Kindling for the Heart

by Karen Legasy

  Jo let out a sigh. “She says she does and I want to believe it, but our lives are just so different.” She wrapped a curl of hair around one of her fingers. “Sam’s had a long string of girlfriends, the most recent of which is only twenty-five years old. How can I compete with that?”

  “Aunt Jo, you have a lot to offer a sophisticated lawyer like Sam that some baby dyke could never match.”

  “You’re so sweet, Robert, but I see the sags in the mirror.”

  “Well, then I think you need to get a new mirror because you’ve got a great body that would put many young things to shame. And you’ve got your own wisdom and sophistication.”

  “And baggage too.” Jo got off the couch and headed to the kitchen for a glass of water.

  “Jan was a bitch to leave you like she did, and I never liked her anyway,” Robert said, following her. “None of us did with the way she took advantage of you. If Sam is smart, and I have no doubt she is, she’ll see the classy lady in you and hang on for life.”

  “I thought that’s how it would be with Jan.” Jo took a gulp of water.

  “Forget about Jan,” Robert said as they moved back to the couch. “She’s ancient history. It’s time to move on.”

  Jo put a leg underneath her as she sat back down. “I’ve been trying to. I thought I was finally settled with myself until Sam came along.”

  “What happened with Sam? Mom said the two of you looked so happy then next thing she’s gone and you’re tearing up this floor.” Robert motioned with his glass.

  “I know.” Jo closed her eyes for a moment, ashamed of her behavior. “She’s still living with her ex. It’s complicated and I want to trust her, but she can be a sweet talker and I’m scared.” She took another drink of water. “The only thing I know for sure is I miss her and want to see where this visit goes. Please tell me you can look after Mollie until Monday.”

  “Of course.” Robert smiled. “You just have fun in Toronto, Aunt Jo.”

  Chapter Thirty-Three

  Sam was in a deep sleep when a loud banging against the bedroom door startled her awake. Disoriented, she lunged for her phone and knocked over the glass of water by her bed.

  “Fuck.” She sat up and switched on the lamp.

  “Sam, can I come in?” Trish’s voice rang out. She gave another knock then pushed the door open.

  “What’s going on?” Sam registered the time, just after midnight.

  Trish waltzed into the room and sat on the edge of the bed. “Can we talk? I don’t know what I’m going to do and need your help.” Her hair needed a brushing; her cheeks were pale, and she had big bags under her eyes. She started to cry, deep sobs and lots of tears. Her purple silk housecoat hung open and her black camisole began to blotch with tears, as though she were standing in the rain.

  Sam sighed. “Please, Trish. I have a big day tomorrow and need my sleep. You know that and agreed to give me some space while my Jo’s here.”

  “That’s why I want to talk now.” Her words were uneven. “While you’re still by yourself. I don’t have a place to move to anymore. Can I stay here a bit longer?”

  “No, definitely not.” Sam reached for a sweatshirt and pulled it over her waffle pajama top. “You promised to be out of here this weekend. I thought you had a place rented.”

  Trish’s head drooped, hair covering her face. “I did, but it was with Jo.” She whimpered. “Living with that bitch is out of the question now, especially since she broke your TV.”

  “Which you’re going to replace.” Sam swung her legs off the bed. The situation was so pathetic and worsening as she stepped in a puddle. “Shit, my water’s all over the floor.”

  “At least your glass didn’t break.” Trish picked it up. “I’ll get a towel and soak it up.”

  “The carpet’s already done that.” Sam stomped into the en suite and grabbed her bath sheet, then draped it over the wet patch.

  “I’ll pay you more rent.” Trish dropped to her knees and began to knead the towel against the wet rug. “I’ll even cook your meals, being that you’re so busy all the time and not eating properly.”

  “My eating habits are just fine, and I don’t need extra rent money.” Sam sat on the edge of her bed, numb with exhaustion. “Look, Trish, I’m tired and need to get some sleep. You do too. Morning will come soon enough and we both have to work.”

  “I can’t go into work when my life’s in crisis.” Trish sat on the floor and sobbed. “I’m such a screw up. I really miss you, Sam. Can’t we try again?”

  Sam sighed, cradling her head as fingers dug into her scalp in an effort to stop the dull throbbing. “Trish, we’ve been through all of this. It’s over and you need to move on. Clinging to me isn’t going to help. I want my house back. Now please let me get back to bed.”

  “Fine.” Trish sprang to her feet. “But we need to talk about this.”

  “Not now and not while my Jo’s here.” Sam slid back under the sheets and turned out her lamp. “I want you out looking for another place to live, starting tomorrow. Close the door on your way out.”

  Lying in the dark, Sam mulled over her situation with Trish. How could she have ever lived in a relationship with someone like her? What would Jo think if she witnessed a pathetic outburst like that? She’d head right back to Timmins, that’s what she’d do.

  Three hours later, Sam was unable to fall back asleep. She was going to be exhausted for her evening with Jo and would have to skip her morning gym routine. Hopefully her commute into the office would be easy and the rest of the day would unfold without any extra stress to hinder her plans.

  After tossing and turning for another hour and a half, Sam stepped into her shower at four thirty that morning. She planned to head to the office by five and beat rush hour traffic to enjoy a leisurely takeout breakfast of a coffee and toasted bagel at her desk. And she also wanted to avoid any morning interactions with Trish, hoping the problem would somehow go away.

  By the time she was at her desk and had opened the morning paper, her coffee had cooled and her bagel hardened. She’d messaged Jo to say good morning and wish her a good flight. There was a short reply—Jo said she was excited to meet at the end of the day. They would both be busy and have little time for chatting, so she put her phone aside. That was okay, though, because Sam anticipated a fun-filled evening of re-connecting with Jo.

  The office was bustling by eight thirty and Sam was rushing to head back to court when a text came into her phone. She grabbed the cell, multi-tasking as she also reached for files, and glanced at the message. Can we meet and talk sometime today? Jo.

  Sam was confused because Jo knew she’d be tied up in court all day, but she was also in a hurry and quickly responded confirming she’d target five thirty at the Eaton Centre. She ran to catch the elevator, struggling to close her overflowing leather bag as she scooted inside as the doors were closing.

  Jo reviewed her notes as she leaned against the airplane window, blue sky above and clouds below. The flight was only partially full, and she lucked out having two seats to herself. Visions of Sam sitting beside her made her stomach twirl almost as much as the pockets of turbulence that sent the plane bouncing.

  Anna was anxiously awaiting Jo’s response on the ticket to Punta Cana she’d put on hold. They had until nine that evening to either book or let it go. Jo wanted to release the ticket last night, but Anna insisted they hold on until the last minute. Jo suspected her sister knew she’d be meeting with Sam today and had her doubts about the outcome. Even Robert sent a text this morning wishing her good luck, as though a happy reunion with Sam was still not certain.

  The plane began its descent, crossing through the clouds and opening up Jo’s world to the mostly snowless ground below. Golden brown fallow fields bordered with paved roads gave way to housing blocks, busy streets, and then skyscrapers.

  Sam was down there somewhere, and Jo could hardly wait to get through her day so they’d finally be together. She strained to study Toronto from her s
mall window and began to wonder why Sam was so interested in her when the city world abounded with available women.

  She’d visit Church Street, a ritualistic pilgrimage to the gay village each time she made it to the city. The first occasion had been more than twenty years ago while on an excursion to explore what was like a different planet to a very closeted lesbian. She’d felt like a kid in a candy store, popping in and out of all the rainbow shops that were still so foreign in smaller cities and towns.

  This time she would be with Sam, holding hands as they walked through the gay village. She longed to find a women’s bar with a dance floor so she could sway and smooch with Sam in a crowd. Jo’s stomach churned as the miniature city grew larger and the reality of being in Toronto became imminent.

  The wheels on the plane locked into place and the ground was fast approaching. Jo held her breath for the touchdown and let out a sigh as the wheels bounced on the tarmac then drove along the runway to the gate. It was raining out and everything looked so dreary, but Jo felt sunny inside.

  She’d only brought a carry-on backpack with one change of clothes and extra underwear for an extended visit. The flight had been on time and there was no wait for luggage, so Jo headed directly to the taxi stand for her journey into downtown.

  Her driver was a woman around her age and happy to chat as they drove toward the CN Tower for a central drop off. Jo’s gaydar was on high alert; she felt pleased to have selected a likely lesbian chauffeur.

  “Timmins,” her driver said. “Wow. I’ve never been that far north. Isn’t that where Shania’s from?”

  “It is indeed.” Jo gawked at the tall buildings, awed at big-city life.

  “Did you know her?” Twinkling brown eyes flashed from the rearview mirror.

  “Nope, can’t say I did.” Jo thought of Sam’s sparkling eyes and her stomach twirled.

  “How long are you here for?” The driver merged onto Yonge Street.

  “Until Monday morning,” Jo said. “If all goes well.”

  “Sounds exciting.” An attractive smile graced the rearview mirror.

  “It is,” Jo said. “I’ve never been in a long-distance relationship before. It’s like we live in two different worlds. There isn’t even any snow here. I’m glad I didn’t wear my big boots and bulky mitts because I sure don’t need them. I’m just so looking forward to spending time with Sam.”

  “What does Sam do in Toronto?”

  “She’s a lawyer.” Jo held her breath, daring to out herself to the stranger.

  “I pegged you for a sister.” The driver grinned. “What do you do for a living?”

  “I’m a forester.”

  “Gosh, there aren’t many forests down here. Are you planning to move to the city?”

  “Not really.” Jo dug out her wallet. “You can let me off just up ahead at Yonge and Bloor.”

  “Sure, no problem.” The driver pulled to the side and angled the meter toward Jo. “Do you need a receipt?”

  “Yes, please.” Jo handed over cash and a tip. “Thanks for the ride. It was nice chatting with you.”

  “Likewise.” The driver turned around with the receipt and smiled. “I hope things work out with Sam. Maybe our paths will cross sometime.”

  “Thanks.” Jo stepped out onto the sidewalk and shivered. She should’ve brought her heavier coat.

  Chapter Thirty-Four

  When Sam realized she’d forgotten her phone at the office, she was already in the courtroom and looking to turn it off.

  “Shit.” She whispered to herself, fidgeting through her document bag in search of the cell. With a resigned shrug of her shoulders, Sam rose as the court started its session. She was at least thankful for Jo’s unexpected message about wanting to talk and her confirmation to meet at the Eaton Centre at five thirty.

  If nothing else, she’d scurry down there and meet up with Jo before retrieving her phone. It would be a good opportunity to show Jo her office, describe her work, and maybe even share a kiss behind her closed door while everyone else left for home.

  The rest of her morning was filled with unobstructed concentration as the trial began. Sam was prepared, now more than ever, to have the charges against her client stayed and the trial over by the end of the day so she could spend the rest of the week with Jo. It took some of the bitterness out of helping a drunk driver walk a free man after killing innocent people. At least that’s what she told herself as she witnessed the courtroom tragedy about to unfold for the victims’ family.

  Jo made it to her meeting in good time and sat in a chair along the wall of the packed room. She frequently checked her phone in hopes Sam would have answered her messages saying she’d arrived in the city. Nothing. Not even over lunch.

  Jo sent another text saying she would head to the Eaton Centre after her meeting. Sam’s lack of response was a bit disconcerting and Jo began to wonder what she’d do if she didn’t hear anything by the end of the afternoon.

  Her meeting went well, though she was asked only one question regarding the level of consultation for the forest management plan. Jo easily responded by citing high attendance numbers and valuable input at their recent open house. She then resumed her quiet position on the sidelines for the rest of the afternoon.

  Jo was free by four o’clock and took her time popping in and out of shops on the way to her meeting place with Sam. She toured around inside the large shopping complex while clutching her phone in fear she might miss a call. At five fifteen, she decided to head back out to the street in front of the main entrance. The popular corner was busy with commuters, shoppers, panhandlers, and tourists like her. It would be hard to spot Sam with so many people around and she tried to keep herself visible by standing off to the side on her own.

  She felt conspicuous and geeky in her hiking boots and backpack, hoping Sam would notice her against the hustle and bustle of the corner. There was a slight breeze and her teeth chattered while the wait became more uncertain as time passed.

  Jo finally spotted Sam rushing down the street and her heart burst with joy. It was five forty and her feet were getting cold. Sam looked hurried and stressed as she maneuvered through the crowds toward her destination. The closer she got, the more Jo began to realize how different their lives were.

  Sam sported a long navy wool coat, a red and blue patterned wool scarf loosely wrapped around her neck, black short-heeled leather boots, and dark gray leather gloves. Her right hand swung a document bag. Jo suddenly felt intimidated by the appearance of this sophisticated city lawyer rushing to meet with a casually dressed forester from the north.

  Jo hesitated as she watched the approaching goddess, suddenly feeling insecure in her normal work attire and wondering what Sam saw in her. Heels clicking on pavement as elegantly dressed workers rushed by, Jo looked at her rubber-soled hiking boots and felt like she didn’t stand a chance in this cosmopolitan world. Especially with a woman as suave as Sam looked in her work attire. Sam would set any courtroom on fire, or any heart for that matter, and the cedar kindling Jo remembered in her backpack seemed irrelevant now.

  Jo saw Sam looking around as she approached and knew she hadn’t yet been spotted. She raised a hand to wave when an attractive young woman stepped from the crowd and bolted toward Sam.

  Sam had rushed all the way from the courthouse, so afraid she’d miss Jo and determined to embrace the woman she loved at one of the city’s busiest intersections. Pedestrian traffic grew heavier and shoulders slammed into hers as she strained to look for Jo. Someone called out her name and she rushed toward the familiar voice, confused with the congestion. When she saw Trish pushing her way through other pedestrians, Sam stopped, her mouth dropping open with stunned surprise.

  “How could you?” Trish shouted at Sam, shoving against her arm. “After what happened the other night, what were you thinking by agreeing to meet that bitch Jo here?”

  “Trish, calm down!” Sam grabbed her flailing arms, wondering what the hell was happening. “What are you talkin
g about?”

  “You betrayed me! Jo’s nothing to you and yet you’re meeting her behind my back. What kind of game are you playing?”

  “This has nothing to do with you.” Sam was furious and losing her calm as Trish continued to swing her arms. “How did you know I’m meeting Jo here?”

  “She told me.” Trish’s trembling hand brushed tears off her face.

  “What? How did you get her number?” Sam glanced away from Trish, locking eyes with Jo, standing not ten feet away. Fuck. “Jo. There you are.” She rushed toward Jo.

  Jo backed up, pointing a shaking hand at Trish. “How could you do this to me, and to her? What kind of game are you playing?”

  “Jo please, I can explain.” Sam tried to get closer, but the busy intersection impeded her progress.

  “Go ahead then, tell me what just happened?” Her voice started to shake.

  Sam was confused and looked around for Trish to help explain, but she was gone. She shook her head. “I don’t know.”

  “Fuck you!” Jo flung the bundle of cedar kindling at Sam and ran down the street toward a taxi.

  “Jo, wait!” Sam tried to follow, but Jo got into the cab and they sped away before she could catch up. “Fuck.”

  Jo was hyperventilating as she got into the car. She managed to direct the driver to take her to the airport, and to hurry. She’d try to make the evening flight and get back to Timmins as soon as possible. The first thing she did, however, was send a text to Anna to book her ticket to the Dominican. The next message was to Sam, saying she never wanted to hear from her again and to not bother replying because all messages from her would be deleted, unread.

  Unbelievable. Jo shook with shock from the scene with the pretty young woman named Trish, Sam’s supposed ex. Sam must have fooled her too. The way she confronted Sam, crying and shouting because they were meeting. She must have somehow found out. Thank God. To think she’d been willing to consider this woman a soul mate and make a long-distance relationship feasible.