by Susie Tate
“Oh … wow. I just think the lighting’s a bit off now. Lets do it tomorrow or … we can–”
“What’s the problem?” Max stood on the other side of my desk, his eyes flicking between Verity and me.
“Mia’s being shy about the website photo,” Verity told him, waving the camera in my direction. I wanted to shrink into the chair.
“You don’t want to have your photo taken?”
“Look, nobody is going to care who sorts out IT for you guys. The only ones they care about are the peeps who actually design the buildings. You don’t have the cleaning crew on the website.”
“Don’t put yourself down,” Max told me, his voice edged with annoyance. “You’re just as important to the running of this company as anyone else in this office. Well, anyone but Yaz. We’d probably survive fine without her.”
Yaz gave him a one-finger salute from across the floor. She’d been arranging aromatherapy diffusers all over the office for the last hour. It smelt like a spa on steroids in here.
“Come on,” Max said, gesturing for me to stand. “I’m not going to have some ghost working in the company. We need everyone front and centre. It looks better if we have more employees visible. Like we’re a sustainable company. The photo is non negotiable.”
“I will not have my photo on your website,” I told him through gritted teeth, my anger rising.
He was so bossy!
I wasn’t in the mood for this today. I still couldn’t seem to get a sodding bank account. The manager in Barclays simply told me there was nothing he could do – as if I wasn’t a person worth an account. Now all I had was £50 left over from my cash payment from last pay day. Mary, who sorted the finances, had already asked for my bank account details twice today for payroll. I needed that account and I needed to have enough money to stay somewhere secure. What I did not need to do was publish yet more evidence of my whereabouts on a public website.
Since Nate had visited last week I’d been in a state of permanent panic. I didn’t believe in coincidences – Adrian must have told Nate that he saw me in London. It was sheer luck that I’d managed to avoid him when he’d been in the office. I wasn’t leaving anything to luck anymore. Over the last few days I’d done some digging of my own. Nate was one of the potential investors for the eco village project, but when I’d casually brought it up his name with Verity she’d frowned and told me he was a horse’s arse. Apparently he had stipulated a lot of cost cutting demands for the project before he would invest, but his changes would compromise the carbon neutrality of the houses and she told me Max wasn’t keen to do that at all. So it looked as though the company wouldn’t be working with Nate after all, but I still wasn’t reassured enough to let them put my picture on the website.
“You bloody well will,” Max snapped. “And … and you’ll eat lunch too. It’s two o’clock and you haven’t left your desk all morning.”
My eyes went wide and I stood up from my chair to take a step away from him. He was too close. I hadn’t been this close to him since the copy room incident last week. It seemed as though he’d given up trying to extract information from me. Which is what I wanted. He was my boss. A much more appropriate employer-employee relationship was better for everyone.
At least that’s what I told myself.
But there may have been a teeny part of me that was hurt. It was the same part that still had hope that I could not only recover from what Nate did to me, but that I could be happy again. The same part that actually acknowledged the real reason Max unsettled me so much. The rest of me, being far more sensible and way too jaded by experience, knew that my attraction towards Max was ridiculous, could never lead anywhere, and was the last thing I needed.
So I was happy Max had been treating me like any other employee. At least most of me was – a good ninety-five percent … give or take. Therefore I did not need him to invade my personal space, show concern for my eating habits again and be an insufferably bossy bastard. Not if I wanted to continue squashing that little teeny tiny five percent.
“I will not have my photo taken!”
It was only after the office fell silent that I realised I’d raised my voice. I was as shocked as anyone to be honest. I didn’t think I’d raised my voice to another person in years. But my picture was not going on that website, and whether or not I ate lunch was my own damn business.
“Mia,” Verity’s calm voice cut through the tension. She had gone from regarding me with irritation to some concern. “Let’s discuss this in private, okay?”
I glanced at Max and noticed he was looking down at my hands with a frown on his face. I forced myself to relax my fingers from the tight fists they had bunched up into.
Heat crept up my face as I cleared my throat. “Right,” I said. “Good idea.” Without looking back at Max I followed Verity to her office, the rest of the staff watching every step I took. It didn’t surprise me that when I went to shut the door behind me Yaz barrelled in. But I was shocked when Max followed in her wake. Verity glanced at them both after Max shut the door. She rolled her eyes but didn’t ask them to leave.
“So, what’s going on?” Verity asked, leaning against her desk and staring straight at me.
*****
Max
She looked like a cornered animal again and I felt my chest clench. Over the last two weeks Mia had largely lost that look. She didn’t flinch at sudden noises, her eyes weren’t full of shadows like before and she smiled. Not at me, never at me, but it happened. I watched her smiles and her growing confidence from a safe distance.
“Is this because you’re planning on leaving?” Verity asked, crossing her arms over her chest and narrowing her eyes. “Because if you’ve been in talks with a competitor, I’ve got to tell you that’s a pretty shitty thing to do. Especially after we gave you a chance when you first came to us without even a proper CV.”
“I-I-I wouldn’t go to a competitor,” Mia stammered, her face stricken that Verity would think so poorly of her. “Of course I wouldn’t. I–”
“Well, if you won’t go on the website,” Verify interrupted, “then you obviously don’t consider yourself a permanent member of staff. Which I think is a bit–”
“You think I would give up my job here?” Mia’s stammer had gone now and her fists were once again clenched at her side. “Do you have any idea how much this job has meant to me?” Verity’s eyes widened with shock at Mia’s rising tone and she went to take a step forward but Mia held up a hand to ward her off.
“Mia, I–”
“When I came here I looked like a … what was it, Max? A ‘scrawny emo teenage weirdo’. And despite that, you employed me. I will never forget that you gave me a chance. Not ever.” Her last words were shaky and a film of tears was shimmering over the blue of her eyes.
“Oh Mia, I–” Verity was cut off again. Twice in one conversation was unheard of for Verity.
“And I haven’t exactly been the model employee since then, have I?” Mia’s voice shook. “I spilt tea all over that model, I’ve refused to work on reception, I stole …” she broke off. Her eyes closed briefly and she swallowed before continuing in a hoarse voice, “I may have stolen some food from the kitchen. I’ve lied and …” She broke off as a small sob worked its way out of her mouth before she tamped it back down, blinking away the film of tears that had sprung up in her eyes and forcing her face into a blank expression again. The control she had over her emotions was almost eerie. Yaz went to approach her, but Mia stepped back and put up a hand to ward her off.
“Mia, stop this now,” I said in a firm voice. “I don’t want to hear you talk about yourself like that ever again. Understand me?”
“Max, you don’t have to–”
“No, Mia, I’m serious. Do you have any idea how much value you’ve added to the company? Why do you think Verity’s turned all paranoid about you leaving? You’ve sorted out the BIM for all of our recent projects. You’ve helped every single person in this office and saved thou
sands of man-hours. I don’t give a fuck if you’ve eaten some of our food. Why are you even worried about having a cheeky bit of toast in the kitchen?” Goddamn it – now my voice was getting all choked up. I could feel my man card slipping out of my grasp.
“Mia, I’m sorry I accused you of going behind my back,” Verity said softly, her voice also a little choked. “I had no idea you felt like this. You’re not our indentured servant just because I gave you a chance when you needed one. I hope you know that. I hope you stay because you want to stay. Are you … I mean do you need money? Are you in some kind of trouble? We don’t care about the food but if you need help then you only have to ask.”
“It’s fine. I’m fine,” Mia said tilting her jaw to a familiar stubborn angle. I had a strong impulse to drag her across the office hold her against me, but I knew that would make me seem more than a little weird and inappropriate. “I just had some financial problems for a while, but that’s all sorted now. The only thing I need is for you not to push me about the photo. I’m asking not to even be listed on the website as an employee. It won’t be forever. But for now I can’t have that kind of exposure.”
“Okay, Mia,” Verity said, searching her face. “But we’re here if you need us, right?”
“Right, of course.” Mia’s assurance was completely unconvincing, but it was clear that she had confided as much as she was willing to us. I decided not to push her for now.
Something I would regret.
Chapter 13
Have you heard of sepsis?
Mia
The coughing was one thing, but struggling to breathe was a whole other pain in the arse that I could do without. Even walking to the kitchen had left me breathing so hard that I had to lean against the counter for a moment before I could reach up to get a cup. Distracted by another coughing fit, I forgot to use my left arm and reached up with my right hand, which couldn’t even make it to the shelf the mugs were on. I swore under my breath and sensed movement in her peripheral vision.
“If you’re ill you really shouldn’t be in work,” Max told me and I held back an eye roll. He’d come in last week carrying the viral plague so he was on shaky ground taking that line of argument.
I ignored him and switched hands to grab a cup with my left.
“It’s just a cold,” I said, stifling the next coughing fit with a vicious swallow. The very last thing I needed was to be sent home. I was home.
“You get here pretty early, huh?” Max asked, crossing his arms over his chest and leaning his hip against the counter next to me.
“I’ve always been a morning person,” I muttered, handing him a tea, which was brewed to his exact specifications. Since I’d overheard him on the phone after I started here I’d made sure that I made him tea every day. Usually I managed to leave it in his office for him without having to speak to him, like some sort of tea ninja. He scowled down at the cup I’d just placed in his hands and I sighed. There was no pleasing some people.
“Look, I’ll hide in the copy room for the day. There’s loads of menial stuff needs sorting in there and I can keep my germs to myself.”
“You’ve got a weird obsession with the copy room. You’re way too talented to be stuck in there.” He sighed. “Use my office. I’m out this morning anyway.”
My reservations about using Max’s space were quickly overridden by the realisation that I was properly ill. As the day went on, every breath and cough had become excruciatingly painful in the right side of my chest – like a hot knife stabbing through my ribs. And then there were the sweats. They’d been happening all day, despite the fact I felt chilled to the bone. I desperately needed a shower to warm up. I had managed to sneak into the leisure centre for one yesterday, but there was no way I was strong enough to able to repeat that tonight. And besides, all I really wanted to do was curl up in my sleeping bag and go to sleep, which I could happily do if only everyone would just bugger off for the day. It’s six o’clock people! Don’t you all have families to go to? Once they were gone, I wasn’t going to be cautious and wait until nearly midnight to bed down. I would curl up as soon as possible. As a precaution I’d sleep under one of the desks. Another coughing fit wracked my body and I almost collapsed with the pain.
Maybe I should try to get checked out? But I couldn’t exactly go to the GP. They would want my address and some form of identification (something which Verity had been hounding me about lately as well). That was why I hadn’t replied to Heath’s text about the physio. He’d asked which GP I was registered with and I realised that in order to have any physio things would have to get a whole lot more complicated. So, no GP. No emergency department either. The last thing I needed was a curious Heath hovering over me if he was on shift.
No, it was probably just a virus anyway.
I could sleep it off.
But by the time the last person had left for the day and I had crawled into my sleeping bag, I realised I’d made a big mistake.
*****
Max
I shivered in the morning air as I pushed through into the building. It was after seven. Maybe I should have set up the heating to come on earlier? It was brass monkeys right now – I could see my breath in front of my face. I stopped by the boiler to make sure it was cranking up and blew into my hands as I strode through to my office, pausing as something caught my eye under one of the desks. I frowned and cocked my head to the side. Had someone left a pile of coats on the floor? As I rounded the desk I realised that this no pile of coats. It was a sleeping bag containing a person, and that person was Mia. My eyebrows went up into my hairline and I sucked in a shocked breath.
“Mia?” I called and she stirred. Her eyelids flickered but then closed again. I crouched down in front of her and my chest seized. She looked so small lying there curled into a tiny ball. The air in the office was still frigid. I cursed myself for being too tight to keep the heating on overnight. But how was I to know that women were going to take to sleeping under desks? She’d said she had financial problems – she hadn’t said she was homeless. “Mia?” I reached out and gave her shoulder a light shake. She made a small sound and her eyelids flickered again, but still she didn’t wake up.
It was then I noticed that, despite the cold, her face was covered in a sheen of sweat and she looked deathly pale. I laid my hand on her forehead and swore when I felt the burning skin under my fingers. Her breathing was laboured, and as I withdrew my hand she started coughing. Goddamn it, I’d heard her coughing over the last couple of weeks. But she’d always reassured me she was fine. So I’d ignored it, just like she’d been ignoring me. I’d been trying to forget about her somewhat to be honest. I’d thought my preoccupation with her was unhealthy, so I’d squashed down my concern and done what I did best – bury myself in work. It was how I coped with losing Rebecca and Teddy’s recent rejection after all. Burying things and working like a maniac was what I did best.
Mia’s coughing was a terrible hacking sound that wracked her entire body, but still didn’t seem to be enough to wake her up. I was starting to get scared now. I shook her shoulder a little more forcefully and called her name again, but still only managed to elicit that small eyelid flicker. Standing up from my crouch, one of my hands went to the back of my neck as I stared down at her. My mind ran through all of the options. I could ring Heath (but who knew how long he would take to get here and what he could actually do without any equipment?). I could call an ambulance (maybe the most sensible option, but again, how long would we have to wait?). Or I could take her to hospital now myself. Looking at her curled up like that on the ground, I went with my gut instinct.
“Max, what’s going on?” Verity called from across the office. I looked up and saw her standing with Yaz, both of them staring at me and the crumpled figure at my feet. “What on earth?”
Verity’s eyes widened as they approached Mia. Ignoring Verity and Yaz, I crouched down and slipped my arms underneath Mia. Trying to be as gentle as possible I pulled her out from under the de
sk, sleeping bag and all. Once she was out it took no effort at all the lift her up against my chest. In fact I was a little frightened by how easy it was to pick her up. She weighed next to nothing. To my relief lifting her did seem to be stimulus enough to pull her back to consciousness.
“Wh – what?” she said in a hoarse whisper. I looked down at her face and those chocolate eyes met mine. “I-I-I …”
“You’re sick,” I said, for once managing to gentle my voice. I moved the arm that was around her back so that I could tuck the sleeping bag more firmly around her neck.
“I don’t think – ”
“You’re not going to do any more thinking,” I said. “Clearly your thinking about your health and welfare has been less than stellar. I’m going to be doing the thinking now. We’ll start by getting you to hospital.”
Despite the exhaustion I could see written all over her face, her eyes filled with panic. “N-no, I can’t– ” she was cut off by another coughing fit. That horrible hacking sound filled the office, her whole body tensing and bending with the force of it as she lay in my arms. After she was done she looked up at me again. Her mouth was set in a grim line and the panic in her eyes was replaced with pain. Her breathing was back to that unnatural rattle.
“Okay,” she whispered as her eyelids fluttered closed again. If anything she looked paler than before. I was starting to get really scared now and her acquiescence worried me even more.
“I’m taking her to A&E,” I told Verity and Yaz. They were both staring at me with openly shocked expressions now.
“Don’t you think we should call an ambulance?” Verity said. I ignored her, tucked Mia’s small body closer into my chest, and strode out of the office.
*****
Mia
The first thing I thought as I blinked open my eyes was that the lights were really bright. Painfully bright. And something was covering my mouth. Reaching up I felt a plastic mask over my face, and quickly pulled it down to below my chin. My left hand also felt restricted, and when I looked down I saw bandaging around it, securing some tubing. My eyes followed the tubing up to a drip-stand next to the bed I was lying on, and that’s when I saw them: two huge feet, clad in boots that had seen better days. My gaze drifted up from the feet to large legs spread wide, a broad chest, stubbled jaw and finally that face in all its chiselled perfection. Max’s eyes were closed, his hands resting over his flat stomach and his head at an awkward angle on the chair. In sleep, and without his perpetual scowl, he was so handsome it almost hurt to look at him. I tried to push up to sitting and the coughing started again.