by Don Marquis
CHAPTER XI
One night when I've been there more'n a week, and am getting kind o'tired staying in one place so long, I don't want to go to bed after Ieats, and I gets a-holt of some of the perfessor's cigars and goesinto the lib'ary to see if he's got anything fit to read. Setting therethinking of the awful remarkable people they is in this world I must ofwent to sleep. Purty soon, in my sleep, I hearn two voices. Then I wakedup sudden, and still hearn 'em, low and quicklike, in the room thatopens right off of the lib'ary with a couple of them sliding doors likeis onto a box car. One voice was a woman's voice, and it wasn't MissEstelle's.
"But I MUST see them before we go, Henry," she says.
And the other was a man's voice and it wasn't no one around our house.
"But, my God," he says, "suppose you get it yourself, Jane!"
I set up straight then, fur Jane was the perfessor's wife's first name.
"You mean suppose YOU get it," she says. I like to of seen the look shemust of give him to fit in with the way she says that YOU. He didn't saynothing, the man didn't; and then her voice softens down some, andshe says, low and slow: "Henry, wouldn't you love me if I DID get it?Suppose it marked and pitted me all up?"
"Oh, of course," he says, "of course I would. Nothing can change the wayI feel. YOU know that." He said it quick enough, all right, jest the waythey does in a show, but it sounded TOO MUCH like it does on the stageto of suited me if _I_'D been her. I seen folks overdo them little talksbefore this.
I listens some more, and then I sees how it is. This is that musicianfeller Biddy Malone's been talking about. Jane's going to run off withhim all right, but she's got to kiss the kids first. Women is like that.They may hate the kids' pa all right, but they's dad-burned few of 'emdon't like the kids. I thinks to myself: "It must be late. I bet theywas already started, or ready to start, and she made him bring her herefirst so's she could sneak in and see the kids. She jest simply couldn'tget by. But she's taking a fool risk, too. Fur how's she going to seeMargery with that nurse coming and going and hanging around all night?And even if she tries jest to see William Dear it's a ten to one shothe'll wake up and she'll be ketched at it."
And then I thinks, suppose she IS ketched at it? What of it? Ain't awoman got a right to come into her own house with her own door key, evenif they is a quarantine onto it, and see her kids? And if she is ketchedseeing them, how would any one know she was going to run off? And ain'tshe got a right to have a friend of hern and her husband's bring herover from her mother's house, even if it is a little late?
Then I seen she wasn't taking no great risks neither, and I thinks mebbyI better go and tell that perfessor what is going on, fur he has treatedme purty white. And then I thinks: "I'll be gosh-derned if I meddle.So fur as I can see that there perfessor ain't getting fur from what'scoming to him, nohow. And as fur HER, you got to let some people findout what they want fur theirselves. Anyhow, where do _I_ come in at?"
But I want to get a look at her and Henry, anyhow. So I eases off myshoes, careful-like, and I eases acrost the floor to them sliding doors,and I puts my eye down to the little crack. The talk is going backwardand forward between them two, him wanting her to come away quick, andher undecided whether to risk seeing the kids. And all the time she'skind o' hoping mebby she will be ketched if she tries to see the kids,and she's begging off fur more time ginerally.
Well, sir, I didn't blame that musician feller none when I seen her. Shewas a peach.
And I couldn't blame her so much, neither, when I thought of MissEstelle and all them scientifics of the perfessor's strung out fur yearsand years world without end.
Yet, when I seen the man, I sort o' wished she wouldn't. I seen rightoff that Henry wouldn't do. It takes a man with a lot of gumption tokeep a woman feeling good and not sorry fur doing it when he's marriedto her. But it takes a man with twicet as much to make her feel rightwhen they ain't married. This feller wears one of them little, brown,pointed beards fur to hide where his chin ain't. And his eyes is toomuch like a woman's. Which is the kind that gets the biggest piece ofpie at the lunch counter and fergits to thank the girl as cuts it big.She was setting in front of a table, twisting her fingers together, andhe was walking up and down. I seen he was mad and trying not to show it,and I seen he was scared of the smallpox and trying not to show that,too. And jest about that time something happened that kind o' jolted me.
They was one of them big chairs in the room where they was that has gota high back and spins around on itself. It was right acrost from me, onthe other side of the room, and it was facing the front window, whichwas a bow window. And that there chair begins to turn, slow and easy.First I thought she wasn't turning. Then I seen she was. But Jane andHenry didn't. They was all took up with each other in the middle of theroom, with their backs to it.
Henry is a-begging of Jane, and she turns a little more, that chairdoes. Will she squeak, I wonders?
"Don't you be a fool, Jane," says the Henry feller.
Around she comes three hull inches, that there chair, and nary a squeak.
"A fool?" asts Jane, and laughs. "And I'm not a fool to think of goingwith you at all, then?"
That chair, she moved six inches more and I seen the calf of a leg andpart of a crumpled-up coat tail.
"But I AM going with you, Henry," says Jane. And she gets up jest likeshe is going to put her arms around him.
But Jane don't. Fur that chair swings clear around and there sets theperfessor. He's all hunched up and caved in and he's rubbing his eyeslike he's jest woke up recent, and he's got a grin onto his face thatmakes him look like his sister Estelle looks all the time.
"Excuse me," says the perfessor.
They both swings around and faces him. I can hear my heart bumping. Janenever says a word. The man with the brown beard never says a word. Butif they felt like me they both felt like laying right down there andhaving a fit. They looks at him and he jest sets there and grins atthem.
But after a while Jane, she says:
"Well, now you KNOW! What are you going to do about it?"
Henry, he starts to say something too. But--
"Don't start anything," says the perfessor to him. "YOU aren't going todo anything." Or they was words to that effect.
"Professor Booth," he says, seeing he has got to say something or elseJane will think the worse of him, "I am--"
"Keep still," says the perfessor, real quiet. "I'll tend to you in aminute or two. YOU don't count for much. This thing is mostly between meand my wife."
When he talks so decided I thinks mebby that perfessor has got somethinginto him besides science after all. Jane, she looks kind o' surprisedherself. But she says nothing, except:
"What are you going to do, Frederick?" And she laughs one of them meankind of laughs, and looks at Henry like she wanted him to spunk up alittle more, and says: "What CAN you do, Frederick?"
Frederick, he says, not excited a bit:
"There's quite a number of things I COULD do that would look bad whenthey got into the newspapers. But it's none of them, unless one of youforces me to it." Then he says:
"You DID want to see the children, Jane?"
She nodded.
"Jane," he says, "can't you see I'm the better man?"
The perfessor, he was woke up after all them years of scientifics, andhe didn't want to see her go. "Look at him," he says, pointing to thefeller with the brown beard, "he's scared stiff right now."
Which I would of been scared myself if I'd a-been ketched that-a-waylike Henry was, and the perfessor's voice sounding like you was choppingice every time he spoke. I seen the perfessor didn't want to have noblood on the carpet without he had to have it, but I seen he was makingup his mind about something, too. Jane, she says:
"YOU a better man? YOU? You think you've been a model husband justbecause you've never beaten me, don't you?"
"No," says the perfessor, "I've been a blamed fool all right. I've beena worse fool, maybe, than if I HAD beaten you." Then he turns to He
nryand he says:
"Duels are out of fashion, aren't they? And a plain killing looks bad inthe papers, doesn't it? Well, you just wait for me." With which he getsup and trots out, and I hearn him running down stairs to his labertory.
Henry, he'd ruther go now. He don't want to wait. But with Janea-looking at him he's shamed not to wait. It's his place to make somekind of a strong action now to show Jane he is a great man. But he don'tdo it. And Jane is too much of a thoroughbred to show him she expectsit. And me, I'm getting the fidgets and wondering to myself, "What isthat there perfessor up to now? Whatever it is, it ain't like no oneelse. He is looney, that perfessor is. And she is kind o' looney, too.I wonder if they is any one that ain't looney sometimes?" I beenaround the country a good 'eal, too, and seen and hearn of some awfulremarkable things, and I never seen no one that wasn't more or lesslooney when the SEARCH US THE FEMM comes into the case. Which is a Dagoword I got out'n a newspaper and it means: "Who was the dead gent's ladyfriend?" And we all set and sweat and got the fidgets waiting fur thatperfessor to come back.
Which he done with that Sister Estelle grin onto his face and a pill boxin his hand. They was two pills in the box. He says, placid and chilly:
"Yes, sir, duels are out of fashion. This is the age of science. All thesame, the one that gets her has got to fight for her. If she isn't worthfighting for, she isn't worth having. Here are two pills. I made 'emmyself. One has enough poison in it to kill a regiment when it gets toworking well--which it does fifteen minutes after it is taken. The otherone has got nothing harmful in it. If you get the poison one, I keepher. If I get it, you can have her. Only I hope you will wait longenough after I'm dead so there won't be any scandal around town."
Henry, he never said a word. He opened his mouth, but nothing come ofit. When he done that I thought I hearn his tongue scrape agin his cheekon the inside like a piece of sand-paper. He was scared, Henry was.
"But YOU know which is which," Jane sings out. "The thing's not fair!"
"That is the reason my dear Jane is going to shuffle these pills aroundeach other herself," says the perfessor, "and then pick out one for himand one for me. YOU don't know which is which, Jane. And as he is thefavourite, he is going to get the first chance. If he gets the one Iwant him to get, he will have just fifteen minutes to live after takingit. In that fifteen minutes he will please to walk so far from my housethat he won't die near it and make a scandal. I won't have a scandalwithout I have to. Everything is going to be nice and quiet andrespectable. The effect of the poison is similar to heart failure. Noone can tell the difference on the corpse. There's going to be no bloodanywhere. I will be found dead in my house in the morning with heartfailure, or else he will be picked up dead in the street, far enoughaway so as to make no talk." Or they was words to that effect.
He is rubbing it in considerable, I thinks, that perfessor is. I wonderif I better jump in and stop the hull thing. Then I thinks: "No, it'sbetween them three." Besides, I want to see which one is going to getthat there loaded pill. I always been intrusted in games of chancet ofall kinds, and when I seen the perfessor was such a sport, I'm sorry Ibeen misjudging him all this time.
Jane, she looks at the box, and she breathes hard and quick.
"I won't touch 'em," she says. "I refuse to be a party to any murder ofthat kind."
"Huh? You do?" says the perfessor. "But the time when you might haverefused has gone by. You have made yourself a party to it already.You're really the MAIN party to it.
"But do as you like," he goes on. "I'm giving him more chance than Iought to with those pills. I might shoot him, and I would, and then facethe music, if it wasn't for mixing the children up in the scandal, Jane.If you want to see him get a fair chance, Jane, you've got to hand outthese pills, one to him and then one to me. YOU must kill one or theother of us, or else _I_'LL kill HIM the other way. And YOU had betterpick one out for him, because _I_ know which is which. Or else let himpick one out for himself," he says.
Henry, he wasn't saying nothing. I thought he had fainted. But hehadn't. I seen him licking his lips. I bet Henry's mouth was all dryinside.
Jane, she took the box and she went round in front of Henry and shelooked at him hard. She looked at him like she was thinking: "Fur God'ssake, spunk up some, and take one if it DOES kill you!" Then she saysout loud: "Henry, if you die I will die, too!"
And Henry, he took one. His hand shook, but he took it out'n the box. Ifshe had of looked like that at me mebby I would of took one myself. FurJane, she was a peach, she was. But I don't know whether I would of ornot. When she makes that brag about dying, I looked at the perfessor.What she said never fazed him. And I thinks agin: "Mebby I better jumpin now and stop this thing." And then I thinks agin: "No, it is betweenthem three and Providence." Besides, I'm anxious to see who is goingto get that pill with the science in it. I gets to feeling jest likeProvidence hisself was in that there room picking out them pills withhis own hands. And I was anxious to see what Providence's ideas of rightand wrong was like. So fur as I could see they was all three in thewrong, but if I had of been in there running them pills in Providence'splace I would of let them all off kind o' easy.
Henry, he ain't eat his pill yet. He is jest looking at it and shaking.The perfessor pulls out his watch and lays it on the table.
"It is a quarter past eleven," he says. "Mr. Murray, are you going tomake me shoot you, after all? I didn't want a scandal," he says. "It'sfor you to say whether you want to eat that pill and get your evenchance, or whether you want to get shot. The shooting method is sure,but it causes talk. These pills won't. WHICH?"
And he pulls a revolver. Which I suppose he had got that too when hewent down after them pills.
Henry, he looks at the gun.
Then he looks at the pill.
Then he swallers the pill.
The perfessor puts his gun back into his pocket, and then he puts hispill into his mouth. He don't swaller it. He looks at the watch, and helooks at Henry.
"Sixteen minutes past eleven," he says. "AT EXACTLY TWENTY-NINE MINUTESTO TWELVE MR. MURRAY WILL BE DEAD. I got the harmless one. I can tell bythe taste."
And he put the pieces out into his hand, to show that he has chewedhis'n up, not being willing to wait fifteen minutes fur a verdict fromhis digestive ornaments. Then he put them pieces back into his mouth andchewed 'em up and swallered 'em down like he was eating cough drops.
Henry has got sweat breaking out all over his face, and he tries to makefur the door, but he falls down onto a sofa.
"This is murder," he says, weak-like. And he tries to get up again, butthis time he falls to the floor in a dead faint.
"It's a dern short fifteen minutes," I thinks to myself. "That perfessormust of put more science into Henry's pill than he thought he did fur itto of knocked him out this quick. It ain't skeercly three minutes."
When Henry falls the woman staggers and tries to throw herself on topof him. The corners of her mouth was all drawed down, and her eyes wasturned up. But she don't yell none. She can't. She tries, but she jestgurgles in her throat. The perfessor won't let her fall acrost Henry.He ketches her. "Sit up, Jane," he says, with that Estelle look onto hisface, "and let us have a talk."
She looks at him with no more sense in her face than a piece of puttyhas got. But she can't look away from him.
And I'm kind o' paralyzed, too. If that feller laying on the floorhad only jest kicked oncet, or grunted, or done something, I could ofloosened up and yelled, and I would of. I jest NEEDED to fetch a yell.But Henry ain't more'n dropped down there till I'm feeling jest likehe'd ALWAYS been there, and I'd ALWAYS been staring into that room, andthe last word any one spoke was said hundreds and hundreds of years ago.
"You're a murderer," says Jane in a whisper, looking at the perfessor inthat stare-eyed way. "You're a MURDERER," she says, saying it like shewas trying to make herself feel sure he really was one.
"Murder!" says the perfessor. "Did you think I was going to run anychances for a pup like him
? He's scared, that's all. He's just faintedthrough fright. He's a coward. Those pills were both just bread andsugar. He'll be all right in a minute or two. I've just been showingyou that the fellow hasn't got nerve enough nor brains enough for a finewoman like you, Jane," he says.
Then Jane begins to sob and laugh, both to oncet, kind o' wild like, hervoice clucking like a hen does, and she says:
"It's worse then, it's worse! It's worse for me than if it were amurder! Some farces can be more tragic than any tragedy ever was," shesays. Or they was words to that effect.
And if Henry had of been really dead she couldn't of took it no harderthan she begun to take it now when she saw he was alive, but jest wasn'tno good. But I seen she was taking on fur herself now more'n fur Henry.Doctor Kirby always use to say women is made unlike most other animalsin many ways. When they is foolish about a man they can stand to havethat man killed a good 'eal better than to have him showed up ridiculousright in front of them. They will still be crazy about the man that isdead, even if he was crooked. But they don't never forgive the fellowthat lets himself be made a fool and lets them look foolish, too. Andwhen the perfessor kicks Henry in the ribs, and Henry comes to andsneaks out, Jane, she never even turns her head and looks at him.
"Jane," says the perfessor, when she quiets down some, "you have a loto' things to forgive me. But do you suppose I have learned enough sothat we can make a go of it if we start all over again?"
But Jane she never said nothing.
"Jane," he says, "Estelle is going back to New England, as soon asMargery gets well, and she will stay there for good."
Jane, she begins to take a little intrust then.
"Did Estelle tell you so?" she asts.
"No," says the perfessor. "Estelle doesn't know it yet. I'm going tobreak the news to her in the morning."
But Jane still hates him. She's making herself hate him hard. Shewouldn't of been a human woman if she had let herself be coaxed up allto oncet. Purty soon she says: "I'm tired." And she went out lookinglike the perfessor was a perfect stranger. She was a peace, Jane was.
After she left, the perfessor set there quite a spell and smoked. And hewas looking tired out, too. They wasn't no mistake about me. I was jestdead all through my legs.