by C. P. Watson
“Whatever, I thought sex would loosen you up a bit, but you’re still bitchy as ever,” I narrow my eyes. My kids can be a pain in the ass sometimes.
“That’s because some of us work almost everyday of the week, over eight hours a day,” for a nineteen year old, she works pretty hard. But I love to tease her.
“I have to get up at five just to prepare things for the day!” She yells. She’s always had a hot temper. I shrug and eat my pancakes silently, knowing that silence annoys her, “ugh,” she crosses her arms over her chest and leans back.
“Mom’s just messing with you,” Jane soothes her sister as usual. I really need a vacation. One where I’m alone on a beach. My ex and I used to take a vacation together every year with the kids, but now she’s got a lady friend to take those trips with instead. We get along pretty well, since our separation was amicable.
If the legalization of same sex marriage happened back then, we would have probably had a nasty divorce, because I would have taken much more than she’d given me. For god’s sake, she’s the one who cheated anyway.
I sit back, as my thoughts drift off to Bethany. Those kissable lips won’t disappear from my mind, and I’m actually excited to see her again.
“Mom? What are you thinking about?” Jane asks, causing me to blush, “about your lady friend?” She chuckles and I frown.
“Are we getting a step-mommy?” Mary teases and I scoff. A step-mom? I’m not getting married again! Well, technically I never got married.
“No,” I mumble, looking at my half-eaten pancakes, “ask your other mom about her lady friend. Maybe that woman will be your step-mom,” they both scrunch up their noses. They don’t like Petah’s girlfriend, not in the slightest.
“Petah better find someone better to get hitched with,” I glare at my daughter. She knows that I don’t approve of her calling her mother by her actual name.
Jane nudges her sister, “this one’s better than the last, don’t you think?” Mary rolls her eyes.
“All of them are terrible,” I sigh. They can never go easy on Petah, not since she left the family to be with someone else. But honestly, I don’t hold it against her. We were falling apart long before she started cheating, and our relationship was heading to an end regardless.
“Think she’s still in love with Gretel?” Gretel is the woman Petah cheated on me with, and I can honestly say that I’m a lot more attractive.
“Probably in love with Gretel’s pussy,” Mary giggles and slaps her thigh. I glare at them both and push my plate away.
“You know just what to say to cut my appetite,” Mary looks at me apologetically.
“Sorry, mommy,” she mumbles, “I love you though,” she pouts.
“I love you too, sweetheart,” I inhale a deep breath, and look at my phone screen. I notice an email from someone. Looking at it, I realize that it’s from Bethany. Oh right, I gave her the application email, which is actually my email.
“Text from a lover?” Jane quirks a brow, and Mary smiles sheepishly.
“Just work. So tell me, how’s the bakery panning out?”
“Great!” They both beam, “everyone loves our cupcakes,” Mary wraps her arm around her sister’s shoulder.
“Good,” I bet Bethany would love those cupcakes. Why am I still thinking about her? Ugh.
“Mom’s got someone on her mind,” Mary whispers to Jane, and I groan. I probably voiced my thoughts again.
“Just eat please.”
“Not until you give that girl a call, and ask her out again,” my daughter can be so stubborn. I shake my head and ignore her, causing her to throw a napkin at my face.
“Mary!” I yell, becoming irritated. She’s too fucking childish sometimes.
“Mommy, please,” she begs. She only calls me mommy when she’s trying to butter me up. Does she really want me to date Bethany?
“Why are you so persistent?” My chest heaves, as I look into her sad eyes. God, why’s she tearing up? “Baby, what’s wrong?” I get up and walk over to her side of the table. Kneeling down next to her, I wipe her tears away.
“I just want you to be happy,” she whispers, causing my heart to ache. She’s really going to make me call that girl.
“Sweetheart, I’m already happy,” she shakes her head, “I’ve got four wonderful kids.”
“It’s not the same. You haven’t been happy happy in a very long time,” I sigh, as I look around the small cafe.
“She’s right, mom,” Jane says, making me stand. I place my hands on Mary’s shoulders and pull her against my stomach, attempting to soothe her.
“My beautiful daughters, why do you worry so much about me?” Mary wraps her arms around my lower back, while Jane continues to munch down on her pancakes.
“Because we love you,” Mary mumbles, as I begin to stroke her hair.
“Doesn’t mean you should stress about my love life. I’m too old to fall in love again.”
“That’s not true, mom,” Jane responds with wide eyes, “if Aunt Wilma can find love again, why can’t you?” Wilma is my mother’s sister, who got married at eight-three.
“Not everyone’s the same. Maybe it will happen, maybe it won’t. But this girl’s too young for me to think about a happily ever after with. At least let me find someone my own age before I start to think about settling down again.”
“Fine,” they both mumble. I grab a tissue and wipe Mary’s eyes, before heading back to my seat.
“Mom,” Mary toughens up and runs her fingers through her brunette hair, “I really want you to find someone, I don’t care how old she is. As long as she makes you happy.”
“Yeah, mom, exactly what she said,” Jane agrees, as they both look at me with those puppy dog eyes. They’re going to make me go on another date, aren’t they?
“Make sure she’s at least forty-five, please?” They nod with big smiles on their faces.
CHAPTER 2
Work is hectic the next day. I can’t concentrate properly, and the lead actress is on her period, which means she’s bitchy and a big pain to work with. I hate working with her sometimes. She thinks that she’s all that just because she won a few Emmys and Oscars, all with my help, thank you very much. She’d still be doing soap operas if it wasn’t for my help and guidance on set.
I lean back in my office chair, as I look at that email from Bethany. She sent it on a Sunday even, which makes me know that she’s extremely anxious. I’m extremely anxious to see her again. For crying out loud, I’m a grown woman fawning over a little girl. I can’t tell my kids how I feel about this girl, because they’ll push me to date her, which I know, as a mother, is not the right choice.
Sighing, I spin my chair around, when I hear a rap on my office door, “come in,” I allow, as I position myself appropriately.
One of my actresses walk in, and she’s wearing a huge frown, “I need to be in the spotlight more,” she groans. I inhale a breath and sit back, not in the mood to deal with her bickering. It’s not your tv show, for god’s sake! I can’t help you because I’m not the frickin’ screenwriter!
“Millie, I already told you that I can’t help you with that. Go talk to Anderson,” she sits down and pouts.
“But you can make me stand out, it’s your job to,” I rub my temples.
“I do what’s best for the tv show, not what’s best for you. I try my best to help you already. If you’re not satisfied, go talk to the screenwriter!” She huffs and storms out of my office.
Just because I’m nice, they think that they can walk all over me. I open Bethany’s email on my computer and send her a reply, asking her to come in for an interview the next day. I double check my calendar to make sure that I have free time to do so.
Getting up, I head out of my office, since our fifteen minute break is over, and it’s back to filming.
* * *
“Saskia, I want your outrage to radiate off of your facial features, red cheeks for me, and narrow those big, blue eyes,” I move the camera,
so that the perspective is at her side. Perfect. Good, just like that. At least she follows my instructions, if not anything else.
When we’re done for day, I’m lying on the couch in my office, utterly exhausted.
“Xo?” The screenwriter walks in, and he grabs a seat next to me, “I’m so over these actresses,” he groans and I do too.
“Millie talked to you?” Anderson nods and sighs. I place my head on his lap and yawn. He’s gay, so I’m pretty comfortable with him. If he was straight, it would be a different story.
“She does realize that she’s just a recurring character, right?” I smile and shake my head. It doesn’t seem like she does, “we need to get laid. All this work stress is killing me,” he moves my hair from under my head and starts running his fingers through it.
“I need a long vacation, alone.”
“I need a long vacation, with my handsome husband. We haven’t had decent sex since Nathaniel was adopted. That boy cries all the time!” I laugh and stretch my arms above my head.
“It’s your third kid. I’d think you would get used to it by now,” he caresses my cheek with his thumb and shakes his head.
“Never gets boring in my house though. The kids want to go to Disney World, again. How many times does one need to hug Mickey Mouse?” I sit up, and look at the distraught on his face. He’s a Grindr success story, eight years and counting.
“I’m heading home to my empty house, tell Michael and the kids hi tor me,” he nods, as I grab my handbag and overcoat.
“See you bright and early tomorrow, Xo,” he nudges me, as we both exit my office. I lock my door with the key, and we head in opposite directions. When I make it to my car, I’m thinking about Bethany again. I’m going to see her tomorrow. I inhale a deep breath, trying to calm myself down.
Should I text her? Of course not. I did receive her phone number in her portfolio, but I can't use it. It would be weird. She’s probably already forgotten about me, and off to bed an actual cougar. That hurts my ego a bit. I slide into the front seat of my car, and turn on the engine.
“I need lots of wine, and that ole’ vibe to get my thoughts in order,” I mumble to no one. Who would I say that to anyway?
All of my kids will be under one roof for the entire weekend, and that’s something to look forward to. I hope that Christopher didn’t get any more piercings, and he’s taken a liking to tattoos even. That boy and his rebellion. His brother is the opposite, probably because he’s afraid of needles.
I have great kids though. All of them are ambitious, and only smoke weed recreationally. If I could make them not smoke at all, I would. But that’ll just make them go behind my back even more, and I need to supervise them as much as I can, even though they’re adults and have to make their own life choices. Jane is the only one who’s never tried drugs. She’s always been a goody two shoes.
When I make it home, I enter my house, and head straight into the kitchen. Grabbing a bottled water from the fridge, I turn on the tv and watch the news, as I lean against the kitchen island. That’s when I receive a text from my ex-wife. What does she want?
I’m outside.
I sigh, as I turn off the tv and look through the kitchen window. I see her car, and also notice her leaning against it. When I open the front door, she walks over and enters. I follow her and we head into the living room.
“Why are you here, Petah?” She takes off her jacket and grins at me. I can see that she’s aged a bit since the last time I saw her. They’re a few more lines beside her eyes, and I’m not oblivious to the greys in between her blonde hair. I used to dye her hair for her. Seemingly, her new conquests don’t do the same.
“You’re turning forty-nine, Xo. How could I miss the celebration,” my eyes lose interest and I walk into the kitchen, knowing that she’ll follow me.
“There’s not going to be a celebration. Did you celebrate your forty-ninth?” I look at her from where I’m standing. She spent the day with the kids, but I know that she was off with some woman in the night, “you know what, don’t answer that,” I raise my hand to stop her, knowing that I probably won’t like her answer.
She’s always honest with me, which I greatly appreciate. But I don’t want to know her recently updated body count.
“Oh, come on, babe. You have to celebrate. One more year before the big fifty,” I cringe and suck the distaste out of my tongue. Babe? I haven’t been your babe in nine years. I also don’t appreciate her reminding me about my fiftieth birthday.
“Petah, where are you staying?” I decide to ask, to draw the topic away from where it is.
“Probably with Jane. I haven’t told them that I’m back from New York yet. You think it’s a good surprise?” Petah is a celebrity manager for the famous, Aria Reynolds, which means she travels constantly. They’re always on music tours, and even book signings. I try not to stay up-to-date with the goings of Petah’s life, since I’ve tried to move on for years.
“Just don’t give anyone a heart attack, especially me,” I know she’ll stay out of my way when I ask, since she mostly visits just to spend time with the kids.
“Xo, you act like you’re turning seventy,” maybe I am. That’s how I feel at least.
“You’re going to turn fifty before me, how do you feel?” She shrugs, as I grab my water from the counter. Petah’s only a few months older than me, but she acts as though she’s in her twenties.
“Like a million bucks. I just need to drop in by the hairdresser and get these greys covered up. Work’s been so hectic that I haven’t gotten the chance,” I bet that doesn’t stop all the girls from fawning all over you. She’s into younger women, but from what I know, never under thirty-five. She apparently has a rule not to see anyone close enough to Jane’s age. That alone makes me feel guilty.
“How’s the girlfriend?” She groans, and heads over to the fridge.
“I’m single, babe,” she turns and smiles widely at me. I know what she’s thinking, and I definitely am not in the mood.
“How come? The kids loved her,” I’m being sarcastic, of course. Petah saunters over to me and places her hands on my hips. When her lips touch the side of my neck, I sigh.
“Really? They hate the ground Kim walks on, and now I do too,” she slips her hand under my blouse and runs her fingers up my torso.
“Petah,” I place my hand on her shoulders and push her back. The lust in her eyes is tempting, but it isn’t healthy to have sex with your ex, even though we’ve already done it a few times over the years.
“We’re both single, aren’t we?” I nod, making her pull me in for a kiss. As my lips touch hers, I don’t feel the slightest emotion. It isn’t the same as the lips that devoured me that Saturday night, where I was left breathless. Time has caused my love for Petah to fade away, including all sincere emotions. But I let her have me anyway. It might help me forget about those lips that I can’t stop thinking about, even though Petah’s are nothing close in comparison.
Why am I comparing? Petah begins to unbutton my jeans, and I lean my head back, while closing my eyes. Am I really that attracted to Bethany? Can I actually pursue a relationship with her? I wrap my arms around Petah’s neck and force myself to get lost in the moment, for that would make me not think about that beautiful brunette for at least a few minutes.
* * *
I didn’t even cum. I had to fake it just for her to stop touching me. Looking at her naked body beside mine, I feel worse than how I felt when I woke up with Bethany there instead.
Slipping out of bed, not caring if I wake her, I head into the bathroom and look at myself in the mirror. Why did she have to mark me? The side of my neck has a huge hickey. I groan and wash my face. I feel like I’m having an anxiety attack. I grip the edges of the sink, and inhale a few deep breaths.
“Babe, you okay?” Petah’s naked body walks into the bathroom. My eyes travel over the stretch marks on her sides. She did birth three of our four kids, “regretting it already?” She chuckles and wraps h
er arms around my waist. Kissing my shoulder blade, she rests her chin on my shoulder and smiles.
“This can’t happen again,” it shouldn’t have happened in the first place! Fuck, what the hell is wrong with me? I turn into her arms and look carefully at her long, blonde hair. I once loved everything about this woman, and now, I’m just disgusted with myself for allowing her to fuck me.
“I’ll tell the kids that I arrived today,” she drops her arms and walks over to the toilet. I turn my head, allowing her to pee in private, “and Kim stole my credit cards and went to Hawaii.”
Oh god. It’s just one drama after the next when it comes to Petah, “did you cancel them?” She nods and flushes the toilet. When she walks over to wash her hands, I step out of the way.