by C. P. Watson
“Mom!” He streaks, pushing her arm and causing her to stumble back. He isn’t violent, but these two always fight.
“You two behave,” I grab Mary’s hand and pull her into me, to make sure that she isn’t hurt, “no hitting each other, or I’ll ground you both,” they both roll their eyes at me.
“We’re too old for that, mother,” Christopher’s got the most irritated look on his face, and Mary’s pouting.
“I’m sorry, mommy,” she pulls me into a hug, trying to butter me up. She lives in her own studio apartment, and it’s impossible for me to ground her, but she doesn’t like it when I’m upset.
“Sweetheart, you’re forgiven,” she always manages to make me get all soft and forgiving, no matter the circumstance. Once she stole my car to go hook-up with her boyfriend, and I only grounded her for a month! I should have made her join a convent instead. She’s lucky that I remember what it’s like to be her age. Kids, I tell ya.
“Mother,” Christopher groans, “you always give into her stupid face.”
“Chrissy, don’t be jealous,” he hates it when when she calls him that. I watch my kids get into an argument, and their voices begin to hurt my head, so I drag Christopher inside and into the kitchen.
“How’s college?” It’s the most typical question to ask your twenty-one year old son. But I still want him to answer.
“It’s good. As and Bs, but you’ve seen my grades already, mom,” I place my hand on his shoulder and run my fingers through his hair. He’s studying software engineering, and someday, he’ll make his mommy a time machine, so that she can go back to her youth. If only that would really happen.
“You know I love you, right?” He nods, “call me more often, please? I miss you so much when you’re away,” I pull him into my arms and suffocate the life out of him on purpose. It sucks to live in a big house all alone. When there’s weird sounds coming from outside, I have to grab the baseball bat that I keep beside my bed. That’s how paranoid I get.
“I love you too, mom,” I release him, so that he can breathe again, “are you going to tell me about this woman that you’re seeing?” I find it hard not to cringe. I’m not seeing anyone! “Come on, Jane told me all about it,” so it was her!
“It’s nothing,” I mumble and shrug, leaning back against the kitchen island. I’m not going to tell my son about my one night stand. I don’t want to tell anyone actually.
“I heard she spent the night,” he wiggles his eyebrows, teasing the hell out of me.
“Maybe she did,” I give him the answer that he’s looking for, and he almost jumps up in the air.
“Okay, that’s great!” His excitement is making me sick to my stomach.
“She’s twenty-five,” Jane walks into the kitchen with her hand cupping the front of her stomach. Christopher’s jaw drops to the floor.
“Oh fuck, you didn’t tell me that before!” He squeals and looks at me with his hands clasped against his chin.
“Mom’s a cougar,” Jane giggles and I glare at her. You’re the one who set me up on that frickin’ blind date to begin with! I want to scream it on top of my lungs, but too many people are in the backyard.
“Uh, what?” Petah enters the kitchen beside Mary, and all the color from my face disappears. Oh fuck.
Mary walks beside me and wraps her arm around my shoulder, “we actually found that girl for her,” she doesn’t care that Petah will be offended. Ethan walks in with a glass of wine, and his eyes widen immediately.
“Mom’s really dating? I thought you guys were lying,” he’s the more serious, big brother, that sometimes can’t hold back his laughter, especially when the room is super tense.
“And to a twenty-five year old,” my kids need to stop bringing that part up. I can see the hurt in Petah’s eyes and I’m beginning to feel guilty. I don’t want them to rub it in her face, “mom’s bra was on the kitchen floor, and the girl’s nipple covers. It was so hilarious.”
Petah looks at me, and I can see that love I once saw when we were together. Does she really really want to give us another shot?
“Mary, I’m still in love with your mother, so please stop talking about the girl she slept with,” oh my freaking god, why? Why tell the kids that? What is wrong with you?
“Wait, what?” Ethan looks flabbergasted, while Mary and Christopher stand there shocked. As for Jane, she seems unsurprised, because she’s giving her mother those comforting brown eyes to look into.
“Ma, I told you she’s moving on,” Jane’s talking as though I’m not even here.
“I need a drink,” Petah storms out of the kitchen, and I’m left to pick up the pieces as usual.
“Mommy?” Mary’s tone is so soft. I can feel all of her emotions and assume all of her thoughts. Christopher’s looking at the ground in front of him, while Ethan’s whistling to hide his discomfort. I know that they’ve always wanted us to get back together, and even though they’ve accepted that it won’t happen, after what Petah said, their hope has definitely resurfaced.
Parenting doesn’t stop, even when your kids are old enough to do porn. Fuck, if any of them ever goes into the porn industry, I’m going to buy myself a hijab.
“I’m going to kill her,” I mutter under my breath, but they all hear it. Hurt flashes across all of their faces, and even Jane’s tearing up. All of my children are old enough to understand where I’m coming from, hopefully.
“Don’t you still love her though?” Christopher almost whispers. Even Ethan’s strong demeanor is crumbling, as he wipes a few tears away.
“My babies,” they all walk over to me, and Mary reserves the spot against my chest, as she wraps her arms around my neck, “I don’t love your mom in that way anymore. But I do love her. She’s the reason why all of you exist.”
I only gave birth to Mary, which is why she’s probably more attached to me than the rest of them, “mommy,” she buries her face into the crook of my neck. Mary’s held a grudge against Petah the day she walked through the doors, and out of our relationship.
“Sweetheart, don’t cry,” I look at each of them one by one. What’s it with kids these days? When my parents divorced, I didn’t shed a tear. But maybe that’s just me. I place a kiss on her forehead and wipe her eyes with my thumbs.
Slipping out of her arms, I give Christopher a hug. He’s an emotional one too, even though he tries to cover it up with all these tattoos and piercings, “Chrissy, give me back my mommy,” I sigh. Mary’s like a five year old sometimes. I can’t comfort one and don’t soothe the rest. They’re all equally mine.
“Come here, Ethan,” he’s not fond of affection, but he pulls me tightly into him, catching me off guard.
“Go on a date with her?” He suggests, making me wonder who he’s talking about, “Ma deserves a chance to redeem herself,” I almost faint right there.
“Ethan!” Mary yells, obviously disagreeing, “go fuck yourself. She’s not going back to Petah,” I close my eyes and try to steady my breathing. This is what I’ve been afraid of.
“I actually agree with Mary,” Jane says. I look at Christopher and he shrugs, giving me an indefinite answer.
“I thought mom still loves her, and if she loves mom too, well why not give it another go?” Ethan defends, causing Mary to flare up.
“Because she’s a fucking cheat and a liar!” Mary screams, everyone outside probably hearing. A guitar begins to play, and I assume that the band arrived. They probably realized that they should hurry things along, because of the commotion that we’re having.
“You’re the fucking liar,” there’s so many emotions, and so much confusion. I’m surprised that Ethan’s getting so worked up. I expect it from Mary, since she’s always been hot headed, but for him to argue with her, that’s new.
Jane takes her brother outside, and I'm left with my other, emotional kids, “give your mom a hug?” I open my arms, and each take a place on either side of my chest.
“Don’t go back,” Mary mumbles. I can’t b
elieve that Ethan wants us to make up. And I know that even though Mary’s against it, if I do consider taking Petah back, she’ll still be over the moon. Kids always want their parents to stick together, no matter what, even if the relationship is horrible.
When I hear the voice of the singer, I’m immediately taken aback. That beautiful melody is so familiar, and tugging on my heart strings. My two kids step back and I head outside. Beside the gigantic, oak tree in the backyard, are three musicians—a guitarist, pianist, and the singer…
My eyes widen when I realize that the singer is definitely Bethany. How the hell? “Happy Birthday, mommy,” Mary says softly, as she walks beside me. I realize that it’s all her doing.
Turning to her, she gives me those big, puppy dog eyes, “how?” She grins and pulls me into a hug.
“I contacted her on Instagram. But she doesn’t know that it’s your birthday party, just that it’s my mom’s,” if my head wasn’t spinning before, it is now. Holy mother of god! I don’t know if I want to give my daughter the biggest kiss on her forehead or scold her, “you should say hi, before Bethany starts singing happy birthday.”
The tension in my chest is three times worse now. I look back at Bethany. Those beautiful eyes are fluttering across the yard, but doesn’t land on me. Glancing around, I see so many of my lesbian friends gawking at her. I head over to Judy, and nudge her shoulder, probably because she’s staring too intently at Bethany.
“Oh, Xo, happy birthday!” She pulls me into a hug. Judy’s been a friend of mine for almost seventeen years. Our kids went to kindergarden together.
“Thanks,” I mumble, feeling the jealousy inside of my chest. Why am I jealous?
“She’s fucking gorgeous,” Judy comments, and my nostrils begin to flare. Although I hate jealousy, it’s getting the best of me. Is this what it’s like to be possessive over someone who you’re not even with? It feels worse, since you definitely have no control over that person’s actions, unlike when in an actual relationship.
“Yeah,” I’m starting to really hate this party, even though I love that I get to see Bethany. Does she even want to see me? After leaving my office that day, I’m pretty sure she doesn’t.
A little boy is running around the yard, and I don’t even know who he is. Is he the neighbour’s kid? I’m drawn to him, and wonder why he’s all alone. When I kneel down in front of him, his big, green eyes tickle my heart.
“Where’s your mommy?” I can see he’s trying to enjoy the spacious backyard, because he begins to fidget on his feet. I’m blocking his way, and with good reason. I take his hand in mine, and smile, trying to let him know that I’m a good person. Damn, I think that’s what a typical pedophile does.
“You’s a strager,” he seems to be taught well. His eyes narrow at mine, and he pulls his hand away. The little boy looks away from me, and towards the band. That’s when I notice Bethany eyes plastered on the two of us, and immediately realize that he’s Blue.
“I’m your mommy’s friend,” so that’s why her eyes are all over the place. She’s been trying to keep an eye on him. She probably has no one to look after him, and decided to bring him along, “aren’t you Blue?”
He nods, but steps back. When he runs away, he heads straight over to his mother. I follow him, as Bethany steps away from the microphone.
“Mommy,” he topples over, and lands on his face. I immediately quicken my pace to pick him up, but she’s already rubbing his cheeks with her thumbs and wiping away his tears.
For a two year old, he’s pretty responsible. I’m feeling a mixture of emotions watching the two interact, and when she lifts him into her arms, and kisses his cheek, my heart melts.
“What are you doing here?” She asks softly. Blue covers his eyes and leans his head against his mother’s shoulder.
“I, uh,” I’m always lost for words when it comes to her.
“Babe, when are we sticking the cake?” Petah walks beside me and wraps her arm around my neck. My eyebrows furrow, as I move my eyes over her, “who’s this?”
Now Petah’s jealous? God, help me. I’m fond of her trying to cock-block me, but this is the worst time to. Bethany seems confused, probably wondering if she slept with an unavailable woman.
“The singer,” of course she knows that. And I know that she suspects otherwise as well.
“Hi, I’m Xiomara’s wife,” wow, okay. That’s something.
“Ex-wife,” I clarify, knowing that Petah will get irritated, but I won’t let Bethany think that I’m still married. That’ll just be awful.
“I’m Bethany, and I should get back,” she points in a random direction.
“I can watch him in the meantime,” I suggest, my shy voice not going unnoticed by Petah.
“No, that’s okay,” Bethany walks away. I sigh, feeling my happiness disintegrate, especially from the look on Petah’s face.
“Who’s that? Another one of your cubs?” First of all, you have no right to question me, or have an attitude for that matter.
“Petah, just leave me alone,” I see Ethan beside the picnic table, and he’s looking at me with pain in his eyes. Is he that torn about this?
I walk over to him, but his jaw tightens and he walks away. I’m left here, more pain invading my chest. I almost feel like I’m having a heart attack!
“Mommy, no,” I hear Blue squeal, as he runs over to me and hides behind my leg. And when I thought he doesn’t like strangers.
“Blue, I have to get back to work. Come here,” she seems so frustrated, and I doubt it’s because her son is being playful.
“Bethany, please let me watch him?” I pick the little boy up, and let him sit on my arm, while I steady his position with my hand. Those blonde curls remind me of Ethan.
Blue pokes my nose, and giggles, while I try to focus my attention on him. His mom walks closer, and taps his shoulder to gain his attention.
“Blue, listen to her, and don’t run away, else no ice-cream later, okay?” Blue nods, as her eyes travel to mine. I gulp, feeling heat unnecessarily rise to my cheeks, “thank you,” her eyes leave mine and she steps back. There’s so many emotions running through us both, and as she heads back to the microphone, I immediately miss her.
I have to blow out my candles in a bit, but looking at that forty-nine stand tall on my birthday cake makes me sad.
“Want to blow some candles with me?” Blue becomes excited, as I walk over to the table where I’m expected to be. Everyone looks at me awkwardly. I assume that they’re wondering where I got another kid from. Yes everyone, some people get mustangs in a mid-life crisis, I got a baby boy. I grin at my own jokeful thought, as I place Blue to stand on the chair, so that he’s able to see the top of the cake.
“Chocolate?” He questions, pressing his finger against the frosting. I’d scold him to stop, but he’s too adorable.
“Yes, sweetheart, it’s chocolate,” Jane walks over with the most confused face in the yard.
“Who’s kid did you steal?” Maybe I’m just testing out grandmotherhood with a rental. I see Demetri and a few other men with beers in their hands, and wonder where they got them from. We only have wine and soda.
“That’s Bethany’s baby. He’s got millions of likes on Insta,” Insta? Like Instant Coffee? Okay, I’m not that dumb. I know it’s Instagram that she’s talking about.
“Mom?” Jane’s smile makes me smile too. At least my daughters aren’t holding a grudge against me, but one of my boys is, and it’s killing me.
“Candles, candles,” Blue chants and claps his hands. Jane’s eyes light up, as she walks beside him, and lifts him into her arms. She has a weakness for babies, especially boys.
“Oh my god, you’re too adorable,” he squirms in her grasp and stretches for the cake. My eyes travel over to Bethany, and she’s looking my way too. But not at Blue. She’s actually looking at me.
“I probably should have given you this earlier,” Christopher walks over with a gift-wrapped box in his hands. He hands me it
and waits excitedly for me to open it. I know my kids, and they’re pretty predictive when it comes to presents. Let me think, it’s probably another vibrator. I’m always dealing with their inappropriateness.
“I’ll open it later, but thank you,” he places a kiss on my cheek, as his eyes follow that voice. When his eyes land on Bethany, all the blood in my body boils. He’s giving her that look, and I know that look too well.
“That’s mom’s girlfriend,” Mary informs, wrapping her arms around his neck. His eyes immediately widen and he looks away, clearing his throat. At least he won’t look Bethany in the eyes anymore. But it’s still disheartening, “and that’s the girlfriend's kid,” Mary catches Christopher up with the lastest, while I give Blue my undivided attention.