I was more interested in eating the pineapple slices he’d picked off his pizza and placed on my plate.
“Sorry for using up all the hot water,” I said, breaking our disjointed chatter about how he found caring after the fish.
“I rarely use it anyway,” he said.
Because he always saved me the hot water.
“You’re exactly as I remember.” I dug through my salad for the croutons and transferred them to his which I should have done in the first place. The garlicky taste was just nasty to me.
“And how do you remember me?” he asked.
“Always so patient with me,” I replied, giving up all pretenses of eating now. “Caring and giving me the best of everything. Before I left for Texas, I wasn’t sure if I deserved that. Especially given what happened between us.”
I didn’t need to spell it out for him. He had to know I was referring to the night I’d decked him.
“Ashton, I watched all the videos you sent to Mario.”
I should have expected it. He visited Mario every week and he would have seen the phone, wondered at what it was for. Still I hesitated, running back through the videos in my mind, chagrined at the things I would have revealed. My recovery hadn’t been smooth sailing, and the bad days got ugly.
“Does it bother you that I watched them?”
I swallowed down the mini-panic that started to bubble up inside me.
“Not really. It’s just that…some of them I was at my worst.”
“That’s where you’re wrong. You were at your best in those videos, being open and truthful about what was going on up here.” He tapped at his temple with his index finger. “I’m glad that I got to go through that with you indirectly. You struggled, but you also progressed.”
“Is it enough?” I scooted closer to the table until my stomach was pressed against the wood. I stared directly into Callum’s eyes. “Is it enough for us? I need to know.”
“I can’t be the reason for your sobriety,” he said.
“You’re not.” At least that was certain of. “I admit when I went into the facility I was focused on them fixing me so I could be with you, but it became so much more, Callum. I want to be healthy. I want to be free from addiction, and—” I swallowed hard. “I’d be devastated if you end things between us. I really do think I’m in a better place to take on a relationship with you, but if it’s too much dealing with another alcoholic, then I’ll understand. It’ll hurt like hell, and I’ll wish you all the best. I’ll probably feel the urge to drink more strongly, but I won’t. I know how to handle the urges now.”
“What do you expect from me? What do you want me to give you in this relationship?”
“Your love and support.”
“You already have that.” He said it matter-of-factly.
“I want an equal opportunity to love you back.” This meant all the world to me, and I couldn’t do us again too without this. “I want to do for you in the way I can just as you do for me. Callum, I’ll more than likely always be wealthy barring something disastrous happening. That won’t go away, and I need to feel comfortable doing things for you because I can. Not worry about whether or not you’ll accept things from me. I’ll want to, and you need to let me. I don’t do it for any other reason but that I love you and I can.”
He reached for a napkin and wiped his hands. “Okay, so maybe that’s something I need to work better at. I can’t promise you I’ll ever be comfortable with the idea of you getting me things, but I’ll try not to overreact.”
“And…” I trailed off, not sure if I should bring this up right now, but we were laying all the cards out on the table about our expectations. “And I’d like to not just be your partner. I want you to be my Daddy again.”
“Ashton—”
“It doesn’t have to be right now,” I rushed to add. I wanted it now, but I could be patient. “I meant what I said before about earning the right to call you daddy again. Whenever you feel it’s right.”
“And what if I never feel it’s right?”
His question was painful. I craved the comfort I found in calling him that. It wasn’t just the kinky sex. It was for all that word meant to me. Comfort. Security. Love. Protection.
Except, the more I thought about it, the tightening in my chest eased. I’d still have that with Callum anyway regardless of what I called him. It would be enough.
“It’s not just the Daddy relationship I crave, Callum,” I told him. “If that’s what I wanted, I could get it anywhere, and I’m not going anywhere else because it’s you I want.”
He nodded, but his shoulders still remained stiff as if he wasn’t convinced, but that was okay. Time would show him how much I meant everything I said.
“All right, but this time we move slowly,” he said. “Just the two of us, and no alcohol between.”
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Callum
“You sure this is okay?” I asked Phil as I was about to leave the café. A beautiful Sunday afternoon, three weeks since Ash returned from Ohio, and we had plans. Phil and I had been working out different arrangements for the running of the café so we didn’t run ourselves into the ground.
So far the arrangement was for Brayden to work full-time on the weekend which would give Phil and myself the opportunity to work only half days then. I’d worked the first half of the morning, and he had arrived fifteen minutes ago to pick up and close shop by six. Another revision to our opening hours on Sundays.
The decision had come up after I realized Ash and I weren’t spending that much time with each other as we should as a couple trying to work on our relationship. Since we got back together—although it was debatable if we ever broke up any at all—our time together was limited.
We basically could squeeze in time only after the café closed at ten. I was too tired to do anything then, and at that hour of the night, we were limited in what we could do together. The night life was too much of a trigger for Ashton so we had to avoid the popular spots like sports bars.
At first I’d felt guilty about thinking of cutting the café hours and working on our schedule arrangements. Was it just me being wrapped up in Ashton again, or was it a valid point? But Noelle was also back to complaining again about the little time she saw Phil. It was the perfect opportunity to discuss what we needed to do.
He had the whole morning with his wife and kids today, and now I got the afternoon off with Ashton. I had arrived in Battersea to be all about business, but that was no way to live a life and Ashton proved that to me. Our relationship grew under our careful administration. Still no sex between us yet, but that was all on me.
Sex with Ashton would complicate stuff. These weeks after his recovery period in Texas was crucial. Mario had been seemed fine for a while every time I got him into a program. Then we’d be fucking, and my dick would be so happy I’d lose sight of when it started slipping again.
I didn’t want Ashton to lead me by the dick, and he had the potential. It was already so difficult to keep my hands off him when he liked to cuddle up to me on the sofa for the thirty minutes we sometimes had before he had to drive back home for the night.
No sleepovers. He hadn’t pushed when I brought that up. In the same way he avoided places that would tempt him to drink, I avoided occasions that could lead to sex. Ashton lying in the same bed with him, his body pushing up against me? Uh-uh, I couldn’t survive that without fucking him, and if I got my dick into that boy, it’d been so long we might not leave the bed for twenty-four hours.
“This was a great idea, Cal,” Phil said, reaching for a coffee cup to serve the customer waiting before him. “I actually got to sleep in this morning, and now I’m refreshed. Go spend the day with Ashton.”
I hadn’t told him what I wanted the day for, but he wasn’t stupid. Ashton didn’t hang around the café like he usually did, twiddling on his phone until we locked up. But he did pop in sometimes for no reason at all but that he was driving by.
“All
right then. Call me if you need anything.”
“I won’t need anything.”
“I’m just saying, Phil.”
I took a quick shower in the apartment and got dressed, picking out a pair of golf shorts and polo shirt. If I remembered correctly, Ashton and I planned to spend the day at the country club he belonged to. My initial reaction had been to turn down the idea, but I couldn’t expect him to accept my friends and my life without making any effort to do what interested him.
I had just slipped on my trainers when he arrived.
“Whaaaat?”
I should have been prepared. With Ashton it was always better to be prepared, but he strolled into the apartment and gave me an instant hard-on.
He wore a pair of white shorts that made his legs look good. The matching white sweater was long-sleeved and should look decent except it was a cropped top that showed off his toned abs. He’d been working out at the gym, something he continued from his therapy in Texas, and he had a killer physique for all his trouble.
A pair of Adidas tennis shoes and knee-high socks completed the outfit. The socks had a strip of the rainbow colors around the top.
“You’re going to the country club like that?”
He turned to me with a shrug. “Why not? Don’t you like it?”
Like it? I loved it. “What’s not to love? You look…”
He grinned at me and pranced over to wrap his arms around my neck. “Good,” he said. “I believe that’s the word you were looking for.”
“Actually I was going to say hot.”
“Hmm, even better. Kiss me, Callum.”
I ducked my head and kissed him. As usual, he curled up into my chest, releasing my neck to run his hands down my chest. A moan rumbled from inside him, and of their own volition, my hands ran down his back. I stopped short of grabbing his ass. The fine as fuck glutes that made the shorts he wore indecent.
Back in New York, the country club I’d been a part of didn’t have guys who dressed like Ashton.
“Why don’t we blow off the country club so I can blow you?” he asked, his lips trailing down my neck. “I’ve been back for three weeks, Cal.”
“Not a lot of time,” I said, kissing his forehead and acting as if my balls weren’t about to separate themselves from the rest of me.
He groaned. “Long enough. Okay, if you’re ready, then let’s go. I can’t stay here where there’s a bed when I want you this badly.”
The heat in his eyes burned brightly. I almost gave in, called off our date at the country club, and not make it to the bedroom. Who was he kidding? If I did this, I’d have his shorts around his knees and my cock buried in his ass right now as he braced against the wall.
“Let’s get out of here,” I croaked, ignoring Ash’s wide grin. He knew damn well what he was doing to me.
The transformation of Ash was amazing. Amazing because there was huge part of him that hadn’t changed. That didn’t need to change. He was still the fun guy with the charming personality and a kind heart. His interactions with Mario was unlike anything I’d ever witnessed, and it was clear the disabled boy looked forward to seeing him as often as Ash now visited.
We left his brother’s expensive car and took mine. One of these days I would need to upgrade mine, and thanks to Ash paying off Mario’s expenses at the home for the next five years, I probably could. I glanced at him and smiled at the way his head bobbed in time to the music blasting from his phone.
I tapped his knee, and he pulled out the earphone, his face flushed.
“Turn it down,” I instructed him. “You’re going to damage your ear listening to music that loud, or do you want to write a paper for me about why listening to loud music is bad?”
It was my time to flush at the words that came out of my mouth. I never intended to insert a punishment in there. We weren’t doing that anymore.
“Yes, sir,” he replied and grinned cheekily at me.
Sir wasn’t Daddy. I couldn’t chastise him for it, but even so, it was on the tip of my tongue to tell him to use the correct honorific.
Not yet. Still too soon.
The country club was exactly the way I pictured it to be. Snooty rich people socializing amongst themselves, not even making use of the facilities, and those were top-notch. To say that had everything possible for entertaining wasn’t an overstatement. Only a little.
Ashton was well-known. We would walk by only for someone to greet him. Their handshakes and smiles said one thing, but the way they eyed his attire another. Ashton Keyes stood out from amongst his “peers.”
For the most part they ignored me, but I didn’t mind. It gave me the chance to observe his interactions. I could tell from the way they stared at him when his back was turned that he was nothing but pockets to these people. They chose to be nice only for the wealth he had.
“Why do you come here?” I asked Ashton when we had lunch together. The food was free, so I could just imagine what the cost of membership was like.
He chomped on the slice of orange he had in his mouth before answering. “My parents use to come here on Sundays whenever they were in town. I was usually the one they frowned at like I shouldn’t be here. Of course they were nothing but polite about it in front of my parents, but I saw the way they turned up their noses when I was alone.”
“And that’s why you continue coming even though you don’t have to?”
“Nope. I actually like it here. There’s a lot to do if you ignore all these assholes.”
“I’m not sure I like the atmosphere for you.”
He gave me the sweetest smile. “Trust me, Callum. I’m fine. They would all like me to disappear, but that’s not going to work. I’m going to be seen and heard, and I’m going to have fun. With you.”
After lunch, he insisted on using the steam room. I had to admit it was relaxing, and by the time we eventually made it to the tennis court for our little one-on-one match, I was completely at ease. Like Ashton said, I didn’t even notice the others around me anymore.
I was there because Ashton wanted me there and brought me as his guest. Ashton had his own set of tennis rackets at the clubhouse, and I arched a brow in his direction when he had one of the staff bring them out for him.
“My brother and I used to play a lot here,” he said, bouncing the ball with the racket. “Sometimes we’d team up against others. I haven’t been back since he died.”
But he was here now and healing from what happened. I had to admire his grit. Since he came back, his attitude had improved. His whole outlook on life was better. More positive.
Progress not perfection.
“I have to warn you I’m pretty good.” He flashed me a cocky grin as he sashayed back to his position.
“I’m not worried.”
I should have been. Ash wasn’t joking that he was good. In fact, I was convinced if he had taken tennis seriously, he might have become good enough to play professionally. He had a killer serve arm, and he moved around the tennis court like a dancer owning center stage.
At first, I tried to be gentle with him. It was Ash after all, but he pushed and left me with no choice but to push back. Even so, he won every single set we played.
And had the indecency to gloat about it. In front of all the people who had wandered close to watch us play.
“Finally, something I’m better than you at.” His grin was wide and carefree.
We toed the net, our staring match more of a mating dance. Turned out a gloating, sweaty Ash was just as much a turn-on as the well-put-together version.
He was close enough for me to cup the back of his head and yank him toward me. I kissed him, tongue fucking his mouth the way I really wanted to do earlier when he dropped by the apartment. I pretended not to hear the nearby gasps and buzz from the people gathered around who we gave an eyeful, but I didn’t have the grace to care.
“One more set,” I said against his lips. “Winner decides when and where we have sex again.”
Ash blin
ked, his eyes heavy with desire as I walked away smirking at him.
“That’s playing dirty,” he called after me.
“How so?” I not-so-discreetly adjusted my shorts. “We’re both playing in the same condition.”
Sweaty, sunburned, and a raging hard-on.
“Yeah, but how am I supposed to concentrate now? I’m easily distracted.”
“I was counting on it.”
He pretended to gasp in outrage as he stomped across the service lane. I waited until he had taken his stance before I raised my arm, tossed the ball, and served. Ashton met the ball with a semi-open stance, and I managed a couple back and forth before I missed the next serve.
He made me work the court, muscles burning, heart pumping. I’d never had foreplay on the court before. I enjoyed it, kept my heart racing. I already knew he would win the set.
Just like that the ball was in his court. He could decide when we made it to bed. Or against a wall. The back seat of my car. Really, I wasn’t picky at all.
“You’re really good,” I told him, whacking him against the ass playfully with the racket once we were off the court.
He glanced over at me, and I saw the naughty grin.
“Right here? Right now?” I asked him.
Please say yes. Please say yes.
I was done fighting the attraction. At this rate I was toying with both of us unnecessarily.
“Private shower.”
“You have a private shower here?” I asked.
“Yes, my parents didn’t want to share. If you’re a gold member, you can pay for private shower and room to change.”
“Then lead the way.”
The same employee who had brought out the rackets approached us as we entered the building. “Do you want me to clean and put these away for you?”
“Just one for now.” Ashton gave the man his racket. “We’ll bring back the other when we’re through with it.”
Perfection Page 20