by Jessica Hart
‘I think it’s best that Rhys decides for himself,’ she said. ‘I can understand why you’re concerned about Sophie, but all I can tell you is that I love her, and I love Rhys. I love him very much, and I want to spend the rest of my life with him. It might not—’
Thea broke off as Lynda’s great dark eyes widened suddenly, and she looked over her shoulder to see Rhys standing in the doorway.
‘How long have you been there?’ asked Lynda sharply.
Rhys smiled. ‘Long enough.’ He came into the room to stand behind the sofa where Thea was sitting and rested his hand at the nape of her neck, and she closed her eyes in involuntary pleasure at the warmth of his touch. ‘I love you, too,’ he said softly.
CHAPTER TEN
THEA was quiet as they walked back towards the station. It had stopped raining by then but the sky was still dull and grey.
Like her spirits.
In spite of her fragile appearance, Lynda was a strong woman. It was clear that she wanted to keep Rhys close to home, and she wasn’t about to let Thea interfere. Thea didn’t think that she was jealous. For all her talk about caring, she hadn’t got the impression that Lynda was still in love with Rhys, or wanted him back.
No, it just suited her to have him around. Thea could see how flattering it would be for Lynda to believe that he was inconsolable. To be able to imply, as she obviously had to Kate, that he had never really got over her.
The role of lost love was perfect for Lynda, and she wouldn’t give it up easily. It wouldn’t be quite so convincing if Rhys was demonstrably happy with somebody else though, was it? No wonder she was keen to suggest—with the best possible motives, of course—that he wasn’t ready for any relationship.
The question was, did Thea love Rhys enough to take Lynda on?
It was easy to see what would happen. Lynda would be all sweetness and light, but whenever Thea had a special dinner planned there would be an urgent request for Rhys to have Sophie for the night. If they were going somewhere special, she would have forgotten to tell him about a PTA meeting, or a violin lesson that Lynda couldn’t make, so could Rhys just drop everything and take Sophie instead?
And how could Thea complain if Rhys was being a good father? There was no way she could insist that he put her before his daughter. Of course he would have to go.
His guilt about Sophie gave Lynda a huge advantage, and Thea knew that she would play it for all it was worth. It wasn’t even personal. Lynda would be the same with any woman who ventured into Rhys’s life.
And Thea couldn’t be sure that Rhys cared enough to do anything about it. She wasn’t going to be silly and suspect that he was still in love with Lynda. That was just Lynda’s propaganda. Rhys had said nothing to suggest that was the case.
On the other hand, he had said nothing to suggest that he was in love with her either. He was doing exactly what he said he wanted to do, and that was to make his daughter his priority.
That left Thea with a stark choice. She could stand up to Lynda and fight for Rhys. Or she could walk away and leave him until he worked out what he wanted himself.
She loved him. The truth of that rang deep inside Thea. It wasn’t something she could analyse or explain, but in the very core of her being she felt that he was the only man she would ever love, the only man she would ever need. The thought of going through life without him was unendurable.
Thea had seen enough to know that a love like that was a very special thing, a gift, and not to be treated lightly. It was worth more than a ‘maybe it will, maybe it won’t work’ approach. Shouldn’t she do everything she could to give it a chance to flower and see if Rhys might come to feel the same?
But she was afraid. Afraid that too many last minute summonses from Lynda would sour any relationship that they managed to build. Thea could see herself growing snippy and resentful every time Rhys had to drop everything the moment Lynda decided to make him feel guilty about Sophie, and he would end up torn and exhausted by conflicting demands.
Just like Harry.
No, Thea had had enough of triangular relationships. They didn’t work, she knew that to her own cost already.
Rhys would need to decide whether he wanted to make a new life for himself, and if he wanted her to be part of it, but she had to let him make that decision on his own. She had to stand aside now, or she would only get hurt, just like Lynda had said.
‘You’re very quiet,’ said Rhys after a while.
‘I’m sorry. I was just thinking.’
Thinking about how hopeful she had felt when she had dressed that morning. The thought of dinner with Rhys had held out so much promise, the chance of a new and wonderful life, loving and being loved the way she had always dreamed of being loved.
‘You look sad,’ he said. ‘Were you thinking about Harry?’
Thea concentrated on fastening her umbrella. ‘In a way, yes.’
‘I thought you said you were OK about the way it had worked out?’
‘I know, and I am really,’ she said, picking her words with care. ‘It’s just that sometimes it’s harder to put it all behind you than at others.’
Rhys hesitated. ‘Do you want to talk about it?’
‘I don’t think I do now,’ said Thea slowly, knowing that once she started to talk the truth would come out, and Rhys didn’t need that. ‘But thanks.’
‘OK.’ He nodded, accepting that immediately in a way Harry would never have done. Harry would have pushed and pushed, and she would have found herself in tears and it would have ended with them both feeling guilty. ‘Tell me how you got on with Lynda instead.’
‘Ah, Lynda.’ Thea put her head on one side, wondering how to put it. ‘Let’s just say that she’s not sure our engagement is a good idea.’
‘What?’ To her surprise, Rhys sounded outraged. ‘Lynda told me that she was thrilled for me!’
And he had obviously believed her. That was men for you.
‘That was before she met me,’ said Thea delicately. ‘I gather she doesn’t think I’m quite right for you.’
Rhys scowled. ‘Why the hell not?’ Anyone would think that he had forgotten all about the pretence, she thought with a pang.
‘Well, we don’t have that much in common when you come to think about it—as Lynda obviously has.’ She glanced up at him. ‘I thought you’d overheard that bit?’
‘No,’ he said. ‘I only heard you say that you loved me.’
‘Oh, that,’ said Thea after a tiny pause. ‘Did I sound convincing?’
‘Very.’
Keep it light, she told herself fiercely. ‘You didn’t do so badly yourself. That hand on my neck was a master stroke, I thought.’
Rhys looked down at her, just as she risked another glance at him, and their eyes met for a brief moment before both looked away. For a while, there was silence, broken only by the sound of their footsteps on the pavement.
Rhys’s mouth was set in an alarmingly grim line. ‘What’s it got to do with Lynda, anyway?’ he demanded.
‘It doesn’t really matter, does it?’ said Thea, determinedly avoiding meeting his gaze once more. ‘In fact, I was thinking that it might be a good reason to end our engagement.’
‘What would be?’
She had never heard Rhys sound so short before. Something had put him in a really bad mood, and she wasn’t sure whether it made it easier for her or more difficult.
‘The fact that we’ve got nothing in common.’
‘Oh, that,’ he said, echoing her words with a touch of sarcasm.
‘You can say that we realised that she was right, and it would have been a mistake for us to marry.’
Lynda would like that, Thea thought wryly. It went against the grain to give her the satisfaction of thinking that they had taken her advice. On the other hand, they had successfully fooled her into believing that theirs was a genuine relationship, or she would never have gone to so much trouble to dissuade Thea from pursuing it. It was good to know that Lynda wasn’t that
perceptive, whatever Kate might claim for her famous insight.
They had reached the turning to the station. ‘There’s a nice little restaurant just down here,’ said Rhys, nodding straight ahead. ‘I was thinking we might go there.’
Thea took a deep breath. ‘Actually, I think I’ll pass on dinner if you don’t mind.’
‘Don’t you want anything to eat?’
‘I’m not really that hungry.’ It was true, too, although Rhys might have trouble believing it after the way she had tucked into her food in Crete.
Rhys looked puzzled, as well he might. ‘What about another night, then? How would Friday do for you?’
‘I…don’t think so,’ said Thea with difficulty. ‘Things are a bit complicated at the moment.’
‘I see.’
An awkward silence fell. Biting her lip, Thea tugged the ring off her finger.
‘I almost forgot. Here, you’d better have this back.’
Rhys made no move to take it from her. ‘Why don’t you keep it?’ he said abruptly. ‘Have it as a thank you.’
‘What for?’
‘For tonight. For Sophie.’ He hesitated. ‘For Crete.’
Thea swallowed. ‘Rhys, I can’t. It’s much too expensive.’ She tried a smile, but it wasn’t a very successful one. ‘I couldn’t wear it anyway. It’s an engagement ring.’
‘No, you’re right. Of course.’ Rhys took the ring from her and put it in his jacket pocket.
‘I’ll…um…get the tube back from here, then,’ she said after a painful moment.
‘I’ll see you home.’
‘Don’t be silly, it’s still early. I’ll be fine.’
Rhys insisted on walking her to the station, but she managed to dissuade him from taking her all the way home.
‘Thank you for this evening,’ he said formally as she attempted to fish out her travel pass.
Thea summoned another smile, not much more successful than the last one. ‘It was nice to see Sophie again.’
Ah, there was her pass at last. She tried not to think about the last time she had been through the ticket barrier, and the way he had kissed her in front of everybody.
‘Well…I’d better go,’ she said.
‘Goodbye, Thea.’
Rhys’s face was set as he watched her put her ticket through the machine. On the other side, Thea hesitated, looking back at him, longing to push her way back through the barrier and tell him that she had changed her mind, that she would like to go out to dinner, and then for him to see her all the way home.
But every time it got more difficult to say goodbye. Better to make a clean break now than prolong the agony.
‘Bye, then,’ she said and lifted a hand before she made herself turn away and walk down to where a train was just pulling into the platform.
‘But why?’ asked Nell plaintively. ‘You didn’t even give him a chance to choose you over Lynda!’
‘It’s not a choice between me and Lynda. It’s a choice between me and Sophie, and he has to choose Sophie.’
Thea sipped miserably at the tea Nell had made her when she had dissolved into tears on her doorstep.
‘I’m sick of falling for men with all this emotional baggage,’ she complained. ‘Next time I fall in love, it’s going to be with someone who doesn’t have a past to screw him up!’
‘You’d better start looking for a toy boy, then,’ said Nell practically. ‘Stick to men under twenty and you should be OK.’
‘But I don’t want a toy boy. I want a real man.’
Rhys, in fact.
Nell sighed. ‘If you want a man of your own age, you’re going to have to accept that he’s going to come with an emotional history, Thea. Most normal men are going to have had at least one serious relationship by the time they hit their mid-thirties and, if they’re available, the chances are that it’s going to have ended in tears—just like yours did.
‘Let’s face it, we’ve all got emotional baggage. I certainly have, and you have too. If you hadn’t been messed around by Harry, you wouldn’t be scared of making a go of it with Rhys now.’
‘I’m not scared,’ Thea protested. ‘I’m just trying to be realistic about the problems. I couldn’t bear it if it all turned nasty and I turned into some horrible, bitter cow.’
‘Well, then, you’ll have to make sure that you don’t let it turn nasty,’ said Nell. ‘Of course it would be difficult sometimes, but show me a relationship that isn’t. If a relationship is worth having, it’s worth working for.’
She paused, and then went on more gently, ‘You know, not everyone is lucky enough to find someone they can love the way you love Rhys. You can’t just walk away without even trying because you want some perfect story-book relationship. It’s not like that, Thea. Sophie is always going to be part of Rhys. He wouldn’t be the man he is without her, and she comes as part of the package. At least you like her and she likes you—that’s a huge thing.’
‘What about Lynda?’ Thea had been so sure that walking away had been the sensible thing to do, and she had expected the ever-practical Nell to support her, not make her doubt that she had taken the right decision.
‘She probably will be a bit difficult sometimes, but you can deal with that. You should feel sorry for her, not resent her.’
‘Sorry for her? Why?’
‘She’s Rhys’s past. You had a chance to be his future. I know which one I’d rather be.’
Thea knew what she wanted to be too, but she was terribly afraid that she had thrown away the one chance that she had, and as September slid into October and the leaves began to turn, she began to lose the little hope she had that Rhys would find that he missed her enough to try again.
She did her best to be cheerful, but it wasn’t easy with this nagging ache inside her, this dullness lying on her heart, this dismal sense that however much effort she made the future stretched bleakly and interminably empty without him.
Nell worried about her. ‘Why don’t you ring him?’
‘I can’t. I’ve thought about it so many times. I even get as far as picking up the phone sometimes, but what would I say? “I didn’t really mean it when I said I was just pretending to be in love with you? Oh, and by the way, is that invitation to dinner still on?”’
‘You could start by saying hello, and see where you went from there.’
‘Nell, he’s never said anything about loving me. Not once. We’ve never even kissed for real. It’s always been part of some pretence. What if I’m just building up some relationship that doesn’t really exist in my mind? If there had been something there, Rhys could have contacted me.’
‘He probably thinks you aren’t interested after you brushed him off about the restaurant,’ Nell pointed out.
‘I’ve decided to be fatalistic about it,’ said Thea. ‘If it’s meant to be, it’ll be. And if it’s not, it’ll probably be because Lynda’s right. I mean, we don’t have anything in common.’
Apart from a sense of humour. And memories of those starlit nights in Crete. And lips that seemed made for each other.
‘No, Rhys needs to decide what he wants. If it’s me, he’ll get in touch. If it isn’t…Well, I’ll just have to get on with my life, won’t I?’
She turned her head as the front door banged, glad of the excuse to change the subject. ‘Is this Clara?’
‘Yes, Simon said he’d bring her back. She’s been bowling with Sophie, I think.’
Clara leapt on Thea when she saw her. ‘I haven’t seen you for ages and ages!’
‘No, not for at least a week,’ said Thea, hugging her before she added, super-casual, ‘How’s Sophie?’
‘She’s fine.’
Thea longed to ask about Rhys, but what would Clara know? She would just say that he was fine too, and Thea didn’t want to know that. She wanted to know that he was thinking about her, that he was missing her, that his nights were as miserable and empty as hers.
Clara was helping herself to a biscuit from the tin on the tab
le. ‘Thea?’ she said in a wheedling tone.
‘Yes?’ she said cautiously, wondering what was coming.
‘Will you take me skating? There’s a brilliant new ice rink and I need someone to help me. Dad won’t do it, and Mum can’t because of her ankle.’
‘I haven’t been skating for years, and even then I was useless,’ said Thea. ‘I could hardly stand upright. I don’t think I’d be much help.’
‘Oh, please,’ begged Clara. ‘It would be fun if you came.’
What else did she have to do? ‘Oh, all right then. We’ll go next weekend if you like.’
Clara was determined that she wouldn’t forget her promise. She rang Thea twice during the week to make sure that she had remembered she was to pick her up on Saturday afternoon. ‘Then we can get there about two-thirty, can’t we?’
‘I suppose so,’ said Thea, puzzled. ‘They won’t close before then, surely?’
‘No, but we want plenty of time,’ said Clara vaguely.
‘I’m a bit nervous,’ Thea confessed to her sister when she turned up obediently on Saturday afternoon. ‘I’m sure I’ll never be able to stand up, and I don’t want to break my ankle.’
There was an air of suppressed excitement about Nell, she realised belatedly, and looked at her sister more closely. ‘What’s up?’
‘Nothing,’ said Nell quickly. ‘Ah, here’s Clara. Are you ready?’
‘As ready as I’ll ever be,’ said Thea, getting up. ‘Wish me luck!’
To her surprise, Nell put her arms round her and hugged her tightly. ‘Good luck, Thea.’
‘Hey, I was just joking!’
Nell smiled mistily. ‘Good luck, anyway.’
Thea forgot about her sister’s odd behaviour when they got to the rink. She eyed the crowded ice dubiously as she put on her boots. ‘I hope I can remember how to do this.’ Glancing up, she saw that Clara was scanning the rink. ‘Looking for someone?’
‘No,’ said Clara airily. ‘Just…watching.’
They had rather a wobbly start, and Thea wasn’t sure who was hanging on to who, but after a while she began to get the hang of it. It would have been easier if they didn’t have to keep going round the other nervous skaters who were hugging the edge equally assiduously.