I crawled back into bed and slept. The only thing Callum’s phone was good for was to set the alarm so I didn’t sleep the day away. I found it useless to go to classes, given my mother’s interference, and I was even thinking about starting over from scratch. Maybe with a different major, although I couldn’t figure out quite yet what I wanted to do with my life.
Whatever answer I arrived at, I doubted it had anything to do with running a company. I’d tried it my mother’s way, and now maybe it was time to do it my way. By finding out what I was good at and pursuing that field.
I was up at ten and made my way to the bathroom, my bladder at bursting point. I took care of my morning routine, then went to the kitchen to put together a healthy breakfast in case Callum asked me later what I ate for breakfast.
In the kitchen, I came to a halt. A small vase with fresh flowers stood on the table, with a makeshift card made out of blank paper propped up on it. My name was on the card in bright blue marker.
Taken aback, I carefully plucked the paper off the table and opened it. Callum must’ve checked up on me when I was sleeping.
1.You’re sweet and loving. I love that about you.
There was nothing else inside except for Callum’s signature. For a long time I just stared at the words until I’d figured out what Callum was doing. He was filling in those ten lines I couldn’t write about myself.
Chapter Five
Callum
Thank fuck for Wednesdays. I trudged up the steps to my apartment. I loved the café, but I was grateful for the half day in the middle of the week to take care of personal business. The café took up a lot of my time, and I couldn’t do nearly half as much as I had before.
I thought about Ashton’s request to accompany me on my weekly visit to Mario. I’d sit with him and ensure he was all right. As all right as he could be in his situation. After he got brain damage from an overdose, his family had refused to take him in and provide for his care. They’d left him in a state facility that did very little for him beyond the basics.
He might’ve killed all the love I’d had for him, but I couldn’t leave someone I’d cared about in that condition and not do anything about it. He wasn’t just someone random either. I’d truly loved him, though I came to realize the image I had of him had been all wrong.
Mario had good days when he seemed somewhat lucid enough to recognize me. He’d get a smile on his face or struggle to get my name out, but most of the time, he was trapped in his own mind.
I didn’t want Ash getting involved in Mario’s situation.
Once inside the house, I followed the sound of the television to the living room. Ash had pushed back the sofa as far as he could, and he was balancing on both arms upside down with his legs wide apart in a yoga position. He was following the lead of the woman on the television.
“Hey,” he said without looking up at me. “Is it noon already?”
“Closer to one,” I replied. “What have you been doing?”
He hadn’t left the apartment. We’d agreed he’d tell me if and where he was going. I didn’t exactly like to keep tabs on him like this. I wanted him to be responsible enough to go out and return without a trip to a bar, but I didn’t trust him quite that much yet when it came to liquor.
“Nothing much.”
He brought his legs down and easily righted himself. His skin sported a thin sheen of sweat that made him absolutely beddable.
“How was the coffee shop?” he asked me.
“The same. Was a bit busier than usual.”
“That’s good, then.” He grabbed the television remote and paused the exercise program. “I thought about making us lunch, but I wasn’t sure if you wanted to eat before you go.”
He was still sulking, the pain evident in his tone that I’d refused to let him go with me to see Mario. Could it hurt? He’d been cooped up in the cramped apartment all day, and he wasn’t used to this minimalist lifestyle.
“Fine, you can come along.”
He clasped his hands in front of him. “I can?”
“Yes, you can.”
The words were hardly out of my mouth when he threw himself at me and planted several kisses over my face. “Yes. Yes. Yes. Thank you. Thank you so much.”
His exuberance was enough for me to believe I’d made the right decision. I ran my hand down his sweaty back.
“We won’t stay long,” I said. “No more than an hour. We still have to buy some gifts for Phil’s daughter’s birthday party.”
“That’s this evening, right?”
“Yes. Go shower.”
He wrinkled his nose at me. It was good to see he wasn’t obsessing about me confiscating his phone. I probably should’ve done it before. He tended to get so caught up in his virtual world and people who didn’t give a shit about him besides a “like” and a “share.”
“Are you trying to tell me I stink?”
“You kinda do.” I kissed his cheek, hiding my smile from him. “But I’d still bone you anyway if we didn’t have to go.”
“I’ll hold you to that later,” he said, then skipped away. “I’ll be quick.”
Ashton’s quick was of course thirty minutes, and by his standard, it was. I didn’t want to see my utility bills at the end of this month. The boy spent forever washing every nook and cranny of his body, but as it benefitted me greatly, I couldn’t complain. I liked how conscientious he was about his personal hygiene.
The aftereffect was always amazing. Using his blow dryer to style his hair took another twenty minutes, but he didn’t get to agonize over what to wear. I’d taken out clothes for him.
My boy was vain. But I loved that about him. The way he took care of his appearance and wouldn’t be caught dead wearing just anything. I didn’t even pretend watching him get ready. The movements of his body were mesmerizing, and if I didn’t have a tight hold on my self-control, I’d have ripped his jeans off and thoroughly bedded him.
“Okay, I’m ready!” He stuffed his wallet into his pocket. “Can I have my phone now?”
“Nope, three days.”
He gave me a sheepish grin. “Fine, it was worth a shot.”
“Come on, let’s get out of the apartment, slowpoke.” When he walked by me, I couldn’t resist slapping his ass. Call me caveman, but I liked putting my hands on him, especially knowing how much it turned him on.
“Do you want to stop for something to eat first or after?” I asked him once we were on our way to the nursing home.
“I’m good with after.”
I would’ve preferred to eat first, but only because it would give me enough time to be comfortable with the idea of Mario and Ashton in the same room. Getting it over with might be best, though.
“You sure you want to do this?” I said when we arrived at the facility, and I snagged the parking spot closest to the entrance of the building.
“Yes, I’m positive.”
After signing in, we went to the garden where we were told Mario was. We found him in his wheelchair, head lolled to the side as he stared out. Tina, one of his caregivers, spotted us approaching and halted reading from one of the books I’d brought him.
“Look, Mario, you have visitors,” she told him. “Aren’t you excited?”
He didn’t even glance in our direction. His eyes were trained on the yellow butterflies dancing over the flowers. The day was so clear, the sky blue, and the wind balancing out with the heat that I couldn’t even fault him for being more intrigued by his surroundings than Ash and me.
“Hi, Tina. How’s he doing?” I never missed my regular visits, and over time I’d become on a first-name basis with most of the staff, especially those who were usually in charge of Mario’s care.
She brushed Mario’s hair with her fingers, and he arched into her touch. I remembered he loved having his hair stroked and brushed.
“We’re a bit concerned,” she said softly, compassion in her eyes. “He hasn’t eaten anything since yesterday. When we do get the food in, he spits it out and st
arts to cry.”
Another behavior I was used to from him when we were together. Whenever I’d been upset with him, he’d make himself sick from not eating until I’d caved in. This experience made me check up on Ashton so often to ensure he wasn’t starving himself.
Mario couldn’t afford not to eat, though. He was already so underweight. All skin and bones. It hurt to think about the way he was now and the vibrant boy I’d known, eyes sparkling with such mischief.
I pushed down the feeling of failure I occasionally got when it came to him. It wasn’t my fault. I’d tried everything in my power to get him well. He never wanted my help and never accepted it when I offered it to him.
You were his Daddy. You should’ve prevented this.
“Will you bring him something to eat?” Ashton asked Tina. “I’d like to try feeding him.” As if he realized just how out of place he was for making that suggestion, he said to me, “If that’s okay with you.”
Tina stood observing us and waited for my answer. I could imagine the questions going through her mind.
“It’s okay.”
When she left to fetch the grub we asked for, I turned to Ashton. He wrung his hands uncomfortably.
“Are you mad?”
How could I be mad at him for interfering when he was only trying to be helpful? Ashton had thrown me for a loop with how understanding he was about Mario. He wasn’t just suffering through me having to be there for another guy. He was actually trying to help.
If I weren’t already in love with him, I would’ve fallen hard at that point for his selflessness.
“I’m not mad,” I reassured him. “I’m glad you came.”
The worry lines on his face smoothed out, and he let out a sigh of relief. “Thanks for letting me come with you.”
Tina returned with a tray for Mario, then with a last stroke of Mario’s hair, left us. Ashton placed the chair the caregiver had been using in front of Mario. I made no effort to help but watched how gentle he was with my former boy.
“Hey, I’m Ash. Remember me?” He unfolded the napkin and tucked it into Mario’s shirt. “It’s okay if you don’t. I wanted to see how you were doing, and Cal’s worried about you. He won’t say of course, but we know, don’t we?”
I sat on the stone bench next to Mario. A sense of calm and peace descended over me that hadn’t been there before. The more Ashton talked to Mario, the more I realized I’d been on edge about having Mario in my life while I was with Ashton. Uncertain about how Ashton would react.
He was a possessive boy who didn’t take kindly to sharing. Not my attention. Not my affection.
But with Mario, he was different.
Mario kept his lips firmly closed while Ashton tried to feed him. He would grunt and fuss whenever Ashton raised the spoon to his lips. Even I got frustrated that he wouldn’t eat. Didn’t he know we were trying to keep him alive? I was trying to give him a life as comfortable as he could have with his limitations.
The place didn’t come cheap. The more affordable nursing homes I’d found didn’t have the friendly, patient staff as this one. Overworked and with limited staff and little compensation, they wouldn’t have cared whether or not Mario ate.
“Doesn’t that taste better?”
At Ashton’s words, I glanced up. Mario had taken a bite of the oatmeal they’d prepared for him. He’d lost many of his teeth due to his drug habit and now only ate softer foods.
“You got him to eat,” I said, completely awed at Ashton’s patience.
“I told you we had a connection.” He smiled but didn’t take his eyes off Mario. He fed the boy a spoonful of the mush and another. Mario didn’t complain. He ate all his oatmeal and, when he was done, let out a loud burp that made Ashton laugh.
“Now drink your juice. See how happy Daddy is? We make him so happy when we’re good boys.”
I blinked in surprise at Ashton’s choice of words. He did know that Mario hadn’t been my boy for a couple of years, right?
“Ash,” I croaked out.
He shook his head at me. “It’s okay. Look how happy he is today.”
I glanced over at Mario. Ashton was right. Mario was practically bouncing in his seat and waving his hands around with a look on his face that resembled a smile. He tried to babble words that wouldn’t form, and when he drooled, Ashton used the napkin to wipe it away. Completely unperturbed.
“I need to use the bathroom.” I got to my feet and hurried away. The hall was cloudy from the tears gathering in my eyes.
This could’ve gone so much differently. Seeing Ashton with Mario, the level of care he extended to the other boy, and the way Mario responded to him had me tearing up.
Mario’s care took a heavier toll on me than I’d ever thought. Not just financially but emotionally as well. Having Ash here today didn’t make this visit as overwhelming as it used to be.
Maybe I was wrong trying to protect him from the situation with Mario. Maybe it wasn’t such a bad idea after all to let him share in this burden. Maybe this trust issue didn’t apply to just him but also to me, trusting him with all the areas of my life.
Chapter Six
Ashton
“Lunch is on me,” I said as Callum and I entered the restaurant. “It’s the least I can do since I ruined our dinner date. We haven’t had a chance to do that over yet.”
I expected him to turn down my offer, although I could afford to buy us lunch for the rest of our lives. Since we left the nursing home fifteen minutes ago, he’d been silent, and I was nervous about overstepping my boundary where Mario was concerned.
In all honesty, I never meant to interfere. I only wanted to be there for him to show him support, but there was something about Mario. Maybe it was because he was a solid reminder of what could happen to me if I didn’t take my recovery seriously.
“Okay,” Callum said as he pulled out a chair for me. “Just so you know, I’m going to order the most expensive thing on the menu. You can afford it.”
He winked at me, then opened the menu. I gawked at him as warmth bubbled up inside me at the way he didn’t make this a big deal.
“Sure, go ahead.”
He hadn’t been joking. He did order one of the most expensive thing from the menu. This was so unlike him, but I liked it. I had all this money, and he was struggling because he spent so much taking care of a boy who technically wasn’t even his responsibility.
Callum was the real deal. Not many men would’ve been so hospitable toward Mario. From the way he’d talked about their relationship, the boy had turned his life completely upside down. Yet he still had a big enough heart to take care of said boy.
Maybe I should’ve been jealous or worried that Callum was still doing this because he was in love with Mario. But I wasn’t. He probably still loved the boy in his own way, but I knew it wasn’t in the same way he loved me.
Heavens knew why Callum loved me, but he did, and I wanted to give him the world because of what he did for his former boy. I was sure he would’ve done the same for me. But I would never put that burden on him.
Halfway through our lunch, which we ate in silence, Callum put down his fork and took my hand.
“Thanks for coming with me today. Your presence made a world of difference.”
“You’re welcome.” I placed my other hand over his and squeezed. “Being there today made me feel good about myself, you know. Helping someone else.”
“Hmm, maybe you’ve found your calling. Helping people like Mario.”
I blinked at his words. I hadn’t even thought about that. When I was feeding Mario today, all that was going through my mind was hearing the caregiver telling Callum that the boy hadn’t eaten since yesterday. He was already so gaunt that I’d needed to get something into him.
“My mother would pitch a fit,” I said on a chuckle. “She wants me to take over the business. I am the heir after all.”
“But is that what you want?”
I pulled my hands away, feeling self-conscious
about talking about my goals and plans. I had none. At one point, I’d thought I’d be scraping my way through college and taking over Keyes Enterprises, but now, I wasn’t so certain. I had all but dropped out of Battersea College, and I had no intention of picking back up my Business major.
“The truth is that I don’t know what I want,” I replied, glancing down at my almost empty plate of kimchi. “Twenty-one and clueless about my life. That kinda makes me pathetic, doesn’t it?”
“For every negative thing you say about yourself, you’re going to have to come up with something positive. New rule,” Callum said. “Go on.”
I groaned. “Where do you come up with these rules? Were you a shrink in a former life?”
“Stop deflecting. Do it.”
“Okay, let me think.”
Something positive about myself. Something positive about myself.
“Ashton, it’s really not that hard.”
“I just can’t think about myself like that.”
He leaned forward in his chair. “You can’t say out loud that you’re a caring and thoughtful person?”
I snorted. “Am I? Last time I ran out on you for five days and didn’t even call.” I groaned, a long and mournful sound. “I don’t even have the good sense to not bring up another negative thing at a time like this.”
“You’re not the real you when you’re under the influence of alcohol.”
“Am I not?”
“I just watched you take care of someone without even a hint of jealousy about the relationship we’d had. You fed him, wiped away his drool, and cleaned up after him. That’s the real Ashton Keyes. That’s the reason I’m still here because there’s so much good in you.”
“Anyone would’ve done the same.”
He shook his head. “I can tell you from experience that not everyone would have. Most men would’ve turned tail and ran when they found out how much time I have to give to someone else. You are a good person.”
He really believed it. That I was good and caring. Maybe some guys would’ve been bitchy about Callum’s relationship with Mario.
Perfection Page 4