by Jay T
Is that because he doesn’t care enough to?
“I’m fine now, Aunt Kami, you can go back to bed. It was just a bad dream.”
“This one is different than the ones you had about your parents?”
I nod. “I’m not ready to talk about it. I just want to go back to sleep.”
She kisses the top of my head and says, “Alright, sweetheart. I love you. Please be careful.”
“I will.”
She gets up and pauses at the door to look at me again before retreating to her room. I silently cry into my pillow until sleep takes me again.
33 evan
I sit straight up, awaking from a deep sleep. My heart is racing and the hair on my arms is sticking straight up. I look at the clock; 2:05. I get more anxious as the night continues. Naomi’s words play over and over in my head. You can’t fix her problems for her. At 2:20, I’m resisting the urge to get in the car and race down the road to her. At 2:35. I reach for my phone and call Kami.
“Hello?” she answers sleepily on the fifth ring.
“I’m sorry to wake you, Kami,” I say. “It’s Evan. I have a weird request for you.” I don’t wait for her to respond, I keep going, “I need you to see if you can wake up Eva for me please.”
“What’s wrong?” she asks, all the sleepiness gone from her voice.
“She’s having a bad dream.” It’s only part of the story but it’s not technically a lie.
“Hang on,” she says. It sounds like she’s getting out of bed and walking down the hallway; I hear her knock on Eva’s door.
“Kami, just go in please. I need to you get in bed with her,” I say.
“Evan,” she says, “it stinks in here.”
I shudder. “I need you to tell her to focus. Tell her she’s going to be alright.”
I over hear Kami repeating my words.
“Evan, her blanket is on the floor and she’s drenched in sweat.”
“I just need you to talk to her. Are you in bed with her?”
“Yes, I’m right beside her.”
“Hold her tight. Tell her she’s a firewelding angel and they should be afraid of her, not the other way around.”
I hear her repeat my words to Eva. “She’s shaking really bad,” she says into the phone. “Why isn’t she waking up?”
“Just wait,” I say trying to remain calm. “Come on, Eva,” I whisper to myself.
2:45; the hairs on my arms relax and my heart starts to beat more slowly. “She’s awake,” Kami says.
“Oh, thank god,” I say to myself- but out loud. “Will you tell her I wish I could come but I can’t.”
“Yeah, ok.”
“Goodnight.”
“Goodnight.”
This is what Naomi meant that I can’t rush over there and push the darkness back for her with my own light. Eva needs to stand on her own and defeat it or they’ll take me out and she’ll be theirs. How do I love her and not let her depend on me though? I still don’t have an answer.
I sit on the edge of my bed, bouncing my leg up and down restlessly. I pick up my phone, wishing it would both ring and not ring at the same time. I want to talk to her, to ask her if she’s alright, but whatever she’s feeling right now, she needs to feel on her own. It doesn’t make it suck any less though.
Thirty minutes later my phone dings. I look at the screen.
Kami: Is she going to be OK?
Me: I hope so
Kami: Should I be worried?
Me: I think she’s fine for tonight.
Kami: I’m not going to wake up to her in a coma, am I?
It takes me a moment to respond.
Me: No. She’s good.
Kami: You’d tell me if I need to worry?
Me: I’d tell you.
Is Ethan still sleeping?
Kami: Yes, he didn’t hear anything.
Me: Good.
Kami: Thank you for what you did tonight. I’d like some sort of explanation soon though.
Me: Goodnight.
Kami: Goodnight.
I wonder what Eva’s told Kami about me. It’s obviously been enough for her to trust me when I call in the middle of the night.
34 eva
I overslept this morning. My alarm went off and I thought I hit snooze, but I must have turned it off by accident.
“Sweetie, you’re going to be late. Are you going to school today?” I look at the clock, I’m supposed to be walking out the door in ten minutes.
Ugh! I jump up and run to the shower, quickly rinse off, and wash my face. I turn the water off and dry myself hastily as I hear commotion downstairs. Someone is yelling goodbye. Ethan. Evan’s leaving with him and the little boy is yelling goodbye to me. I crack the door and yell, “Bye, bud, have a good day at school!” I hear the front door close and I go back to getting ready. I yank the dry shampoo out of the cupboard and start spraying.
Fifteen minutes later, I’m ready to go even though I could’ve spent another ten minutes fussing over my puffy eyes trying to get the swelling to go down.
I race down the stairs to find Aunt Kami waiting for me with lunch money, my coat, keys and a banana in hand. I kiss her on the cheek as I take them, “Thank you. Where would I be without you?”
“Still sleeping, I’m sure. Have a great day.”
“Thank you! You too.”
I eat the banana on the way and race my first class. I make it just in time. Evan is right behind me. He sets a coffee on my desk and looks down at me. “Are you OK?” His fingers find mine.
“I’m great, thanks for asking.” There’s a tone in my comment. Although, I don’t know what I expected him to do. Get up in the middle of the night to come hold me because I had a bad dream? That’s what he used to do. But he isn’t in my dreams anymore, he’s here.
His face drops for a second before he gives me a sad smile and takes the seat diagonal from me. He sits down carefully. I take a drink of the coffee he brought; white chocolate mocha.
I smile.
He turns and winks at me before focusing on the teacher.
In second period, I sit down next to Amy. “I’m dying for Jersey Subs. Can we please check ourselves out and leave for lunch today?”
“Ooo that sounds great,” she says. “I’m in. I want a slushy too. A white one!”
“Pina Colada? Yes, sounds fantastic,” I say.
We spend way too much time running around town looking for the gas station that carries the Pina Colada flavor, but eventually we find it.
“You ladies are late getting back,” the receptionist says as we check back in. “You’re going to lose your privileges if you’re late again.”
“Not to mention, I think you pissed of the gentlemen,” Ryan pipes up from a chair outside the principal’s office.
“What are you doing here?” I ask. “Why aren’t you in class?”
“Apparently the teacher doesn’t get my sense of humor. I think I’m hilarious,” he says shrugging.
“Quiet, Ryan, you’re not supposed to be talking in here,” the receptionist scolds him. “Hurry to class,” she says and shoos us away.
Amy and I jog to the classroom. “Are you going to be in trouble with Brent?” I ask thinking about Ryan’s comment.
“Me? Psh, he better not even think about it.”
I smile, “Ok, I don’t want to get in the middle of something, so you’d let me know if I asked you to do something he wouldn’t like, right?”
“He’s not the boss of me.”
I giggle. “Ok.”
I don’t see Evan the rest of the day. After school I peek into the gym and he’s there talking with a cheerleader about dance moves as they work on the choreography. He looks up at me for a moment but goes back to what he’s doing. The other guys are arguing over something and the girls are working on their part on the other side of the gym.
“So, we getting ready at my house?” Amy joins me.
I look back at Brent talking to another girl. “It’s tradition isn’t
it?”
“Don’t worry about them. We don’t have anything to worry about with our guys,” Amy says.
“You mean you don’t have anything to worry about with your guy,” I clarify.
She looks at me and says, “No, I meant we. Let’s go shopping and see if we can find new totally hot outfits.”
“I don’t think Walmart has totally hot outfits,” I say.
“Never hurts to look.” She grabs ahold of my hand and pulls me along.
We spend the afternoon acting like normal teen girls and it feels wonderful. We go out to eat at the local Mexican restaurant and I take my turn filling her water glass. Christey and Amy did this for me after my family died. Amy catches the gesture and laughs and then tears up and says, “I miss her.”
“I do too,” I say. I grab her hand and squeeze it.
***
Back at her house, she holds up a black sequined tank top. “I hope Evan comes around tonight for you.” She shakes the tank top at me and I shake my head no. She turns to hang it back up in her closet.
“I do too,” I say.
Amy pulls out a black dress with no sleeves and holds it up. “You should wear that,” I say. “You’ll drive Brent nuts all night.”
She giggles. “Ok, but I need something else to pull it together.”
“Oh, how about the heels you wore to sophomore homecoming?” I ask.
“Ooo, good idea. I think they’re…” she digs in the back of her closet and comes up with a pair of black heels, “These?”
“Yup,” I say. “That is going to look great together!”
She gets a sad look on her face.
“What’s wrong?”
Amy pulls up her pants leg and puts her foot on her bed. “Do you think anyone will notice this?”
I move closer. Her skin is raised in a coil from her ankle to just below her calf; the scar she got from the darkness in the lake. I get up and pull her into a hug. “I’m so sorry, Amy,” I whisper.
She pulls back after a moment. “It’s fine. I just don’t want anyone to ask me about it. Especially the parentals.”
“You know the shoes you wore to our basketball banquet?” I ask. She nods. “Those were sexy and the laces would cover that.”
She smiles big. “I almost forgot about those! I haven’t seen them in ages. They might be in the tote in the garage. Let’s look after we find you something. What about this dress?” she holds up a teal number.
“I don’t really care for dresses much. I don’t really know why,” I say.
“I’ve noticed. I can never get you to wear one except for very special occasions.”
I shrug. “I prefer long shirts with leggings.”
“This one,” she holds up a black shirt with a knot on the side, and a peekaboo shoulder with long sleeves.
“Perfect!” I say.
“And you need gray leggings.” She digs in the back of her closet. “And these boots, they’re flat.”
“You know me so well,” I say. “That’s perfect. Thank you.”
“Alright, let’s get dressed, we’re supposed to be there in thirty minutes.”
I look at the clock and we both giggle. “Yeah, we’ll be there in like two hours.”
“Especially if we can’t find my shoes in the garage,” Amy jokes.
We spend time fussing over our makeup and adjusting our hair. Mine still looks pretty much the same as it did earlier in the day at school, but I stare at it for a long time while I wait on Amy.
I finally say, “I’m ready when you are.”
***
When we show up, the party is in full swing. I look for Evan’s car but it isn’t there. Amy grabs hold of my hand as we open the front door. It’s packed, Liam is on DJ service and Ryan hands him a drink. There are a lot of people I know from school here and a lot more I don’t recognize at all. Amy pulls me to the kitchen through the sea of people. I produce the liquor I “swiped” from my house and we add it to the inventory on the counter and pour ourselves a drink. I take the Malibu with 7-Up. I don’t want to lose my head completely but after last night, I want to have a drink and relax.
“Hey, ladies,” a guy from the hockey team says as he approaches. I recognize him; he was Chad’s co-captain.
“Hey, Andre,” I say. “How’s your senior year treating you?”
“Ah, well, it’s looking up tonight. I’m happy to see you guys made it.”
He’s flirting. I don’t really want him to, but it feels nice for a change.
A new song starts pumping a good beat through the speakers. “Come dance with me,” he says, holding out his hand for me.
I wave him off. “No, I’m not there yet. I’m going to need a few more of these first,” I say holding up my cup.
He shrugs and says, “Alright, take your time. I’ll save a dance for you.”
I smile, nod, and take a long drink.
I look at Amy who’s raising her eyebrow at me.
“What?” I ask.
“Nothing. Nothing at all.” She takes a drink of her own. “Brent said they were going to make Jell-O shots and hide them,” she trails off for a moment trying to remember where he told her they’d be. “Outside in the coolers by the lake,” she finishes. She shudders. “Stupid lake. Will you go with me?”
I grab hold of her arm, “Of course, lead the way.”
“Where are you ladies off to?” Brent finally finds us.
“To the secret hidey hole,” Amy responds, kissing him on the cheek.
Brent smiles. “I made them just for you ladies,” he says. “Enjoy.”
“Oh, we will,” Amy says, reaching back for my hand and pulling me outside with her.
Robert and Tristan are down by the lake sitting by a fire.
“Oh, hey guys,” I say. “We heard there were Jell-O shots in the cooler down here.”
“Oh yeah, let me get some for you.” Tristan says. He stands up and turns around. He’s sitting on the cooler. He opens the lid and takes out a handful of Jell-O shots and passes them to us.
“We’re the official chaperones,” Tristan says. “Aren’t you happy for us?”
“Who put you up to that?” I ask.
“Chad’s parents. They said we could only host parties here this year if we’re around to make sure the rules are followed about no drinking and driving.”
“Well, thank you for being here then,” I say.
“To us,” Robert says. “And happy senior year to you young-ins.”
We toast and take our shots and decide it would be a good idea to do two more.
I give Tristan a sideways hug and tell him, “I’ve really missed you.”
He nods sadly and says, “I know, I feel the same. If she was still here, I’d be seeing a lot more of you ladies.”
I gently push him away. “Stop it, I worked hard on my mascara, you’re going to make it run,” I say as I blot my eyes.
Tristan chuckles. “Sorry,” he says. “I need another beer.” He shakes his empty Solo cup.
“Yeah, me too, I’ll follow you up,” Robert says.
When they’re gone, I look at Amy. “One more shot then back to our own drinks?”
“Yeah, I’m game,” she agrees.
“Cheers.” I swallow the Jell-O and begin to feel a buzz kick in. I smile; so does Amy.
“Better?” she asks.
“Much.”
“Where’s Evan?” I ask.
“I don’t know, let’s go find out.”
We make our way back inside and Andre is standing at the kitchen counter pouring drinks and passing them out.
“Malibu and 7-Up?” he asks me.
I nod. He mixes the drink and walks it to me, letting someone else take over the pouring responsibilities.
“How are you feeling now?” he asks.
“Much better,” I say taking the drink from him.
“You going to be up for that dance soon?”
I look around for Amy who has disappeared somewhere. “Yeah, in a
bit,” I say as I start to search for her.
Andre doesn’t seem to mind as someone else picks up the conversation as soon as I step away.
I spot Amy by the side door. She’s talking with Brent for a moment before he kisses her cheek and she turns to look for me. I wave and she makes her way back to me.
“Anny went to work after rehearsal,” she says. “He’s supposed to have been off an hour ago but he had to check on the little kid. He should be here anytime.”
I glance at the clock; it’s after 10.
I shrug, “Then let’s dance.”
We make our way to the middle of the living room/dance floor. It’s completely packed but Amy and I let loose and finally get the chance to act our age.
Two songs later I realize there are a couple of guys trying to dance with us. Amy smiles at the other side of the room before putting her arms around the neck of one of the guys. He takes the cue and pulls her in closer and puts his hands on her hips.
I look over and see that Amy’s smiling at Brent who has his arms folded across his chest. He’s really toned up and lost some weight. There’s a smile playing on his lips as he watches Amy having a good time.
It relaxes me to see that he’s ok with her and I turn to let Andre in, finally. Amy and I are laughing as our dance moves get more and more ridiculous the more tired we get.
It’s getting late.
Suddenly, I stop dead in my tracks. I don’t have to turn around to know that Evan just walked in. I’ve become hyper aware that Andre’s hands are on my hips and my back is to him and he’s closer to me than Evan has been. The music doesn’t stop, but Amy does. She’s looking at Evan over my shoulder. I look at Amy, panic in my eyes. I know the front door opens and closes a second time by the gush of cold air I feel. Amy grabs me by the hand and leads me off the dance floor. I don’t care that Andre is calling after me to come back.
“Brent,” Amy yells.
“I know, I’m on it,” he says. The side door opens and closes as Brent heads after Evan.
“I want that,” I say, pointing at Brent. “I want what you guys have. You don’t even have to talk, you just know what the other one needs and that other person wants to help you.”
“Shhh, you’re talking loudly,” Amy says as a few people turn around to look at me.