‘I disagree.’ Esther stood and walked behind the settee, her gaze firmly on Ruby’s. ‘Tell us more. What can you see in the window?’
Ruby cleared her throat and mustered every ounce of her floundering confidence. ‘Well, I was thinking a country chapel background with an entire family wedding party present, along with a few farm animals, flowers, blue skies and sunshine. A June bride. Puppies and kittens…’ Her heart picked up speed as her vision filled her mind’s eye. ‘A pretty sister holding an infant and her husband proudly standing beside his new family. Rebirth, hope, starting again… a family dream for the future, love and care. A much-needed dose of buoyancy showing our customers that as much as we have been struck down by pain, loss and grief, we will rise again to a better future.’
The only sounds in the room was the swish of tyres through the rain-sodden street outside the open window, interspersed with the odd snatch of raised voices and a crying child. Heat slowly inched up Ruby’s neck to burn in her cheeks as Miss Pennington, Mr Carter and Esther stared at her, their expressions still and considering.
‘Of course, if this idea is not to your liking…’ she babbled, ‘then I can show you the ideas I have for maybe a baby theme or just family as a whole or—’
‘Weddings…’ Joseph Carter murmured, his gaze on Ruby as he slowly nodded. ‘What do you think, Elizabeth?’
Miss Pennington turned to her husband and then Esther. Esther’s staid expression slowly softened as her smile grew wider.
Elizabeth grinned and faced Ruby. ‘Superb idea, Miss Taylor. Truly inspired. I cannot think of anything more fitting to rouse people’s spirits and look to happier times. Weddings mean family and friends united and hopeful for a young couple who have their whole lives ahead of them. Your idea will remind people of what matters. Love, trust and care. Family, children and loved ones.’ She looked at her husband and Esther a second time. ‘Are we all in agreement?’
‘Absolutely.’
‘Without a doubt.’
Ruby exhaled as her relief rushed out a whoosh of air. ‘Oh, I’m so pleased. I was so worried that you—’
‘No need to worry anymore,’ Miss Pennington laughed. ‘Go back to the design department and further your ideas. As soon as you know what you need to get started, let me know and you will have mine and Mr Carter’s full support. We have just over a month to bring your idea to fruition. As of the 1st of June, Pennington’s will unveil its new, hopeful main window. Congratulations.’
‘Thank you so much.’ Ruby clutched her notebook to her chest, desperate to escape the office so she might hurry to the shop floor and tell Victoria her news. ‘Shall I get started straight away?’
‘Absolutely.’
Ruby left the office and walked as fast as her legs could carry her along the wood-panelled executive corridor. Once inside the lift, she leaned against the wall and grinned, ignoring the attendant’s curious glances.
At last, everything in her life seemed to be taking a turn for the better. First, escape from her mother and now a Pennington’s window all of her own. She had never felt so blessed.
Thirty-Nine
Amelia stood in the atrium of RH Macy & Co in utter stupor.
She tried to take a forceful step forward in her mission to see how American department stores differed from Pennington’s, but her feet remained stuck to the floor. Her initial observation of her very first New York store, was that everything was different.
The store was at least five or six times bigger than Pennington’s, its entrance twice as grand. But it wasn’t just its size that had frozen Amelia’s boots to the floor, rather the mania surrounding her – no, that infused her. Crowds of people walked around, their faces eager and seemingly hypnotised by an overwhelming need to spend, spend, spend.
Lights shone, music played, chatter exploded, and laughter rang unrestrained. Where Pennington’s held a mysterious and exciting aura, RH Macy’s held an abundance of enjoyment and frivolous frivolity. People tipped their heads back and laughed aloud, women strode at lightning speed, their arms intertwined and pulling each other along to see the next counter and the next.
Someone bumped hard into her shoulder and Amelia stumbled forward.
The man gripped her elbow, grinned and doffed his hat. ‘Sorry, miss.’
‘Not at all,’ Amelia managed, trying not to laugh. The man didn’t look in the least bit sorry, but his delightful gaze and wide smile wiped away any annoyance she might have felt. ‘Good afternoon to you.’
He winked and sped off into the crowds, entirely out of sight before she drew a second breath. Amelia moved into the throng, her purse tightly clasped under her arm as she stared at everything and everyone. The merchandise barely differed from the wonders that could be found at Pennington’s, the clothes on offer as diverse and affordable, the jewellery shining just as brightly. The biggest difference was most definitely the atmosphere and Amelia grew profoundly heady.
Excitement and power swept through her as she pulled back her shoulders and headed for a side staircase leading to the next floor. People shouted and called to one another with abandon, their beaming faces looking into their children’s as they were carried in their parents’ arms or on their shoulders.
There was little decorum and even less politeness among the customers, but it didn’t matter or affect what they were here to do.
Shop.
She entered the toy department and once again her steps faltered. Light, laughter and love seemed to seep from every doll, train set and teddy bear. Children ran amok, their parents and guardians chasing after them, each looking as youthful as their charges. A tangible excitement bounced from the walls making adults and children hurry to the cash desks with the toys they just had to have.
All the neglect and emptiness of Amelia’s childhood fell away as she looked into the faces of these delightful children, her heart swelling with a certainty she had never known. Her mind had been filled with fashion and accessories while at Pennington’s, influenced and mentored by Elizabeth and Esther, she never once considered toys her passion.
Yet, suddenly, she had a deep yearning to be a part of this mad euphoria, to acquire new toys and games and watch these children relish in the discovery and buying of them. Why she felt this way she had no idea, but it was as though she was shedding an old skin and being enveloped by a new one… one that would make her stand taller, prouder and happier than she’d ever thought possible before now.
The blinkers fell from her eyes.
If she were to remain in New York, she could be whomever she wanted to be. No more hiding her past, hiding her assault and the shame that marked her a used woman. Here, she could become someone brand new. A woman who worked in retail and did everything in her power to bring children joy. Nothing had ever felt so completely right.
She whipped her notebook and pen from her purse and set to work.
Dusk had begun to fall by the time Amelia emerged from RH Macy’s and the moment she stepped out into the softly falling drizzle, she wanted to turn around and go back inside. Maybe even hide until the store’s lights were extinguished and she could walk around inside, unnoticed in the darkness.
She was giddy with excitement and, as she strode along the street towards her hotel, all she wanted to do was seek out Samuel and tell him all she had seen, heard and talked about with the customers and shop girls at the phenomenon that was RH Macy’s.
Would Samuel listen to her about such things? Was he a man with any interest in shopping? Maybe not. Amelia smiled. But he did care about her. Memories of his kisses tingled on her lips and her body heated. He was such a good man. A strong man. A caring man. So very different, in fact, from any man she’d ever met.
He had a rawness to him that was unique. An almost dangerous intensity that should have set her running in the opposite direction yet held her in its thrall whenever he looked at her a certain way, with a certain desire.
She walked into the hotel lobby and looked around at the people
cradling early evening drinks as they relaxed with family and friends or business associates. Not seeing Samuel among them, she slowly walked towards the bar area, a little apprehensive about entering alone.
Then she spotted him.
Taking a moment to study him unnoticed, Amelia breathed deep and tried to work out these new feelings Samuel Murphy had provoked in her. It was an impossible task when she had no idea what her attraction and interest in him meant or what she was to do about it. For all the possibilities her visit to the department store has aroused in her, her life was in Bath… at Pennington’s. The thought of turning her back on her security was terrifying, but the Titanic sinking had irrevocably changed her – would possibly change the whole world, once more and more people learned of the tragedy.
Life changed all the time. Maybe it was time hers did, too.
She approached Samuel where he sat alone on a high stool at the bar. Feeling brave, she gently placed her hand on his shoulder. ‘Good evening.’
He slowly turned, and Amelia immediately pulled her hand away, her stomach knotting with apprehension. His gaze was angry and glazed, his mouth draw into such a tight line, his lips showed white.
Fear whispered through her and she stepped back, feeling foolish. ‘Are you drunk?’
‘Yes. And so what if I am?’ He turned back to his glass and drained it. He lifted it to the barman. ‘Another.’
Alarm wound around her heart and squeezed until she worried how she would take her next breath. Memories rushed her mind as the brandy-filled smell of the master’s breath on her cheek and neck rose in her nostrils, his heavy body pressing against hers as he clawed and pulled at her blouse, the buttons ripping and her cries going unheeded in such a huge and empty house…
‘I… I’ll go.’ She moved to walk away when Samuel reached out and grabbed her wrist, his gaze burning into hers. She lifted her chin and hissed, ‘Let go of me, Samuel. Right now.’
He held a second longer before releasing her, raising his hand in the air. ‘Sorry.’ He closed his eyes and turned away from her. ‘God, I’m sorry. For everything.’
Amelia stared at his turned cheek, uncertain even as her fear began to dissolve. Why was he in such a state? Had the sinking suddenly paralysed him? Sent him into a swirl of disbelief and confusion?
‘What has happened?’ she asked, softly. ‘Why are you being like this?’
‘Just go, Amelia. I was wrong about everything. I’m trapped. The life Archie wanted for me was a pipe dream.’ He picked up the filled glass the barman had put on the bar and drank. ‘I shouldn’t have painted you a picture of what is surely impossible. I shouldn’t have even tried to make you see the world differently. This is it. What we have now is what we’ll always have.’
She slowly slid onto the stool next to him and curled her hand around his where it lay limply on the bar. ‘Who have you been speaking to?’
He turned and her heart jolted to see tears in his eyes, his gaze glazed in distress. ‘I’ve had a telegram from my mother.’
Forty
Samuel stared into the amber depths of his glass, unable to bear the weight of the disappointment in Amelia’s dark brown eyes. He mentally willed her to leave him to wallow in his self-serving pity. To keep his neck tight in the noose that his mother’s neediness had pulled taut enough to choke his dreams. Just as it always had and, no doubt, always would.
But Amelia didn’t leave. Instead, she raised her hand to the barman. ‘A lime cordial, please.’
Samuel closed his eyes, his hand gripping his glass. ‘Can’t you join me?’
‘I’m here, aren’t I?’
‘In a proper drink, I mean.’
She raised her eyebrows, her gaze challenging. ‘Why? Will it make you feel better?’
He swallowed as shame threatened before he lifted his chin, feigning arrogance. ‘As a matter of fact, it will, yes.’
Her gaze wandered over his face to linger a moment at his lips before she faced the bartender. ‘Excuse me? Sorry, could I change my order to a glass of white wine?’
‘Of course, miss.’
Samuel bounced his foot against the footrest on his stool, his moroseness giving way to embarrassment. ‘I didn’t mean to talk to you like that. When you came into the bar, I mean.’
‘I know you didn’t. Thank you.’ She accepted her glass of wine from the barman and sipped. ‘Why don’t you tell me what your mother said?’
‘She’s begging me to return home. My sister is pregnant, and I can only assume the father is nowhere to be seen.’ He pushed his hand into his hair. ‘How in God’s name can I abandon them now?’
Concern shadowed her gaze. ‘I see.’
‘On top of that, how can I realistically go on here when I have no idea what I’ll do until I get paid. I can probably afford another three nights at this hotel, at a push, or else six days somewhere cheaper.’ He stared at her, his fingers itching to touch hers. ‘I don’t want to leave, Amelia, but I don’t think I have a choice. I thought we’d have at least two weeks together before you decide whether or not you want to stay. Now it seems I could be leaving before you.’
Her eyes never left his as Samuel’s heart beat out the seconds, willing her to say something… say she’d come back to England with him if that’s what it would take for them to be together.
She exhaled a shaky breath and lifted her drink. ‘Tell me how you got on at the station. Did you get a job?’
Confused by her change in subject and how Grand Central even mattered anymore, Samuel frowned. ‘I did, but I don’t see—’
‘Then you shouldn’t be so hasty in your urgency to abide by your mother’s bidding.’ She took a long sip of her drink as though fortifying herself. ‘I spent a couple of hours walking around RH Macy’s department store today. It was mesmerising.’ Her eyes immediately glittered with excitement as her mouth curved into a wide smile. ‘Like nothing I’ve ever seen before.’ She gripped his forearm where it lay on the bar. ‘You have to see it, Samuel. I thought Pennington’s was the most glamorous place on earth and it probably is, but RH Macy’s has an… energy, a pulse. People were just running around as though afraid they might miss something. Children laughed and played. Friends joked and nudged one another. Even the elderly seemed perfectly content to be jostled amid the madness. It was intoxicating.’
Samuel’s gut clenched with trepidation. Had she even heard that he was leaving? Or had her trip today turned her mind to staying in New York regardless of anything or anyone? He sipped his drink, sickness rolling through him. For all his persuading, had he unwittingly lost her? This wasn’t the serious woman he’d met on the Titanic. A woman intent on doing the job she was sent to America to do. To impress her employers and rush back to report her new ideas for Pennington’s future. Now, Amelia wore the look of fascination that surpassed the intention of leaving everything she knew behind. Was everything he’d wanted, everything he’d been determined he and Amelia do together when they reached New York now lost to him because he had little choice but to return home?
Selfishness and frustration simmered inside of him and Samuel drained his glass, hating the way he was feeling. ‘Which means what exactly?’
‘It means you were right. New York is a place where anyone can start again. Where anyone can be whoever they want to be.’ She sipped her drink. ‘It’s a land of freedom, just like the Statue of Liberty represents. If any of the other stores here have half the excitement of RH Macy’s, I cannot see myself returning home.’ She laughed a little hysterically. ‘Although how I’ll ever tell Elizabeth that I’m not sure. And which department captured my fascination most firmly? Go on, guess. You’ll never believe it.’
Darkness shrouded him and Samuel looked away from her bewitching gaze, ignoring her question. ‘If you stay, you’ll be staying alone. Clearly, you haven’t listened to what I told you about my mother and sister. I have to go home.’
The ensuing silence pressed down on him, and with each passing moment he sensed the joy
slipping out of her. His tone and words had slashed at her happiness like knives dipped in poison. You’re a bastard, Samuel Murphy. A useless, selfish bastard.
She drained her glass and carefully laid it on the bar. ‘So, all that talk about making our own lives, doing all you can to carry out your friend’s plans for you, are finished because of your sister’s pregnancy? Doesn’t your mother understand that you have survived what I think will be one of the worst nautical disasters the world will ever see?’
‘You don’t understand.’
‘Don’t insult me.’
He winced at the sharpness of her tone, the fire in her voice.
She leaned closer to him, her cheeks red and her eyes angry. ‘You have no idea who I am, Samuel, no idea at all. You don’t know what I’ve endured, and the things I’ve triumphed. If I stay here, I risk hurtling back to the poverty I once knew, the loneliness and days of being so unsure of myself that it was sometimes hard to drag myself out of bed. I was raped. Raped by a man I should’ve been able to trust. Raped, used and discarded. Yet, here I am, in New York, sitting beside one of the most amazing men I’ve ever met and drinking sweet white wine. If you, or anyone else, thinks they can extinguish the certainty, the absolute euphoria, I felt in that store today, you are sadly mistaken. I am still undecided if I will stay here or return to Pennington’s, but I will take these two weeks and wring every last drop of happiness out of them. Then, and only then, will I decide what I want to do next.’
His heart beat fast.
She was raped? His Amelia? Some bastard had hurt her, violated her…
Anger turned his vision red, his heart breaking inside his chest as he fought to take his next breath.
He looked deep into her eyes, words to comfort her, to love her, flailing helplessly on his tongue. ‘Amelia…’
‘Don’t.’ Her eyes blazed with fury, tears teetering on her lashes. ‘Don’t say anything.’ His breaths turned harried as their eyes locked, every person in the room seeming to vanish, the noise surrounding them now eerily muted.
A Shop Girl at Sea Page 19