Four down, four to go.
5. DEALING WITH DARNELL DIXON.
Darnell Dixon knew he’d crossed the line. It wasn’t like he’d done it accidentally, either, like he’d kind of just brushed a toe or two over. Uh-uh, what he’d done was a deliberate, Olympic-record-breaking, four-hundred-yard kangaroo-leap over the line. His words about the Sarge just couldn’t be ignored or allowed to bounce off my mind of steel, there had to be some kind of payback.
I mean his slam about the condoms was pretty weak. But she is my momma and some respect is called for.
It wasn’t like Darnell had been brought up in Utah or somewhere like that, he was a stone-cold Flintstone born and raised, so he had to know better than to play the dozens, it was the principle of the thing.
So once again it was lesson time and I knew the best way to cause Mr. Darnell Dixon pain. It was sitting in the parking lot shiny as a cue ball in the sun.
Was I going to slash his tires?
Nah. Childish and easily fixed by his insurance company.
Was I going to key his paint job?
No, no, no. Even though I knew some pretty funny things I could scratch in the paint.
Was I going to pour sugar in his gas tank?
Uh-uh. Too stupid a trick for what he’d done. Besides, I don’t know if that really works.
Was I going to hide a dead fish under his backseat as a little natural air freshener?
Nope. The way he kept that Rivy Dog so clean, he’d find it before the corpse even had a chance to draw three flies.
Was I going to hop in his car, go to the Secretary of State’s office, whip my power-of-attorney form out and sign the Sarge’s name and have the car put into my name at the same time I had those weak HI BABY license plates changed?
Hmmm, sounds like a winner to me.
With one quick signature the Riviera went from being Darnell Dixon’s Certified Love Machine on Wheels to Luther T. Farrell’s Philosophy Mobile! The car blue-booked at $20,000 so with that and the cash and the funds from the bus it came up to me taking $92,000, my education fund.
Five down, three to go.
6. HALO BURGER.
I drove into Halo Burger’s lot and saw Bo’s bike chained to the Dumpster. So far, so good.
It was even better news when I walked into the lobby and saw P.D. wiping tables. Great! I wouldn’t have to talk to Bo.
I said, “P.D., what’s happening?”
He turned around and gave me a hug. “Luther! Good to see you again!”
“Yeah, good to see you, too. Is Bo working today?”
He said, “Oh yeah, pretty darn nice guy, that Bo Travis. I’ll go get him for you.”
“No! I gotta bounce. Could you give him this package for me?”
“You know me, Luther, when I say I’m gonna do something I do it.”
“Cool.” I handed P.D. the small box I put together for Bo.
“I’ll get it right to him.”
“Anyway, P.D., you take care of yourself.”
“You too, Luther. I saw you on TV, I told my roommates you usually don’t look that scared unless your mom’s after you.”
“See you later, P.D.”
I was getting ready to pull out on Saginaw when a loud bang came from the trunk.
Bo Travis walked up to the driver’s door. I got out.
He tapped the box I’d given to P.D. and said, “What is this?”
I’m getting pretty good at coming up with stories real quick. I said, “It’s hush money. My mother saw all those magnets you had from Dontay Orlando Gaddy and she’s scared to death of him. She figured you were gonna put a suit in on her so she was hoping you’d settle out of court.”
He said, “Tell your momma she doesn’t have to worry, no one’s gonna sue her, we hadn’t paid the rent in three months, we ain’t got no cause to sue no one.”
I said, “Whatever. She apologizes for what Darnell Dixon did and hopes that cash does something for your pain and suffering.” I couldn’t believe the way these lies were just popping out!
He said, “Tell her thank you, but I wasn’t thinking about—”
I said, “Look, Bo, that’s fifteen G in that box, that could get you back in school. And you should just take it for KeeKee. Take it.”
He looked at the box, then looked down Saginaw Street. “All right, tell your mother thank you.”
“Cool.”
“And thank you for bringing me KeeKee’s papers, she was really proud of those.”
“Be cool, Bo.”
Bo gave me some dap.
Six down, two to go.
7. CHESTER X AND LUTHER T RIDE AGAIN.
When I parked my Rivy Dog at the home, Mr. Baker was sitting on the front porch blowing a long stream of smoke up to the sky. A nearly full ashtray sat right next to him.
I walked up and he said, “Don’t even think about it, Loser. And I know what I’m saying and I don’t have a lisp, neither.”
“Whatever, Mr. Baker.”
I went inside. Sparky and the Crew were watching The A-Team. Chester X must still be down in our room.
I said, “Thanks a bunch for keeping an eye on things, Dewey.”
My sarcasm didn’t mean a thing to him. He said, “I got you covered, bruh.”
I called Mr. Baker in, turned off the TV and, ignoring all the groans and grumbling, said, “OK, general announcement.” To make sure I had everyone’s attention I stood in front of the TV.
“I’ve got some bad news. Today is the last day I’m going to be working here.”
I didn’t expect tears or anything, but some kind of reaction would’ve been nice.
Mr. Baker said, “OK. Now what’s the bad news?”
Mr. Foster said, “That is bad news, Luther. Who’ll be our next aide?”
I said, “My mother will get someone in.”
Mr. Foster said, “Oh dear.”
Sparky said, “My man, you finally got up the nerve to quit! I guess in light of your recent felonies you’re gonna be taking it on the lam, huh? Your timing couldn’t’ve been better. Jerome just got sentenced to two years so there’s lots of space at my crib.”
I told him, “Thanks, Sparky, but I’m moving down south.”
He said, “What?”
I said, “For real. I can’t let you know yet where I’m moving, but once I get there I’ll call you.”
Sparky really looked hurt. He said, “Oh, so that’s what you meant when you said you weren’t going to be here when your momma got back? You planning on moving away? You’re just gonna up and go without telling your boy about it?”
“Sparky, what choice do I have?”
“What happened to ‘womb to tomb, birth to earth’? How you just gonna leave me here in Flint? You know I’ll come with you if you want me to.”
I said, “You know I want you to. Look, I’ma need three months to get set up where I’m going.”
He said, “What? Three months? What’s that supposed to mean?”
I said, “Trust me. I got it all thought out, you’ll be old enough by then to legally leave home. Once I’m settled in you can come down with me, I swear it and word is bond.”
“Three months, huh?”
“Make sure you save enough of that cash for a bus ticket.”
Sparky said, “Bus ticket nothing, I’m putting five hundred aside to fly outta Bishop. And I’m not flying regular, neither, I’ma get me a seat in coach, baby!”
Mr. Baker said, “This is all very touching, this is like something out of The Bold and the Beautiful. If you need me I’ll be on the porch smoking.”
Mr. Foster kept going, “Oh dear.”
I said, “Don’t worry, Mr. Foster, I’m sure she’ll get someone good to take over.”
He said, “Ah, you have more faith in the woman than I do. I keep seeing us being left to the tender mercies of Darnell Dixon and Little Chicago. Oh dear.”
I said, “I don’t think so. She knows she’s got to keep you happy, she knows she’s
gotta keep this place running smooth. She may seem coldhearted but she’s not stupid.”
Mr. Foster said, “Oh dear.”
I said, “Let me go get Chester X, we’ve got to get on the road.”
Sparky said, “What’s that?”
I said, “I’m taking Chester X with me.”
Sparky said, “What? You’re taking him and leaving me? How come that dinosaur gets to go now and I have to wait three months?”
“That’s just the way it’s gotta be, Sparky. If it wasn’t for him I wouldn’t have anywhere to go. We wouldn’t have anywhere to go.”
He said, “I’ma trust you on this, bruh, but it’s looking pretty shaky to me. Are you sure you got my address for that other two G you owe me?”
“When you ever known me to lie?”
I went into the basement.
Chester X was reading the paper. He said, “Flint’s latest star, how are you?”
I said, “Mr. X, if we leave now and drive twenty-four straight hours we can be in Port Saint Lucie by this time tomorrow. Otherwise we can take a couple of days, but either way we’re outta here in fifteen minutes.”
Chester X sagged like he’d done when I busted him with the pills. He started crying and said, “Oh, thank you, Luther, thank you!”
I said, “Get your Armani and your bathroom stuff together. Leave everything else, we’ll shop as we go.”
He said, “Luther, you have no idea how grateful I am.”
I said, “Mr. X, it’s as much for me as it is for you.”
Chester X said, “I’m glad you feel that way, ‘cause I might’ve been exaggerating a little about the friendliness of Florida women, I wouldn’t want you to be disappointed.”
“Oh no, Mr. X, if I don’t have four or five honeys within the first week we’re turning around and coming right back to Flint.”
He said, “And I’ll hate to see you go, but I will wish you a happy return home.”
We each packed one little bag. All I had was my CDs, my new suit, some other clothes, my musings journal, and my three, hey-hey-hey!, gold medals. I left my magazine collection under the mattress.
I carried the suitcases upstairs and Chester X carried the suits.
Chester X said, “I want to say goodbye to everyone, Luther.”
We went into the dayroom.
Chester X shook everyone’s hand.
Sparky said to Mr. X, “You know that’s my spot you got. You sure you wouldn’t want to wait for three months, then come down?”
Chester X said, “Back off, Spunky, we’re on a mission.”
When we went on the front porch Mr. Baker blew out another long jet of smoke and said, “See you later, Loser. We’re under new management, and things are definitely looking up!” Seven down, one to go.
8. FAREWELL, MY LOVE, THE SEQUEL.
I parked the newly christened Philosophy Mobile in front of Shayla’s home next to the Patrick House of Mortuary.
“I’m just going to be a minute, Mr. X, I’ve got to say goodbye to someone.”
“Luther, you take your time, son, the seats in this car are like sitting in the couch in someone’s living room. Don’t worry if I doze off.”
“You just try to stay awake, I won’t be long.”
I took three giant breaths, told myself how confident I was and knocked on Shayla’s door.
Her mom answered, looking just as fine as ever.
“Luther, come on in.”
“Hello, Mrs. Patrick, I’m not going to stay, I just want to talk to Shayla for a minute.”
“She and her dad have gone down to Detroit to see the Tigers, Luther.”
“The Tigers?”
Mrs. Patrick said, “I know, but it’s been a tradition for years. They won’t be back until late. Should I have her call you when they get in? It probably won’t be until after eleven.”
In a strange way I was kind of relieved. I didn’t know if I’d actually be able to apologize to Shayla without ruining it by saying something derogatory about her at the same time.
I was also kind of sad. I really should’ve told Shayla when I had all those chances. It’s like that great philosopher, whose name escapes me at the moment, once said, “He who hesitates is lost.”
“No,” I said to Mrs. Patrick, “I just wanted to say goodbye to Shayla and give her something.”
“Goodbye?”
“Uh, yeah, I’m moving down south to live with my granddad.”
“Oh no! I know Shayla’s going to be very disappointed that she wasn’t here.”
Sometimes words jump out of your mouth before you can control them. I said, “Really?” And I didn’t say it in a neutral way, either, that one word was dripping with desperation and eyes-wide-open-stupidity when I said it.
Mrs. Patrick said, “I know I shouldn’t tell you this, Luther, but Shayla has always had something of a crush on you.”
“Really?” This time my voice cracked, something it hasn’t done in a good six or seven days.
She laughed. “If only you knew. But you never heard that from me.”
Women! Leave it to one of them to have these strong feelings for a brother but not to have the courage to let him know.
Hmmm, maybe I could stay here in Flint after all, maybe I could live on the north side somewhere where the Sarge doesn’t own any houses … then I thought about what Darnell was going to do when he found out that I’d repoed his Rivy Dog and I knew even the love of a good woman wasn’t enough to keep me here.
I said, “Well, I’ve always kinda liked her, too.”
She said, “Yes, Luther, we’ve all known that. So is your mother closing her businesses?”
I told her, “No, she’s staying here while I look after Granddad.” I changed the subject. “Could you give Shayla this for me?”
I handed her last year’s science fair gold medal.
“What’s this?”
“It’s really Shayla’s, it’s from last year and they gave it to me by mistake.”
Mrs. Patrick looked from the medal to me and said, “I don’t understand.”
I started walking back down the front porch steps. I said, “She’ll know what it means, but tell her it’s a straight-up trade, she’s got to send me the silver one.”
Mrs. Patrick followed me to the sidewalk. “Does she have your new address?”
“Not yet, I’m not exactly sure where we’ll be, but I’ve got her email and I’ll write to her once I know.”
“Luther, if there’s anything that we can do please don’t hesitate to call.”
She looked in the front seat of the Rivy and said, “Oh my God!”
Chester X was stone asleep. His face was mashed into the window and his mouth was wide open. You could see his gums, his tonsils and halfway down his throat.
“Oh,” I said, “that’s my granddad, he’s not dead, I can see his breath steaming up the window.”
Mrs. Patrick said, “You know what, Luther? I am so glad that Shayla’s father isn’t here right now, I know if he saw this he’d make the most horribly inappropriate comment you could ever imagine.”
She laughed and said, “Luther, I want you to call me once you get there. I’m not real comfortable with this. I’m going to be worried until I hear from you. And I know Shayla will want to say goodbye.”
I said, “I promise, Mrs. Patrick. I’ll call you in a couple of days.”
She opened her arms and I walked into them.
This was very uncool. It was probably because I had some sadness about leaving Flint, or because I wouldn’t be watching TV with my crew again, or because I wouldn’t be seeing Shayla Queen of the Damned Patrick for a long time, but something about Mrs. Patrick’s hug was making me want to hold on and cry.
I held Shayla’s mom way past that time that most women do that squirming-uncomfortable thing, but she never did. She didn’t even give me those little doggie pats on the back to let me know the hug should be ending soon, she just let me hold her.
Finally I le
t go.
She said, “I’ll be waiting for your call, Luther. You really should talk to Shayla, too.”
I pulled myself together and said, “No joke, Mrs. Patrick, I’ll call in a couple of days.”
I jumped into the Riviera and headed out to I-75, a road that runs all the way from Michigan to Florida. And if that’s not a sign I don’t know one when I see it.
As I pulled onto the expressway I couldn’t help thinking of that great philosopher, whose name escapes me at the moment, who once said, “He who fights and runs away lives to fight another day.”
Turning up the radio in the Philosophy Mobile to muffle my new granddad’s snoring, I put the seat all the way back, got a little lean going on and hit the cruise control.
And I left Flint behind.
QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION
Sparky and Luther are very different, but they have a close friendship. What do you think makes them such good friends, and why are they so loyal to each other?
Luther is very compassionate: he returns KeeKee’s papers and takes care of the Crew. In a town and in a family in which many of the people are quite selfish, why do you think Luther is this way?
What is the significance of the character D.O.G. (Dontay Orlando Gaddy)? Why do you think it’s important to the story that Luther and Sparky pay a visit to him?
Are there times in the story when you think the Sarge gives good advice? Do you think she cares about Luther?
In chapter eight, the Sarge explains why she decided to milk the system and avoid the “sucker path.” What do you think of the reasons she gives for her behavior?
Luther could tell the mayor or the police at the science fair about the Sarge’s criminal activity as a landlord, but instead, he chooses to take what he feels he deserves and leave. Why does he leave town without turning the Sarge in?
Chester X becomes something of a father to Luther. Do you trust him? Do you think Luther and Chester X will succeed in Florida?
What do you think Luther will be doing in two years? What do you think Sparky will be doing? What will happen to KeeKee and Bo?
Bucking the Sarge Page 20