‘I have seen nothing other than steel in you. The way you were determined to visit every area of the ship in your mission to serve Pennington’s. The way you stood up to Weir and those snotty women in the lifeboat. God, Amelia, the way you held that baby so close to you until she was safe. The way you are here now and looking me straight in the eye means you are strong. Strong and unbreakable.’
She stared at him, her gaze unblinking. ‘You’re wrong.’
He frowned, concerned by the tremor in her voice. ‘Why am I?’
‘You just are. I don’t want to talk about this anymore.’ She looked away. ‘Your life is your own and I’m happy you are staying in America. I think it’s absolutely the right thing for you.’ She faced him, her gaze determined. ‘But it’s not for me.’
Frustrated, he reached for her, but she leaned away and hurt slashed his chest as he swallowed hard. ‘Why is wanting to carve out a life of your own selfish? Does a person not have the right to make themselves happy? To do what they love and earn money from it?’
‘I thought so, once upon a time.’ She glared at him. ‘But that sort of dreaming was stolen from me… by a man. And now here you are, asking me to trust you. To leave everything I have in England, take your hand and walk into the sunset. No, Samuel, I won’t do it.’ She abruptly stood, her shoulders trembling and her gaze angry. ‘I am not worthy of anything more than what I have right now. I have a good position at Pennington’s, I have housemates I adore and, for the first time in my life, money of my own. I don’t need to dream, and I don’t need to run away. Not anymore.’
She moved to walk away and he quickly stood, grasping her elbow. He wanted to take her in his arms, to hold her until she stopped shaking. ‘Amelia, there is more for me than providing for my family. All I’ve ever really wanted was a good job, a wife and family. To be settled and happy. I don’t think that’s too much to ask, but if I return home, the passion that’s been stirred awake now that we’ve escaped death will be extinguished. Will be sucked out of me the moment I walk through my door and back into the role that was determined for me by my father’s passing. I can’t do it. I can’t go back.’
Her beautiful, dark brown eyes glinted with tears and when she spoke, her voice was softer. ‘And I wouldn’t want you to. Look at these people’s faces.’ She looked around. ‘Nothing will ever be the same for them or us, ever again.’
He followed her gaze around the darkened saloon. People sat in chairs and on the floor, cradling glasses of brandy or steaming cups of tea. Their listless eyes stared at the walls, their hands or the floor. Numbed with shock and loss, no one had any idea of what would happen next, of how they would get home or even if they could, or should, continue with the plans they’d had when they had boarded the Titanic just a few short days ago.
Most had lost the entirety of their money and belongings, possibly had nowhere to go until they received funds sent from home. It was true that more first-class passengers seemed present than second or third, but it did not mean they felt the loss of husbands, brothers or sons any less keenly.
A hollow sickness rolled through him and Samuel swiped his hand over his face. ‘The desolation in this room is only the beginning. Once full realisation hits, God only knows how these people will fare.’ He looked at her. ‘We’re not just lucky we survived, we’re lucky the people closest to us weren’t on that ship, too.’
Amelia nodded, tears glistening on her lashes. ‘You’re right,’ she said softly. ‘Do you know, I have no idea if Mr Weir has a family. I should send a wire to Elizabeth once the families have sent theirs. If Mr Weir had a wife and children, she will want to help.’
‘She sounds like a wonderful employer.’
‘She is, and a wonderful inspiration to so many of us at Pennington’s. I owe her everything. I refuse to use the chance she’s given me for my own gain. I can’t stay in America. I have a job to do in New York and then I will return to Pennington’s.’ She hesitantly ran her gaze over his face as though unsure whether to say more, before she inhaled a deep breath. ‘I have had nothing and won’t risk being in that position ever again. I have to go back.’
‘I understand, but can’t you see what you’ve already achieved? How strong you are? Miss Pennington might have given you the position at Pennington’s, but it was you that worked so well that you rose higher and higher until she felt confident enough to put you on a ship to another country. You can rise again in America, Amelia. I know you can.’
‘I can’t.’ The skin at her throat moved as she swallowed, her gaze drifting from his to look defiantly across the room, her cheeks mottled. ‘I won’t be able to do it all over again. You don’t know anything about me and, more than that, you are wrong.’
‘Why?’ His heart beat out the silent seconds, fuelling his frustration and admiration of this wonderful woman. ‘What happened to you to make you think yourself so unworthy?’
She snapped her eyes to his, her gaze blazing with fury. ‘Why should I explain such a thing to you? Do you think because you ensured me a space on the lifeboat, I owe you the rest of my life?’
‘Of course not. I care about you. Is that so bad?’
She glared at him, her cheeks reddening. ‘Yes. Yes, it is.’
‘But—’
She stormed away from him, the blanket around her shoulders slipping unheeded to the floor as she marched out of the saloon and, undoubtedly, out of his life.
Samuel closed his eyes. Instinct told him that he and Amelia were meant to meet on the Titanic, were meant to get to America and start again. Together.
But why did he believe such a thing so vehemently? How in the world could a meeting of two people hold such certainty? He was a fool. He clenched his jaw and stared towards the door that Amelia had disappeared through. Well, he’d had enough of being a fool. It was time he became the king of his own world.
With or without Amelia.
Thirty-Three
‘Ruby! Come quick.’ One of the store’s lift attendants burst into the design department.
Ruby immediately leapt to her feet. ‘Henry? Whatever is wrong?’
Young Henry stood in the doorway, his eyes glowing with excitement and his cheeks flushed. ‘Mr Carter sent me to tell all the design staff to join him in the atrium. He’s gathering everyone right now. Customers, too.’
Ruby put her hands on her hips. ‘What on earth has happened—?’
‘It’s the Titanic. She’s sank!’
Ruby froze, unable to even react as chair legs scraped along the tiled floor, other design staff abruptly standing. ‘That’s impossible.’
‘It’s true. Hurry. Mr Carter and Miss Pennington are coming to the grand staircase. They’re going to tell the whole store what is happening. Quickly!’
He ran off leaving a pregnant silence lingering in his wake.
Slowly, Ruby turned, her eyes catching those of one of the young women working with her. ‘It can’t be true. What if… what if people are dead?’ She clamped her hand to her throat. ‘Amelia was on that ship. Mr Weir, too.’
‘Oh my God…’
‘We should go.’ Ruby made for the stairs, her heart pounding. Surely Amelia hadn’t been killed? Dread pulled deep in her stomach even contemplating that one of the few people who had shown her such kindness should have perished. Sometimes Ruby suspected that Amelia had guessed of her shameful inclination and accepted her anyway. Maybe now she would never have the chance to tell Amelia how much her discretion meant to her.
She reached the atrium and joined the crowds of customers and staff gathered in front of Mr Carter where he stood on the steps on the grand staircase. ‘Ladies and gentlemen, I can confirm the rumours and speculations of the press have been proven to be true. The Titanic has indeed sank…’
Ruby’s intake of breath joined those around her as she struggled to hear Mr Carter over the thudding of her pulse. How was it possible for such a mammoth ship to sink?
Mr Carter continued to speak, his words faltering, ga
thering strength and then faltering again. Even when he’d finished Ruby couldn’t quite believe what she’d heard.
Pennington’s staff and customers dispersed as Mr Carter slowly walked down the last few steps of the grand staircase, his expression dazed and his gait unusually hesitant.
Shocked and afraid, Ruby crossed her arms to hide her trembling. People everywhere mingled, their hands reaching for each other as they offered shared condolence and support. Pennington’s had never been so quiet, so static. Grief and sympathy for the many families who would be affected by the tragedy unfurled inside her as Ruby dropped her arms and turned to Victoria.
Tears shone in her eyes. ‘What is to be done, Ruby? All those people…’
‘I know.’ Ruby shook her head, her gaze once more drawn to the stunned crowd as many moved towards the exit, shopping forgotten. ‘But I’m sure Miss Pennington will gather us soon. There must be something we can do.’
Victoria nodded, her gaze burning into Ruby’s as she squeezed her arm.
Mr Carter’s speech once more resonated in Ruby’s mind. He had been sensitive but firm as he’d tried his best to reassure the families and loved ones affected by the Titanic’s sinking that they would have the store’s unwavering support. It just didn’t seem real that such a thing could happen.
Ruby stared towards Pennington’s main window. ‘Something will have to be done immediately about the Titanic display.’
Before Victoria could respond, Elizabeth Pennington hurried towards them, her face ashen and her green eyes shadowed with disbelief. ‘Ruby, we must dismantle the Titanic window as soon as possible. Come with me.’ She looked to her left. ‘Mrs Lark, would you please go to the ladies and men’s departments, also Homewares, and ask that two members of staff are spared from each department? They are to bring with them all the boxes for the merchandise used in the Titanic display.’
‘Of course, Miss Pennington.’ Victoria’s eyes were wide on Ruby’s. ‘I will speak to you later, Ruby.’
Elizabeth led the way to the main window and the small holding area behind it. Opening the concealed door, she entered the window and Ruby followed.
‘Close the curtains, Ruby. News of the sinking is being handed out by every paperboy, on every corner of the city. The last thing we want is people to think us insensitive at such a dreadful time.’ Elizabeth shook her head, her hand at her throat. ‘I have no idea what to do. Amelia and Mr Weir… my God, Ruby, how could this have happened? Mr Carter is trying to get in touch with the authorities to see what procedures are in place to locate missing passengers, but I’m not Amelia’s or Mr Weir’s family. I have no idea how much the people in charge will tell me or how I will possibly find out more.’
Seeing Elizabeth’s usually calm composure was cracking, Ruby moved to the curtain to give her employer a few moments to collect herself. Sympathy and understanding twisted inside her as she pulled on the curtain’s rope with trembling hands, Amelia’s face looming in her mind. Surely, such a shining light could not be extinguished when Amelia was barely twenty-three years old?
The curtain closed on the gawping passers-by outside and Ruby turned.
Elizabeth was busy gathering the nautical paraphernalia they had used to decorate the window and even though her face was etched with the staunch focus her staff expected of her, there was no hiding the stiffness in her shoulders and the pallor of her face. She was entirely shaken.
‘Why don’t you let me strip the window, Miss Pennington?’ Ruby asked gently. ‘I’m sure you have a hundred and one other things that need your attention. I will get everything taken down in no time.’
Elizabeth sat back on her haunches. ‘I can’t bear to think how many people who work here had family, friends or associates aboard that ship.’ Her eyes glinted with tears. ‘I must check on Mrs Culford.’
‘Esther? But she is at home with her baby and Mr Culford, isn’t she?’ Ruby felt sick. Surely Pennington’s previous head window dresser hadn’t been aboard the Titanic too? Was that why Amelia had been sent on the trip to America? On a special assignment with Esther? ‘Oh, Miss Pennington, surely Esther wasn’t—’
‘No, she is safely at home, thank goodness.’ Elizabeth shook her head, her gaze full of despair and sadness. ‘But her sister-in-law travelled on the Titanic and also Cornelia’s ex-husband and his new wife, too. I went to the jewellery department and informed Cornelia before I made the announcement and she has gone home. But how many more staff will be in shock and suffering such heartbreaking loss? How I am to help them, comfort them, when I don’t know all my staff as well as I’d like?’ She swiped at her cheek. ‘I try so hard to ensure my staff are happy, but what can I do to bolster them now?’
The door to the window opened and Victoria entered, carrying several boxes with other members of staff following behind, also armed with packaging. Her eyes immediately met Ruby’s and she raised her eyebrows, silently asking if she was all right.
Ruby nodded, her heart lifting just a little that Victoria’s concern should be for her at such an awful, universal time.
Elizabeth rose from the floor and Ruby touched her arm. ‘Go, Miss Pennington. I will oversee everything here. I won’t leave until everything is removed from the window and returned to the various departments. I promise.’
After instructing the staff to pack up the merchandise from their relevant departments, Ruby embraced the unexpected anger and disbelief that so many lives had been taken on a trip that, for many, was most likely a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for a better life.
This was the misfortune that rained down on people. They were given a chance, only to have it cruelly snatched away again. They were given freedom, only to be caged once more. All the loved ones left behind would not have the lives they had before; everything had changed. Fury burned inside her. Life was precious and she would not stand by one more day and let her mother destroy any more of the brief and happy moments her children might be blessed with.
Emboldened, she strode through the chaos towards Victoria only to be intercepted by Mr Evans who worked in the men’s department.
‘Ah, Miss Taylor. Might I ask how you came to be in charge of us? It seems to me you are taking this tragedy and turning it into an opportunity.’ He sneered at her, his cold, beady eyes boring into hers. ‘I wouldn’t even begin to get above your station. There is more than enough talk surrounding you as it is.’
Ruby drew her hands into fists, her heart pulsing in her ears. ‘Really?’
‘Yes, really.’ He sniffed and glanced towards the back door where she knew Victoria was working. ‘It seems you have a much closer relationship with Mrs Lark than most. People are talking of you being in love with her. Nobody can fail to miss how you look at her and take every opportunity to touch her.’
Sickness coated Ruby’s throat. ‘Is that so, Mr Evans?’
‘It is. Yes. Some might assume such abhorrent goings on are only among decidedly repulsive men, whereas I have it on good authority that there are just as many females guilty of the same behaviour.’
‘Well…’ Ruby’s pulse thumped in her ears, self-preservation and protection for Victoria rising as she stepped closer to Mr Evans and lowered her voice. ‘I would advise you to take your wisdom and stick it in your own thick ear before dishing it out to the rest of us. I’ve heard that you don’t take kindly to female rejection. It really wouldn’t do for Miss Pennington to hear of your over-interest in the shop girls, would it?’
His cheeks turned red and his eyes bulged. ‘Why, you—’
Ruby spun away and marched towards Victoria, her determination well and truly at its height. She clasped Victoria’s elbow and looked deep into her eyes. ‘Is tomorrow too soon for Tommy and me to move in with you?’ she whispered.
‘Tomorrow?’ Victoria glanced over Ruby’s shoulder. ‘Well, no, that’s fine. If you’re sure?’
Hating that Victoria felt the need to check for listening ears when all too soon Hazel Price would learn of their cohabiting a
nd gossip and judgement would echo from every corner of the store. ‘I’m sure, but are you?’ Ruby’s heart beat fast with her need to escape her mother’s domination. ‘Because if you’ve changed your mind, I understand. Either way, Tommy and I will be leaving. Tomorrow.’
Victoria’s eyes flitted again from person to person before she looked at Ruby and lifted her chin. ‘I’m sure. Entirely sure. Tell your mother this evening, and I will have everything ready for you anytime.’ Her gaze grew intense on Ruby’s. ‘If things turn nasty when you go home, you grab whatever you can and come to me tonight. Anything else you need, we can collect another day.’
Ruby raised her eyebrows, inappropriate pride warming her. ‘We? You would really face my mother?’
Victoria gave a curt nod. ‘For you, yes. I’ll see you later.’
She hurried through the window’s back door and Ruby stared in stunned silence after her. For me? What did she mean? Could she dare to hope Victoria’s feelings might be straying past platonic?
‘Miss Taylor? We need your direction over here.’
Blinking from her stupor, Ruby strode towards the front of the window, her focus on work, even if Victoria’s words, and their meaning, continued to circle her mind.
Thirty-Four
Amelia walked onto the Boat Deck of the Carpathia, her gaze steadfastly averted from the lifeboats lining the ship’s edge. If she never saw another lifeboat – another ship – in her life, she would be grateful. Yet, it was a plain and simple fact that she would need to get back to England and the only plausible way was by boat.
She pressed her hand to her unsettled stomach and stared at the people wandering around the deck. The air held a chill, and most were in coats and hats, some with blankets over their shoulders, others dressed in suits, their arms tightly crossed in an effort to keep warm.
It wasn’t long before they were due to sail into New York harbour, but still dismal blankness showed in every pair of the survivors’ eyes; their slumped shoulders and bowed heads reflecting the heavy weight in their hearts. Her own heart twisted with profound sympathy for so many who had lost so very much. She was alone in this world, yet she’d survived. She doubted the guilt of her survival would ever leave her.
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