by A. R. Ford
“I can’t stay here,” I say once Riley is gone. “I have to go.”
“You’re not running away from this,” Brittney says. “You stay and face this, but you don’t run away. You need to see Molly.”
Molly agrees to see me during her lunch hour. Brittney offers to drive me. I decline and opt for an Uber. The driver lets me out at the building a half-hour before my appointment. When I turn to walk into the building, someone calls my name. I see Lukas Knight running across the street toward me.
“Sarah? I thought that was you. I’m sorry if sending Riley upset you,” he says with a hesitant smile.
I can only stare at him while backing away. The building stops my escape. Lukas steps closer and reaches for my hand. I recoil, both hands behind my back. I can’t let him touch me. It hurts too much.
“I just...I wanted to keep you safe, from Roman,” he adds.
“I wish Roman would find me, kill me, and just end it.” My words are flat and lifeless.
Lukas turns pale and frowns. “You don’t mean that.”
“I do.” The overwhelming stress of it all breaks me. I twirl on the sidewalk, losing track of where I am, waving my arms, shouting, “Here I am, Roman! Come get me! Finish it! I’m yours!”
A hand jerks me out of the path of a car. “Sarah, what the hell was that?” Lukas snaps.
“The truth.” I snatch my arm free. “You should have just killed me that night. It would have made things so much easier than dying a little every day.”
I walk away. When I look down from the glass-enclosed elevator, Lukas is standing there looking up at me. He almost looks sad. Then I remember the destruction he heaped on me that night. Lukas Knight doesn’t care. He only destroys.
Chapter 21
Lukas
I wake on Friday morning, head throbbing as a hangover makes its presence known. Coffee and ibuprofen should ease my physical pain. Nothing will ease the emotional pain. I’m in my self-made hell. A shower eases the headache. Tears fill my eyes as I stand in the steaming water. For the first time since Sarah left, I let them free. Sobs shake my body as grief rears its ugly head. I pound the tile wall with a fist until the side of my hand is bloody and aching. The water runs cold before the storm of emotion ends.
The cellphone rings while I dry off and dress. Detective Akins calls to let me know that enough evidence has been gathered to issue arrest warrants. What he tells me is sickening. Millie and Josh both sold information about Sarah’s whereabouts to the man wanting to hurt Sarah. Their loyalty was purchased for cold hard cash. I want to be there if for nothing more than to see their faces when judgment day comes. “I’ll meet you at my office, so I can ensure they both leave everything behind.”
Police converge on Josh’s office at nine am. He glances at me, turns pale, and ducks his head. He lawyers up as soon as the cuffs go on, and an officer reads him his rights. “I thought you were my friend, Josh. I realize how wrong I was. How much did it take for someone to turn you on me and Sarah? How fucking much is your loyalty worth?”
Josh doesn’t say a word as the police search his person, remove keys, and keycards that belong to Bright Enterprises. Then they lead him away. Now, it’s on to Millie. A policeman stands guard at each stairwell as the remaining officers, and I travel on the elevator to the top floor. I stalk toward Millie like an animal hunting prey. She looks up, turns white, and looks from me to the policemen with handcuffs in their hands.
“How much, Millie? How much was it worth to sell us out?” I mutter as rage brews in my gut.
“I needed the money, Lukas,” she whispers while looking at me. Tears have made a muddy, smudged mess of her makeup.
“All you had to do was ask, Millie. I’ve always helped you. Always. And this is how you repay me?” My heart turns cold as the police lead her away.
My heart thaws as I take the day off, make a call to Morgan, and try to come up with a plan to tell Sarah and Brittney the truth. I can only pray she will have me back.
*******
Brittney glares at Morgan and I with unadulterated anger. She refuses to open the door. Instead, she glares at us through the gap the security chain allows.
“What the hell do you want?” she snaps.
“Brittney, please let us in so we can talk. There’s a lot you and Sarah don’t know. We can explain everything,” I plead.
“No. Sarah is asleep, and you’re not coming in here. Go tell your lies to someone else.”
I stuff the folder through the door along with the electronic recorder before she can close it. I hold my cell phone up to show Brittney the mug shots. “It’s all in there. It was the only way I knew to protect Sarah. Please.” My voice is hoarse after the emotional break that came earlier that morning. Brittney listens to the digital recording, eyes widening after hearing the entire audio. The door closes, the chain rattles and scrapes, and our first reprieve comes when the door opens.
“Keep your voices down.” Brittney glances at Morgan. The awkwardness between them is apparent in their body language. They are stiff and closed off, arms crossed on their chests. “We need to talk,” she continues while looking at Morgan. “So help me if you lie to me, I’ll kick you in the balls.”
Morgan grins sheepishly. “That’s a start. Can we go out for brunch?”
“Yeah, I think I would like that,” she concedes. Then her attention turns to me. “You’ve got your work cut out for you. Sarah is a wreck. Worse than before. She won’t eat and sleeps a lot. Don’t hurt her again, Lukas. She’s ready to break.”
“Thanks, Brittney. Morgan has a key to the condo. Would you mind giving me some time alone with her?”
“Call me if things go south. You look like shit, Lukas. I almost believe this hurt you almost as much as it did Sarah,” Brittney concedes. “Come on, Morgan. You’ve got a lot of ass-kissing to do after this stunt.”
A deep, ragged breath does little to ease the nervousness that brews in my gut. Sarah’s room is dark and cold. The curtains slide back silently. I open the blinds to let a bit of light into the room. My heart plummets when I see Sarah. Her face is thin, dark circles mar the skin beneath each eye. Even asleep she looks exhausted. I sit beside her, a finger tracing her cheekbones and lips. She tosses and turns restlessly before waking. The instant she sees me at her side, she rolls from bed tangled in the sheet. She trips and falls, crawling into the corner before wailing into both hands.
“Sarah, please. I want to explain what was going on. It was the only way I could protect you,” I plead while kneeling on the floor near her.
Her body shakes and jerks with each sob. The tears lessen and finally end. The hazel eyes staring at me are filled with pain. I reach for her and am not surprised when she shakes her head, drawing away as if afraid. I knew this would not be easy.
I hold my cell phone up with the mugshots of Millie and Josh on the screen. Her eyes widen, flickering from the phone to me. “Let me get the recording. You can hear it for yourself. Josh and Millie were giving Roman information. You have to believe me. It was the only way I knew to protect you,” I explain after squatting by her side.
Sarah looks at me with eyes filled with pain, mistrust, and fear. “You said you wouldn’t let anyone hurt me. You lied. Why did you hurt me, Lukas? All I did was love you.”
The knife’s thrust in the form of Sarah’s words into my heart is sure and firm. I return with the digital recorder and the file. I click play on the recorder, merely holding it until it ends thirty minutes later. Sarah remains in the corner, legs drawn against her chest.
“Will you come sit on the bed?” I ask, a hand reaching out to her. She refuses my hand but sits on the bed before tugging the comforter over both bare legs. She takes the file before slowly going through the contents. Bank transfers, photographs, even additional copies of the mug shots. There is silence when the folder closes.
“Why didn’t you tell me? Why was hurting me better?” her voice is forlorn and low, filled with pain. It rips at my heart, makes
me curse myself for the foolish decision made that night.
“It’s the only plan we could come up with. Do you think it would have been easier trying to pretend you didn’t love me? For fuck’s sake, Sarah, I’ve struggled every day to pretend that I didn’t love you, that we were through. I know this hurt you, but it damn near destroyed me,” I explain, the repressed anger at myself coming through as my voice rises in volume.
“Why are you mad at me?” She shifts away as if uncomfortable, turning until her back is against the headboard.
“I’m not mad at you, babe. There’s so much emotion inside me.” I reach for her hand and groan when she snatches it away. “I’ve drank myself to sleep every night. It’s the only way I could find a little peace. I admit it was a mistake, Sarah. There is no way I can forgive myself for that. I’ve never stopped loving or wanting you. I’m not leaving until you understand. Just one kiss. If you don’t believe me after that I’ll leave.”
Chapter 22
Sarah
Lukas’s voice is hoarse with emotion. Maybe it’s real. The angel on my shoulder pleads for me to listen to reason. The devil on my shoulder wags a finger in warning. Then Lukas cups my face, a thumb caressing my cheek. It almost makes me believe. What could one kiss hurt? His lips find mine, gently kissing away the fears and pain. I bury my face against his neck, trembling so hard my teeth chatter.
“I believe you,” I whisper.
“Sarah, babe, I’ve missed you so much.” Lukas’s arms tighten around me to the point of being almost painful. He strokes my hair, my arm, kissing my hair repeatedly. “You’ve lost weight, Sarah. Let me get you something to eat,” Lukas implores. When I shake my head he sighs, a hand rubbing his face. His brow furrows as he speaks again. “I just want to touch you, hold you.”
“I’m so tired,” I whisper. “I just want to sleep forever.”
“Let me hold you, please, babe.”
“I can’t have sex with you.”
“This isn’t about sex. Dammit, Sarah! A part of me died that day.”
“Promise me,” I whisper.
“I just want to hold you, babe. Maybe then you’ll believe I never stopped loving you,” he pleads.
I nod and sigh. Lukas releases me and undresses. Then he slides into bed beside me. Just like he promised, he holds me. He is warm and strong. The citrus and spice cologne is calming. I fall asleep with a sigh. His arms feel like home.
*******
I wake later with Lukas clinging to me almost desperately. His head rests on my breast, an arm painfully tight around my ribs. I try to pull away and only succeed in waking Lukas. His eyes smolder with intensity. Oh. No. I know that look. Thankfully a more pressing matter comes to Lukas’s attention.
“I need to call mom and dad,” he says. “They are pissed, to say the least. I haven’t been to Sunday dinner since that night.”
I put on a pot of coffee and wait in the living room while Lukas talks to his parents. Lukas stalks into the living room. He waves away the offered cup of coffee while pacing, the cellphone at his ear. I hear him say Mom several times. He seems frustrated as he approaches with the phone held out. “Please speak with mom. She refuses to believe you’re here.”
I take the phone reluctantly. “Hello, Dot. It’s Sarah. How are you?”
“Sarah, it’s so good to hear your voice! Why did Lukas break it off?”
Dot’s voice is frantic. I tremble at the onslaught of questions, tears stinging my eyes. “I don’t know what happened.” My reply feels mechanical and false.
“We can talk when you come for Sunday dinner. You and Lukas will join us, won’t you?”
“No, Dot. Thank you for asking. I have to go now.” I hand the phone to Lukas before sinking into a chair. The awkwardness of the moment builds. Where do we stand?
I walk past Lukas as he talks to his mother. It sounds as if the conversation has taken a chastising turn. He sounds contrite. I can only imagine what Dot is saying. I change into sweatpants and a baggy t-shirt. My hair is beyond hope. A messy bun holds it away from my face. There are so many things Lukas and I must work through. I’m not sure where we stand or how I feel.
*******
Lukas
The tense conversation with my parents continues for some time. By the time the call ends, I am exhausted and have a pounding headache. Then, I realize Sarah is not in the living room. She’s sitting on the bed with a cup of coffee looking beautiful in sweatpants and a t-shirt.
“Thank you for reassuring mom. Would you like something to eat?”
“I’m not really hungry.” Sarah gazes out the window. Several minutes pass while she drinks coffee without speaking. The silence is too much to bear.
“It’s too soon to ask if you’ll come home with me.” Sarah looks up at my admission. She shrugs and walks to the kitchen for more coffee without speaking. I follow like a lost puppy. “You should eat something. You’ve lost weight, babe. I’m worried about you.”
“I’m worried about us and where we stand.”
I am exhausted but hopeful. At least she is here. I can work on winning her back. “We can talk about that. Tell me what you need, Sarah. I’ll do anything.”
“We need to talk about some things first, Lukas. A serious, adult conversation about what has happened. You’ve told me a lot, but we have so much unfinished business. I don’t want to talk about it now but soon. We have to.” She leans against the counter, face impassive.
“I don’t want to argue. I just want to hold you. Please say you’ll come back to our place. Your clothes, everything, is still there.” My heart falls again, an icy spear of disappointment piercing my gut when she shakes her head.
“No. It’s too soon, Lukas. Do you know how much you hurt me that night? And add to that Morgan firing me for no reason. I don’t know if we will ever be okay,” Sarah murmurs
A lump in my throat keeps me from speaking. “I never stopped loving you, Sarah.”
“I love you, Lukas. It’s just too soon. We have to start over.”
“So, there’s hope?” I’m okay with starting over. At least it means I have a chance. The slight nod she gives in response makes my heart soar. Now, I only have to keep Sarah safe and work on winning her trust.
Chapter 23
Sarah
“Could we meet Morgan and Brittney for brunch?” Lukas asks. “I thought you might be more comfortable on a double date.”
I agree. It’s a good starting point as we work to mend our relationship. Lukas insists that I ride with him. He holds my hand once the sports car is in a cruising gear. The warmth of his hand around mine is soothing. Oh, how I’ve missed you, Lukas. Morgan and Brittney are waiting at the diner when we arrive.
I hug Brittney before sitting down. Morgan smiles hesitantly. This is beyond awkward. The server takes our order and moves away to fetch drinks.
“Sarah, it’s good to see you,” Morgan says. “I’m sorry for everything. Be upset with me if you need to but please give Luke a chance. He’s been a mess without you.”
I nod and look out the window. The awkwardness and tension nearly overwhelm me. Lukas reaches beneath the table for my hand. The silent communication is reassuring. Our food arrives. Everyone at the table starts eating while I pick at the bacon and eggs that suddenly make my stomach roil.
A movement across the street catches my attention. Roman Bass steps into the sunlight, a sneer twisting his face. The fork falls from my fingers, clattering loudly against the plate.
“Sarah, what’s wrong?” Lukas asks.
“Roman.” The name is uttered in a choked whisper.
Lukas and Morgan bolt from the table. By the time they make it across the street, he has disappeared. Of course, the coward wouldn’t have the courage to face two infuriated men. He can terrorize me from afar but flees from retribution when it draws nigh.
Brittney offers words of support while we wait for Morgan and Lukas to return. Lukas’s concern is evident when he puts an arm around me. “Are yo
u okay?” he says in a voice little more than a whisper.
“No,” I reply. My hands tremble so violently coffee spills when I pick the cup up to take a drink.
“Come home. You’ll be safe there,” Lukas encourages. “I have two men on security detail. Morgan can get more if we need them.”
I’m too exhausted and overwhelmed by the events of the past few days to argue. Coffee and breakfast are forgotten. Morgan and Brittney bid us goodbye. I lean against the door of the car while Lukas drives to the condo. A man the size of a linebacker stands at the door.
“Sarah, this is John. He will be primarily security here at the condo,” Lukas says in the way of an introduction. “He’s an old friend of Morgan’s.”
I take John’s offered hand and politely say hello. Riley Briggs waits inside the condo. I’m embarrassed to see him after my behavior the first time we met. Riley seems nonplussed by the past.
“Miss Ross, good to see you,” he says.
“You remember Riley,” Lukas remarks. “He will be our driver and primarily in charge of your security. Are we good now?”
I nod mutely before wandering off to the balcony where I sit with both legs drawn up against my body. There are still so many unanswered questions. Where do we stand? Can we salvage our relationship? Will I stay here or continue living in the apartment? The apartment is safer. At least there aren’t constant reminders of the past that won’t haunt me daily.
I decline lunch when Lukas offers to prepare something to eat. “I need to get back,” I say in the way of explanation.
The hurt in his eyes is quickly shuttered as his professional side comes to the forefront. “Of course. I’ll take you to the apartment.”
There is no easy, painless way to work through this. I pray the rocky road smooths soon. Neither of us can bear much more of the torment. I find his number in the contacts list and unblock it. I send a text message to ease his worry.
Sarah: just don’t give up on me
*******
My one downfall is the visits to the diner every Saturday and Sunday morning. The first solitary visit is interrupted by Lukas. He looks scruffy and fresh from the shower as he pauses in the doorway. Why does he have to look so good in the sapphire polo and dark washed jeans that cling to his muscular body? I shrink into the booth and pray he doesn’t see me. Of course, he does.