by Linda Kage
I lowered my face and hugged myself, feeling suddenly vulnerable. I hadn’t thought about how my decisions with Colton would impact my roommates or their boyfriends. Back at home, it’d been easy to stay within the limits of my own kind. There had been a lot more noticeable division in groups there. But when I’d come here to college, everyone seemed lumped together and a lot more diversely interspersed. Over the past couple years, it’d been easier to see exactly what Chad had just said; we were all basically the same, so much so I didn’t even see a white guy when I was with Colton. I just saw him.
“Just ignore him, Juli,” Chad told me, jostling my shoulder to get a response from me. Except Sasha chose that moment to enter the kitchen and discover her boyfriend cuddled up with me as I looked all morose and contemplative.
She slowed to a stop, glancing between us before slowly asking, “What’d I miss?”
“Asshole over there’s giving our girl shit because of her new man,” Chad explained.
“I wasn’t giving her shit,” Theo immediately defended himself. “I was just saying…people are going to talk.”
“Do you have a problem with it?” I asked Sasha, my gaze seeking and scared. “With me and Colton being together?”
Her mouth fell open, and for a moment she looked cornered, but then she glanced at her boyfriend before turning back to me and shaking her head. “No, of course not. I just want you to be happy.”
“And Tyla?” I pressed. I hadn’t talked to either roommate since Friday. They’d gone out with their men that night and stayed over at their places, then hadn’t come home before I’d left for work yesterday. My gaze veered meaningfully toward Theo before I returned to Sasha. “Does Tyla have a problem with it?”
She had to have been the one to tell Theo about Colton, and if he was making an issue out of it, then maybe it was because she’d made one to him.
“Do I have a problem with what?” Tyla asked as she walked in.
“Apparently you need to have some words with your man,” Sasha immediately charged. “He’s giving Juli shit because of her choice of flings.”
“I was not!” Theo cried, lifting his hands innocently. “I just said—”
He was going to lie again and try to play it off like he was simply concerned about me, while honestly, I just wanted to be over this conversation. So I cut him off, blurting, “He ate all my bread.”
Tyla blinked at me a moment before lifting her eyebrows his way. “Why would you do that? You know that’s JuJu’s special bread.”
“I was hungry,” he protested. “I wasn’t paying attention to whose bread it was, baby. I just…”
I didn’t listen to the rest of his excuse. I had already eased out from under Chad’s arm and was escaping the kitchen. I returned to my room without coffee or breakfast. When I slumped onto my bed, I grabbed my pillow and rested my cheek against it, closing my eyes.
Whenever I was around Colton, everything seemed to live in this amazing technicolor moment. It was all so vivacious and alive. But then it was like I returned to reality whenever he was gone and, bam, the black and white facts had a way of slapping me right across the face sometimes.
I’d talked to him in public before, but I suddenly wasn’t sure how I would handle it if we held hands or—holy shit—what if he came into philosophy Monday morning and kissed me in front of everyone? It would be so bold. Bolder than I was. People would stare, some of them would whisper, and not always nice things. I wasn’t the type of person who made those kinds of waves. I wore bland colors—blacks and whites and grays and tans—and I took care to make sure I was one hundred percent presentable with no reasons for other people to gossip about me whenever I left home. I didn’t like sticking out from the crowd.
Being in an interracial relationship would cause more notice than I wanted.
And what if Theo had been right, and people said I thought I was too good for the black guys now? I didn’t want anyone thinking I wasn’t proud of my heritage because I was, from my hoodoo grandma, to my strong equal-rights-advocate father, and all the way back to my enslaved ancestors. They had gone through hell and came out on the other side survivors. Of course I was honored to come from that kind of strength and endurance. I already had hours and hours of stories prepared to tell my children and grandchildren someday about our amazing roots.
It all made me experience a niggle of shame as if I’d betrayed my people or something.
But then…then Colton’s face flashed through my head. An image of his ornery grin and glittering brown eyes trickled in, followed by the look on his face the last time he’d come inside me, and the feel of his hands as he held me so tenderly afterward, his voice in my ear as he told me his secrets. And then I felt as if I’d betrayed him for even having one iota of doubt about us.
Chad had been right; when it came down to it, there was no difference between us. We were all human. And besides, I’d just proclaimed my proud, sturdy stock. I could weather a little nasty talk. I wasn’t going to let any barbed words or censorious glares buckle me under. Nothing was going to take away the joy I experienced whenever I was with Colton.
That was until I walked into the Forbidden Nightclub later that afternoon and saw his brother behind the counter, setting up for our shift.
His head was bent as he rested one hand on the bar’s countertop and checked the CO2 tanks connected to the tap under the counter.
I slowed to a stop, not sure how to act around him now that I was sleeping with his brother behind his back…per his brother’s request.
When I’d first met him, I had decided I liked Brandt for practical reasons. He was handsome. He was helpful with training me when I’d started working here. And he’d been so congenial and easy to talk to. All that had made me think he’d make perfect boyfriend material. And being close to him, like when he’d leaned past me to grab a glass, I would feel delicious chills.
But I’d never felt a dramatic spike in my blood pressure at his mere approach, not like I did every time Colton had come around. So that told me right there that I’d just wanted to like him more than I really had. Still…it felt weird that I’d switched my interest between brothers like this.
Blowing out a breath, I approached the bar. As I drew closer, I realized he’d known I’d still been thinking of him at his wedding. He’d purposely tossed Colton at me, which still irked my conscience, but it also meant he probably right at this moment thought I was carrying a torch for him.
When he glanced up and his gaze instantly went cautious, I ground the back of my teeth, not sure how to handle this.
“Hey,” I greeted with a friendly smile. “I don’t think we’ve worked together since you tied the knot.”
“Yeah, I know. I asked to have my hours cut damn near in half.” He sighed wearily and rubbed a hand over his face.
I gulped, suddenly guilty because he’d backed off from making a living just to avoid me. But shit, he didn’t have to quit his job because of me. What the hell was I going to do to fix this?
But then he added, “This doctorate program is kicking my ass, and clinicals…fuck. I don’t know how I have time for anything. Then Sarah’s trying to convince me it’s okay to stop working altogether until I’m done with school. She got a decent job this summer, working from home. But seriously, what the hell kind of lame-ass man would I be if I put all the monetary responsibilities squarely on her shoulders?”
“Probably one who’d make your wife deliriously happy,” I answered without thinking.
Brandt blinked and shook his head. “Excuse me?”
My face heated, and I took a moment to hurry behind the counter with him to stow my purse and coat away before turning back and answering as politically correctly as I could. “I’m just saying…I find Sarah to be a very proud woman. She likes it when she goes above and beyond her disability to accomplish something. So I just thought, you know…if she had the chance to support you, heck, support the both of you with her income alone while you finished school,
she’d just…I could just see her loving that.”
Brandt stared at me a second, his mouth falling open before he said, “Huh. You may be right. In fact, I think you’re pretty spot on with that idea.”
“Of course I am.” I sent him a little grin over my shoulder before I turned away to prepare the cash register. “I know how my fellow woman thinks. And this kind of opportunity would tickle her like you wouldn’t believe. Trust me. Plus, it would take some stress off your shoulders, and…well, I’m sure Pick would give you your job back if it didn’t work out.”
Brandt rested his back against the counter next to me and fiddled with his bottom lip as he contemplated my words. “You make a good argument.”
I laughed and patted his arm. “I have my moments.”
As I dropped my fingers, I realized something. I still liked Brandt—he was a likable guy. But I think I’d come to like him now mostly because he was related to Colton. It was like brotherly affection.
“Hey,” Pick said, popping out from the back hall. “How’s opening going? You guys need anything?”
I jumped, not expecting him, as Brandt turned to answer him. “All good here, boss.”
Pick rolled his eyes at the term and glanced toward the exit. “Some of the guys are coming by for a drink tonight. Let me know when they get here, okay?”
His attention veered back to Brandt, the question obviously addressing him and not me, since I had no clue who “the guys” were.
Brandt seemed to know who Pick meant. He groaned and winced. “Jesus, you all are pathetic. You know this place is a college scene, right? If you old geriatric fogies crowd in here for your milk and Metamucil you’re going to scare off the real customers.”
“Hey, fuck you, kid.” Pick—who had to be in his early thirties—pointed threateningly even as he laughed over Brandt’s summation. “Back in our day, we made this joint. Don’t bash the legends.” He glanced at me and started back toward his office again. “Keep this jackass in line, Juli.”
After he was gone, I shook my head and sent Brandt an amazed glance. “Then again, maybe Pick wouldn’t give you your job back if you left.”
He laughed and shook his head. “Eh, Pick’s like family. I don’t have anything to worry about from him.” Then he opened the cooler and frowned inside. “We don’t have much Angry Orchard. If Asher shows up, that’s what he’ll want. I’m going to go check the back for more.”
“Okay,” I answered and picked up a rag to wipe away a couple drops of water that had splattered onto the countertop after he’d fished around in the cooler.
From the front of the bar, the head waitress, Mandy, called that she was unlocking the doors and opening us for business.
Since it was a Sunday, I didn’t foresee a rush. So I tugged my cell phone from my pocket and checked the screen for a new message. There weren’t any—I know, sadness—so I opened the old ones and reread the last note Colton had sent me, calling my ass sexy.
I smiled affectionately and ran my thumb over his words, calculating how many hours it was now before I’d get to see him again. Right around twenty-four, I guessed.
Hearing a customer approach, I quickly slipped the phone in my pocket and looked up. “Hey!” I greeted warmly. “Need a drink?”
The guy who’d paused in front of the counter turned, and I blinked when I saw half his face was covered in little spiraling scars, but you had to be standing as close as I was to him to really see them. What was even weirder, something about him looked familiar. I knew I’d seen him somewhere.
He seemed similarly shocked to see me. “Holy fuck!” he gasped. “I’d heard Pick had finally hired the first chick bartender for this place, but no one had ever mentioned you were drop-fucking-dead gorgeous. The man’s a genius. A fucking genius. How long have you worked here?”
“Um…” I blinked over his bluntness but answered anyway. “It’ll be a year in March.”
“Really?” His eyebrows shot up. “Damn, I need to get out more. Has anyone ever told you you look like Rihanna?”
I sucked in a breath, not expecting anyone to say that about me ever again. No one had since the first night I’d met Colton, and no one had before that either.
Behind me, someone groaned. “Oh, Jesus. Not you too. That’s who Colton said she looked like.” I whirled around to find that Brandt had rejoined me behind the bar and was stuffing some bottles into the cooler. But then…realizing this guy must know Colton since Brandt had mentioned him, I turned back to the customer and studied him with a little more interest.
Finally, it struck me where I’d seen him before. At Brandt’s wedding. He’d been one of the groomsmen. One groomsman had been Brandt’s brother while the other had been labeled a brother-in-law.
Holy shit. Scarred face. Brother-in-law. This must be Ten, the one who’d fallen off a cliff embankment to save Colton’s life.
“Did he really?” Ten asked Brandt, grinning and straightening as if proud to hear he and Colton had said the same thing about me. “I knew I raised that kid right.”
I didn’t know him from Adam, but I kind of suddenly wanted to crawl over the counter and just hug this guy. Colton would be dead right now if it weren’t for him.
After digging into his back pocket, Ten pulled out a wallet, thumbed it open and extracted a crisp five-dollar bill. “Here you go, beautiful,” he said, extending it to me.
I took it slowly, confused. “What’s this for?”
Figuring he’d finally give me an order for whatever drink he wanted, he surprised me when he said, “That’s your tip.”
What? I shook my head. “But I haven’t served you anything yet.”
“Oh, don’t worry about that.” He plopped onto the stool in front of me and pointed toward Brandt. “Butthead there can get me my beer. So…” He clapped his hands. “Fetch, Fido.”
“Wait. You want me to serve you but you’re going to give my tip to Juli?” Brandt demanded.
“Uh…yeah.” Ten made a face as if that should be obvious. “She’s got much more curb appeal than you. Besides, I don’t tip dudes.”
“What the hell kind of brother-in-law are you?” Brandt grumped as he turned away to pull a bottle of Blue Moon from the cooler.
“The best kind. Now earn you pay, princess.” Glancing at me, he winked and quietly said, “Don’t you dare give that tip to him, either, Rihanna. I’ll make sure he gets something by the end of the night.”
I nodded just as Brandt stopped next to me and moodily plopped the bottle in front of his brother-in-law, then jerked the cap off with a bottle opener before turning away to toss the lid.
“Hey, where’s my orange slice?” Ten called.
Brandt glared back at him, muttering, “Really?”
I scooped one up with a toothpick from the condiment tray and held it out. “Here you go.”
“Why, thank you.” A blinding grin swung my way and then another five flashed in front of me. “Another tip for you.”
“You’re such a prick.” Brandt sighed and shook his head. “I assume you want me to start a tab for you?”
Ten had just plopped his orange into the bottle and was about to take a swig when he pulled back dramatically. “What? I actually have to pay for this shit? Pick!” he roared, making me realize my boss had strolled out from the hallway to his office and was joining us at the bar, where he was pulling up a stool next to Ten. “You invited us to your bar for drinks, and now you’re fucking charging us? What the hell, man?”
“Hello to you too.” Pick sat as he transferred his attention to Brandt. “And yeah…Ten’s drinks are on me tonight. As everyone else’s will be. Mason and Quinn should join us soon.”
“What? No Gam tonight?” Ten asked.
“No. I called, but Noel said it was a bad night. Both he and Colton were staying home with Aspen and the kids.”
I perked to attention at Colton’s name. And had they said Aspen? I was still curious who she was. He’d mentioned her before but had been too drunk to
explain the relation.
Ten winced. “She had a bad day, huh?”
Pick sighed and nodded sadly. “And night last night, too, the way I hear it.”
“Colton said when he got home from your place last night,” Brandt told Ten, joining the conversation as he set an opened beer in front of Pick, “Lucy Olivia was hollering from her crib, and Aspen and Noel were in their room, hollering at each other.”
“Wait, what?” Ten shook his head as if to clear it. “Did you just say Gam was hollering at his wife? No fucking way.”
“I know.” Brandt shook his head, looking a little rattled himself. “But after Colton split them apart and got their baby settled, he went outside to talk to Noel, where he was cooling off, and…” He shook his head. “Man, I don’t know. He said Noel was all out of sorts, shaken and crying and pissed at himself for losing his temper. Colton still doesn’t know what they fought about, but whatever it was, it made Noel lose his steel patience and just…snap.”
“Jesus.” Ten shook his head as if he were shell-shocked. “That postnatal depression shit really is a nasty bitch, isn’t it? If it were a dude, I’d punch it straight in the nuts for them.”
I gulped as a mournful silence fell over the three men. I knew I probably wasn’t supposed to be listening in on their private conversation about Colton’s brother and his sister-in-law. But I’d had no idea what he’d gone through last night. The cutesie text he’d sent me this morning mentioned nothing of his family drama, which was kind of a slap in the face, reminding me that sharing family problems wasn’t really what our relationship was about.
No matter what kind of thoughts I’d been having about him all day, our terms had been sex and sex only.
But it sounded as if he’d had a really rough night, a night he’d had to fix even though he hadn’t been the one to mangle it.
I kind of wanted to comfort him now.
“Speaking of Colton,” Ten broke in, making me jump when his name came up yet again. “Who’s this new chick he’s fucking?”