Thomas's uncle. He looked nearly identical to Jim. Clearly, Maddox DNA was dominant, like their family...and their men.

  Someone turned down the music and then switched off the lights. It was pitch-dark, and I was standing alone.

  The door opened, and after a few seconds of quiet, a man said from the doorway, "Uh..."

  The lights flipped on to reveal Travis and who must have been Shepley standing at the door, squinting as their eyes adjusted to the light. Taylor and his twin threw penis confetti into Travis's face, and everyone cheered.

  "Congrats, cock-tip!"

  "Pussy!"

  "Way to go, Mad Dog!"

  I studied Travis as he greeted everyone. A lot of shoulder-patting, man hugs, and rough head-rubbing commenced while they all clapped and hooted.

  A still scantily clad and shiny Trenton popped and locked, bumped and grinded to the music. Thomas and Jim shook their heads at the sight.

  Camille was standing in front of the crowd surrounding Trenton, encouraging him and laughing uncontrollably. Irrational anger came over me. Ten minutes before, she had been draped over Thomas, lamenting over their breakup. I didn't like her. I couldn't imagine why not one but two Maddox men did.