by Kate Eastham
She headed down another street, hoping to find safety, and heard a man’s voice calling for help, almost sobbing. Through an open door she saw what looked like a hospital. This could be familiar territory, she thought.
The scene that met her eyes as she stepped through that door would come back to haunt her in nightmares for the rest of her life.
In a long low room lay the bodies of men. She could see that they were Russian by the remains of the uniforms that they wore, and at first she thought they were wounded; but then she saw that they were hundreds of corpses piled up on top of each other. She covered her nose and mouth with her hand but there was no way that the sickly sweet stench of death could be blocked. She gagged and her eyes streamed as she scanned the mound of bodies looking for some sign of life.
There was no life in this room. The voice she heard must have come from elsewhere.
Ada staggered into another room, and this time there was a low murmuring of voices and groaning so Ada knew that at least some of the men were alive. The room was quite dark but she saw a sudden movement in the corner. There must be someone alive over there she thought, or maybe it’s a rat. She felt a shudder go through her.
There were heavy curtains at the window that had been nailed into place. Her instinct was to let the light in so she could see if she could help any of the poor souls in there. She pulled at the heavy curtains, but they were full of dust and tightly held. It took all of her strength to drag them down but in the end she managed to rend one of them and pull it away from the window, letting a shaft of light into that dark, fearful place.
There were many dead in this room too, but in the bed nearest to her she was sure that the soldier was breathing. Then she caught movement in the corner of the room again, where it was still dark. As her eyes adjusted she saw that there was, at least, someone up on their feet, someone who could help. And he was wearing a British army tunic. Thank goodness, she thought, someone who can help me with these wounded men.
As her eyes focused more clearly on the figure, he looked in her direction. He looked familiar and for a moment her heart lifted – but then with a shock she realized that this man would be no help. It was Cedric.
He was looting from the poor defeated Russian soldiers, taking what valuables he could find.
‘Well, hello there, missy,’ he said, moving quickly in her direction.
Ada was too shocked and unsteady to move.
‘Hello there,’ he said again, standing in front of her now, leering down at her.
She took a step back. ‘Stay away from me,’ she said.
‘Well, I’m not sure I can do that,’ he said. ‘After all, we’re old friends, aren’t we? From back in the laundry and on the ward. Old friends.’
She took another step back but now she was against the wall. She tried to dodge to the side but his arm shot out and he grabbed her. He held her tight and she remembered how strong he was as his bony hand bit into her flesh.
‘Let me go,’ she spat at him.
But he was shaking his head and moving closer.
‘Let me go!’ she said again, trying to stop her voice from wavering. But he had her now with both arms and was dragging her down to the floor.
What could he be thinking of? Surely not! Not here in this place full of death and suffering?
Even as she thought it she knew, sick with horror, that was indeed what he was thinking. He wanted her. He held her fast and pushed his face towards her, trying to kiss her, grazing her lip. She could taste the blood. Then he pushed her down on to the floor and before she knew it he was on top of her, pulling up her skirt, pushing her legs apart with his knee. He was like a man possessed. A demon.
She had had the breath knocked out of her but she would not succumb without a fight. She tried to move her legs or get her arms free but he had her pinned to the ground, well and truly pinned. But in pulling up her skirt, he had reminded her of the dagger, still strapped to her leg. She wriggled against him, managed to get her right arm free and felt for it with her hand. While he was ripping at her underclothes, she felt it and tried to grasp it, but couldn’t quite get a hold on it. She needed him to shift position, so, defying all of her instinct for survival, she let her body relax a little. And in that moment he responded. She didn’t look at his face but she could tell that he was smiling, thinking that he had her now. She had to move fast and in the next second she grasped the knife from its sheath and plunged it into the top of his leg.
He jumped back with a howl of pain.
She took advantage and pushed him off violently, scrabbling up from the ground and preparing to run. But he moved fast, easily ripping the dagger out, and then he was back at her again before she had a chance to get away.
She kicked out at him and screamed but he was so strong. She bit his face when he tried to kiss her and then it felt like it was becoming too late for resistance. Ada had no strength left to fight. She would have to let this happen, she thought, utterly wretched, as she felt him pawing at her underclothes again.
Then, suddenly, there was a loud bang and Cedric fell back. She almost expected to see Lavinia there behind him with a piece of firewood in her hand. Instead she saw a tall Russian soldier, swaying unsteadily, a revolver in his hand.
Ada gasped, desperately trying to take in what had just happened. Cedric was not moving; he must be dead. The Russian was trying to speak to her, his voice quiet. She didn’t understand the words but he didn’t seem threatening. He had helped her, after all; he had helped her.
Before she could gather herself, another man’s voice shouted, a familiar voice. What on earth? It sounded like Lampeter! It was Lampeter. He was advancing towards them with a pistol in his hand. And he was raising the pistol in the direction of the Russian.
Suddenly realizing what he was about to do, Ada screamed, ‘Stop, stop! This man has saved me. He saved me!’
Lampeter continued aiming the pistol, close enough now for Ada to see how much his hand was shaking.
The Russian had both arms raised in surrender.
Lampeter’s hand was shaking even more and he looked wildly from her to the Russian.
Ada shouted again, ‘Don’t shoot, John, this man saved me. He saved me!’
Then and only then did Lampeter seem to realize what had happened. He dropped the pistol and grabbed her.
The Russian breathed out and then sagged in the middle, slumping down on another man’s bed. The revolver dropped from his hand to the floor.
Lampeter tried to hold on to Ada but she pushed him back. Her clothes were torn, and her flesh was scratched and bruised from what had just happened. She stood gasping for air, holding out her hands to him, telling him that she would be all right but she didn’t want him too near, she didn’t want him to touch her.
Lampeter looked round for the Russian and, now that he knew that Ada was safe, walked over to him, stepping over Cedric’s lifeless body.
The soldier was crying and shaking his head, looking around in shock. Lampeter placed a hand on his shoulder and said, ‘Thank you, thank you.’ The man just nodded and then looked at Ada and shook his head, trying to say in broken English that no man should be allowed to do that to a woman, no man anywhere ever.
Lampeter fished a flask of water out of his pocket and urged the man to drink.
‘Thank you,’ the soldier said in English. ‘Thank you.’
Lampeter patted him on the shoulder again. ‘I will go and get help for you. We will bring in some men and try to help.’
‘Thank you, thank you,’ said the man again. ‘Two days, no help, no water.’
‘We will help you now,’ said Lampeter. ‘But first I have to take this woman to safety.’
The soldier seemed to understand.
‘I can stay, I can help,’ insisted Ada.
‘No, Ada, please, for once just listen to me. You need to get away from here, you need to go back with Mrs Seacole. She will take care of you.’
And for once Ada didn’t have the
strength to put up a fight. She felt that she had been hit by something very heavy, something that had taken all of the strength that she had left.
‘But please, please, you must get these men help.’
‘Of course I will,’ said Lampeter. ‘But first I need to make sure that you are safe.’
Ada nodded, still reluctant to leave but knowing that he was probably right. ‘You win …’ She stooped to pick up Dolly’s dagger from where it had been thrown on the ground. Without thinking she pulled up her skirt, wiped the blade on the hem and then slipped the dagger back into the snug leather sheath fitted to her thigh.
Lampeter saw her torn underclothes and understood immediately what must have almost taken place.
‘Let’s get you out of here, Ada,’ he said quietly, reaching out towards her. ‘Let’s get you home.’
‘Just a moment,’ she said, stepping away from him, unsteady on her legs but determined. She went over to the Russian soldier, who sat quietly on the bed. ‘I just need to say thank you,’ she said, her voice starting to break on a sob. ‘You saved me.’
The man looked at her, not understanding her words completely but knowing what she was saying. He tried to smile; then he grasped her hand for a moment before gesturing that she should go.
Lampeter was there as she turned away from the soldier, still unsteady on her legs. He was about to sweep her up into his arms, but saw the determination on her face and seemed to understand that she would insist on walking.
Outside the hospital building it felt like the world had gone mad. There were British soldiers everywhere, some drunk, others carrying furniture, candlesticks, pieces of Russian army uniform and anything they could get their hands on.
They heard Mrs Seacole before they saw her, berating the men for their unseemly conduct. ‘And no, I do not want a sofa for the British Hotel, or a fine painting. No!’ Then they saw a drunken soldier walk up to her swinging a parasol. He made her laugh and in the end persuaded her to take it.
‘Another souvenir,’ she told Ada, seeing her approach the wagon, and then, noting the look of the two of them, immediately grabbing hold of Ada and hauling her up on to the seat. Mrs Seacole knew that this was not the right time to start asking questions.
‘Right, John,’ she said, ‘we were just about ready to head back now,’ indicating a couple of injured men in the back of the cart. ‘Do you want to come with us?’
‘I wish I could,’ he said looking anxiously at Ada, ‘but there are so many Russian soldiers in there who need help. I have to stay on.’
The ground shook again as another mine exploded somewhere. Mrs Seacole shouted to Sally to get back on the wagon and within minutes she had turned the mules and they were heading out of the city.
Ada looked around through the dust but she couldn’t see Lampeter. He was already gone.
She didn’t remember much of the journey back to the British Hotel. Images from inside the hospital kept coming back to her and then she would gasp with fright as she felt Cedric grab her time and time again. Then she would see Billy’s face again and hear the little dog barking and see her grandfather lying on his bed with two pennies on his eyes. Everything was fresh and jumbled up and going round and round in her head.
Alongside this she had that gnawing feeling still in the pit of her stomach. She didn’t know any more if it was for Frank or Billy or Lampeter or Rose or for all of them. The feeling had been there for so long it had become part of her. The only things that could make it feel better were strong drink and her work, her work at the hospital. She realized, there and then as she travelled on the back of Mrs Seacole’s wagon, that when she was nursing on the wards she didn’t feel that lead weight in her gut.
Ada couldn’t properly grasp what time of day it was but it felt like late afternoon when they got back to the British Hotel. She was able to walk in through the door but as soon as she felt the warmth and safety of the place and heard Sally’s voice her legs started to feel weak and Mrs Seacole was straight there, leading her to one of the sofas and insisting that she lie down.
At some stage Tom Dunderdale arrived for supplies of food and herbal remedies. He was shocked to see Ada’s bedraggled form asleep on the hotel sofa.
‘What’s happened to her?’ he asked Mrs Seacole, his face full of concern. ‘She looked right as rain last time I saw her.’
‘She’s been through a great deal since then, Tom. We’ve been out in the trenches and that’s where she found that young lad, Billy, the one she nursed at the hospital. He had no chance. Then we went into Sevastopol.’
‘You went in there? From what I heard it was terrible. That hospital full of dead and dying Russian soldiers – what an awful thing!’
‘Ada was in there as well, I think,’ said Mrs Seacole. ‘She hasn’t spoken about it to me but that was the direction she came from as we were leaving, and she was with John Lampeter. I think she’s still in shock. She needs to be back at the hospital in Balaklava, needs to be given some care by those she knows best. She’s a young woman who’s been through a great deal in the last few days and she’s already had other things in her young life. She’s told Sally about some of it, what with her grandfather dying and her brother missing.’
‘Her brother missing, you say?’ said Tom, remembering the strange questions that Ada had asked on her first day.
‘She’ll be all right, I think,’ said Mrs Seacole as she gazed at Ada and smiled. ‘Her spirit is very strong and determined, you see.’
Tom nodded.
‘Now, you get her back to the hospital, Tom. Take it slow over that rough road; she will need to be treated very gently for a while and you will have to watch her very carefully. Speak to Mary Roberts about it. I’ve heard about her and the good work that she does down at the hospital – she will know what to do. I hear she trained under Florence Nightingale.’
‘She did that,’ said Tom. ‘Mary will look after her; I know she will.’
Then, looking again at the girl still sleeping on the sofa, he said quietly, ‘Right then, let’s get our Ada sorted.’
After what felt like a long and slow journey back, Tom lifted Ada out of the wagon and carried her into the hospital just as he had done that first day she’d arrived up from Scutari. Sister Roberts saw them come through the door and was there immediately. ‘She looks exhausted, Tom. Let’s get her into bed and we’ll let her sleep as long as she needs.’
Walking ahead, Mary Roberts held open the door of the nurses’ quarters. ‘Put her in this bed here. I’ll speak to Rose – she won’t mind sleeping on the floor.’
Mary pulled back the cover and Tom placed Ada in bed. Ada opened her eyes for just a moment, saw their two faces looking down at her and knew that she was safe. She tried to smile and say thank you, but her face wouldn’t work.
She remembered hearing the door click shut, and then she was lost in a sleep so deep she couldn’t even dream.
The next day – or maybe it was longer, she would never know – she woke to find Rose sitting on the bed next to her, a cup of tea in her hand.
‘What time is it?’ said Ada. ‘I need to be on the ward.’
‘Not today you don’t,’ said Rose. ‘And besides, we are managing. It was unbelievably busy for a few days but things are much calmer now. And you haven’t heard the news – Miss Smith is gone. She has left the Crimea.’
‘What?’ said Ada, sounding a bit groggy and not having the strength to sit up. ‘Really?’
‘Well, of course she hasn’t been right for some time and she’d taken to her bed, but after the fall of Sevastopol she came out to the ward and told us all that she was no longer required and would be leaving on the next ship. You should have seen the faces of those men. Some of the new ones didn’t know who she was but the ones that did, well, they had to try and keep a straight face.’
‘Oh, Rose,’ said Ada, grabbing her friend’s hand. ‘That means I can stay on here without any trouble … and is Dr Lampeter back? Is he safe?’
&n
bsp; ‘Yes of course he is,’ she said. ‘He’s been desperate to come and see you, but Sister Roberts would not shift on it. No men in the nurses’ quarters.’
‘Is he all right? Was he injured?’
‘No, you know what he’s like; I think he’ll live forever.’
‘Oh, thank you, Rose, thank you,’ said Ada, feeling herself trying to smile but not sure if she could.
Then she felt something nipping her thigh and wondered at first what on earth it could be. She pulled back the covers and saw the small dagger in its sheath. She unbuckled it from her leg and slipped it out from under the covers.
‘Ada, what on earth are you doing with that? Give it to me,’ said Rose, horrified by the sight of it and then not knowing what to do with it. ‘I’ll put it … Ada, Ada, are you all right?’
But Ada could not speak. She had slipped down under the covers, pale and shaking. Seeing the dagger again had brought back the moment that she’d been forced to use it.
‘Are you all right? You’ve gone very pale. You’re not sickening for something, are you? said Rose, putting a hand on her forehead.
But Ada still couldn’t speak.
‘I’m getting Dr Lampeter,’ said Rose.
She found him on the ward doing his round with Sister Roberts and walked straight over to tell him her concerns. She was somewhat taken aback by how he reacted, looking instantly worried, and this made Rose more concerned than ever.
‘I don’t understand,’ he said, turning to Mary Roberts. ‘I thought that she was just exhausted and needing to sleep … but this sounds like some kind of collapse. What do you think, Mary?’
‘Tell me exactly what happened,’ said Sister Roberts to Rose.
‘Well, we were chatting and she was all right, and then she undid a strap around her leg and pulled a dagger out from under the bedclothes. I took it from her, and when I looked back she was pale and shaking and couldn’t speak.’