Love Finds A Way

by C. P. Watson

  “I got a haircut,” she slips into bed and begins to strip. She usually pops up when her aunt decides to take Blue for a sleepover at her place, and I can’t say that I mind at all. But my hair! I loved her long hair.

  “But, but—“ I nipple on my bottom lip.

  “Don’t tell me that you only like girls with long hair?” She moves over to me, in only her bra and panties, “don’t I still make you feel things that no one else has?” She whispers against my ear, and I shudder. Yeah, the haircut hasn’t affected my attraction for her in the slightest.

  “It’s just,” I run my fingers through the short curls, “you’re still my gorgeous girlfriend,” I place a kiss on her forehead, and she pulls me in for a kiss on my lips.

  “Good. Now why were you going to beat me up with that baseball bat?”

  She’s asked the question of why I keep it beside my bed at all times, and the answer is pretty simple—in case someone breaks in.

  “There’s something that I haven’t told you. Gosh, the kids don’t even know,” I lean back and she rests her head against my chest. Having her close always comforts me.

  “When I was in college, I went to this party—“ I pause for a moment. She looks at me patiently, and also grips my side, showing her support, “spiked drink, a dark room, you know where I’m going with this.”

  She sits up and I can see that look in her eyes. The look that says it all—I’m a victim of sexual abuse.

  “Baby,” I flinch when she touches my cheek, but I lean into the warmth of her palm and she pulls me in for a hug, “that must have been awful,” I wipe a tear away and inhale deeply.

  “Remember the whole, my kids would have gotten another sibling thing?”

  “That’s why you had an abortion?” I nod and she cups my cheeks, brushing a few tears away with the pads of her thumbs. I don’t know why I’m crying, but it still hurts like a bitch.

  “Can you just hold me?” I breathe in, and grasp her with my arms, needing her more than ever in this moment.

  “Yes,” it’s nice that I’ve opened up to her like this, but it makes me feel more vulnerable than I can handle, “I won’t let go, I promise.”

  CHAPTER 13

  “Read me bedtimes, pwease?” I stretch my arms, as I sit up on the couch. Bethany’s fallen asleep beside me, and Blue’s showing off those big, green eyes of his.

  “I don’t want to wake your mommy,” I look at her peacefully sleeping face, and smile. I still can’t believe that I get to call her mine.

  “Okay,” he climbs onto the couch, and crawls onto my stomach, before stretching out and sticking his thumb into his mouth.

  “Comfortable?” He nods and closes his eyes. I look between the two of them for a few minutes, enjoying the bond that we’ve created.

  “Your my mommy too?” My eyes flutter towards him, and I’m lost for words. I’m probably more startled than surprised.

  “Why do you ask?” I caress his cheek with the pad of my thumb. What am I suppose to tell him?

  “I wink mommy wuvs you. I wuv you,” I place a kiss upon his head and he giggles.

  “I love you too, sweetheart,” he stays silent for a few minutes, and I assume that he’s fallen asleep, because even his breathing has slowed down.

  “Mommy?” I check to see if Bethany’s awake. Is he referring to me?

  “Yes, sweetie?” He hums and snuggles closer.

  “I wuv you, mommy.”

  * * *

  “Look, grandma’s here,” Jane whispers, as she cradles the baby in her arms.

  “He’s asleep?” She shakes her head and places him into his crib. His body curls, before he pulls on his blanket, squeezing it against his chest.

  “I just fed him. He’ll fall asleep soon,” I admire his cute ducky onesie, and immediately think of Blue. Blue would look so cute in one of those, but he’s too old for it now.

  “How’s everything?” We walk over to the sofa in the room, and she sighs. She looks so exhausted.

  “I didn’t know kids would be such a pain,” she places her hand over her mouth, as she yawns.

  “You should try dealing with one for almost twenty-six years,” she pouts and leans back, sighing and breathing in.

  “I won’t even say my smart comeback to that. I’m so fucking tired,” she bites down on her bottom lip and looks at me apologetically for swearing.

  “Comeback huh? Like how you’re two months older than my girlfriend?” She shimmies her shoulders and looks at me, a wide grin on her face.

  “Actually, I was going to say that you robbed the cradle,” I gasp and smack her arm.

  “She’s not that young!” I mutter, not wanting to wake Alexander.

  “Yeah, I’m so old,” she huffs out a breath teasingly, “I should’ve married a guy your age instead, huh?” My cheeks reddens and I place my hands over my face.

  Removing my hands, I jut out my bottom lip, “that’s not funny.”

  “You two okay in here?” Demetri pops his head into the room.

  “Yeah, babe. Mind looking at the baby for a bit. I don’t think he’s asleep yet.”

  “Sure,” he walks in, and we get up, “going somewhere?”

  “Just going to shower, and tell mom about how much I want to run away,” she pecks him on his lips, and he grimaces.

  “Don’t worry. She won’t find better anywhere else,” Jane glares at me.

  “I won’t go looking. But I’m a catch and a half.”

  “And I’m not?” The baby begins to cry and his eyes widen, “my baby, daddy’s here.”

  He leans over the crib and caresses Alexander’s cheek, “I’m actually going to head out. It’s been a long day.”

  “You’re going to see your girlfriend you mean,” we walk out of the room and I shrug.

  “That’s possible,” I pull her in for a hug and kiss her cheek, “call me if you need anything, okay?”

  “Yeah, in case I need an extra set of hands for diaper changes,” I run my fingers through her hair and pull it back behind her shoulders.

  “Even that.”

  * * *

  On the drive to Bethany’s place, I receive a call from Christopher, “hey, sweetheart, what’s up?”

  “Just checking in on you,” that’s so sweet of him, “have you heard from mom? She hasn’t answered my calls in a few days.”

  My smile immediately turns into a frown. So he calls her constantly but I only get one every blue moon. At least I actually answer.

  “No, I haven’t,” my tone is annoyed, and surely, he notices.

  “The last time I heard from her, she said she was going over to your place. Then I never heard back from her,” I haven’t seen Petah since the hospital.

  “When was that?”

  “Tuesday,” I slow down at the red light.

  “Well, I was at work all day, and I crashed at Bethany’s place,” I have no reason to lie. It is what it is—I slept over at my girlfriend’s place.

  “Shit. Okay, mom. I’m sorry for bringing that up. But I have to go,” he hangs up the phone before I can get another word in.

  “Typical,” I place my phone on the passenger’s side seat of my car and inhale a deep breath.

  When I make it to Bethany’s place, I’m pretty mentally exhausted. I just want to be wrapped up in her arms and forget about everything else but her.

  “Mommy!” Blue squeals, as I enter the apartment. Bethany’s eyes widen and she places her hand over her mouth. Yeah, yeah, he calls me mommy now. Xo, Xo is dead.

  “Does this mean I have half custody?” She walks over and places a kiss on my cheek.

  “You’ll have to take me to court first,” challenge accepted. Just kidding. I could never attempt to fight for him, even though I love him so much.

  I cover his cheeks with kisses and he screams, “no more kisses!”

  “I want them then,” she takes Blue from me and places a kiss on my lips. I stumble back from shock, and Blue claps his hands in glee.

&nbs
p; “You come live wis us?” Bethany looks at me and winks. Living together? Really? Shit. That’s a big step.

  “Not for now, buddy,” Bethany tickles his sides, “your mommy and I aren’t ready for that yet.”

  “Okay,” he slips from her arms and runs into his room. He’s getting so big already. He’s not even stumbling anymore.

  “Aw, he’s upset,” Bethany’s swings her arms around my neck, and places a big kiss on my lips, “mhmmm, is it a bad thing that he calls me that now?”

  “Only if you end up breaking up with me,” she places a lingering kiss on the side of my neck.

  “I don’t think so,” she pushes into me and pulls on my ponytail, sending my head backward.

  When she bites on my neck, I almost pass out when I hear Blue scream, “mommy, no!” He runs over to us and grabs Bethany’s leg, “doe, don’t hort her.”

  Bethany stumbles back and I place my hand against my chest. Well, that’s amusing, “I wasn’t.”

  She kneels down in front of him, as he crosses his arms over his chest, “bad mommy,” he pokes her arm and walks over to me, stretching his arms for me to pick him up.

  “I’m okay, sweetheart. Your mommy wasn’t hurting me,” he shakes his head and touches the spot that Bethany faintly marked.

  “You hurt,” he places a kiss on his fingertips and touches the spot.

  “That’s the last time I try to be kinky,” Bethany huffs and fixes her bra strap. I take Blue into the kitchen and open the fridge.

  “Pancakes?”

  “And eggs!” I grab the tray of eggs and the carton of milk.

  “Am I going to get some?” Bethany leans against the counter and tilts her head to the side.

  “No, timeout,” he points and shifts in my arms.

  “My own son turning against me,” she narrows her eyes at me and I grin widely. I give her a wink and she rolls her eyes.

  “We’ll feed her, but only because we love her.”

  “Okay,” Blue grabs a hershey's bar from the fridge and begins to fumble with the wrapper. I head over to the cupboard to take out the pans, while that wrapper buzzes in my ears.

  “Let me help you with that,” I take it from him, I tear the paper easily. He looks at me in awe before biting down on it and nibbling, as though he’s eating a carrot.

  “When it comes to his etiquette, he took that from you.”

  I shrug, “you love the way I eat,” her cheeks heat up and I blow a kiss her way. It’s so amazing to have the two of them in my life, even when we’re all a little weird.

  * * *

  That night, while Blue’s fast asleep, Bethany and I are in bed enjoying each other's company.

  “I love spending time with you,” she breathes in my scent by pressing her nose against my chest.

  “I love spending time with you too,” as I run my fingers through her hair, I don’t miss her long hair as much as I thought I would. She’s the same perfect woman that I fell in… I breathe in.

  “Ever think you’ll get married again?” I shift and hold her against me.

  “I’ve never thought about it actually. Why do you ask?” There’s many things that I’m oblivious about, but I know that she’s thinking about our future together.

  “Just wondering. I’d like the option, in case we work out for the best,” I close my eyes and imagine a white, puffy gown. Yeah, maybe I can walk down as aisle again… maybe.

  “As long as you love me, anything is possible,” I don’t realize what I said until her response.

  “I do love you,” my entire body tenses. Damn, that’s pretty lovely to hear. Okay, don’t cry, don’t cry. Woman up, for christ’s sakes.

  “Really?” I can feel myself choking up. It’s only been four months. How can she be sure? Is it pity love? Is she confused about what love is?

  “I’ve never felt this way about anyone else. And I even googled it,” she sits up and looks at me tentatively, “google didn’t help much, but I think I’m trusting my gut and heart here when I say,” she inhales a breath, “I do love you, Xiomara.”

  I’m pretty sure that I’m really crying now. Dammit.

  “I, uh, I—“ I’m mesmerized by her confession. How is it so simple? For a woman like her to love someone like me? How did I get so lucky?

  “You love me too?” I like how she fills in what I want to say. But I want to say it, so she hears, and will never forget it.

  “I love you, Bethany. More than you can ever imagine,” she presses her lips together and looks down, placing her hands in mine. My heart’s fluttering, and I don’t know if I should kiss the life out of her, or just hug her. Let’s just do both, Xiomara.

  * * *

  “Mom, we have a situation,” Jane sounds so scared. My chest tightens, as she pants for breath through the phone.

  “What situation?” I position the phone closer to my ear, becoming extremely worried. Did something happen to the baby? Is Demetri okay? Fuck, if it’s about Mary… dammit.

  “It’s about Ma. She’s being taken to the hospital.”

  “What!” I panic. Shit.

  “Car accident. I know you don’t want to. But we all need you—“

  “Text me which hospital. I’m on my way,” the drive is excruciatingly long. I keep imagining the worst possible outcome. Is there brain damage? Is she paralyzed? Fuck, fuck, mother of fucks.

  When I get to the nurses’ station, they try to give me a hard time, but Jane finds me and takes me to the waiting room where everyone else is.

  “Is she going to be okay?” Mary clings to my arm, and she’s not letting go. They’re so vulnerable right now, and there’s nothing that I can do to make them feel better.

  I stretch my arms out, and two of them takes one side of my body. It’s a cluster, but hopefully, my motherly warmth can soothe their broken souls. I should text Bethany and inform her of what’s going on, especially since we made plans for tonight, but my hands won’t be free for a while.

  Two hours feels like ten years when you’re waiting eagerly for information. Anything at this point would be a relief—at least the confirmation that she’s still alive. And when the doctor approaches us, with the most typical, unreadable expression on his face, I almost faint.

  “I’m Doctor Bruton. The patient has—“

  “Petah. Her name is Petah,” Mary corrects, in her grounded tone.

  “Sorry,” he smiles softly, “Petah suffered a concussion and some fractures, including a large piece of glass piercing into her abdomen. We were able to remove it without causing too much blood lost—“

  “Is she alive?” Jane trembles and holds onto my arm.

  “Yes, yes she is. She’s just resting right now. But you can see her soon.”

  “Thank you,” I mutter and wipe a tear away. Seeing my kids in so much pain and agony is making me extremely emotional, and regardless of the frustrations that I have with Petah, I still care for her dearly.

  * * *

  The kids are with their mom, talking and comforting her. I still haven’t gone in to see her. What am I supposed to say? What should I do? If she propositions for us to give it another go, how can I refuse when she’s lying limb on a hospital bed? Fuck. Don’t be selfish, Xiomara. Think about her, think about the kids. For today, put yourself last to everyone else, just like you used to do.

  “Xo,” when she sees me, her eyes immediately lights up. And I was hoping that it wouldn’t be this way. Why couldn’t a near death experience make her see that we’re better off without each other? Maybe she could have had an epiphany of some sort even.

  “Petah, how are you feeling?” That’s a pretty stupid question. Of course she feels like shit. Her arm is in a cast and her torso is bandaged from an almost fatal wound. Even her head is bandaged, how the fuck am I supposed to look at her and not feel sad and regretful?

  “I’ve had better days,” her voice is soft, and I can tell her mouth is dry. I pour her a cup of water and patiently help her drink it. Her movements are slow and m
y heart’s pulling in all sorts of directions. Seeing her in this state is making me think about everything in a different perspective.

  If she did die, what would I have done? Would I bawl and cry like I want to right now? Would I be the one planning the funeral? How would have I comforted my kids, when their mother is deceased? I bet they’d be traumatized for life.

  “Do you guys mind if I talk to your mom alone for a bit?” They look at me curiously and nod. Upon leaving the room, Mary looks back as she wipes a tear from her eye. I look down, feeling like shit. The reason for the accident is because her blood alcohol level was off the charts and she crashed into a tall, oak tree on a lonely roadway. Thankfully, she didn’t hurt anyone… but herself.