I DON'T BELONG HERE

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I DON'T BELONG HERE Page 3

by Tayla Grossberg


  “I know. She loves me a lot.” I squeezed my doggy gently before I put her down.

  “She just lies around and waits for you to come home,” Juan said.

  “That’s sweet.”

  “That’s pathetic,” Juan corrected.

  I rolled my eyes. Juan was an animal lover but did not have any pets because she was not home enough to take care of them. She thought Amore was small and useless, and she didn’t understand the connection we had and the companionship we shared.

  “Did you just come home or are you going out?” I wondered.

  Juan twirled in her dress to show it off. “I’m going dancing.”

  “Dad wants you to stay in.”

  “I know.”

  Amore kissed my shoe, and I assumed it tasted terrible. She was feeling needy, so I picked her up again. Her tail wagged, telling me I had just done what she wanted me to.

  “You are welcome to join me,” Juan offered, like she always did.

  “No thanks,” I said. “I’m just going to read and maybe I will call this boy I met today.”

  Juan’s eyes widened in surprise because I never spoke about boys. “This boy? Tell me more...”

  I was close enough with my sister to tell her about most things that happened in my life.

  “He sounds arrogant,” Juan decided after I finished telling her about Dimitri. “He should have asked your number. He should not have written his down and assumed you would call.”

  “He is just confident and really cute.”

  “Well, this is the first time I see you actually liking a boy...”

  “Should I call him?” I didn’t want to call him first, but what other choice did I have? He did not have my number.

  Juan shrugged casually. “You have nothing to lose.”

  My heart beat faster at the thought of calling Dimitri. Making a phone call was perfectly normal, so why did my stomach feel so queasy? “But what should I say to him?” I wished I had my sister’s charisma. She was good with people and knew how to make them like her. I took a while to get comfortable around people, and they often misinterpreted my silence by thinking I was not interested in them.

  Juan shrugged. “I don’t know. Ask him if he enjoyed the movie.”

  Before I could ask my sister for more advice, she reached for her car keys – which hung next to the front door. “I have to go. My friends are waiting for me.”

  I nodded and silently wished she could stay with me for support and comfort.

  “Do you want to sleep in my room tonight?” Juan asked gently.

  Juan had a good heart. When I was younger, I had told my sister that I could see ghosts and that they scared me. Juan did not believe me, but she often let me sleep in her room. Or she would sleep in my room if I asked her to.

  Andrea complained that it was Grandma May who filled my mind with nonsense. She swore to us that there was no such thing as ghosts. She had told Grandma May that she had to stop telling us scary ghost stories and that I already had an overactive imagination.

  I had not mentioned ghosts in years. Andrea assumed I had grown up and come to the realisation that they did not exist. Juan did not know what was going on in my head, but she was glad when I stopped talking about the supernatural.

  “No thanks. I have Amore – she will keep me safe.”

  “She’s the best guard dog in the world,” Juan said sarcastically.

  I stuck out my tongue and watched my sister leave. I went upstairs to my room and closed the door. I put Amore down on my queen-sized bed, and she rolled around on the soft white linen. She was so happy I couldn’t help but smile at her.

  I had my own bathroom where I took a long bath and considered the situation with Dimitri. He was incredible cute, and he looked like a surfer with his long hair. I could picture him falling off his surfboard – which made him even cuter and less intimidating.

  I got out of the bath and dressed in my warm night clothes before I closed the curtains and fell down on my bed. I took a deep breath and told myself I should not overthink this. If I began overthinking, I would end up talking myself out of it. I reached for the notebook, on my desk, and typed his number into my phone.

  Three. Breathe.

  Two. It’s not that hard.

  One. Now.

  I dialled his number. It felt like the phone was ringing for eternity before he answered. “Hello.”

  “Dimitri...”

  There was silence for a moment. “Charlotte?”

  I smiled, although he could not see me. He recognised my voice. “Were you expecting someone else?”

  “No,” he said, “not at all. It’s so nice to hear from you.”

  What was I supposed to say now? It felt like the conversation had ended. Luckily, Dimitri spoke. “What are you doing?”

  “Just lying around,” I said and wondered if he would think I was boring.

  “It’s Saturday night. Why aren’t you out with friends?”

  “I prefer staying at home and doing my own thing,” I said. There was no point in hiding who I was. If he was into outgoing girls, things wouldn’t work between us. I wondered if he was social or more like me. “Are you out?”

  “No, I am babysitting my little brother.”

  Brownie points: I liked siblings who looked out for each other. And he was staying in on a Saturday night, which meant we had something in common and might be compatible.

  “Did you two watch the movie?” I asked gently. I still felt stupid for recommending it.

  “I did,” he said.

  “And did you enjoy it?” I hadn’t thought he would watch it.

  “I would have enjoyed it more if I was watching it with you,” he said.

  “I have no doubt about that.” I tried to sound confident.

  He laughed. “Tell me, why weren’t you so confident earlier today?”

  “You caught me off guard,” I said.

  “Does that mean you are not very spontaneous or impulsive?”

  “Not at all,” I said. “I’m not good with surprises. I like knowing what will happen, and I like planning things.”

  “Here is a plan,” he said. “How about you and me go to the cinema next weekend?”

  “That’s a great idea!” I exclaimed. Then I wondered if it had been a mistake to blurt it out. I did not want to come across as desperate.

  “I look forward to it,” he said. “How about we watch the eight o’clock movie at Easton?”

  “Perfect,” I said. Easton was a mall which was about a twenty-minute drive from me. Juan and I had watched plenty of moves there. “It’s going to be fun!”

  “What is your address? I’ll come get you.”

  “I’ll meet you there,” I said. Although it was tempting to have him pick me up like a gentleman, I felt safer driving myself. That way I could leave when I wanted to.

  “You are so cautious,” he teased.

  I smiled again. He was right – I was a cautious person. “I’ll be less cautious if you call me a few days before the movie.”

  “I will most certainly call you,” he promised.

  My stomach was filled with butterflies, and I rolled around on the bed. Amore picked up on my excitement and started jumping up and down. She had no idea what was going on, but she shared my enthusiasm.

  “I look forward to it. Goodnight, Dimitri.” I did not want the conversation to end, but I did not know what else to say, either. I figured it was best to end our conversation on a high note instead of dragging it out.

  “Goodnight, Charlotte.”

  I hung up but was too excited to sleep. I put music on and danced around in my room like a little kid. Juan got home at three, and I was still up. I told her about my phone call as she got ready for bed.

  For the next five days, I waited in anticipation for a phone call that never came.

  Charlotte

  “I can’t believe he dropped me,” I groused.

  “How long has it been since you’ve heard something from him?�
�� Juan asked.

  “Five days.” I groaned. “We were planning on watching the movie tomorrow.”

  “Maybe he lost his phone,” Juan said.

  “Well, he better have a good excuse. He is not even answering my text messages.”

  “Guys can be dumb like that,” Juan said. “Try not to think about it too much. You will drive yourself crazy.”

  “What else am I supposed to think about?” I asked.

  “The party Saturday night.”

  I groaned louder this time.

  “There will be plenty of guys there,” Juan said. “I will introduce you to all of the cute ones.”

  I rolled my eyes at her.

  “Do you know what your problem is?” Juan asked. “You never give people a chance.”

  “I don’t like people,” I said. Amore barked as if she agreed.

  “You are going to die alone,” Juan predicted.

  “No one wants to die alone,” I said. Dying was scary because no one really knows what happens. I am scared of the unknown. “Fine. Introduce me to all of the cute boys.”

  “That’s the spirit,” Juan said.

  Friday came and went away like the last bit of hope I had. Dimitri was not going to call me. I was not sure if I had done or said something wrong. I had thought everything had been going so well...

  My Saturday went by slowly, and I tried not to think about him. There were few customers at the DVD shop, and no cute guys around to flirt with me. I couldn’t help but glance at the hall, hopefully, every now and then. I ended up disappointing myself, and I went home feeling tired, sad, and lonely.

  “Welcome home,” Andrea said.

  “Hello, Mom,” I said as I entered the house. I faked a smile because I did not want to talk to my mother about my thoughts and feelings. Amore ran downstairs towards me. She was panting when I picked her up and kissed her. This time my smile was real.

  “That dog is so depressed when you are not here. She doesn’t even eat!” Andrea told me.

  “I don’t know what to do about that,” I said. “Maybe I should stay home more often.”

  “You are already home too much,” Andrea said. “I think it is good that your sister is taking you out with her tonight.”

  “Yeah,” I said without any enthusiasm.

  “Charlotte! Get up here!” Juan called.

  It was time to choose an outfit – which would be the most fun part of the night. My mother gave me an encouraging smile, and I went upstairs. Juan’s room was usually tidier than mine, and I put Amore down next to her bed. Three different outfits were displayed on the bed, and I helped my sister choose the prettiest one – tight jeans, a silky top that showed enough cleavage, and a black leather jacket. I also convinced her to wear flat shoes.

  “You will fall over in heels on a ranch,” I said.

  She got dressed and then admired herself in the mirror. I put on light blue jeans with a baby pink shirt. I wore black sneakers and took a jacket in case it got cold. Then we were off in my silver car.

  “Thank you for joining me,” Juan said.

  I smiled at my sister because it was nice to be appreciated. “How far is it?”

  “About an hour’s drive.”

  We passed apple trees and others that I didn’t know, and it took us an hour and ten minutes to reach the pumpkin farm where the party was being held. The barn was filled with people, loud music was thumping, and there were pumpkins everywhere – some of which had been carved.

  “It’s not even Halloween yet,” I said.

  “I’ll take you to a Halloween party as well,” Juan told me.

  I parked next to a blue car and checked my surroundings so that I wouldn’t struggle to find my car when it was time to go home. We got out, and it did not take Juan long to find her friends. I knew most of them, although I hardly ever partied with them. Juan did not hesitate to introduce me to the ones I had not met before.

  We made our way over to the big barn’s open doors. There were no animals in it, but there was hay which made me sneeze. It was clean, the stalls did not have any manure in, and smelled like fresh grass. Tables had been set up for beer pong, which the students were playing.

  It seemed like Juan knew everyone. She made her way over to the drinks table, where she took two red cups and filled them with vodka and soda. She handed me one.

  “I should not be drinking.” I took the cup anyway.

  “You will be sober by the time we leave.” Juan rolled her eyes.

  I took a small sip from the cup, and it was way too strong. I looked around. “Who owns this place?”

  “I do,” a girl answered from behind me. “My dad does.”

  “Charlotte, this is Audrey. Audrey, this is my younger sister Charlotte.”

  Audrey gave me a smile that looked as fake as her drawn-on eyebrows. I did not return the smile and wondered if she was upset because I had showed up without an invite. But then again, Juan had said that anyone could come...

  “It’s a nice place,” I said.

  “Did you see the graveyard?” asked a red-haired girl standing next to Audrey. I had met her before. Her name was Debbie, and she was somewhat stuck up.

  “No.” A shiver travelled down my spine.

  “It’s close to the back of the barn,” Debbie said. “Pretty creepy, right?”

  “We bought the place with it,” Audrey said.

  “It must be cool during Halloween,” Juan added.

  Audrey gave her a smile. “Very cool. We hardly need any decorations other than the tombstones.”

  I shivered because I did not like graveyards or the things I saw in them. I was not in the mood to talk about dead people, so I said, “Let’s go dance.”

  “Great idea,” Juan said.

  Debbie and Audrey did not join us on the dance floor, and I wondered if they thought that they were too good for me. I enjoyed dancing with my sister, although I was not good at it. Juan became a part of the rhythm, while I remained tense. I justified this by saying that Juan was tipsy, and I was sober. Juan finished her drink and left me to refill her cup. This gave me an opportunity to empty mine, onto a bush next to the barn and then throw the cup into the trashcan.

  I could feel eyes on me and looked around to see who they belonged to. I spotted a group of boys and met one’s eyes. He was the one who was looking at me with curiosity. He had light brown hair, stubble, and his fringe fell into his face. I found myself smiling at him then quickly looking away.

  Juan returned and dragged me back to the dance floor before she looked over her shoulder. “I think Quinton likes you.”

  “Is he nice?”

  Juan shrugged. “He is nice for a night.”

  “So, he is a player?” I asked.

  Juan smiled. “He is heading over.”

  Juan then turned away so that she could dance with one of her other friends. I felt a hand on my arm and turned to see who it belonged to. I found myself looking into Quinton’s moss-green eyes.

  “Hi, Quinton,” I blurted loudly, desperate to be heard over the loud music.

  He cocked his head in a playful way. “How do you know my name?”

  “My sister, Juan, told me.” I then realised my sister was not dancing close to me anymore, and I felt her absence. Being alone was... scary.

  “That’s cute,” he said.

  “Almost as cute as you,” I said, and his answering smile made me feel more confident and self-assured. He squeezed my arm, and for the first time that week I forgot about Dimitri and the confusion he caused. Quinton was muscular, and I assumed that he worked out every day. He let go of my arm and swayed with the music, but kept his eyes on me. I swung my hips freely but was careful not to dance too close to him. I did not like public displays of affection.

  He stepped closer and leaned in, causing goosebumps to travel up my neck. “Do you want to go for a walk?” he said in my ear.

  I nodded and the two of us left the barn and the noise. The moon was full, and the stars smiled
down at us as if they were keeping a secret. My hand brushed against his.

  “Has anyone told you today that you are beautiful?” he asked.

  “You are the first,” I said and looked at my feet shyly.

  “Oh, wow.” Quinton stopped walking, and I realised he wasn’t referring to me or our conversation. I looked up to see what had distracted him. Then I shivered as I understood that it was the graveyard. Plenty of tombstones rested behind the barn. Some were cracked while some housed dead flowers and forgotten names.

  “That’s creepy.”

  “Yeah.” Suddenly I wanted to head back to the safety of a group.

  “I’ve never kissed someone in a graveyard before,” Quinton said.

  Before I could reply, he leaned in to kiss me. I had not kissed many boys and welcomed his lips despite my shaking hands, which I rested on his chest as I tilted my head upwards. I was the first to break away, as I couldn’t shake the nervousness that the graveyard instilled in me. I returned his smile.

  My smile faded when I looked past him – into the graveyard. A boy was staring at one of the tombstones. He was alone, which made me wonder if he was drunk and lost.

  “Hey, are you all right?” I called, but he did not answer.

  Quinton turned around to look. “Who are you talking to?”

  “That boy by the tombstone.” I started approaching the boy, thinking that he might need help. He was standing alone in a graveyard, and something must be wrong. He was a little shorter then me and skinny, which made me think he was about fourteen years old. I did not want to walk between the graves, but I couldn’t leave him there. “Hey, the party is back in the barn.”

  The boy did not turn towards me. Quinton did not move, but I sensed he had started after me. “Charlotte...”

  “I’m just checking if he is all right.” I was close to the boy now, so I reached out to touch his arm, “Hello...”

  My hand went right through him.

  The boy was not a solid shape. He was like a cloud, and my hand had passed through him like an airplane would. The boy slowly started to turn around, and my blood turned to slush. My nervousness slipped into fear as his eyes met mine. Between them was a bullet hole. Blood flowed down his face like a river. His teeth were yellow and crooked, and his nose was hooked.

 

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