I’m taking an emotional bullet with each wave of new information. I physically can’t stomach any more.
“I have to go,” slamming the phone down. Vomit rises as I race to the bathroom to throw up Mom’s dinner.
I lay on the bathroom floor in a crumpled ball and cry until sunlight seeps through the blinds. Forcing me to admit it wasn’t all a dream. I was living this nightmare. In one short five-minute phone call, it’s over. Just like that.
CHAPTER TWELVE
Labor Day Weekend
The pain I’ve experienced over the last four weeks is indescribable. Those three little words, “Max got married,” still haunt me to my core. Every ounce of my heart, body, and soul is broken. Every moment spent together destroyed. Every thought of a possible future, shattered. I’m hurt, humiliated, and angry all rolled into one. And even though I know without a shadow of a doubt, Max marrying her was the right thing to do, I want to hate him. I want him to feel pain like I do. I want him to know the rage that courses through my veins.
How could he do this to me? How could he allow me to hear it from anyone other than him? Call me selfish, I don’t care. Say I’m living in a fantasy world to believe I deserve an explanation. He never even made an attempt. Not a single one. It was as if I had never existed. Max said he was going to marry me on the beach one day. I guess the jokes on me.
Lana stayed with me every night the first week. Although I was inconsolable at times, she was the perfect best friend. She was my rock. She let me cry when I needed to cry. Scream when I needed to scream and left me alone when she knew I needed to be alone. She filled my shifts at work and forced me to get out of bed each day. I bought cigarettes, got drunk for four days straight and even had hate sex with Wayne. All without a single word or shred of judgment from her.
School started last week. Lana and I moved into our apartment together in Athens, not far from campus. The pain is still there, but I’m coping better. Or at least I’m doing a better job at hiding it. I’ve buried it deep in my soul, along with any ridiculous fantasies of Max showing up at my door to tell me it was all some huge mistake.
The bags under my eyes from lack of sleep are finally fading and I’m able to eat a full meal without feeling sick. I remind myself daily, I can count on one hand the number of times Max and I were together. One. damn. hand! I tell myself being torn up over someone I barely know is completely ridiculous. It was a silly summer crush and just like summer, it’s over.
Lana and Artie are still together and going strong. The Journey concert was rescheduled for mid-August, so she spent the weekend in Fort Benning having a birthday do-over. I was invited and wanted to be supportive of the two of them, but I couldn’t go. I opted for a much more exciting weekend of staying home, reading Pride and Prejudice; while assuring myself my own Mr. Darcy is out there somewhere.
I’m not sure when or if I’ll ever be able to go back to Columbus. The wound is still too fresh, too deep. Lana doesn’t talk about Artie much out of respect for me, but I can see how happy she is. She deserves it and I tell her every day.
I told her I didn’t want to know any more about Max. I made her promise me, even if I get sloppy drunk and beg her for the latest details, she would keep them to herself. As far as I’m concerned, I never want to hear the name Chase Maxwell ever again. My heart can’t take it.
It’s Thursday, the beginning of the long Labor Day weekend. Typically we would be beach-bound, but the mere thought of going back to Panama City makes me physically sick to my stomach.
My brother and a few of his friends made plans to head north for the holiday. They rented a cabin in Gatlinburg and are going white water rafting the Nantahala River. Lana had never been and thought it would be the perfect alternative to the beach. And since I’m doing good to actually shower these days, she took over the reins of planning. She rented us our own cabin and invited Artie and whoever else wanted to go. I’m not sure if I’m ready to be around Max’s friends yet, but since Lana and Artie are still together, I guess it’s something I’ll have to get used to.
I sit on the hood of Lan’s car and light the end of a cigarette. “So did he tell you who all was coming?”
“When are you going to quit smoking those disgusting things?”
“Please don’t bitch. It’s a coping mechanism,” I say, blowing a big puff of smoke in her face.
She fans the air and coughs. “Well, you smell like an ashtray.”
I repeat, more annoyed this time. “Are you going to answer the question?”
“What question?” she snips, flipping open a Tennessee road map.
As I start to ask again, Santos’s blue Mustang creeps into the gas station meeting spot. Even though I know Max isn’t with them, I’m nervous. Before it’s in park Artie leaps from the passenger's seat. He swoops Lana in his arms and causes a pang of envy in my chest. Slowly, Jackson and Santos make their way out. I see the large outline of the fourth person in the back seat and know immediately it’s Davis.
I should be furious he’s with them but for some reason, I can’t find the strength. Our eyes meet as he climbs from the car and although we don’t speak, he mouths, “I’m sorry.”
“It’s great to see ya Jackson, but I’m a little surprised. I figured you’d be spending the holiday with Gigi,” Lana says.
“Eh, we’re on a bit of a break. Long-distance is proving to be harder than we thought.
The jealousy monster is a true and evil thing and anytime we’re apart, it rears its ugly damn head. We both turn into terrible versions of ourselves.”
I guess I’m not the only one licking the wounds of a broken heart this weekend.
After everyone says their hellos, Artie looks my way. “So what’s the plan?”
I shake my head. “Don’t ask me. Lana’s the travel coordinator for this trip.”
Lana claps her hands together like a true travel coordinator. “Well, first we need to go by and pick up Jenn and Ashley. I figure Jenn can ride in Santos’s car with Davis, and you can ride with us. I was just checking the map. It looks like we’ll have time for two pee breaks and still make it to the rental office before it closes.”
I chuckle when Davis grimaces at the plan. Four hours trapped in the car with Jenn is the payback he deserves.
The drive to Gatlinburg is going by fast. I can tell Artie is making a wholehearted effort to avoid any subjects related to Max. And I’m proud of him for putting up with the antics of three cackling gals, as we take the “What is Your Sex Position IQ,” quiz from my Cosmo.
Once we arrive and unload the ridiculous amount of luggage Lana packed. We take the grand tour of our huge mountaintop chalet. It has an incredible view of Mount LeConte and a partial view of downtown Gatlinburg. The leaves are beginning to turn, creating a beautiful light orange and red hue across the skyline.
The main room of the four-bedroom cabin has tall open windows, soaring to the top of the beamed ceiling.
Upstairs is a loft overlooking the living room, with a pool table, dartboard, and an air-hockey machine.
The best part, a gorgeous wrap-around porch with a swing and an eight-person hot tub.
“Damn, Lana!” Santos shouts after we’ve finished looking around. “This house is off the chain!”
“Yep! My parents hooked us up!” she says, giving him a high five. “Granted, they think it’s only us girls and have no idea we are housing half the US Army,” she adds, pinching Artie on the ass.
“Should we go ahead and assign beds?” Jenn asks.
Davis rubs his hands together. “I’m sure I will make my way through them all before the weekends over. I bet this town’s crawling with hot, single ladies in desperate need of a good hair pulling, ass smacking, bang fest.”
Lana rolls her eyes as she grabs her bag up. “You’re not bringing any of your slutty pickups back to our nice cabin, Davis.”
He cocks his famous smirky grin. “Who needs to go out when I have a house full of single women right here?”
As hot as some hair-pullin', ass smackin’ sex sounds…I’m positive I will not be hooking up with anyone this weekend. Especially Davis, so I quickly volunteer to take the sleeper sofa. I make a drink and unpack our groceries while the others disappear to the bedrooms to divvy out sleeping arrangements.
“So what’s on the agenda for tonight?” I ask Lana as she makes her way back into the kitchen. Thankful she took care of all the planning.
“Well, I thought it would be fun to hang here tonight.”
She pops the top of a Coors Light. “Artie’s going to throw burgers on the grill and Ashley is dying to try out the hot tub.”
“I think James and his bunch want to come over later,” I add.
Lana lifts her beer in the air. “Sounds like one hell of a night if ya ask me!”
It’s early evening and the sun is setting. A slight chill is in the air, but not cold enough to need coats yet. My feet scuff across the porch as I sway back and forth in the swing. Cigarette in hand, taking advantage of a few minutes of quiet time. The porch door creaks open behind me.
I don’t speak as Davis comes and sits in the swing beside me. “Since when do you smoke?”
“You know this thing probably has a weight limit,” I say, ignoring his question.
“You calling me fat?”
“No, but with your six-five, two hundred-forty pound Lurchy ass, it’s definitely questionable,” I snip, straight-faced.
“Are you going to be mad at me all weekend?”
“Probably.” I look at him and crack a smile, breaking the tension. He playfully throws an arm around my neck, giving me a noogie on the top of the head.
I nudge him in the side with my elbow. “If you mess up my hair I’m going to kill you!”
As I straighten up his smile falls. “I’m sorry about everything. I know Max…”
I throw my hand up. “Davis! STOP! Please don’t. There’s absolutely no reason to discuss him or any of what happened. It’s all water under the bridge.”
He turns his body towards me. “But I feel like I owe you an explanation.”
I stand to leave. “There’s no reason. I’m over it. Completely over it.”
I’m lying and he knows it.
James and his friends have joined us and the night is in full swing.
Lana, Artie, Ashley, Santos, and I are in the hot tub, while everyone else is upstairs in an intense game of pool. Music and laughter echoes through the house, bringing a much-needed smile to my face.
Artie’s made friends with a raccoon whose made camp under our porch and he’s throwing Cheez-It’s down to it.
Lana grabs a handful and throws a few. “It’s so stinking cute!”
I sit on the side of the hot tub and watch. “You know if y’all keep feeding the damn thing, it’s never going to go away.”
“Yuck!” Ashley shutters. “It probably has rabies.”
“It doesn’t have rabies, ya dumbass! But Kate’s right. It’ll probably be back tomorrow with all his friends.” Lana says, swatting a handful of water at her.
“What are y’all looking at?” Davis asks as he rounds the side of the porch with Jenn in tow.
“Ooh la la! It’s hot tub time!” Jenn squeals.
Lana’s the first to answer him. “Artie made friends with a raccoon. Come look!”
I’ve kept some distance from Davis tonight and having Jenn around has helped. He’s actually tolerating her better than he did at the beach. Perhaps it’s due to his lack of options. Either way, I’m thankful.
Ashley and Santos hit it off right away, and before long it’s clear everyone is pairing up. Even my brother brought a girl from home to occupy him for the weekend.
I’m in couple hell!
“Damn, Ashley! Those are some nice floaties ya got there! Who knew you had those hid under all those good girl shirts of yours.” Everyone laughs. “Maybe you can let Skeeter Bites over there borrow some.”
I flip him off and I give him an eat shit and die look. “I’m actually pretty tired, y’all. I think I’m going to crash for the night.”
Ashley whines. “Oh, Katie! Don’t be a party pooper! Davis was only joking around.”
“She’s right. I’m just cuttin’ up. You don’t have to run off.” Davis chides.
Thankfully, Lana can read my mind and knows I’ve had enough of Davis and all the coupling up.
“What time are we supposed to be on the bus in the morning?” I ask her.
She speaks loudly for the whole group. “We have to be out of here at seven. It’s a two-hour bus ride to the river. We’ll have a short safety briefing and should be putting rafts in the water by nine-thirty.”
“What time is it now?” Artie asks.
“It’s after one, I think.”
“Damn! If we have to be up and gone that early, maybe we all need to call it a night,” he says.
Jenn gives Davis a sly grin. “Mmmmm, sounds good to me.”
I throw my hand up for a quick wave. “And on that note…Goodnight all! Except you, Davis. I hope you get mauled by a bear in your sleep.”
By the time I change clothes and ready for bed, James and his bunch are gone and everyone else in the house had headed toward their arranged bedrooms.
Which is good, since I am the one sleeping in the middle of Grand Central Station.
Tipsy, I fumble around the couch in the dark, talking to myself. “How the hell do you fold this fucking bed out?”
“Need some help?”
“Jesus Christ! You scared me half to death, Davis!”
He laughs. “Sorry. I was trying to give Jenn some time to pass out.”
I pull the cushions off the couch. “Finished already? Maybe you don’t live up to all the hype after all.”
“Oh, look who has all the jokes tonight.” He throws a side-eye as he joins me. “She’s sweet and all, I’m just not feeling it.” He pulls the handle, exposing the thin, lumpy mattress.
I grab a sheet and spread it out over the bed. “It looked like you two were hitting it off pretty good tonight.”
Davis grabs the blanket and pillow and helps me finish. “Ehhh, she doesn’t blow my skirt up.”
“I guess as long as she’s blowing something, that’s all that matters.”
He shakes his head. “And they call me the perv.”
Davis pulls the covers over me as I settle in, practically tucking me in. This rare act of kindness catches me off guard and I’m not sure what to think. Is he actually being nice or is this some weird twisted way of hitting on me? Uncomfortable, I say a quick “thanks.” He must sense my recoil because he immediately heads towards the hall without another word.
Morning came quickly as the house slowly comes to life. An extremely hungover Jenn slugs her way into the kitchen. “Please tell me the coffee’s ready?”
Lana buries her hand into the soapy sink of dirty dishes. “Yep! Cups are in the cabinet by the microwave.”
I’m awake but haven’t found the energy to get out of bed yet. “How are you this perky already?” I moan across the room.
She turns and gives the look.
“Never mind. Forget I asked.”
I throw the blanket over my head as Artie walks in.
“And how is the most beautiful girl on Earth doing this morning?” He kisses the back of her neck as she towel dries the last glass.
“Well, I’m glad to know at least one of us got laid last night,” Jenn snickers under her breath, but loud enough for everyone to catch.
Lana kicks the sofa. “Kate! You only have twenty minutes. Get your lazy ass up!”
“In what warped universe have we teleported to, that Lana is the responsible one of the two?” Jenn asks.
“Kate’s not been quite herself lately, so I’m helping pull a little bit of the momma bear duties,” Lana tells her. “So again, I repeat! Get the hell up!”
I flip the covers off. “I’m up. I’m up!”
I give a good long stretch and I slowly make it to my fe
et. Out of the corner of my eye, something moves.
Three little raccoons are at the porch door, staring in. They’ve tipped over the garbage can and rummaged through last night’s trash.
“I told you that little bastard would be back with his buddies!” I shout to Artie.
We all rush toward the windows. “Aww, look! Their faces are like little bandits!”
“Yeah, little bandits who destroyed our back porch,” Jenn sneers.
I grab my bag to get dressed, passing Davis as he heads into the living room.
“Good Morning, Skeeter.”
“Morning, Lurch.”
As Lana planned, it was nine-thirty on the dot when we arrive at the drop-in point with our big yellow, rubber rafts. Our long-haired, hippy guide gives us a quick history lesson on the river as we wait our turn.
“Located in a valley along the Appalachian Mountains, the Nantahala River is forty miles of winding, fast, white-capped rapids. The water is lined with rock and low-hanging trees that form a natural canopy over the river. The section we’re taking is eight miles long and considered the novice of river rafting.”
My parents have taken my brothers and me white water rafting for years, so James and I both know what to expect. A few others have done it, but this will be a first for the majority of the group.
It’s busy with holiday travelers today. Groups from all over the country, crowd the drop in the area, taking pictures of themselves in their wetsuits, life jackets, and paddles. We ask our guide to take a group picture with the waterproof camera we picked up on the way.
“Holy shit! It’s freezing!” Lana screams across the gorge as she steps into the water.
“Very cold,” our guide concurs. “The river maintains an average forty-five-degree temperature year-round.”
“My nuts are going to be the size of raisins by the time this is over!” Davis yells.
One by one, we make our way into our rafts. Davis takes the front, Jenn and I are behind him. The others fill the remaining rows, with the guide in the back.
The trip starts off fairly slow and calm, giving everyone an opportunity to get acclimated to the raft and to learn how to paddle as a group. With everyone smiling with excitement, I snap a few pictures before we head into faster water. I brace my feet under the row in front, as adrenaline begins to pump. Screams, cheers, and laughter explodes through the raft as we make it through our first big drop.
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