by Richard Amos
Always.
This is why I’m so done. My marriage went to shit and then my husband died. Some half-fae hunk kisses me and that quickly becomes sour milk. I am a creature built to kill an invading species and save a city, possibly the world. Love can go fuck itself. I had a destiny to fulfil.
Love?
“Fuck off!” I yelled at my inner voice. “And fuck him!”
After I’d smacked the shit out of the punching bag in a bid to curb my rising frustration, I had a quick shower and went to join the others in the dining room.
It was seven o’clock.
I took a seat at the table next to Nay, opposite Dean.
“Good morning, Jake,” Karla greeted me.
“Morning.”
Just a kiss? Right. It was back to no eye contact and avoidance—this time with injected anger. I’d started a fire inside me to burn away all of the crap that afflicted me. Dean was hot, nothing more. It was lust, no other feeling. His mysterious aura was nothing more than something belonging to a prick. I was out of the web, beyond wanting to know more about him, to kiss him again. Clarity was bloody awesome. He’d turned my head, so I was turning it back.
No more angst …
But you like him …
Get into the fire, knob head!
I picked up a croissant and tore a chunk out of it with my teeth.
“Would you care for some blackcurrant jam, sir?” Mr. Douglas asked, standing at my side. “I know it is your favorite.”
I hadn’t noticed he was there. “No, thank you.”
“Very well, sir.”
“You okay, babe?” Nay whispered.
“Fine.” I looked up at Greg. “I’m fine,” I said to him across the table as he opened his mouth to speak.
The dining table was laid out with breakfast goodies. I didn’t want any of it, not even this croissant. But I wasn’t about to go hungry because of one stupid man. So I got myself some bacon, not once letting my eyes slide up to the figure mere feet away.
How did I let myself fall into the mire of romance?
Romance?
Shut it!
His kiss …
Fuck his kiss!
His touch …
All in the flames!
I jabbed at a sausage. I looked up at Greg again, who had an eyebrow firmly cocked.
“I apologize for delaying this meeting until now,” Karla said.
“No worries,” Greg answered.
“I was exhausted and could not even begin to think on the things you had discovered from the white-eyed gentleman.”
“He’d give anyone a headache,” I added.
“Yet still he wants to help,” she countered.
“For his own evil deeds,” I fired back.
“Yes.”
“Anything from Floyd?” Greg asked.
“Unfortunately not,” she said and sighed heavily. “He rambles on about the beast priesthood most of the time now.”
“He’s eaten two pigs alive,” I said. “What more does he want?”
“Human flesh,” she said. “Which is out of the question.”
“The pigs should have been left out of it too,” I responded coolly.
“He said it’d help his blood magic to see more,” Greg chimed in.
“He’s a liar.” I spat it with such malice that I surprised myself.
“He is a beast first and foremost,” Karla said. “Floyd is not on our side.”
“Luke was.”
“Jake,” Greg said.
“What?”
“That’s not what she means, mate.”
I sighed and shook my head. “Sorry, Karla.”
“No need to be. We occupy gray areas in this life we are stuck in.”
“I’ll say,” Nay agreed.
She offered me a smile.
I returned it, albeit weak as hell. “So, the beast realm.”
“Completely new territory for all in this room,” Karla said. “All we have is some records from those who studied it when they crossed over. They are minimal.” She had some documents before her on the table.
“The white eye guy seems to know a lot,” I said, skewering another sausage.
She didn’t answer that. “What I have discovered is that there is indeed a palace by a lake in the records.”
Her being blind had never got in her way over the three-ish months I’d known her. It never stopped leaving me in awe of her tenacity to get shit done.
“It’ll be heavily guarded,” Dean said.
No shit, knob head.
“So, we start with stealth and scoping,” Nay offered. “Get the lay of the land from undercover. We can’t just rock up and ring the doorbell.”
“If only we could nuke it,” Greg said. “That’d be sweet.”
“But still would not kill her,” Karla answered. “And Jake would not be able to go in and kill the injured Lilisian due to the radioactivity.”
Greg rolled his eyes. “It was a joke, Karla.”
She didn’t dignify his response with one of her own. “I think gathering intelligence is an excellent idea. Then you will proceed to break into the palace. The whole operation will need to be undertaken with stealth in order to succeed.”
“Sneak in and kill,” I added.
“Indeed, Jake. If you get into a fight, you will be outnumbered. So, sneaking back out will be required too.”
“Sounds like so much fun,” I drawled. “And super-tricky.”
“That’s life,” Dean said.
Like we needed your input! I stuffed some sausage into my gob.
“We have the relevant equipment to spy,” Karla continued. “Naomi has some wonderful binoculars that would be of great help.”
“You’ll have to them give them a go, babe,” Nay added.
“Nothing can be taken that will weigh you down too much,” Karla said. “That means, Greg, your hammer will have to stay behind.”
“No worries.”
“This is a full assault on the Supreme beast. Her time has come. I believe in every single one of you. I do not even need to tell you how dangerous this is. Yet it has to happen for the good of Coldharbour. If the white-eyed gentleman is correct, then this is the best time to hit her before she can wreak terror on the city.” She sighed. “I have copies of the maps for each of you to study.” She picked up her china cup and sipped her ginger tea. “You will leave tonight.”
“Really?” I said.
“Will you need more time?” she asked.
“No, I guess not.”
“Today is Thursday. The weekend is upon us. We have to move on this now.”
She was right. It wasn’t a trap of any kind, and the white eye guy had made it clear the window was gonna slam shut soon. Wow. We were really gonna do this.
“Gather your energy now. You will head out at ten o’clock. I will provide you with vials containing nutrients to sustain you in your time over there.”
“I’ll help you,” Nay said.
“Very well.”
“Wait,” I stepped in. “This all sounds so bloody clinical. That’s it? Boom, we’re done? Why ten? What’s special about that time?”
“You want more time-wasting chit chat?” Dean said.
Even his snipe didn’t make me look at him as I responded. “Whatever.”
“I get what you’re saying, Jakey,” Greg said. “I think Karla just threw a time out there.”
“I do not simply throw things out there, Greg. But what you are saying is true. I thought it would give you enough time to study the maps and discuss your plans with one another.”
“Like what will we do when we get to the gates and they’re heavily guarded,” I said. “And how do we find them?”
“You will,” she said. “The gates are not discreet to the eyes of supernaturals.”
I’d been near them before in the Industrial Quarter, but that was it. “I feel weird.”
“You’ll get over it,” Dean said.
I simply shook
my head.
“Let’s not argue about this,” Greg stepped in. “Time isn’t on our side. This is how it has to be.”
“Indeed,” Karla agreed. “Now, be sure to rest and study. I am going to take the rest of my breakfast in the library. Mr. Douglas?”
Dean left the dining room shortly after Karla without a word.
“Well,” Nay said, “I can see it all so clearly.”
“What?” I said.
“You and Dean—Greg told me. There’s something going on there.”
My jaw tensed.
“Sacred circle, remember?” Greg added.
“I’m glad you’re enlightened, Nay.”
“Nah, not really. Looks really messy.”
“It’s confusing,” I said. “I don’t understand any of it—not even the stuff in my head.”
Greg sighed. “We need to fix this. Couldn’t you just bang and get it out of your system?”
“What the hell, Greg?”
“Jakey, this stuff can work. Sometimes people get driven wild by pheromones and need to exorcise their horny demons. Then it’s done, thank you very much for the fun, and all back to normal.”
“I don’t do stuff like that.”
“Maybe you do, babe,” Nay added. “I mean, just this once. Your life isn’t the same as it was and maybe it’s your body, or soul, just needing to clear the air.”
I shook my head. “I can’t.”
“Oh, babe.”
“I don’t want any of that. I just want it to go away.”
Liar …
She took my hand and Greg came to sit next to me. “I wish I had a potion for grief,” she said.
“So do I.”
I wasn’t gonna cry.
“Sorry, mate,” Greg said. “Maybe we’re trying to be too helpful.”
“No, I get what you’re saying.” And I truly did. I wanted a vodka, a line of coke, even a cigarette, anything to make it all stop. I didn’t want these feelings.
Idiot!
I drew some deep breaths. The temptation would always be there. Resistance was my sword and shield.
Nay patted my hand. “Come on. Let’s go through the maps together.”
“Shouldn’t Lord Broody be here with us?”
She giggled. “I’ll go get him in a bit. Let him go and … brood.”
Chapter Seven
Someone knocked on my door as I sat on my bed studying the map for the umpteenth time. It was all kinds of surreal looking at the lake inked on the paper, the shape of the land, the notes written on the side. Two miles from the gates was what they said about the palace.
The knock came again.
“Yeah?”
The door opened, and Dean stepped inside.
I stood up. “What do you want?”
He didn’t say anything as he closed the door behind him.
“You’re just gonna stand there?”
Still nothing.
Okay then. “Kindly get the fuck out of my room.”
He rushed me, grabbing my arms, his face stopping inches from mine. His lips were dangerously close. “I …” His breath entered my mouth and tasted so sweet, like edible air. “I just …”
“Get away from me,” I whispered.
His onyx eyes locked onto me, held me in place. I was helpless, drowning in the intensity of his stare, almost losing myself in those pools of darkness.
“Jake …”
“Please … get … away … from … me …”
He stepped back. “It wasn’t just a kiss.”
I gulped. “It wasn’t?”
“Of course it wasn’t.”
Butterflies did somersaults in my belly. “Then what?”
He scratched his day-old stubble. “I don’t know. Fuck! I don’t know, Jake!”
“Are you … bi?”
“What?”
“Are you bi? Confused?”
“That’s got nothing to do with it.”
“I think it does when you were sleeping with DI Williams.”
“Once.”
“Still. And what about your girlfriend—Sarah?”
“Sarah? I told you, that was dead in the water anyway.”
“But they’re women,” I said. “Don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I’m not.”
“Oh, I know, mate.”
I had to take a deep breath. “So you’re bisexual.”
“Jake, stop throwing labels at me.”
“I’m just asking if—”
He punched his right fist into his open left palm. “You’re in my head.”
“I-I am?”
“All I can think about is … you.” He started to pace. “It’s confusing the hell out of me. I mean, no one ever gets stuck in here.” He tapped his left temple. “Never. Not Sarah, not Rachel. No one, Jake. But you have and I don’t understand why.”
I’d just been bulldozed with revelations I didn’t understand. “So you’re attracted to me.”
“What the fuck is with you and that label shit?”
“Well, I can’t help it!”
“Listen, Jake.” He came closer. “You’re doing something to me. You’re in my dreams, you’re … I want to protect you. I hate not being the hero for you all the time.” He laughed. “Fuck! I don’t want Greg or Nay there, I just want to be there fighting for you, being your one and only guardian. How messed up is that?”
“I, er—”
“I don’t do these things, Jake. I need you out of my head before you trip me up.”
Another wallop from the bulldozer, loaded with something heavier. “Trip you up?”
“I need my head in the game.”
“Wow, you know all the right words to say.”
Something flashed across his face. Was that regret? “I’m trying to work this out with you.”
“Doesn’t seem to be going very well.”
He folded his arms. “Go on, then. Why did you kiss me back?”
My cheeks grew hot. Bollocks. “I don’t know.”
“Seems be to the key three words.” He shook his head. “Why did you have to go and make things complicated?”
“Me!”
“Yeah, you.”
“Get out, Dean. Just get out.”
“Fine.” He turned to leave. “Let’s just forget I said anything.”
“Bury it deep down, yeah? Great.”
“You do your job, and I’ll do mine.”
What happened to it being more than just a kiss? Man, he was confusing! “Sounds good to me.”
He left my bedroom. I sat back down on the bed, the wind knocked out of me.
What the actual bloody hell? So, he comes in here wanting to sort things, then—
“Screw this,” I said aloud. I’d been done since this morning, so I’d be done again now.
Dean Tseng was no longer gonna mess with my head.
Want his kiss again …
My door flew open and Dean came charging toward me.
I was on my feet once more. “What the f—”
He grabbed my face and landed a hard kiss on my lips. My desire kicked in, and I kissed him back just as hard, every inch of my lips sparking with want.
We fell together on my bed, him on top. His weight against me sent pulses of longing to every corner of my body. I could feel his hardness grind against my own.
I wrapped my hands around his neck, not coming up for air. Every single piece of resistance was now ash and thrown to the wind. There was nothing but lust for this man. God, did he taste so good! Cinnamon, orange and the rest complete male flesh.
My hands slid down his jumper and pulled it up, fingers finding the flesh of his toned back.
He kissed a little harder then went to my neck.
I gasped as he sucked my skin.
Bloody hell!
“Dean …”
He sucked on me like a horny vampire in a steamy paranormal romance novel.
“Dean …”
I was so lost in him, my neck so exposed to his
desire. I wanted him to devour me, to see more of him. My hands slid down his back to the band of his jeans. I paused there, hands trembling.
He stopped, coming up to face me.
His dark hair fell over his Asian features. I wanted to reach up and stroke it away from his eyes, to run a thumb across those delicious lips.
But I was frozen, suspended in confusion.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered and climbed off me.
“Dean?”
He pulled down his jumper and hurried out of the room.
My lips tingled from where he’d just been. I licked them, wanting to savor the taste.
“Dean …”
Then it hit me like a friggin’ tidal wave—guilt and sorrow, memories of my wedding day, my first time with Michael, and all those promises of forever.
I burst into tears and slid to the floor.
“I can’t take this,” I whispered through my sobbing. “I can’t …”
Chapter Eight
I was dressed in black from head to toe, ready to get killing. Oh, did I need to kill something after today’s bullshit.
The tears were all dried up for now, and I was doing my best to block out the memory of the Dean stuff two hours ago. If I was confused before I was now completely fucked up! But I wasn’t gonna let it get to me. I wished I could stick a great big ‘DONE’ over it. That would be too optimistic. For now, I was in battle mode.
One hour to go until we departed.
Crap. I was ready too early.
I picked up the book on the fae from my bedside table. Trust me to be crack it open on the page about how many powers of seduction they had. There were handy illustrations in there of a super-hot fae man and woman, barely clothed, oozing sex, sex and more sex. I frowned at the images and flipped the page.
“One kiss,” I read aloud, “can be all it takes for the trap to be set.”
Trap? I shook that thought away.
“Should they claim you with the power of lust, you will be in their thrall, theirs to command as they will it.”
I slammed the damned book. That wasn’t Dean’s game, surely. Why would it be? I shouldn’t be thinking these bad things that were bubbling up. That wasn’t fair to him. He was loyal to me, there was no question of that. He wanted to be my hero. And he was as lost as I was about stupid feelings.