Love Finds A Way

by C. P. Watson

  Blue’s eyes widen and he squeals, “mommy, no!” Tears are falling from his eyes and he stretches his hand for her. Bethany places her hand in between the colliding doors and pouts at him.

  “Come here, buddy,” he envelopes her in his arms, and buries his head into the crook of her neck.

  “Well, well,” I arch my brow, as the doors close and the elevator begins to move. Crossing my arms over my chest, I miss having him in my arms.

  “Mommy, no pancocks for you,” I lean against the wall and stare at the two of them.

  “And why?” He wipes his eyes with his little fists and sniffles.

  “I’m cryding, you meany,” I place my hand over my chest. Aw, his duck lips are the most adorable thing ever.

  “I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” she rubs his back soothingly, “I’ll buy you ice-cream, okay?” His eyes light up immediately.

  “Extra springles?” She considers it for a moment, “pwease, mommy?”

  “Okay, do I get ice-cream too?” The intensity of his duck lips increases, as he rubs his chin, with his index finger, in consideration.

  “No chalklate syrup for you,” Bethany narrows her eyes, making her eyebrows furrow. They’re such a fucking adorable pair.

  “Fine,” why did she set herself up for punishment? I’m feeling so giddy from just listening to them talk.

  The elevator door opens, and we walk out, my eyes not leaving them for a second. Is that what I was like when my kids were toddlers? Was I so damn cute with them?

  “Xiomara, look where you’re going,” as soon as Bethany says that, I stumble into the door.

  “Ouch,” I mumble, as I rub my forehead. My head landed against the glass of the door. Blue giggles and points at me.

  “That’s not funny!” I complain, as he reaches for my shoulder.

  “Don't wowie, I wuv you,” how’s he so smart for a two year old? I remember that my kids could barely say their names properly when they were his age.

  “I love you too, sweetheart,” Bethany bites down on her bottom lip and opens the door, making me smile bashfully.

  When we exit the building, the wind whips her hair back, and she places sunglasses over her eyes.

  “Mom!” I hear Jane’s voice and almost panic. My eyes wander over the street, and lands on her leaning against the hood of my car, with the biggest grin on her face, might I add.

  Fuck. How did she find me? She holds onto her stomach, as we cross the isolated street.

  “What are you doing here?” She’s already gushing over Blue and taking him into her arms. As he shyly smiles at her, she places a kiss on his cheek.

  “Ain’t you a bundle of cuteness,” the blush on his cheeks darkens, and he squirms in her arms.

  “Jane?” I really want her to answer my question. Is she using that tracker that she installed on my phone again? I swear I’m going to delete that app.

  “You know I can find you whenever I want, mom,” I huff, as Bethany runs her fingers through her lovely hair, catching my attention, “and Mary got worried, since you didn’t go home last night.”

  “She fell asleep on the couch,” Bethany explains immediately, as though trying to ensure that nothing sexual happened. How can anything happen with Blue around anyway?

  “I see. Does your bed have bed bugs now?” Jane swings Blue side to side playfully.

  “No, we were watching cartoons and I just fell asleep.”

  “And Mary camped out in her old room waiting for you to get home,” I begin to feel guilty, before I remember why I stormed out of my own house.

  “Join us for breakfast. There’s an IHOP just a block away,” I grit my teeth, as my thoughts rattle once again.

  I take Blue from Jane, noticing that she’s heavily breathing, and place him to sit around my neck. He rests his hands on top of my head, and beats like a drum.

  “Bethany, you really do have a beautiful voice. Any more gigs?” Jane stirs up conversation, while I focus on this bundle of joy.

  Even though I enjoy my freedom, now that I live alone, I miss the company of my kids terribly. And somehow, Blue’s filling that void inside of my heart completely.

  “Ethan’s coming for the weekend, but he wants to stay at my place,” the immediate rush of dread spreads through my body. And the gigantic smile on my face disintegrates.

  “Okay,” I don’t know what to say. He’s been so distant lately and I can’t stand it. All of my kids are drifting away from me more and more by the day, and the situation with Petah is making it even worse.

  “They’ll let go of the idea soon. I think they know that it’s impossible for anything to happen between you and Ma again,” my eyes travel over to Bethany, and she’s biting her lip nervously. Fuck, she doesn’t need to witness this conversation.

  “I hope so. The last thing I need is four kids whining over a fantasy that’ll never come true.”

  “Hey, three not four. I’m on your side, mom,” sure you are. I spot the IHOP sign and sigh, as I slow down my walking pace.

  “Just don’t get your hopes up, sweetheart. I know you never wanted us to divorce.”

  I’m taking quick glances at Bethany, and she seems unbothered by the conversation now. We head inside and grab a booth. I place Blue on my lap and he flips through a menu quietly.

  “I was sixteen. And I didn’t understand,” yeah, if I remember correctly, you told me to turn a blind eye.

  “So, pancakes?” Bethany’s looking at me, and I’m looking back at her. I can tell that she senses my discomfort, and I wish that I could be sitting beside her, resonating in her presence better.

  “Yeah, pancakes,” my voice is low, and Jane senses that she should change the topic, “and bacon and eggs. Oh… crepes and french toast. What about some omelettes,” she reminds me of myself when I was pregnant with Mary.

  Look out for a hot mouth popping out, Jane.

  * * *

  Breakfast is pretty peaceful, and my stomach feels like it will collapse anytime soon. We head back to Bethany’s apartment, and while Jane plays with Blue in his room, Bethany and I are sitting on the couch in awkward silence.

  “Should I expect her over here often?” I grind my teeth and shrug.

  “Probably. She’s got the baby fever right now,” Bethany touches my arm and leans against me.

  “She’s great. At least she supports your decisions,” I wrap my arm around her shoulder, surprising even myself. She doesn’t move away, and instead, rests the side of her head against my shoulder blade. It’s probably the most intimate position that we have ever been in.

  “Yeah. They all love their mom. I’m pretty sure she feels the same as her siblings. She’s just putting up a brave face as usual,” Bethany sighs, and I place a kiss on top of her head. It’s so sensual and simple, and it has me blushing like an idiot.

  “Why won’t you give their mom a second chance?” It feels like a whisper, but she confidently speaks. I shift and become uncomfortable, but I don’t move away.

  “I loved Petah. And our marriage was great at first, but with years on our hands, we drifted apart.”

  “She cheated,” I wonder how she guessed that, “it’s always cheating. Well it’s a lucky guess too,” Bethany’s breath is against my chest, and I wonder if she’s staring at my cleavage. I would stare at hers if I’m in her position. But she probably has more self control than me, and tucks away her inappropriate thoughts at moments like these.

  “Yes, she did. But that doesn’t matter anymore. I have my kids, my career, and—“ I want to say her, but that’ll just come off weird. We don’t know each other that well, and I don’t want to scare her off.

  “And?” She looks up at me, those blue eyes drawing me in, “you can say it,” her voice is a whisper, and I swallow hard.

  “Save it for a bedroom,” Jane walks out with her hands on her hips. She’s almost six months pregnant, and it seems as though she’s breeding a gigantic watermelon.

  Bethany gets up and blushes, “ready to go?” Jan
e checks the time on her watch.

  “Mary’s probably freaking out. Rush hour is soon and I haven’t finished designing the cookies. Give me a lift? I came with an Uber.”

  I’m disappointed that I have to. I love spending time with Bethany, but I have to head into work soon anyway.

  “I’ll give you a call,” I assure, as I grab my purse. Blue rushes out in only his spiderman underpants.

  “Bye, Xo, Xo,” and back to the repetition I see. He’s lucky that I love it.

  “I’ll miss you,” I kneel down and place a kiss on his forehead.

  “Come back, pwease?” I squeeze his hand and nod.

  “I couldn’t go long without you anyway,” my eyes lift to Bethany’s, and maybe, just maybe, she realizes that I’m talking about her too.

  * * *

  “You really like her, huh?” I’m focusing my eyes on the road, trying to ignore her question like the plague, “you can say it, mom. I won’t get all butthurt.”

  “I do,” my confirmation makes her sigh. Is her reaction good or bad? I can’t tell.

  “She’s good for you. I haven’t seen you smile so much since I told you that I’m pregnant,” yeah my grandbaby is going to be the best bundle of joy ever.

  “We’re just friends,” I don’t even believe myself, but it’s the truth, at least for the time being.

  “Yes, friends… with benefits,” Jane giggles, and I’d shove her arm if my hands weren’t on the steering wheel.

  “It’s not like that,” I wish I could kiss her, or caress her cheek with my thumb. Even a hug would be nice, but I feel even that would be crossing the line.

  “What’s it like then? You can tell me,” no I can’t. Your mouth is bigger than the gigantic scar from my c-section.

  “We’re just friends, Jane. Good friends,” she isn’t buying it, but that doesn’t matter. She can think what she wants.

  “Do you sleep with all of your friends?” Your mom was my best friend before we started dating. Why does that come to mind? I scrunch up my nose. The last thing that I want to think about is Petah.

  “That was a one time thing. And I don’t think I need to justify myself to you,” all my kids are so nosy, it’s frustrating. I don’t ask you what you do with your husband at night!

  “I guess you don’t. Just remember, I’m the most supportive kid you’ve got right now,” I groan. That mouth of hers!

  It also makes me sad. Mary is suppose to always be on my side, no matter what. Where did things go wrong? Yeah, right, Petah’s a big bitch. It’s not right to refer to the mother of your children in such a manner, but she deserves it. Fuck her and her feelings. What about mine? Nine years and now she’s all in her feelings. What about how I was feeling when she handed me divorce papers?

  I take a deep breath, trying to calm down the thumping in my brain. It was for the best—our divorce. I know that for sure.

  “Yeah, I don’t see how that’s a good thing honestly,” she rubs my shoulder blade, as I park in front of the bakery. I see Mary at the counter through the glass wall, and she spots me too. I lift my hand to wave at her, and she waves back, but I don’t feel like going inside, “call me later, okay. I’m going to head home to change before going to work.”

  “Not comfortable in Bethany’s clothes?” Jane raises her brow, as my eyes widen.

  “Uh, no, it’s not that—“

  “I’ll call you, mom,” she chuckles as she unbuckles her seatbelt and opens the door, “love you,” she steps out of the car.

  “Love you too,” I wave her off, almost irritated. After waiting for her to disappear behind the door, I apply pressure to the accelerator and make my way home.

  CHAPTER 8

  Working on the show has gotten so much more fun since I know that in only a couple of weeks, Bethany will be in front of these cameras. I can’t wait to work alongside her. It’s making me smile more, laugh more and be even more attentive.

  Even Saskia asked if I’m okay, since I’ve been ignoring all of her snarky comments and not stressing about the simplest things. My coworkers think that I’m getting laid, but nope, I’m not.

  Petah has been staying at a hotel for the past few days, and the kids have been talking to me less. Only Jane calls to check up on me. And Christopher texted a few times. Regardless of everything, he never contacts much, so it’s nothing unusual when it comes to him.

  Not having Mary constantly around is extremely new. I can’t believe that she’s on Petah’s side of all of this, both her and her brother, Ethan.

  “We’re just going to get dinner. And I wanted to invite your girlfriend,” Anderson’s birthday is the next day. And he’s pushing me to join him and his husband for a double date. Why does he want to spend his birthday with two lesbians? I don’t know.

  “She’s not my girlfriend!” He pats my shoulder, not dropping his assumption. Do Bethany and I look like a couple? Does everyone know about us? There’s no us to know about anyway!

  “Okay, I invited her as one of our many friends,” I can’t believe he asked Bethany without letting me know first. He knows that I would say no!

  “She’s not your friend,” I mumble. He’s only seen her like three times at the studio.

  “A friend of a friend is indeed my friend,” I’m becoming annoyed, so I hold my hand up and walk away.

  I head into my office, only to find Saskia and Millie having an argument. Why is my lead actress and recurring one having a fight?

  “Girls, what’s going on?” They both shoot me a glare, and I can already see that my day is going to take a turn for the worse.

  “I’d like for you to drop her before the next season,” Saskia responds in a bitchy tone, making Millie’s jaw drop. I quirk my brow and cross my arms over my chest. Millie’s always been a nuisance for all of us, but it’s not my decision to cut her loose.

  “Not my decision to make, you know that,” Saskia walks closer and places her hand on my shoulder. I’m more intimidating that Anderson, yet they always come to me with their problems.

  “But you and your friend can work it out, can’t you?” Her eyes flutters, and she bites down on her bottom lip. This just got awkward.

  “You can’t be serious!” Millie shrieks, tears falling from her eyes. I feel like a bag of stones is dropped on my already aching shoulders.

  “I am. You are a liability for this show. And should be sent off with no return,” if I remember the script correctly, Millie was only supposed to be apart of the show for a few episodes of one season, but that turned into multiple seasons, even though she’s never gained much of a fanbase. Unless you count her instagram feed of a few thousand followers. But even my daughters have more than her, especially with all the delicious treats that they post.

  “She will be apart of the show for as long as she’s needed,” I look at Millie, ignoring Saskia’s intense disapproval.

  “That’s all I needed to hear,” Millie wipes away her tears, which I now realize are fake. I take a deep breath and watch her leave my office, slamming the door behind her. That’s rude.

  “Xiomara,” I look back at Saskia, and she’s running her index finger over my shoulder blade. To serve what purpose? I’m not willing to find out. I step back and head behind my desk, leaving her in distraught, “oh, come on, I’ve been hitting on you for years, and when some new girl comes along, your eyes are only stuck on her?” I know that she’s referring to Bethany, and I’m surprised by what she says. She’s been hitting on me? Just moments ago is the first time she’s ever been so close to me.

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” so everyone has noticed my admiration for the new brunette on set. I want to slap my forehead in frustration, but avoid doing so.

  “Is she your girlfriend?” I press my lips together in consideration. Why am I considering how to answer her question? It’s a no, right? Bethany and I are just friends, aren’t we? Yeah, Xiomara, keep lying to yourself, but no one else is being fooled.

  “She’s just a gr
eat actress that I’m looking forward to working with,” that’s not a lie at all. I smile and cross my arms over my chest, waiting for her to respond.

  Saskia scoffs. She’s beautiful, and one of my most prized possessions. Without her, I wouldn’t have won those two oscars, and without me, she wouldn’t have either. We’re a great team, even though we sometimes can’t get along.

  The show has been a major success over the years, and I couldn’t be more proud of it.

  “Mom?” My eyes flickers towards the door, and heart nearly stops inside of my chest. Ethan. I haven’t seen that precious face in too long.