by Tijan
Fuck his disapproval.
“I’m fine.”
“Bullshit.”
I looked up, knowing my eyes were heated. “I said I’m fine.” I gritted my teeth.
He bit the inside of his cheek. “He still cares about you, you kno—”
“Stop!”
I had enough.
A storm was stirring in me, and I shot Tanner a glare. “What do you think I’m doing here, Tanner? Huh?” I motioned to the pile of papers. “I am trying to get my life back. I am trying to get out from under your brother’s hold. I am trying to be myself, just myself. Not Riley Bello. Not a 411 Operative. Not Kai Bennett’s lover. And definitely not a Bennett’s asset, because that’s what I am to your family right now. An asset. A thing, place, or person of value that you can use. I want out. So stop trying to tell me he gives a shit, because he doesn’t. I might’ve been stupid enough to fall for his trick, but I’m not anymore. He doesn’t give one shit about me, so do us both a favor and shut the fuck up while I’m finishing here.”
I scrawled my name with an extra flourish on the third sheet.
Two more to go.
Tanner was quiet. For a second. “I get that you want out. But he does care.”
One more.
I ignored him. I ignored how I wanted to throw up. Again.
“I know he wouldn’t want me to tell you that, but I don’t care. He loves you.”
I finished the last one just as he said that, and I locked my emotions down.
Shoving back my chair, my arms shook with my need to get out of here.
I was opening the door when he stopped me.
“You can sell all your homes. You can sell all your father’s holdings, but you’ll never be free of him.”
I paused, my heart filling my throat.
I heard Tanner stand up, the chair being moved back. “He loves you, Riley. That means he’s always going to know where you are, and he’s always going to make sure you’re safe. It’s what he does for the rest of us.”
My hand formed into a fist, pressing over my stomach.
I was tempted to tell him he was wrong, that Kai didn’t love me, that Kai didn’t love anyone. He only loved power. But then all the planning I’d done over the last few months would be in vain. Because no matter what, Tanner was still enslaved to his family name and to Kai.
So without responding, I left. One chapter of my life was officially closed.
• • •
Two weeks later, I was on the phone with Blade.
“Are you ready?” I asked.
“Yeah. We’re ready to go. Are you?”
I looked at everything before me.
I’d sold the main house two days ago. The papers were signed. The new owners were excited. Every member of my father’s house staff was unemployed, but they would get a surprise in the mail in a few days. The car was packed. Every item I wanted to take with me was in there, which wasn’t a lot. I should’ve wept. I should’ve had more than that to show for a lifetime of memories, but I didn’t. I looked at this as finally getting the clean break I should’ve had when I was fifteen.
I was ready. I was beyond ready.
My hand fell to my stomach, and picking up my last bag, I said into the phone, “I’m ready. I’ll see you there.”
“Will do. Official lockdown commencing: now.”
He hung up. The dial tone rang through, and I left the phone behind. It didn’t matter. I had bags of burners ready to go, and in thirty-two hours, I would meet up with Blade and Carol. It was a decision we’d all made. I had to trust they were genuinely okay doing all this. If not, it’d be all for nothing.
I drove to my attorney’s office. I had another matter to finish. One last errand before I disappeared forever.
• • •
“Are you sure you want to do this?” My lawyer laid his hand over the last sheet for me to sign.
I was having déjà vu, but not from the second-guessing, from the paperwork. I had to sign a piece of paper for every single person my father had employed in his homes. I wasn’t too worried about the company. Those employees would still have jobs. I knew Kai needed the trucking line to keep trucking. That was the whole point, and the other holdings were investments. They would remain active.
I nodded. “I’m sure.”
“This is a lot of money you’re giving away.”
It didn’t matter. Not to me. From my father’s holdings and homes, I had acquired two hundred and seventy-three million dollars. I was giving it all away, except five million. Five was for me, just in case.
Each of those household staff members would receive five million. And I had divided the rest. Every domestic abuse shelter in Canada and the United States would receive a hundred thousand. After that, whatever was left, five percent would go to homeless shelters. Another five percent would go to any nonprofit fighting sex trafficking. And I left a percentage for lobbyists fighting sex trafficking at the legislative level. There were other stipulations and a good fund for my lawyers to take from for their own bills, but I wanted to do good.
This was my way of doing some good.
And signing my last piece of paperwork, I was officially done.
I had nothing hanging over me—not anymore. All the businesses and investments were gone. Every one of my father’s houses had been sold. I’d taken care of his employees. Blade and Carol were safe. The last step was for me to disappear.
It was time.
I shook my lawyer’s hand and slipped out. I had asked to keep this last meeting discreet, though he had wanted his entire law firm there to “send me off.” I wouldn’t allow it.
When I left his office, I was no one important. I was merely a client leaving, with a car full of memories and a full tank of gas, ready for a cross-country trip.
The girls at the front desk said their usual goodbyes, and I ducked my head as I waved. Pushing through the glass door, I stepped onto the street, and I was free. I felt it in every step I took, and I embraced it. I loved it. I lived it. It was going to keep me alive for the next decade.
And then I heard, “Riley.”
CHAPTER SIXTY-FOUR
No. No. No.
I started shaking my head even before I turned to look. Then I had to laugh. He’d sent Jonah. Not Tanner. Seriously.
“Are you kidding me?” I flung a hand in his direction. “He sends you now? Tanner not enough for me? Or what? I need a secret genius to handle me? Is that why you’re here? How’s the girlfriend, Jonah? Kai know about her yet? Huh? Or…” I was going out on a limb. “About Tanner’s gay lover?”
Yeah. I registered the shock on Jonah’s face.
“Does Kai know about that too? Does the ‘family’?” I gave him some air quotes and let my arms swing wide. Because I was done. Done. Done! Having Jonah show up on this day, at this moment, took the cake. The whole fucking cake.
I’d been so close to freedom.
Jonah straightened from the building’s side where he’d been leaning as he waited for me. He cleared his throat, looking up and down the street and stepping closer. “Kai knows about Tanner’s sexual preference. So do I.” He stared at me. Hard. Not the way I’d known him to do so before. He resembled Kai now, at least in that moment. “We don’t give a shit.”
My soul was shriveling up.
He had no idea.
Freedom. I was so close and letting out a choking sound, I started to go around him.
He moved in a flash, grabbing onto my arm. “Kai wants to talk to you.”
Three months.
He was three months too late.
I tried to keep my motivation going as I glared back at Jonah.
I didn’t care if he was a future doctor. I didn’t care how many times he had looked over me, made sure I was okay. I didn’t think about Tanner or how I was scared how the rest of the council might feel about who he loved. I didn’t consider Brooke, how she was as shattered as I had been, and how I was starting to miss her, just like I missed�
�NO!
I was not going there.
He didn’t deserve it.
I swallowed down a lump. “No.” God. I hung my head in anguish. “Let me go, Jonah.” Falling forward, my forehead found his shoulder, and I stayed there.
Everything.
It was all for nothing.
He had found me. It was Jonah, for God’s sake.
I’d wanted them to be my family at one point.
“Please.” I whispered that over and over again, and he seemed surprised at first, stiffening.
Then he relaxed and just held me. He smoothed a hand down my hair and back, comforting me.
“Please let me go. You don’t understand.”
“Shhh.” He bent his head down, his cheek resting against my forehead. He held me closer. “Shhhh. It’s okay, Riley. It’s going to be okay.”
But it wasn’t. And he didn’t see it. He didn’t know it.
Nothing would be okay.
He lived in the mafia world. I was trying to break free. He was choking off my last run at it, at actually and finally being free. He had no clue what he was stopping. Swallowing my own tears, I pulled back, shaking my head.
“You don’t know.” I pressed my fist to my mouth, only able to gasp at the pain. It was too overwhelming, flooding every inch of me.
I couldn’t handle this.
I couldn’t bear it.
“No, Jonah. You couldn’t know.”
The street sounds began to blur together.
The sidewalk started going in circles around me.
Desolation. Destruction. Decimation. The same word. The same effect, but I needed all of them to describe how I was feeling, because it was all done. It was all over.
I was starting to show. They would know. Kai would know, and there’d be no going back after this.
Dazed. Confused. I stepped away from Jonah. I didn’t know where I was going, but I had to get away. I had to. One last attempt, even if it was a pathetic one.
I started up the sidewalk, and someone shoved me in the shoulder.
“Hey!” came Jonah’s voice.
The guy cursed next to me, “Watch it!”
A second shove.
I cried out.
I lost my footing. The world was tipping upside down.
I tripped, trying to catch myself. I went farther than I’d wanted. I felt the brush of a car behind me, a parked car. I reached out for it, trying to steady myself.
My insides were on alert. Red. I was going nuts. I had to get a handle on this, or my worst nightmare would come true.
Gritting my teeth from the sheer force, I righted myself against my own dizziness. I clung to that car and waited for everything to settle around me. And then, still holding on, knowing I wasn’t out of danger, but perilously close to it, I felt one last shove against me.
“Fuck! Sorry! Hey—He—”
A horn sounded.
I fell back, my hand flailing in the air, reaching for a stronghold, and then…
Pain.
CHAPTER SIXTY-FIVE
I woke to a light beeping sound, my mouth parched, and a splitting headache.
“Ow.” Lifting my head, I winced. Pain shot through me, and I almost doubled over. That hurt worse.
“Don’t move.”
No...
I kept my eyes closed, but I knew he was there. I’d felt him even before he spoke. I didn’t want him here. If he was here, it wasn’t good. There was only one thing that would bring him to my bedside.
God, no.
Please. Please.
I prayed silently, but then Kai spoke. “The baby’s gone.”
I didn’t want to hear those words. My hands moved to my stomach. There’d been the slightest bump starting. It felt flat again.
“No,” I choked out, curling in on myself. “No, no, no.”
“Riley—” The bed dipped under his weight, and I whirled around.
“NO!” I shoved him. “Get out! Get away from me.”
“Riley.”
I turned away again. I didn’t want to see his pain. I didn’t want to see that he’d lost weight, how haggard he looked. Gaunt. I didn’t want to see his obvious suffering, because no matter what, none of it mattered. He’d torn out my insides, unknowingly leaving behind a part of him. And now that small blessing was gone.
“No.” I started to sob, hugging my pillow. “No.”
He sighed from behind me, his voice cracking. “Riley.”
“Go away!”
“No!”
The bed shifted even more. The sheet lifted, and I felt his hand on my back. He just placed it there a moment, his fingers trembling, and then he began to smooth it up and down. He grew more confident when I didn’t yell or shrink away.
“I can’t. I can’t—not anymore. Not after this.” He sounded so broken.
A tear leaked from my eye, and I hugged that pillow even tighter.
“By the time Jonah called and told me what happened, I was already coming. You have to know that. God. Do you even want to hear all of this?”
His hand paused, but began to move again after a moment. It glided up and down from my neck to my hip. Over and over.
“I thought I could keep you. I was too selfish to give you up, but watching you through my meeting with the council, then knowing how you were going to deal with your father, I got a glimpse into the future. I saw myself. I saw my mother. I saw you being stuck in this world. Me. Tanner. Brooke. Jonah. We were born into this world. We can’t get out, even if we wanted to, but the level of ugliness this world thrives on, I don’t want that for you.”
I didn’t want to hear this, but I couldn’t move away. I was trying. I wanted to tell him to save it all, stow it, and I wanted to call for a nurse to make him leave.
But I did none of that.
I listened.
“It took me four days to let you go. I thought about it over and over. Every time I thought I could walk away from you, I’d end up reaching for you again, and then that last day—God.” He expelled a ragged sound. His hand pressed harder against me, shaking. “You have to know I ripped my own heart out when I said those words. And they were lies. I just needed you to go, be free of this life as much as you could.”
A sob caught in his voice. “I don’t deserve you, Riley. The reasons you fought against me were the reasons I had to let you go. I had to. You might not think you deserve a normal life, but you do. You deserve that and more. You deserve the goddamn moon and stars and all the cheesy lines in the world, because it’s true. You are my goodness. My redemption. My lifeline. Jesus, you woke something good in me that I never knew was there, and I realized every time I held you that I was destroying you. Little by little. The more goodness you gave to me, the more darkness I gave back. I was changing you. I have changed you, and now this.”
His hand jerked, but then began rubbing in a slow circle. “I knew you wanted out. I knew about the houses, but I didn’t realize you were intending to disappear until the Network called.”
I tensed. “What?”
My chest squeezed again. If the Network called him, then…
“Your friends tried to leave. They caught ’em and alerted me. Jonah was already down here for another matter, so I sent him to stop you. He tried to tell you I was coming back, that I had things to tell you, but he said some homeless guys started fighting right next to you, and you got pushed.”
He stopped for a moment, then spoke again in a raspy voice. “I was on the plane when he called and said you were in the hospital. The doctor told me about the baby, and holy fuck, Riley.” His hand paused, trembling again. “Holy fuck, Riles. If I had lost you and the baby? Both of you?”
Every word tore at my soul.
The baby. He or she—I never found out which one.
The baby was gone.
I sobbed again; I couldn’t stop. Kai lifted me and cradled me in his arms.
A part of me wanted to resist him. He had hurt me so much, but feeling his tears on my skin,
I gave in. I didn’t have the strength to pull away. I just folded, pressed my head into his chest and cried.
He wrapped his arms around me, moving to rest against the headboard. He held me as if I were our lost child.
• • •
Eventually I cried myself out.
The nurse found us and went for the doctor. After a moment he came in, casting Kai a wary look as he moved to look out the window. His head bent, his hands in his pockets, he might’ve looked like he wasn’t listening, but I knew he was. He took in every question the doctor asked me, every vital they checked. All of it.
A car had hit my hip, not enough to crush me, but it sent my body flying in the air. As I landed, my stomach had hit another car parked along the street, which cushioned my fall, and then my head hit the side panel as I slid to a heap beside it.
I had bruises everywhere, a concussion. The impact with the second car had caused me to miscarry. They’d been concerned about internal bleeding, but after surgery, everything was patched up. Except the baby. Except the reason I had tried to leave everything behind.
That was the real reason behind getting out of my father’s business holdings, the reason I wanted to sell all the homes. The baby was why I needed to disappear.
Because my child would’ve grown up as a Bennett. He or she would’ve lived in the Bennett shadows, and I didn’t want that. It was the reason Kai had tried to let me go, and it was why I’d been trying to vanish.
I’d been close, but no. Thinking about it, I’d been sloppy.
If I’d truly wanted to disappear, I would’ve packed a bag, taken as much cash as possible, and left in the middle of the night. I knew how to leave, but instead, I’d been leaving a trail as wide as the ocean for Kai to find me.
Had I even wanted to go? Or had I wanted him to come for me?
I hurt from so much thinking. Hell. It hurt just to breathe.
My child. I ached at the loss.
Hearing another choking sob slip out, Kai turned from the window.
“Doctor, can we have a moment.”
It was no request. It was a command, and I heard one of the nurses sigh before footsteps shuffled over the floor, and the door closed behind them all.