I DON'T BELONG HERE

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I DON'T BELONG HERE Page 17

by Tayla Grossberg


  “I’ve not seen you in a while.” I was not angry or irritated. I just felt a little bit disappointed and neglected.

  A guilty looked crossed Dimitri’s face. “I know. It’s been a rough week.”

  “Do you want to talk about it?” I asked.

  I zipped my suitcase and put it in front of the door. Then I sat down on my bed, and Amore came to lie at my side. Dimitri slowly climbed off the windowsill and sat down by my desk.

  “I don’t like venting,” he said.

  “You don’t like opening up either.”

  “I’ve gotten better at that,” he said. He took a breath. “On Halloween – when we were out enjoying ourselves – my stepfather fell down the stairs. He hit his head really hard and passed out. Ethan found him. Out of everyone who could have found him, it had to be Ethan. My poor little brother thought he was dead.”

  “Oh no...” I said.

  “He went to my mother. She was too drunk to understand what he was saying. She chased him away without offering any aid.” Dimitri shook his head as he told the story. “Ethan then called an ambulance.”

  “Is your stepfather all right?”

  “He is fine,” Dimitri said. “It’s Ethan I am worried about. He is dealing with so many things. No child should have to go through the things he is going through.”

  There was nothing more to say, so we sat in silence for a while. I pitied both of the Collins boys. Dimitri was also a damaged person, yet he never let the damage turn him mean. He had good intentions and a pure heart.

  “You are always welcome to visit me if you need to get away,” I offered.

  He smiled at me. “Thank you, but I can’t leave my brother.”

  “Bring him with,” I said. “I’m sure he would like a change of scenery.”

  “I’m sure he would,” Dimitri agreed. He looked at my suitcase. “When are you leaving?”

  “Tomorrow,” I said. “We are going to one of your stepfather’s vacation homes. I was wondering, did you leave me a brochure with his details on?”

  Dimitri shook his head. “I did not. Why do you ask?”

  “I found one in my room.” My stomach turned, and I had the sudden urge to run to the toilet, puke and then scream in fear and frustration.

  “Maybe it arrived in the mail,” Dimitri suggested.

  “Maybe, but the mail never makes its way to my room.”

  Dimitri clearly did not know what to say. I was glad I did not freak him out the way I freaked out most people. If he hadn’t left the brochures, it must have been the Red-eyed Lady... Why did she want me to go there?

  Dimitri had encouraged me to embrace my gift. All my life, I had been running from it. I had ignored it and hoped it would go away. With Dimitri I felt special. He never treated me like I was some freak.

  Maybe I had to push aside my fear and walk into the vacation home like I walked on stage on Halloween. The elderly ghost at Halloween hadn’t been that scary, and I had faced him. I could face the Red-eyed Lady, too... maybe...

  Dimitri had gone quiet, openly admiring me.

  “What?” I asked.

  “It’s cute how your thoughts sometimes carry you away. What were you thinking about?”

  “You...” I said as my face grew warm.

  “Me?” Dimitri asked.

  “Yes, you, and the way you make me feel.”

  I expected him to come closer and embrace me, but he remained seated at the desk. His one hand rested on the notebook, and his eyes were downcast.

  “I’ve grown rather attached to you,” he confessed.

  I was not sure if he meant it in a romantic way. He said it a bit hesitantly – as if he was scared to share his feelings with me.

  “Are you sleeping in my bed tonight?” It was an innocent question. I had no hidden intentions. I just wanted to lie close to the boy I liked and fall asleep.

  “I wish I could,” Dimitri said, “but I promised Ethan I would not come home too late.”

  “Oh...” I said softly.

  “I’m sorry,” Dimitri said.

  “That’s all right,” I managed to say.

  “If I draw you a Christmas rose, will you feel better?”

  A jolt of happiness went through me. “Absolutely.”

  I watched him as he worked. This was when I enjoyed watching him the most because I could see his passion. People glowed differently when they did something they loved.

  My eyes began to close. I fell asleep, and as always, woke to an empty room. Amore woke at the same time I did. I went to my desk and admired the flower. Then I got dressed, went to school, and came home directly afterwards. We loaded our bags into Ned’s car.

  Amore ran outside in a desperate attempt to join us. “This time you are coming with us,” I told her.

  I scooped up the little dog and put her on the back seat. Amore snorted and jumped up and down. She was so happy she was not being left behind.

  “That’s the level of happiness that I aspire to be,” Juan said.

  The vacation house was a forty-five minute drive away. We put the music on softly and spoke. Ned told us that he had a promotion at work. This was great news, and we congratulated him. I told everyone about Halloween, the contest I won, and how much fun I had with Dimitri.

  “It really is time that we meet this boy!” Andrea said. “He sounds lovely.”

  “He just has a lot going on at home – with his sick younger brother – but I will introduce you as soon as I can.”

  Juan did not say anything about Halloween, and I wondered how much my sister could remember. After Halloween she had slept for a full day.

  Ned turned onto a gravel road, and I realised it was the same one that had led to the pumpkin farm. I held Amore tightly in my arms and fell silent. A little hill lay ahead of us – it was the hill where the Red-eyed Lady had been strangled to death.

  We reached a gate, close to the hill, and turned in. I was surprised to see that there was a house on the other side of the hill. The place had a big porch, with many windows and flowers in pot plants, surrounded by trees with yellow, brown, and orange leaves. A dam was situated a walking distance from it, and I figured the water would be cold. Two quad bikes were parked in a shed next to the house.

  “We are here!” Ned said.

  My family got out of the car – I was last. The first thing I noticed was a big, rectangular flower bed in front of the house. It was filled with pink and purple cosmos.

  I thought I might faint. These were the same flowers the Red-eyed Lady had drawn in my notebook. The same flowers that symbolised my death.

  “Charlotte, please take your bag inside,” Ned said as he unloaded the bags from the car.

  Andrea unlocked the door, and we went inside. I carried my bag, but kept my eyes on the cosmos for as long as possible. Once inside, I turned my back on the flowers and felt the familiar feeling of fear creep over me like a spider.

  Just breathe. They’re just flowers...

  I tried to distract myself by observing the house’s interior. It had wooden furniture, paintings, and it was clean. It was decorated beautifully with glass vases on the counters and paintings of animals, like bears and rabbits, on the walls. The house was not huge – it only had two bedrooms. Andrea and Ned unpacked their things in the main bedroom. Juan and I shared a room that had two single beds. It had a view of the flowers in front of the house that swayed back and forth in the wind.

  Juan unpacked immediately, and I fell down on my bed. I had chosen the bed furthest from the window. Amore sniffed the room and stayed as close to me as she possibly could.

  “We should go hiking before it gets dark,” Juan said.

  “We’ll get lost,” I answered.

  “We won’t.” My sister rolled her eyes. “We can always climb to the top of that hill.”

  I did not want to climb that hill. What if I found Mia Brooks’s body there? What if it had been eaten by birds and ants, and only scraps remained?

  “You look as if you
want to puke,” Juan said. “Come on, it’s not even a rough hike!”

  “Why do you need me to come with you?”

  “Because I don’t have anyone else to take with me,” Juan grumbled.

  “Ask Mom or Dad,” I tried.

  “They are tired and want to relax. Come on. You can even bring Amore.”

  “She is unfit and fat,” I pointed out. “She won’t even make it halfway up the hill.”

  “Then carry her,” Juan said. “Being outdoors will be good for her.”

  I groaned again.

  “We did not come all this way so that you could sit in the house,” Juan said.

  “I am happy in the house.”

  “Please?”

  “Fine. I’ll go.”

  I put on my grey-and-green hiking boots, the only outdoor shoes I owned. My father had bought them for me a year ago, and I had never worn them. They were reliable, but not something I’d wear to school.

  Juan was already wearing appropriate hiking clothes. We went to the kitchen, where we filled our bottles with water, and Amore trotted behind me.

  “Are both of you going hiking?” Ned asked, his eyes widened slightly.

  “Yes,” Juan said. “Amore is also coming with.”

  “Where is her leash?” I asked.

  “In the car,” Andrea answered, “but I don’t think you will need it.”

  “She shouldn’t run away,” Juan agreed.

  I followed my sister outside. There were plenty of clouds in the sky that cast their shadows on the ground. It was a quiet and peaceful place. The dam would make a beautiful painting.

  Juan took the lead, and Amore trotted to keep up. When we reached the foot of the hill, she was out of breath, so I picked her up.

  “Can we turn back now?” I asked.

  “Of course not,” Juan said. “I want to see the view from up there!”

  I saw the hill as a mountain... an obstacle... I had to climb... I had to overcome...

  Be brave.

  My sister ascended the hill easily. She was not out of breath and had not taken a sip of water yet. I drank my water, and the bottle was almost empty. I climbed the hill slowly and cautiously. It was much less scary during the day, but I was still fearful. I looked around but could not see a blond woman lying between the rocks. There was no foul smell, either. The murderer must have moved the body and hidden the evidence.

  I reached the top of the hill. This was where the man had slapped Mia around. I looked down the hill. I had hidden between the bushes on this side.

  “It’s a beautiful view,” Juan smiled.

  “It does not compare to city lights.”

  “Wait until you see the stars,” Juan said. “They are stunning!”

  We hiked down, back to the house, and my legs were burning, and I was hungry. But more importantly, I was relieved that nothing bad had happened. Why had the red eye lady wanted me to come here? Did she want me to feel even more guilty than I already did?

  We had a barbecue that night and sat on the porch together while Ned cooked the meat and Andrea made a salad.

  “Just look at those stars,” Ned said.

  I walked with my father so that the porch roof did not block our view. There were millions of stars and their lights were beautiful. They shone down on us like tiny beacons of hope. It was a cold night, and we all wore jackets. It was extra cold because the house was built so close to the water.

  We enjoyed dinner and decided not to go to sleep too late, so we washed the dishes and went to bed. I changed into my night clothes and noticed the curtains were open.

  “Please close that,” I asked my sister.

  “Why? There is no one here,” Juan said.

  My sister did not close the curtains. Instead, she climbed into bed. “It’s so nice here. I love how peaceful it is and how fresh the air smells.”

  I did not answer her. I looked through the window and tensed. Outside, by the cosmos, stood the Red-eyed Lady. She looked in my eyes and pointed down – at the cosmos.

  “What are you looking at?” Juan turned in her bed so that she could gaze out of the window. Of course, she could not see the Red-eyed Lady.

  “I thought I saw a bat,” I said.

  “Oh.” Juan switched off the bed-light and my eyes took a moment to adjust to the dark.

  “Can we leave that on?” I asked.

  “Do we have to?” Juan groaned.

  “Forget I asked,” I said.

  An owl was hooting. The wind howled outside like an angry wolf. I got into bed and looked out the window for a last time. The Red-eyed Lady did not move. Her hair was not blowing in the wind the way a live person’s hair would. She stood in the middle of the flowers. Instead of crushing them beneath her feet, the petals went right through her.

  She looked at me and pointed down again. I turned my back on the window.

  Chapter 22

  Charlotte

  The following morning I woke early because of the loud music my sister was playing. First, I held my pillow over my ears, but even the muted sound bothered me. Irritated, I dropped the pillow to the floor and sat upright in my bed.

  “You are so inconsiderate,” I grumbled.

  “You can sleep tonight,” Juan responded. “Wake up, it is a beautiful day.”

  I looked out of the window. There was no wind outside, and the grass was covered with leaves. The flowers were still there, but the Red-eyed Lady was not standing there anymore.

  I lay down again and pulled the covers over my head. I wanted to sleep more, but Andrea was banging pots and pans in the kitchen. By the time I got out of bed, I was frustrated. Amore followed me onto the porch, and when she didn’t pee, I assumed Juan had taken her outside earlier in the morning.

  “Good morning, Grumpy.” Ned sat in the sunlight with his coffee and newspaper. “Did you sleep well?”

  “I did not sleep enough,” I complained and sat down next to him. “I don’t understand why all of you want to start the day this early.”

  “This is the most beautiful time of the day,” Ned told me. “Just listen to the birds singing.”

  “I don’t know why they are this excited early in the morning.”

  “Breakfast is ready!” Andrea called.

  “Are you hungry?” Ned asked.

  “It’s too early to eat,” I replied.

  Andrea, Juan, and Ned ate their breakfast on the porch. Amore lay next to my chair. I could not help but eye the flowers.

  “What time are your friends coming?” Ned asked Juan.

  “At ten,” Juan said.

  Debbie and Audrey were both girly girls. They had their nails done and wore a lot of makeup. I could not picture them enjoying this place. At ten o’clock they arrived at the vacation home. Audrey drove her father’s truck, which was built for these dirt roads.

  Juan ran to the vehicle and greeted both her friends with hugs. She then walked them to the porch and introduced them to our parents. Debbie and Audrey recognised me, but they did not hug me. I appreciated that – I did not like it when people I did not know well hugged me. I also did not like giving kisses to family members.

  Audrey and Debbie had brought a basket filled with food and drinks which they left in the kitchen after they decided to go for a drive on the quad bikes.

  “This is a nice vacation house,” Audrey said. “I hardly ever see people here.”

  “I wonder why,” Juan said as she picked up the keys for the quad bikes. She handed one of the keys to Debbie.

  “I think it was for personal use, and the owner only recently started renting it out.”

  Dimitri had mentioned George used to take them on plenty of vacations until his mother ruined everything, and they stopped going. Was this his personal vacation house?

  “Charlotte, are you coming with us?”

  “I will,” I said.

  Juan drove the quad bike, and I wrapped my arms around her waist. Audrey drove the other bike with Debbie on the back. Audrey knew mos
t of the roads here, so she took the lead and drove to the gate, where Debbie hopped off to open it for us. I had judged these girls wrong. They were turning out to be a lot of fun.

  Maybe I always expected people to judge me, and that was why I never gave them a chance. Maybe in my mind I had already decided that a friendship wouldn’t work, without even trying.

  The bikes made a lot of noise, so we did not speak much. We drove around for an hour before we headed home. Ned and Andrea were happy when we returned to the house, and had wondered whether we’d gotten lost.

  Audrey heated pizza for lunch, and she was kind enough to share with everyone. We took a blanket, from the house, and placed it under a tree where we had a picnic.

  “This pizza is so good,” Juan exclaimed.

  “I know.” Audrey smiled. She then turned to Debbie, “How is Jake?”

  “Who is Jake?” I asked.

  “Debbie’s ex,” Juan said. “He keeps worming his way back into her life.”

  “He comes and goes as he pleases,” Audrey said.

  Debbie looked down as she was clearly somewhat embarrassed. It’s not that simple,” she mumbled. “I really like this guy.”

  “But he does not treat you right,” Audrey said. “If he really liked you as much as he said he did, he would not make you wonder what he wants.”

  “He does not even know what he wants,” Juan added.

  “Maybe he will figure it out,” Debbie said.

  “Maybe by the time he has figured it out you will have found someone who never makes you doubt their feelings.”

  “Do guys like that exist?” Debbie asked.

  “I don’t think so,” I said.

  Juan looked my way. “How’s Dimitri?”

  “Dimitri?” Debbie asked.

  “He is just a friend...” I said.

  “Guys don’t know how to be ‘just friends.’” Audrey told us. “Unless he is gay, he must have made a move by now.”

  “He kissed me,” I admitted.

  “Charlotte!” Juan exclaimed “Why am I only hearing about this now?”

  “We’ve not had time to talk,” I reminded her. “The thing is, he disappeared after the kiss.”

 

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