Sometimes when I look out of my bedroom window at night, I think I see him out there, walking away towards the road.
So when Rehan walks in through the living room door, for a moment I think I’m dreaming.
“Hey,” he says, like he’d just popped out to the shops.
I blink, sitting up straight. “Hey.”
“I knocked, but no one heard, and the door wasn’t locked…” He walks a little further into the room. He looks great. Different. I’ve never seen him when he’s not been exhausted, fighting, or both. He’s wearing jeans and a battered leather jacket, and his hair is longer, brushing his collar.
Through the open windows, I hear my friends laughing and shouting to each other in the gardens. I hope they don’t come inside. I’m not sure where they are with the whole ‘we’re the same as the Vol’ versus the ‘we hate the Vol and try to kill them’ thing.
I’m not sure where Rehan and I are with each other, either.
His eyes travel over the sleeping bags on the floor, the junk food wrappings, the old socks. Despite my efforts, my friends are trashing Anna’s house. “Couldn’t miss the party.”
“My friends are here. Outside.”
“You found the rest of them, then?”
“They were in the second helicopter, on the roof. You should have ’pathed me so that I could explain—”
“I should have ’pathed… Before or after your friend threw me off the roof?”
“That was Katrina.”
“She seems lovely,” he says dryly.
“She didn’t understand.”
“So,” he sits on the armrest of my sofa. “Whose idea was it to drop me in the river?”
“Well, not mine! We couldn’t take you with us, they would have killed you before I could explain. They’d been given a lot of drugs, and they were hunting Vol. Then. Not now. Obviously.”
He smiles.
“What happened?” I ask. “After the roof? Did you go back to KHH?”
“What’s left of it, yeah. They fished me out of the river. It was a bit difficult to swim after your mate bashed me against the chimney and chucked me off the roof.” He rubs his elbow in remembered pain. “So it was a while before I could make it up North. To see if you were here.”
“I wanted to follow you, then,” I say. “But Katrina – it wasn’t possible.”
He relaxes, and a glint of mischief appears in his eyes. “Did you?”
“Of course.”
“You looked pretty keen to get up to the heli, last I saw.”
“Well, we were on the roof of a burning building.”
“Fair point. So,” he looks around. “You’re staying here? Permanently?”
I shrug. “It’s home. For now. Although, I guess you paid the rent. We’ll sort something out – Anna has some savings, she said.”
He waves that away. “You don’t have to stay here if you don’t want to. I’m rebuilding KHH, no insiders this time. You could come back with me. If you want.”
“I thought the whole point of KHH was to take down Forever. The Institute, the labs, it’s gone now. John’s dead. It’s done.”
“The building’s gone. John’s dead. But the other staff evacuated, they must be out there somewhere, and we don’t know if John really was the only person who knew how to make the serum, he might have just said that to the media. It isn’t over, not yet.”
With everything that’s happened since, I’d forgotten that John said he wasn’t the real inventor. “Rehan—”
“And what about those guys from your building?” he continues. “The ones who took the KHH helicopter, and those little kids? We need to find out where they went, what they’re up to. They might start it all up again.”
The class of 9A. Part of the whole hideous mess that I’ve been avoiding thinking about. No-one told them what’s going on – they think they’re still hunting Vol.
The bottom drops out of my stomach.
Perhaps one of them is like Lia, and can find people, or like Rehan, and see talent on people.
My friends. Anna. They’re still in danger.
But…
If they could find us, surely they already would have? We’d have been attacked already. They can’t have anyone like Lia or Nevi.
I think.
Surely no one will find us, not if I keep them out of it all, and far away from London. I can’t risk Anna, or my friends.
“Rehan – I’m done,” I tell him, standing up.
“What do you mean?”
“My friends, me…” I don’t know how to make him understand. “None of us ever had a normal life.”
“You think I did?”
“This is our time. We love it here, we’re not going back to London to chase shadows. My friends are only just beginning to heal. Anna needs me. And we’ve got to wait for Lia to find us, with the data, so that they can track down their families, too. She’ll bring it back to us, I know she will, when she’s finished whatever she’s doing.”
“She might be dead.”
“Why would you say that! She’s not. You saw her. Lia is unstoppable. Anyway, that’s what’s next for us, searching for their families. Not hunting whatever’s left of Forever, which is probably nothing anyway.” I hope.
“Even if Lia does come back – how would you find your friends’ families? I’ve no idea where Nevi’s disappeared to.”
“Maybe Lia can help. If not… We’ll have names, a few details in the data. It’s a start.” I spread out my hands, willing him to hear me. “I persuaded them to leave Forever, told them that they have families, I have to help them find them. I know how it feels to find your family. I can’t ask them to go back to London and start hunting murderers, not if they have a chance to be free. It’s not about what I want, what you want, even KHH or Forever, this is about family.”
His lip twists. “I’m not sure that family is going to be all you’re expecting.”
“I’m sorry about Lucas.” I struggle to put what I’m feeling into words, as he turns away to look out of the window. “My whole life, I wanted a talent,” I tell him. “You know that. But I don’t anymore. Now – after my friends go to their families – I get to be normal. Anna and I aren’t talented. We can have a normal life, me and her.”
I look at his leather jacket, scarred from fights and escapes I don’t know about. Then I look down at my new clothes. Anna delights in giving me pretty things, and today I’m wearing a cosy blue dress with white butterflies on it, that skims my ankles and floats around me when I turn. It’s very soft. I’ve never had anything like it before.
I push my hands into my pockets, where, through the soft fabric, my fingers brush against the bullet-wound on my leg. It’s healing well, but the skin is an angry colour. Anna says the scar will fade to silver, but it may take a long time.
Rehan comes to stand in front of me. He touches my chin gently, bringing my face up to look at him. “What’s up?” he asks.
I try to explain. “I want to be a normal girl. I want Anna to have a normal life. No more burning buildings or helicopters or guns. I just want to be one of the ordinary people.”
He frowns, letting his hand fall to his side as he tries to understand me. “Ordinary sucks.”
“I’d really like to try it.”
“And your friends? Can you tell me they feel this way too? They’re talented, they’ll never be ordinary. Especially your loopy mate.”
I glare at him. “Don’t even think about asking my friends to join KHH. They’ve been through enough.”
“They might want to. KHH needs their talents. It would make all the difference.”
“You can’t—”
He takes my hand in his, and his palm is warm against mine. I say nothing as he moves closer, and then I’m somehow wrapped in the warmth of him and his lips are soft and gentle on mine. I feel languid and restless.
“Tell me that you want me to go,” he murmurs against my lips.
“I can’t tell you that,�
�� I whisper. He kisses me again, and I slide closer to him. The buckles of his jacket press into my skin through the fabric of my dress, but I don’t mind, my whole body feels awake, craving sensation. I let my fingers thread through his hair, let myself stroke those curls at the back of his neck, let him hold me and kiss me again.
Let myself forget about everything for a while.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
While the others eat lunch at the house, Rehan and I go for walk on the beach. We’re not avoiding them exactly, more putting off conversations with others while so much is unresolved between us. We should talk some more about what to do next, but neither of us want to argue again.
He shows me how to skim a stone across the waves so that it skips. His eyes light up when the stone skips four times in a row.
I persuade him to paddle. He says I’m mad, paddling in late November, but he lets me dare him into the water. I throw stones on the water near him to splash him. He laughs. I don’t remember seeing him laugh before.
I wish he wanted to be ordinary with me. To stay here and walk on the beach and read books by the fire.
But I don’t think that he wants that.
When we arrive back at the cottage, his fingers are curled around mine. I can’t remember when we started holding hands, but it feels natural.
Even before I open the front door, I can hear the shrieks and laughter that means Anna is teaching my friends to play cards again.
Rehan hesitates. “I have to go into the village, make a few calls, fuel the car. Reception’s rubbish here. Come with me?”
“I should go and tell my friends that you’re here.” I want to deal with my friends’ suspicion before he meets them, and I don’t think that Anna will be too happy he’s here, either.
“Can’t you do that later?”
“Come back when you’ve finished your calls, I’m not going anywhere.” This sounds more pointed that I intended it to be.
He just nods. “Ok, then. See you.”
After he leaves, I sit and watch the waves for a while. I love the sound of the splashing as the waves roll in and out, the taste of salt in the air, the black gleam of the rocks, as the tide retreats.
The sun is sliding below the water, mostly hidden by clouds, so it’s beginning to get dark. I’m not sure what the time is, evening comes early here. I’m just getting up to go inside when I see her, standing on the beach, looking at me.
Lia.
I knew she wouldn’t let me down. Well, actually I didn’t, but I had no better idea than to wait for her.
We walk towards each other, our footsteps loud on the pebbles.
“You took your time,” I tell her.
She holds out something to me. The data stick. It’s all I can do not to snatch. I take them as calmly as I can. This will silence any lingering doubts that my friends might have, squash the jealousy I’m beginning to see on their faces when they watch me with Anna. Now, we can all move forward.
“Come in,” I say. “You can meet my mother, and the guys are all here…”
Lia just looks at me. Then she turns and walks away.
“Why can’t you say hello, like a normal person?” I shout after her.
“We’re not normal people,” she says without stopping or turning her head.
“Where are you even going?” I yell.
She glances back, and gives me the first real smile that I’ve seen on her face in years.
“Home,” she says. “Tell the others goodbye for me.”
“That’s it?” I look at the data stick in my palm. “You know that you could help find their parents. Better than anyone.”
“Maybe. Maybe not. I’ve only used my talent to find people that I’ve lost. I wouldn’t know how to find anyone or anything for someone else.”
“You could try,” I tell her.
She shrugs. “Or not.”
“You can’t leave us. We’re family.”
“I have a family. I’ve had seventeen years without them. Seventeen years of crazy that I want to forget. It’s time for my real family now.” She turns away, towards the road, and for the first time I notice a green car, parked patiently in the middle of nowhere in particular, the sound of its running engine hidden by the crashing waves. Waiting for Lia.
I should follow her, persuade her to bring her family to meet the others, talk over everything about Forever. Tell her about Rehan’s request that we help KHH. But…
She too has lived a life of others telling her what to do. She doesn’t want to be with us.
She didn’t have to come at all.
She can find us anytime she wants to.
My fingers curl around the data stick. I watch in silence as Lia makes her way to the car, and gets in without even a wave. I watch the car move away and glide towards the hills until finally the vehicle is just one of many shadows.
Then I go home.
The first thing that we do is copy all of the files, and hide copies in as many places as we can think of. In the house, the garden, even the beach and the local hostel’s library. Anna creates something called an email account, saves the names on there and gives us all the password. We’re not going to lose these names again.
Then I leave my friends in peace to read their files. The atmosphere in the house is strained, intense, as everyone relieves their life at the Institute, with a different perspective, and only a stranger’s name to anchor each of them to a new future.
Some of my friends are elated to receive the information, but others shrink into themselves, unsure whether, or how, to actually get in contact with their parents. They read their files, pace the house and the beach, then read their files again.
It’s into this atmosphere that Rehan walks.
I forgot to tell my friends that he’d come North.
Rehan stands in the doorway, looking around the room, puzzled. Everyone’s too busy reading their files to look up, and Anna’s clanging in the kitchen, cooking pasta. He could be invisible. I jerk my head for him to follow me.
“Lia came back,” I explain, as we move upstairs.
“She gave back the data?”
“She did.”
We go into the bedroom I share with Anna, and sit on the bed among the piles of new clothes that Anna’s bought me.
Rehan smiles when he sees the fluffy polar bear on my bed.
“So,” he says. “I have to go back to London today. There’s a lot going on. Are you coming?”
I shake my head. “Can’t.”
“I don’t get why.”
“My mother needs me. My friends need me.”
“What about Forever? About 9A, and whoever they’re hunting? Those 10A kids?”
“Forever are done, but… Even if they’re not, I’d rather not be anywhere near them. They stole my entire life, I won’t let them have my future. I won’t put Anna and my friends in danger. They’ve earned their freedom. We all have.”
He gives me a long look.
“What about us?”
“If you’re going after Forever… I don’t see how we can be… Anything.”
My eyes fall on my romance books. I kick them under the bed, feeling strangely angry.
I look at him. So determined that Forever be completely obliterated and that he be the one to do it. Not for glory - no one will ever know – but to avenge Lucas, and the dead children, and stop any more children like us from being killed or stolen.
Something softens in my chest. I don’t want him to be anyone other than who he is. Fearless, determined, and so certain that his way is right. Rehan will never be ordinary.
I’m not fearless. I’m very afraid of getting my mother and friends killed. Of being trapped again. I wish I was like him.
I love him. It doesn’t feel thrilling, the way I thought it would to be in love. It hurts. It feels like grief.
I don’t want Rehan to be anyone other than who he is, but I don’t think he feels that way about me. He wants the Fern who took a bullet from John and sped
around the Institute fighting, running, bleeding, and I don’t want to be that girl ever again.
The ache in my chest grows.
“I can’t accept that,” Rehan says. “Is this because I lied to you in the beginning? Are we still stuck there, after everything?”
“No. I get why you did that.” The words taste like lies in my mouth.
“Then what? Even if you can’t come to London right now, we can still be – something. If you want. Just tell me what you want.”
His brown eyes stare into mine, angry, yet hopeful. He lifts a hand to shove his hair out of his eyes, and I watch the muscles move in his forearm. I want to touch him. I want to kiss him.
I want to trust him.
But I don’t.
My hands fist in the skirt of this beautiful dress.
Rehan will never stop hunting his father’s killers, searching for 9A, trying to rescue the 10A children. That’s who he is, and I love him for that. But if we’re together, he’ll drag me into it. I’d let him, eventually. Because I do care, of course I do, I can’t stand the thought of those children being raised by murderers.
But if I let Rehan drag me back into that world…
Every meeting would be a risk, every phone call a potential giveaway. We’re hiding from telepaths and one of the best funded organisations in the world.
I can’t bring violence to my mother’s home again, I won’t. Not even for Rehan.
And even if I could… I can’t be with someone I love, who doesn’t love me back the way I am. That would kill me a little more every day.
My eyes burn, and it’s hard to breathe. If he doesn’t leave soon, the tears will come, and then I’ll beg him to stay.
He moves closer, and puts his hands on my waist. I look up, and he kisses me softly.
“I need to know that you’ve forgiven me,” he says. “For lying, in the beginning. For tricking you. All that.”
“Of course,” I reply automatically. We both hear the lie in my voice.
He steps back, his face serious. “Look—”
I need to end this before I start crying, need to drive him away. I say the first thing that comes to mind. “You remember on the garage roof, that first night? Forever arrived to attack the farmhouse, Lucas ran downstairs, and we went out of the window.”
A Girl From Forever (The Forever Institute series Book 1) Page 24