He responded by grabbing her hips, and lifted her onto the stainless steel table as though she weighed nothing. She ran her hands through his hair, across the back of his neck. Her fingers skimmed along his waistband, under his shirt, as the corded muscles of his back rippled beneath her touch.
Seth’s lips burned a trail down her throat as he came back up to kiss her again. Natalie yearned for him, couldn’t get enough of him. He took his time with her, his hands and mouth exploring every crevice of her neck and shoulders as he pulled her shirt back. Her back arched as she felt like her entire body was on fire. His nails gently scraped against her thighs, which only turned her on more. She pulled him to her, wanting to feel every inch of his warm skin against hers.
Natalie groaned when a phone rang, the tinny music a million miles away from where she currently was in Seth’s arms. But a tiny voice in the back of her mind whispered for her to focus, and she pulled away long enough to realize it was her cell phone.
No one would call her this late. Unless …
Panic quickly overtook desire as her hands pushed against Seth’s chest. “Wait, sorry, my phone …”
Seth seemed to understand, instantly pulling away. He reached over and grabbed her bag, pulling it over to where she still sat on the table. Natalie barely registered Seth’s hair sticking up in every direction, instead paling when she saw her mother was calling.
She took the call. “Mom? What’s wrong?”
“Sweetheart, I’m so sorry to call you like this … Natty, you need to come home. Right now.”
Natalie’s world fell apart.
Seth’s heart broke as Natalie’s face fell, her big brown eyes instantly filling with tears.
“He’s gone?” she whispered.
Oh no. Seth took a step back, running a hand through his wild hair. He looked around, wondering what he had to do first. Clean the kitchen? Walk her home?
“I’ll be right there, I promise.” Natalie hung up and Seth stood there, unsure of what to say or do.
“He’s gone. He passed away a few minutes ago.” Natalie stared at her phone, dumbstruck, clearly trying to process the news.
“Nat, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”
It was as if he hadn’t even spoken. She didn’t meet his eyes as she choked out the words. “I–I didn’t get to say goodbye.”
Natalie’s face scrunched up as she tried not to cry, but it was impossible. Tears spilled down her cheeks. Seth reached out to wipe them away, but she jerked back at his touch. Hurt, he pulled away, trying to understand.
“I didn’t get to say goodbye to him because I was here, with you. Because I wasn’t at home like I should’ve been.” She wouldn’t look at him as she shoved her phone in her purse and hopped off the counter. Curls fell into her face and she impatiently brushed them back.
Seth resisted the urge to reach out again to tuck them behind her ear. “How can I help?”
“I have to go.” Natalie slung her bag over her shoulder, ignoring his question.
“I’ll walk you home,” he said instantly. He could come back to clean the kitchen once she was home with her mom.
But she threw a hand up to stop him. “No.”
“Nat–”
“I can’t, Seth. I can’t do this, not now.”
She practically ran out of the kitchen, leaving him standing there alone. The back door banged open, and vaguely he thought about needing to lock it behind her. But all he could do was stare blankly ahead, wondering what on earth he’d done.
He threw the plates at the wall, shattering them. The silverware skittered to his feet while shards burst across the floor, landing everywhere. Seth cursed again, regretting his outburst.
Seth spent the next hour cleaning up the mess he’d made, including the stove and pan when he’d made their sandwiches. By the time he was done, no one would have ever guessed he’d been there, but Seth still couldn’t get Natalie out of his head. Not just their kiss, or the feel of her, but the look on her face as she realized her father was gone … or the fact she’d never gotten to say goodbye because she’d been too busy here with him.
Guilt flashed through him, along with anger and confusion. He’d been selfish to want her precious time, time she could’ve–should’ve–had with her dad. It was the entire reason she was here, after all, and instead she’d been here in the kitchen, spending time with someone who’d broken her heart once already. And now it was bound to be in a million pieces again with the loss of her father.
Seth packed up and trudged back home. Tommy sat on the couch watching TV, a pint of ice cream in his lap, but at the look on Seth’s face, he put the spoon down.
“What’s wrong?”
Seth told him everything, including the way Natalie ran out of LUSH. Tom took the cooler from Seth, putting it and the ice cream back where they belonged in the kitchen. He came back out with beer, placing it on the coffee table in front of Seth. He didn’t touch it, instead watching the condensation bead up and drip down the bottle.
“It’s my fault, Tom,” Seth said.
“Of course it isn’t. Her dad was sick.”
“Not my fault he died,” Seth replied, shaking his head. “It’s my fault she wasn’t there with him. She didn’t get to say goodbye, or be there for her mom, nothing she’d planned to do when the time came. All because I wanted to be with her.”
Tom’s brows drew together. “You didn’t exactly strong-arm her into it, you know she wanted to be with you, too–”
“But she shouldn’t have been!” Seth said, the words bursting from him. He stood up, pacing the living room.
“It’ll be okay, man,” Tom said, slightly alarmed at his best friend’s reaction.
“No.” Seth shook his head, placing his hands on the top of his head. Anguish crossed his face. “She might never forgive me. This isn’t something we can just work through. It’s bigger than that.”
“Give her some time. Losing a parent isn’t easy, even if she expected it.”
Seth knew Tommy spoke from experience. In his head, he knew his friend was right. Natalie needed time before she could think about anything else, especially anything to do with him. But his heart wanted to reach out to her, to hold her and tell her everything would be okay. Even if he knew it wasn’t right now …
When Seth woke the next morning, he felt like he’d been hit by a freight train. His head pounded, and there was a dark cloud already settled over his head. Even though he’d just woken up, he knew the day would be heavy on his heart after last night’s fight with Natalie. She was going through this all by herself, and he wished he was brave enough to make himself be there for and with her.
Seth rubbed his eyes and rolled over, checking his phone for any messages. He blinked in surprise. He had one new voicemail–not from Natalie, but about the job interview.
“Hey Seth, this is Keith over at O’Doyle’s, hope all is good your way. Listen, we’d really like to offer you the job as our new chef. Give me a call back so we can go over the details …”
Keith rattled off his number, but Seth tuned out. He flopped back onto his bed, staring at his ceiling without really seeing it. I got the job. The only question was, would he accept it and leave Crystal Springs … leave Natalie?
Natalie’s father had requested cremation and a small memorial, having already said goodbye to those most important to him outside of family. There were a few coworkers from his accounting office, some family members, and her mother’s friends.
Natalie had asked Daniel not to tell everyone at LUSH, but a beautiful bouquet of flowers with sympathy card, signed by the entire staff, had shown up on her doorstep earlier that morning anyway. Blinking back tears, Natalie put those in her room, ignoring the standard signature Seth had left along with everyone else.
Natalie would’ve been finishing up Sunday brunch if it were any normal day, but instead, she was here at home, wrapping up the memorial. She barely heard the knock at the door from the kitchen.
“Nat, it’
s for you,” her mother called. She murmured to the guest. “Thank you for coming, sweetheart. It means a lot.”
Natalie, who’d been putting a friend’s homemade casserole in the fridge, looked up to see Seth standing awkwardly in the doorway. He tugged at the black tie around his neck, offering a tentative smile when he spotted her. He came over to her.
“Thanks for coming,” she said on autopilot.
“Can we talk?” Seth asked, ticking his head to the side.
“I can’t, Seth, my mom needs me–”
“Two minutes, Nat. Please.”
Natalie stole a look to her mother, who was surrounded by close friends at the moment. Taking a shaky breath, she nodded, following him into her father’s office and closing the door for privacy.
Seth’s face softened as he reached for her. “How are you?”
Natalie took a stiff step backwards, out of his grasp. She pretended not to hate herself at the hurt on his face. “Thank you for coming, Seth, but now really isn’t the best time for … anything.”
“I really don’t want to take away from what you’re going through right now,” he said, hands going palm up. “I just wanted to see you, to tell you how sorry I am. I hope that maybe there’s some sort of relief in all of it for you–”
“Relief?” Natalie repeated in astonishment. “How could I possibly feel relief?”
“Because now you can go back to living your life the way you originally wanted,” Seth said.
Panic started to settle into her chest. Seth was right, of course; there was relief at her father no longer being in pain, but guilt crushed her at the thought of admitting it out loud. So instead of opening her heart to him, she did the exact opposite.
“You’re right,” she said flatly. “Now I can resume all my plans.”
His eyes shuttered at her response. “In that case, I should share some news. I got the job.”
The words stopped her cold and she had to actually catch herself from wilting into the nearby sitting chair. “I see. Congratulations.”
“That’s it? ‘Congratulations?’”
A knot grew in her throat as she struggled to keep emotions down. “What else am I supposed to say?”
He ran a hand through his hair. “Honestly, I don’t know. I guess I thought you’d tell me if I even stand another chance with you.”
“You shouldn’t make that kind of decision based on what I think. Eventually, I’ll get back to my own plans …” She trailed off at the look on his face.
“You and your plans! Maybe I have my own plans now, you ever think of that?”
“If you say ‘plans’ one more time, I swear,” Natalie growled, pinching the bridge of her nose in annoyance. “Of course I thought about your career. You’ve worked too hard to get caught up in the mess that is my life, which is why we’re even having this stupid conversation.”
“You’re right.” Seth ran a hand across his beard. “I have worked too hard. You left and I got my act together!”
“Fine, good!” Natalie said. “It’s about time!”
Seth’s mouth pressed into a hard line. “There are things I want to do with my life, my career. And then you come along and you just …”
“I just what, Seth? I don’t want to be a distraction. I’m happy for you!” Her hands went up in the air with bewilderment. “I’m not asking you to change any part of your life.”
“Good, because they can’t. I’ve worked too long and too hard to throw everything away.”
“I’d never ask you to do that!” Natalie choked up, and her words came out more in a shout. “You’re the one with your life together, remember? My life is currently in shambles! I have no money, I live with my mother, my dad just d-died…”
At the words, Natalie choked up, unable to continue. Seth’s expression softened, but Natalie took a step back, knowing she’d fall apart if he reached for her.
“I can’t do this,” she said, hating herself even as she said it. “I’m not the girl you used to love; I don’t know who I am anymore, but it’s not whoever you need me to be. You were a distraction.”
Seth’s face darkened again. “That’s not true and we both know it.”
“Of course it’s true,” Natalie lied, the tears coming harder because of it. “The only reason we even reconnected is because Hunter found another way to entertain himself. Otherwise, would you have ever asked me to breakfast?”
“I knew this was a mistake,” he said, shaking his head.
She didn’t know if he meant coming to her house, or whatever it was between them. Either way, the words felt like a slap in the face, even though she’d expected them. Natalie blinked in surprise, her mouth falling open. She couldn’t hide the hurt tone.
“You’re right, it was.” She stepped further away from him, feeling as if the divide between them would take the very floor out from under her feet.
“I can’t do this,” she repeated. “This, us, it almost killed me the first time. I can’t let my heart be broken all over again.”
“You think it’s easy for me?” Seth said, hands curling into fists by his sides as he struggled to keep his voice down. “To see you in my kitchen every day, to have gotten as far as I did because of you?”
“You didn’t work this hard for me,” Natalie said. “Don’t you ever say that, because it’s not fair to either of us. You have to want this for yourself, not because you ever thought it would get me back into your life.”
“You’re right,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck. “I never thought I’d see you again. I didn’t want to, honestly, not after how we left things.”
“I should’ve quit LUSH the minute I saw you,” Natalie said, swiping a hand across her cheeks to get rid of the tears.
“I haven’t been able to focus since the the moment I saw you. I’m lucky I haven’t cut my fingers off every time you come in my kitchen. You think that’s fun for me? You think I like not being able to concentrate whenever you’re around, because all I can think about is how much I want you back?”
Natalie’s heart fluttered at the admission, but the anguish on his face prevented her from spilling her own emotions out. Instead, she dug her heels in, unable to risk her heart again.
“You’re right, I’m a distraction,” Natalie heaved a shaky sigh. “You should take the job.”
“Maybe I should.” He gave her a cold look, staring so hard at her she said the next thing that sprang to her mind so he’d stop looking at her like that.
“You know what, while you’re there giving your resignation, tell Daniel and the others I quit, too.”
Seth’s crushed expression nearly did her in. He lifted an arm to grab her. “No, Natalie, stop–”
“No, you stop. Please leave. You’re a distraction to everyone here, to me. You always were, and I can’t let you be one any longer.”
His face darkened at the words. “You don’t mean that.”
“I do,” Natalie said, crossing her arms over her chest. “Please leave. And tell the others I won’t be coming back.”
“I’ll leave, but you’ll have to tell them yourself.” Seth rubbed the back of his neck and headed to the office door. He placed a hand on the doorknob, pausing to look at her.
“Go.” Natalie blinked back tears, close to a complete breakdown. She couldn’t let that happen in front of him. “Please.”
Seth opened his mouth, but no words came. He closed it again, and tearing his gaze away from her, he opened the door and stepped out. He shut the door behind him and as his footsteps walked away, Natalie crumpled into a chair, sobbing.
Seth stomped back into his house, the front door slamming behind him. Tommy came out of the kitchen. “What’s up?”
“It’s over, man.” Seth yanked his tie over his head, tossing it haphazardly on the coffee table.
“What is?”
“Me and Nat.”
His roommate sighed, sitting in his chair. “No way.”
“Yeah, I’m pretty sure this time,�
�� Seth confirmed, flopping down on the couch. “I can’t go through this again.”
“It’s kinda flipped this time, isn’t it? You’ve got the opportunity to leave while she’s here working.”
“It doesn’t matter.” Seth ignored Tommy’s valid question. “She’s as mad as I knew she would be about being with me when her dad died. It’s like I told you the other night–she’ll never forgive me for it. Besides, I have way too much going on, especially if I take that job.”
Tom groaned. “Are you kidding me? Seth, you have got to find a balance in your life.”
“Easy for you to say, all you do is work,” he scoffed.
“Ouch.”
Seth immediately regretted his outburst. “Sorry, man, you don’t deserve that.”
“No, you’re right. But my love life is another story. Right now, this one’s about you. Don’t be such a dimwit.” Seth opened his mouth to retort, but Tommy cut him off, narrowing his eyes on him. “If you love her, and I know you do, you can make it work.”
“She doesn’t love me, though–”
Tom’s snort of laughter cut through Seth’s argument. “If you really believe that, you’re as blind as you are dumb. I see the way she looks at you, since the moment she started working there.”
Seth said nothing, not knowing, or maybe refusing to believe, if Tommy was right. Besides, even if it was true, did he want Natalie to love him?
Yes. The little voice in his head shouted the word, adding a few insults to injury. Seth couldn’t be so blind as to turn away from love, not this time. Not again. He remembered what it felt like when Natalie left the first time. Could he go through that all over again, especially when he’d finally had the chance to make it right between them?
“And you know, you keep bringing up that job offer, but I know you won’t take it,” Tom said conversationally. He grabbed a video game controller from the TV stand.
Seth paused, eyebrows raised in surprise. “Huh?”
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