Love Finds A Way

by C. P. Watson

  “After she squandered twenty thousand,” I close my eyes. She always chooses the worst kind, “she’s off her meds, so her grandparents repaid her debt, so that I won’t contact the police,” she shrugs, as she grabs my toothbrush.

  “That’s settled then. At least she’s out of your life,” she quirks her brow at me.

  “Do I sense some happiness there, Xo?” You wish. I enter the shower and turn on the water. She seems to want an answer, or maybe she misses showering with me, so as she enters too, I gently push her back with my hand.

  “I’d like to shower alone,” she frowns and places her hand on the shower door.

  “Oh, come on. We had a nice time, didn’t we?” You orgasmed twice and I didn’t even once. I take a deep breath and shake my head.

  “Just give me some privacy, you can shower after and then leave,” I say that more harshly than I intend.

  She steps back in defeat and looks at her naked body in the full-length of the bathroom mirror. Is she checking herself out? For a woman in her late forties, she’s attractive and fit, and if we were still together, I’d probably be dealing with a lot of cheating. No matter the circumstance, she’s eye candy to any lesbian, bisexual or transgender woman in California, imagine what’s it like anywhere else.

  But why does she still want to sleep with me? That’s always been the question on my mind. Is it because I know how to please her? I’ve known Petah for almost twenty-seven years, and I know everything that she likes and dislikes, from how rough she likes it in bed to how much bacon she wants on her plate in the morning.

  I turn off the water and step out of the shower, my body dripping. She hands me a towel and heads in, as I begin to dry myself. I sigh, as I look into the mirror once again, those mesmerizing blue eyes entering my mind. Even while Petah was head deep between my legs, I still thought of Bethany. It made me sick to my stomach. No wonder I couldn’t orgasm.

  “I still love you, you know,” I don’t want to hear that, especially today, “I know you don’t feel the same way anymore, but I've never stopped loving you,” why confess all of this now? After nine years of touring around the world fucking whoever you cross paths with? Through the mirror, I look at how her head leans against the shower door, as she looks at me.

  That’s why she still sleeps with me? Wow, we definitely need to stop now.

  “Why are you telling me this?” Petah’s eyes drop and she bites down on her bottom lip.

  “Christopher told me about your date,” how does he know anyway? I press my lips together, knowing that either Mary or Jane had to tell him. And why would he tell Petah? Doesn’t he know that he shouldn’t? My kids can never keep their mouths shut!

  “I see,” I watch, as the water drips down her nipples, making me bite on the inside of my cheek. Of course I’m still attracted to her, but not as intensely as I’m attracted to Bethany. What’s the difference though? Is it because I’ve developed feelings? My head still pounds thinking back to that night, but it was so amazing. It’s one of my best dates in years.

  “Xiomara,” I’d always loved how my name rolls off of her tongue, but now, it feels so old and repetitive, “have you ever thought about giving us another shot?”

  She walks towards me, making me begin to tear up. I’ve wanted her to ask me that for the first few years of our separation. But she never did. No matter how bad our marriage had become, I still loved her. And I would have tried my best to make our relationship work. But she was only focused on all the women who she could screw, and didn’t give a second thought about her family. If she didn’t cheat, I would have never left her. We have kids together. I never wanted to break the family apart, because I knew that the kids would end up scarred and broken in some way. No matter how amicable our separation was, everyone got hurt.

  “Just because I went on a date, you’re getting—“ I grit my teeth.

  “I know you’ve dated before, but I’m just, I—“ she sighs, probably finding it hard to describe her feelings.

  “It’s because?”

  “The kids are so cool with you dating. They all want you to find someone. It makes me think about how we use to be—how we once loved each other,” I find it hard to believe that she’s actually saying all of these things.

  “It’s been nine years, Petah. I’ve moved on from you. Just because we’ve had sex every once in a while, doesn’t mean that I want to be with you,” she frowns, and I could see the tears building up in her eyes. Does she still really love me? My heart hurts for her, because I do love Petah, but not the way she wants me to.

  “I’m sorry for bringing it up,” she mumbles, as she gets back to her shower. Pain invades my chest, and I have to grip the edges of the sink again. If she truly loves me, she would have never cheated. And even though she cheated, she never stayed. She wanted to leave. She didn’t want me then, why does she want me now?

  I feel guilty, but at the same time, I know that I’m doing the right thing. The kids have finally accepted that their parents see other people, I can’t make them hope for us to make up. And I’m not willing to be someone who stands beside her wife no matter what. I can’t tolerate sharing someone who I’m with. That’s the end game for me.

  When she leaves, I sit on my bed and think for a bit. I need to get my thoughts in order, before I head into work, because I can’t let my personal life affect my professional.

  CHAPTER 3

  Saskia is such a good actress, but that attitude of hers is terrible. I’m frustrated all morning, and when it’s finally time to take a break, I head outside to get some fresh air. I don’t smoke, but I can really use a cigarette right now.

  Petah texts me, letting me know that she’s at Jane’s house already. The kids love their mom, but they also dislike her ways. I still don’t hold a grudge against Petah, I just hope she’s able to move on. I honestly thought that she’d already accepted that we’re only meant to be parents, nothing more. Thinking that she did actually helped me to move on. I didn’t know that it’s an entirely different story.

  “You’re getting stress lines,” Anderson comments, as he walks beside me. His hands are stuffed into his front pockets, and he’s wearing his glasses. I wonder what happened to his contacts.

  “Life’s complicated,” I mutter, so frustrated with everything. Both my professional and personal lives are going to send me to an early grave.

  “Want to talk about it?” I shrug. What’s there to talk about? My ex is still in love with me, and I’m attracted to a woman who I have no business being attracted to.

  “Mandy said someone’s here for an interview,” he looks at his phone screen and I sigh. It’s already time for that? I check the time on my watch, and feel my heart begin to pick up in pace. Bethany’s here, oh my god.

  I look at my own phone and see a message from my assistant. Mandy knows that Anderson will always pass along the message when she doesn’t get through to me.

  “Aren’t interviews till next week?” I shrug. I’m in charge of the casting. He’s just there to give an opinion.

  “Yeah. I’m going to interview this one on my own, if that’s okay with you?” I quirk my brow at him, awaiting his approval. He’d never disapprove, especially with the look that I’m giving him.

  “Never, boss,” he grins and ushers me away with a push to my shoulder. I frown, as I head inside, feeling my entire stomach getting queasy. I’m a grown woman, why am I acting like a teenager? I graduated high school thirty fucking years ago!

  When I see Bethany, my entire face flushes. I hope she doesn’t notice, but the grin on her face when her eyes meet mine tells me that she does. She looks even more gorgeous in the day time. For the life of me, I can’t stop checking her out.

  I’ve come across a lot of stunning women in my line of work, maybe even more beautiful than her. But there’s just something about her that captures my attention.

  “Xiomara,” my name rolls off of her tongue and my entire body almost squirms. Wow, she ceased that reaction fro
m me for herself, because no one else makes me feel so flustered when they say my name.

  “Bethany,” I can see a twinkle in her eyes. Her eyes travel from my feet, straight up my body, meeting my eyes again, “come with me.”

  I escort her into my office, and when we settle into seats, she’s giving me that look. The look that says, I’ve seen you buttnaked. Well, hun, I’ve seen you buttnaked too. I smirk and lean back, my chest rising and falling.

  “I wanted to call, but you never gave me your number,” I did give you my work-cell and email. You had to realize that they’re mine. And that only I have access to them, “your personal one I mean,” she clarifies.

  “Oh, uh,” I feel like a fool for not having a proper response. Why am I so lost for words?

  “But then again, nothing happened, right?” I rub the back of my neck and nod. I’m really disappointed, even though I know she wants me to say it’s otherwise. But I can’t say no, you don’t have to say that, I love the time we spent together. I can’t encourage our behaviour, especially since I’m now sober. Maybe I should get drunk, then I can blame my actions on my intoxication. It’s a good idea to consider.

  I decide to move on to the actual reason why she’s here, since I don’t have a response, “I think I remember telling you about the part of Kali’s younger sister,” she nods and smiles. I need to take a moment, before speaking again, because her beautiful face is distracting me. There’s a flash of hurt in her eyes, and I can feel my chest burning. Does she feel rejected?

  “Yes,” she tries to move the conversation along. I’m feeling pressured for some reason. I really want to give her the part, but I can’t do that without seeing her talent first, “did you look through any of the previous parts that I’ve been cast in?”

  I shake my head. She narrows her eyes, probably thinking that the only reason I offered her the audition was to get into her pants. But that’s not true! Not at all. If that’s the case, I’d probably be bending you over my desk right now, hiking up your short skirt, and pulling down your panties—

  “Sorry, I’ve just been distracted. And the actual auditions aren’t till next week, and—“ she places her hand on my thigh, making me look intently into those blue eyes.

  “You’re so nervous. At least let me show you my past roles, so you get an idea of what I’m capable of, before you show me the script,” I let out a breath and watch her grab her phone from her purse. She shows me some clips of her performance, and I’m impressed. She’s no Julia Roberts, but she’s a good Courteney Cox.

  She’s so close, yet too far away. I really want to snake my arm around her waist and pull her into me, to taste those exotic lips. Even though our night together is blurry, I still remember what she tastes like—warmth. Can someone taste like warmth? It would be more acceptable to say that she tastes like strawberries or even bubblegum. But that’s so simple, and overrated. And she’s extraordinary, in so many ways.

  When she shows me a video of her singing a John Legend song, my face heats up immediately. God, she’s going to be the death of me! Everything about her turns me on, unfortunately.

  “I’d like to show you the script now,” I get off of the couch and head behind my desk. Moving my hair away from my face, I rummage through my desk drawers in search of the script, before remembering that it’s right on top my desk. I chastise myself and grab it.

  She looks at me amused, her lips curving into a breathtaking smile, “you’re adorable,” I can’t help but notice that she’s flirting with me ever since she got here. Does she think that will help her to get the role?

  “What happened between us has nothing to do with this, you know that, right?” I need to make sure that she knows that. I don’t take sexual favors. Never have, never will.

  “I didn’t even think that,” she laughs, as though I’m as innocent as they come.

  “I just want to make sure. You’re talented, and if you get the part, it’s because of that,” her eyes flutter, and I have to hold my breath.

  “You’re really something,” when I sit back down, she leans closer to me. I almost think she’s going to straddle my lap, but she doesn’t. Stop thinking dirty!

  “Here,” I hand her the script and give her a few minutes to read through it. She stands and I admire her long, smooth legs. I can only wish that there’s heavy breeze in my office for her skirt to blow up, for me to get a peek of what’s underneath. Jesus Christ, what am I thinking?

  “It was one night, can’t I have sex with a random girl every once in a while? You’re just like mom sometimes,” she begins to reenact the script. She continues and I can almost feel the entire scene coming to life, even though she’s the only voice in the room.

  Anderson pops his head through the door of my office, and the smile on his face makes me groan. He probably has an idea of what’s going on by now. Bethany notices him and holds the script against her chest, as he enters, while clapping his hands.

  “That was great,” he congratulates. She smiles at him and stretches her hand out. They shake hands and I get up, “I’d say you’re perfect for the role. Think we can cancel the auditions for the hundred other girls for the part?” Anderson looks at me. He hates auditions as much as I do, maybe even more.

  “I’m Bethany,” he grins and steps back.

  “Anderson. Xo, you didn’t tell me she’s so talented,” I narrow my eyes. Why would I? I haven’t told you anything about her.

  “Didn’t I say I want to interview her alone?” He smiles weakly. He’s always been too nosy.

  “Oh, right. Got ya. Filming for that script starts next month, just so you know,” he gives Bethany a wink, before leaving my office.

  “Alone, huh?” I’m probably looking like a tomato by now, “Xiomara, do I make you that uncomfortable?” She sighs and places the script onto my desk. I feel so bad for making her feel bad. Are my reactions that harsh?

  “I’m just, I’m embarrassed about the other night,” I confess, but she probably knows that already.

  “I told you, it never happened, if that’s what you want,” but it isn’t what I want! I can’t say that though. I need to be the grown up here, “this is a mistake. Thanks for the consideration, but I can’t work here.”

  She grabs her things and is about to storm out of my office, but I stop her by standing in front of the door.

  “It happened, I liked it. But if we’re going to work together, it’s never going to happen again,” wow, that’s good, keep on going, “professionalism is my main priority, so what happened is in the past, and we’re going to start fresh.”

  “Does this mean I got the part?” I see certain sadness in her eyes. And I feel sudden pain in my heart.

  “Yes, Bethany. The screenwriter even thinks you’re amazing.”

  “He’s the screenwriter?” I nod to confirm, and she bites down on her bottom lip. She seems to be taking deep consideration on whether to revoke her previous statement about not wanting to work here.

  “Please, you’re great for the part. It will be an honor to work with you,” what happened to just doing the interview and sending her on her way? You’ll have see her everyday!

  “It’s a pleasure doing business with you, Xiomara. But I really can’t,” my heart aches so badly, as I watch her leave my office. It feels as though I’ll never see her again.

  CHAPTER 4

  I’m not a fan of birthday parties, especially when it’s mine. Having four kids with separate birthdays is difficult. They all want a party, and it’s always a mess to clean up after. But it’s rewarding, and I hire someone to clean it all up. But to be the centre of attention is tiring. Everyone has to talk to the birthday girl, and I sometimes hate talking.

  “We hired a band. They should be here already,” Christopher’s arm is around my shoulder, as I lean my head against his. I want the day to be over already, but the party has just begun.

  “Why hire a band? Just play some music off of Youtube or whatever,” I’m not in a good mood, especially si
nce I haven’t seen or heard from Bethany in a few days. It’s taking a major toll on me, and I find myself unable to look another woman in the eye. Petah’s somewhere with Ethan. And has been avoiding me like the plague.

  Jane and her husband, Demetri, are yet to arrive, probably since Jane’s been having trouble feeling comfortable in anything that she wears.

  I’m just enjoying the little time that I have with my sons, before they head back to campus. They both attend Stanford University, which is almost a six hour drive from here. Living in Los Angeles has been the best choice for my career, even though I’m originally from Manhattan in New York.

  “Mommy, you’re not cuddling me,” Mary whines, as she pulls me into her, ignoring her brother next to me.

  “You’re such a baby,” Christopher mutters, as he nudges her. They’re the youngest, and the most playful.

  “You can’t steal all the loves,” she hits his arm, making him yell out in pain. I give her my motherly look, which is narrowed eyes and a disapproving frown.