by Kate Eastham
‘You go,’ said Rose straight away. ‘I can carry on here for the time being.’
Ada was straight there with Sister at Duncan’s bedside. He was sitting up in bed and smiling away as usual, but she could tell from the fixed expression on his face that behind all of that he was terrified of getting out of bed and trying to walk for the first time. After all, he had been lying there for weeks waiting for the stump to heal and now he was going to stand up with the crutches and feel how things would be for him for the rest of his life.
Ada gave his hand a squeeze and then helped Sister Roberts move him to the side of the bed, where he sat resting his one leg on the floor. Sister stood in front with the crutches.
‘Now, Mr Brodie,’ she said, ‘we need to go carefully at first. I want you to push up with your leg as hard as you can. I and Nurse Houston will be on either side of you and will help pull you up, but we need you to push as hard as you can. When we have you standing – and you will feel very unbalanced – Nurse Houston and I will put a crutch under each side.’
Duncan nodded, Sister Roberts handed Ada one of the crutches, and they were all set. ‘Ready when you are,’ said Sister and Ada felt him use all the strength he had and she pulled and pulled under his arm with all her might, but he only managed to move a few inches up off the bed before sitting back down. He could not stand.
Ada saw the anguish on his face.
‘That’s fine,’ said Sister. ‘You need to give yourself time. The muscles in that leg haven’t been doing any work for weeks. Just give them time. Have one more go when you’re ready.’
Duncan braced himself again and then pushed and pushed and Ada pulled and pulled under his arm until she was quite red in the face. He got a little bit further up off the bed this time but then fell back again with a cry of frustration. He sat there with his shoulders slumped, shaking his head. Ada could see that he was about to give up. She had to think of some way of helping him.
‘Sister Roberts,’ she said, looking across at her, ‘can we try something?’
‘What do you have in mind?’
‘I was just wondering, if we had one more person, maybe somebody stronger than us like Tom Dunderdale, and you and he went to each side and then I stood in front so Mr Brodie doesn’t feel like he’s going to fall flat on his face … We do the whole thing again like that except, Mr Brodie, if you could lean forward as well as push up that will help.’
‘That might just work,’ said Sister with a gleam in her eye. ‘I’ll go and find Mr Dunderdale.’
She was back in no time with Tom in tow and then they were set for another go.
‘Right,’ said Ada firmly, ‘now, Mr Brodie, lean forward and as soon as you start pushing with that leg Tom and Sister will help as much as they can. Look up at me, push up, and then stand as tall as you can.’
She glanced at Sister to make sure she approved, then said, ‘I will count to three and on three you stand up and I’ve got you.’
Duncan nodded and Ada was relieved to see that he was starting to get some life back in his eyes.
‘Are we all ready?’ she said, looking from one to another. ‘Right then, on three, you count with me, Mr Brodie. One, two, three!’ Duncan pushed with all his might and Tom and Sister pulled, and at last he stood tall.
‘Put your hands on my shoulders,’ said Ada. ‘Steady yourself.’ And she was so small and he was so tall that it seemed to work. He was standing and she could see the proud look on his face. He was standing at last.
Sister Roberts quickly placed a crutch under one arm and Tom did the same at the other side.
‘Now just get your balance,’ said Sister. ‘Are you all right there, Ada?’
‘Solid as a rock.’
‘Now, Mr Brodie, when you’re ready, let go of Ada one side at a time and put each hand here on the crutches.’
Ada saw a momentary look of fear cross his face and she said quietly, ‘I’m here. I’m still going to be here.’
Slowly he let go of her shoulders, one hand at a time, and found the hand-holds on the crutches. And then very carefully Ada stood back and there he was, supporting himself with the crutches.
‘Now,’ said Sister, ‘you have done very well, and let me tell you it will take some time to get used to moving around on those things, but a big, strong man like you will do it easily. If you want to try one step now, put the crutches forward and then move. Tom and I will stay right by your side.’
Duncan nodded and Ada stood ready, her heart pounding, anxious in case the crutches slipped and he fell.
‘So, one, two, three again,’ said Ada, and he moved the crutches forward together and then, with the strain showing in his arms, he moved his body forward as well. The man moved for the first time in weeks. It was clumsy, it didn’t look safe, but he moved. And as he stood there with Tom at one side and Sister Roberts at the other he started to cry, big tears rolling down his cheeks and into his rough beard. Ada moved forward and stood close to him, patting his arm until he was able get back some control.
‘Now move back one step, Mr Brodie, and sit back down when you’re ready,’ said Sister. ‘That’s enough for one day. Just take it slowly.’
When he was back on the bed, Duncan hung his head for a few moments, taking it all in.
‘Thank you, Tom,’ said Sister Roberts. ‘You can get back to what you were doing.’
Then she sat down beside Duncan on the bed and spoke softly to him. ‘This will not be an easy road for you, Mr Brodie, but with time and determination you will get used to using the crutches and you will find some way of making a new life for yourself. You just have to keep going, and if you start to waver, give yourself some time, but then get back up again. It is the only way. I know you can do it, Mr Brodie, I know what you lads out here in the Crimea are capable of. And you are a 42nd Highlander! You might not be in the ranks any more, but you will always be a 42nd Highlander.’
Ada felt tears welling in her own eyes, but she knew that wouldn’t help her patient, so tried to distract herself by glancing to the side of his bed to check that his regimental hat was still there. It was, of course; most of the men had some kind of hat or other piece of uniform next to their beds, and no one would move Duncan’s feather bonnet.
When she looked back to Duncan, Sister Roberts was telling him that now he had been up on the crutches he would soon be able to leave the ward and go home on a troop ship out of Balaklava harbour.
With that news he was crying again, more big tears rolling down his cheeks. Sister Roberts got up from the bed and put a hand on his shoulder, then gestured to Ada. She knew exactly what Sister was asking. Of course she would sit with Duncan – she would sit with him for as long as he needed.
As she went, Sister whispered, ‘Well done, Nurse Houston,’ and Ada felt herself glow with satisfaction. When she sat down next to Duncan he had stopped crying and all he could say was, ‘Thank you, nurse, thank you for what you did. I thought I was never going to get up off that bed.’
‘That’s absolutely fine,’ she said, smiling at him. ‘All part of the service. Good job I’m so small, just the right height for you to lean on.’
‘I need to take you back to Scotland with me,’ he said, starting to laugh. ‘My wee lassie from Liverpool.’
Ada put a hand on his arm again, gave him a pat and stood up from the bed. Then, before she could move away, he grabbed hold of her hand as if he’d just remembered something. ‘Just in case I don’t get to see you before I go, there’s something I want you to have. Reach me that box from under the bed, will you?’
Ada crouched down, pulled out the box and handed it to him.
‘This is for you,’ he said, taking off the lid and fishing around inside. He pulled out a piece of paper and unfolded it. ‘My lucky heather. It’s kept me safe all the time I’ve been out here – well, I know I lost the leg but I could have been dead – and I want you to have it.’
‘No, honestly, I couldn’t, it’s—’
‘Take
it,’ he said, pressing it into her hand. ‘I’m off back to Scotland. I’m going back to the heather: I want you to have it.’
‘Thank you,’ she said quietly, moved beyond words. Slipping it into her pocket, she managed somehow to keep her voice steady. ‘Now, let’s get you comfortable in this bed.’
When he had swung his leg back up on to the bed and moved back to sit up, Ada made sure that his pillow was wedged in comfortably behind him and then gave him a final reassuring pat on the shoulder before picking up the new crutches and propping them against the wall, side by side, next to his feather bonnet.
Ada had no time to find her next patient before a man’s voice directly behind called loudly for a nurse to assist with some suturing. It was Lampeter.
She glanced up the ward for Rose but saw her look down immediately at a basket of bandages. Ada knew that it was up to her; somehow she felt herself step forward without any bother. And of course she wanted to be there to assist with Billy, which is where Lampeter was most likely heading.
Ada could see him now by Billy’s bed with the suture tray in his hand. Billy was sitting on the edge of his bed, ready and waiting. The small dog sat next to him, almost leaning against him. Strange, thought Ada, it’s as if the animal knows exactly what’s going on.
Billy looked up at her and smiled, and Ada stood for a moment and watched Lampeter at his work. As he knelt on the hard floor beside Billy, unravelling the bandage, she couldn’t help but notice the nape of his neck and the curve of his spine. For the first time he seemed vulnerable, exposed to her in a way that made her feel a moment of sudden tenderness towards him.
She came to with a jolt as Lampeter called impatiently for her to take the packing, which he had cleanly removed from the wound. Ada smiled again at Billy and reassured him. ‘The wound looks good.’ He smiled back, his shoulders relaxing a little now that the first stage was over.
Lampeter examined the wound carefully before being satisfied enough to go straight into the suturing. Then Ada saw him looking over his shoulder and she knew he was about to call the orderlies over to hold Billy down.
‘This patient will be fine, Dr Lampeter,’ she said, looking him straight in the eye. ‘He managed well enough last night when you poured iodine into his wound; he will be able to stay still without being held.’
Lampeter huffed a little but then gave in. ‘If you say so, nurse.’
Ada sat next to Billy, steadfastly holding his hand and talking to him all the time as Lampeter stitched up the hole in his arm. Each time the needle went in his eyes closed and he grimaced with pain, squeezing Ada’s hand very hard. But each time he opened his eyes, there she was, calm and reassuring. Ada watched Lampeter very carefully during the procedure, grateful for his skill and the accuracy of his strong slender fingers as they wielded the needle. Even after he had completed the task she continued to hold Billy’s hand, lost in her own thoughts, almost mesmerized. In the end Lampeter had to cough politely and ask her to apply a dressing and bandage to the wound. He told her that the sutures looked good and even patted Billy on the shoulder as if to say well done.
Ada started to apply the dressing and bandage as if her life depended on it. Never was such tender care taken. The men in the surrounding beds even started calling across the room with ‘Ah, how sweet,’ and ‘How nice,’ but Ada was completely oblivious. Lampeter held the pad in position while she applied the bandage. Her fingers brushed his as she secured the dressing, and she expected him to withdraw his hand, but he didn’t.
‘You seem to have done a good job there, nurse,’ said Lampeter.
Ada drew her breath in and felt her face begin to flush as she tied the bandage to secure it. When she glanced up Lampeter was looking into her eyes, and just for a moment it was as if a bubble had enclosed the three of them, muffling the outside world. Ada had to force herself to look away, look back to the bandage and check again.
‘Right, Billy, you rest up for today and we’ll see how you are tomorrow,’ she said, still puzzling over what had just happened.
Before leaving the bedside Lampeter picked up the dog and held him close, stroking his head and giving him a bit of a scratch behind the ears. The dog seemed to like him. ‘I think there’s a bit of Jack Russell terrier in this one,’ he said. ‘I used to have one at home. What do you call him?’
‘Well, I call him Bob,’ said Billy, ‘but the fellas who gave him to me after his owner was killed in the trench, they said he was called Jock. He seems to answer to anything.’
Lampeter gave the dog another stroke, looking thoughtful. ‘He must have seen some sights though … and had to deal with all sorts on the front line. The noise for a start – it must be terrible for a dog. You’re a special little fella, aren’t you, Bob?’ he said, giving the dog one final scratch behind the ears. Then he placed him carefully down on the bed next to Billy and went on his way.
Ada and Billy exchanged an amused glance and then both shook their heads as Lampeter moved up the ward. But when Ada looked back up she saw Cedric’s thin face and hard eyes turned in their direction. She glared back at him for a moment, trying not to feel uncomfortable, and then looked around for Rose. Spotting her down the ward, she patted Billy on the shoulder, said she’d check on him later and then moved away to join her friend.
When their work was done on the ward, Rose wanted to sit with Arnold and help him try to move his weakened arms. Ada decided to leave her to it. She felt sure that Lampeter would be back soon to check on some of the patients before they settled for the evening and she didn’t want to see him again just yet. As for Billy, she felt much better about him now that the wound was sutured up. Ada knew that getting close to a patient like Billy or Duncan Brodie probably wasn’t a good idea, and she knew that she should try to avoid it but, inevitably, this work brought nurses close to their patients. Look at how Rose was with Arnold.
She was bound to be drawn to Billy. He looked so much like her brother and spending time with him reminded her of why she had come out here in the first place. But then she began to feel guilty at starting to feel satisfaction from the work, the work that she was doing simply because she had wanted to find Frank. And he was not found and maybe – yes, she had to admit this to herself – maybe he never would be.
Was it right for her to enjoy working with Rose and even Lampeter, who she had felt sure, when she first landed in Balaklava, was an absolute monster? Was it right for her to be involved with all of this and starting to feel at ease with a man like Lampeter, who was clearly from a different class, while Frank was still missing? She knew exactly what Frank would say about Lampeter – exactly. And she also knew how well he would get on with Billy. Who wouldn’t like Billy, with his calm manner and his gentle blue eyes? He was lovely.
Leaving Rose on the ward, she headed out to the laundry but was amazed to find the place deserted. Could the women be ahead with their work and already finished up? There seemed to be nothing more to do out there, everything was straight, so she sat on the upturned box staring at the fire with the cat mewing at her feet and rubbing himself against her legs.
Then she heard a noise, someone moving quietly behind her. She knew it wasn’t Cedric; she knew how he moved. It turned out to be Lavinia, who’d seen her sitting alone and wanted to check that she was all right.
Ada smiled at her friend and held an arm out to her.
‘I’ve come to give you some good news,’ said Lavinia. ‘We’ve just heard, on good authority, that our man Cedric is being moved out. He’s being sent up to Sevastopol, to the front line. Some issue with patients’ belongings.’
Ada felt relieved to hear this. ‘That’s good,’ she said quietly. ‘I did see him on the ward today acting suspiciously. I’m so glad that he’s going.’
‘You sound tired,’ said Lavinia, taking Ada’s hand. ‘Are you sure you’re all right?’
‘I’m fine,’ said Ada, seeing the concern on Lavinia’s face.
I have to be, she thought to herself. I have to
be fine and I have to stay fine. That’s why I need to steer clear of any complications and make sure that I put all my attention into the work. She had made all the enquiries she could about Frank and found nothing. There had been no word from the army wives, and she’d got to know them well enough to trust that they would send word if there was any news from Scutari. What more could she actually do? It was killing her that she couldn’t do more.
But she knew in her heart of hearts that Frank would understand; he would be the first to urge her to focus on the work. He would want her to take the chance to do something different, to make a new life for herself.
‘Are you sure?’ said Lavinia again, still concerned for her friend.
‘I’m sure,’ said Ada.
18
‘War, I know, is a serious game, but sometimes very humble actors are of great use in it.’
Mary Seacole
Ada had begun to feel that she was shaping up to be a decent nurse, and the work on the ward was something that she had started to enjoy. So when Sister Roberts asked her to help out in the laundry the next day she was at first a little disappointed. Then again, at least I’ll be able to spend some time in the sun and catch up with Dolly and Lavinia, she thought. Maybe I need a bit of a break from all the mayhem on the wards.
She buried the creeping thoughts of Lampeter and Billy, and the knowledge that she would miss seeing them. ‘Oh for goodness’ sake,’ she muttered under her breath, ‘I just need to get on with the work. I don’t want any complications.’
Dolly and Lavinia were already well into their work when she arrived at the washtubs with a scrunch between her brows and a serious face.
‘What’s up with you?’ said Dolly.
‘Oh, nothing,’ said Ada. ‘I’m just a bit tired, that’s all.’
‘Mm,’ said Dolly smiling to herself. ‘Well, you’ll soon get over it when you put your back into that,’ she said, pointing to a huge mound of washing.