by Messer Stone
“I’m still not okay with this whole boyfriend thing,” my dad interjected from the living room, where he was assembling a doll house for Sophie.
Neither of us acknowledged him as we continued to bicker. Once the dishwasher was finally loaded, I hoisted myself up onto a stool at the breakfast bar, wondering if it was too soon to ask for my phone back.
“Oh no!” Mom gasped, looking into the fridge. “We don’t have any eggs!”
“So?” I asked snarkily, still brooding.
“I won’t be able to make anything for breakfast tomorrow.” Turning towards the living room, she called for my dad. “Bobby, I need you to go get eggs.”
He looked up from his project with a defeated sigh. “Maggie, it’s after one in the morning. On Christmas. No place is gonna be open.”
“The market on Hampton Street is,” she persisted. “It won’t be Christmas morning without a big breakfast.”
To absolutely no one’s surprise, my dad caved easily. He could never say no to my mom.
Muttering under his breath, he went into the mudroom to put on his coat, hat and mittens. When he emerged, he went to my mother and wrapped her in his arms.
“Anything else you need while I’m out?” he asked, looking down at her like she hung the moon.
“Just the eggs.” She tugged on the zipper of his coat, ensuring it was all the way up. “Be careful.”
He kissed her then, and it lasted a good deal longer than I was comfortable with.
I made a gagging sound as I covered my eyes. “Gross. Get a room.”
Once he was gone, my mom turned back to me, slipping my phone out of her back pocket.
“Look, Mercy.” She handed me the phone. “We’re a family. We'll always be a family. But pretty soon, you’re going to leave for college. You’re gonna start this whole other exciting life that’s totally separate from us. We need to cherish the time we have together.”
“Geez, Mom.” I rolled my eyes. “It’s just college. I’m not joining the circus.”
Laughing, she pulled me into a hug. “Come on, I need your help getting Dad’s present up from the basement.”
I eyed her suspiciously. “We’ve got plenty of eggs don’t we?”
“Two cartons.” She winked. “And the market on Hampton Street is definitely closed so we have to hurry.”
Tears fill my eyes as I let the memory settle on my heart, a stitch as much as it is a wound.
“Mercy?”
Parker’s concerned voice pulls me from my thoughts. “Hmm?”
He frowns, reaching up to slip a hand into my hair. “You alright?”
“Yeah.” I give a small, sad smile. “Just remembering.”
His eyes fill with knowing sympathy as he leans in to press a kiss to my forehead. “I love you,” he whispers, softly, sweetly.
We don’t say it often. We don’t need to. I feel his love for me just as strongly as I know he must feel mine for him. But every time we do say it, it’s a wonderful, unexpected thrill. A tiny little jolt, a gentle reminder that this is real. Real and perfect and endless.
Pushing up on my tiptoes, I kiss his lips. “I love you too.”
A throat clears behind us, ending the tender moment.
“Excuse me sir,” Miles says, looking a tad embarrassed. “I didn’t mean to intrude.”
Parker’s valet came with us in our move to the townhouse. He’s been instrumental in helping us all to adjust, though I think he’s struggling to adapt himself. After years of working for a bachelor, Jason, Sophie and I are a lot to get used to.
Parker waves off his apology. “You didn’t intrude. What’s up?”
“He’s here.”
“Perfect. Send him in.”
As Miles leaves, I look up at Parker, brow furrowed in confusion. “Who’s here?”
He winks at me. “You’ll see.”
A few minutes later, my heart practically falls out of my chest as my father walks into the room. Walks.
I clap a hand over my mouth, my vision blurring with tears. “You-your-”
He smiles at me, almost sheepishly. “Turns out physical therapy isn’t a waste of time after all.”
He’s not a ghost anymore. He’s the Bobby Chase that I knew and loved for eighteen years. He’s even wearing the sweater I bought for him last year, the blue one that I picked out because it matched his eyes.
He holds out his arms to me. “Merry Christmas, Mercy Me.”
I stumble towards him clumsily, inhaling the familiar smell of his aftershave. Folded in his embrace, something inside of me heals. The loneliness, the pain and desperation of the past year finally fades away. And when the grief comes again, rising back up from that place where it lives inside me, I realize that I can finally let it go. I don’t have to hold it in anymore.
I don’t know how long I spend crying in my father’s arms, but he holds me through all of it, never once letting go.
“I miss her,” I cry, blubbering against his chest. “I miss her so much.”
When I look up at him, I see that he’s crying too.
“Me too,” he says, offering me a wobbly smile. He presses a hard kiss to my head before crushing me against his chest.
We stand there, holding each other as we cry. It hurts to grieve. Even a year later, the wound is still there, reminding me of what I’ve lost. Healing is awful, the pain so bad it’s hard to breath. But it’s not forever. In a few hours, it’ll be morning.
And joy comes in the morning.
****
“What are we doing here?” I ask, sitting in the passenger seat of Parker’s car.
This is the last place I want to be. Everything else today has been so perfect. Jason and Sophie came downstairs this morning to find half-eaten cookies and gnawed on carrots. It was mostly for Sophie’s benefit, since Jason is twelve and too old to believe in Santa. The presents under the tree initially captured their attention, though once they realized that dad was back, gifts were the furthest thing from their minds.
Already, Sophie is practically glued to his side and Jason is warming up to him more and more. We’ve still got a long way to go, but we’re together. And for now, that’s enough.
We spent the rest of the morning opening presents and cooking a huge breakfast with bacon, eggs, pancakes and sausage. It was early afternoon when Parker asked me to go for a drive. We’re hosting his family for dinner tonight and there are still a million things left for us to do. But he insisted.
When I realized we were headed for Long Island, I got suspicious.
“Where are you taking me?” I asked.
“You’ll see,” he said, looking a uncharacteristically nervous. Now that I see where we are, I understand why.
“Why did you bring me here?” I ask, shivering slightly at the chill as I get out of the car.
“Because it’s Christmas.” He takes my hand. “And besides, I’d like to meet her.”
Knowing I can’t say no to that, I take a deep breath. “Okay.”
It’s been a while since I came for a visit, so it takes a few minutes for me to find her, but eventually I do. I smile, noticing the Christmas themed bouquet Elena left ask week after I called and asked.
I could’ve done it, but coming here is still so hard for me. Kneeling down, I lift a shaking hand to trace the words carved in cold stone.
Margaret O’Shea Chase
August 31st, 1981 - December 31st, 2018
Loving wife.
Devoted mother.
Constant friend.
“Hey Ma,” I say with a hoarse voice as I stand back up. “It’s been a while.”
Parker puts a hand on my shoulder, a silent show of support.
“Dad’s doing better. He misses you. We all do, but it’s been really hard for him.” A deep breath. “Jason and Sophie are great. And so am I. Living without you is…. hard. But we’ll be okay.”
Not sure what else to say, I stand there for a bit in reflective silence. After a few minutes, Parker clears h
is throat.
He nods at the headstone. “Aren’t you going to introduce me?”
Laughing, I take his hand. “Right. Mom, this is Parker Callahan.”
I smile at him and for a moment I can’t speak. I’m too choked up. More than anything, I wish Mom would have met Parker. Maybe I shouldn’t, since she likely would have had a coronary when she realized how old he is. But hopefully she would see us together, and realize how easy and perfect it is between us. Maybe she would see the way he kisses my hands in absentminded moments, without even thinking about it. Maybe she would see the way he looks at me, how he makes me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world. And then she’d love him too.
“Hi, Mrs. Chase,” he says with a soft smile. “I’m sorry I never got the chance to meet you. But I want you to know that I love your daughter very much. And for the rest of my life, I’m going to do everything in my power to keep her safe and happy. I promise.”
He pauses, putting a hand in his pocket. “I hope you don’t mind us stopping by. You see, there’s so much of Mercy’s life that you won’t get to be here for. And as much as I may want to, I can’t change that. What I can do, though, is make sure you’re here for this.”
Next thing I know; Parker is dropping down on one knee.
“I used to think that love was about finding someone worth fighting for,” he says, looking up at me with so much love in his eyes, it takes my breath away. “Now I know that love is finding the person strong enough to fight beside you.”
Tears are streaming down my face as he holds up a small velvet jewelry box. Inside is the most exquisite diamond ring I’ve ever seen, oval-shaped and set in a halo of small diamonds.
“You’re a force of nature, Mercy Chase,” he says, emotion clogging his voice. “You’re miraculous to me. We’re strong enough to love each other and I want us to do it forever.”
He takes a deep breath. “Will you marry me?”
I don’t even have to think.
“Yes!” I sob, flinging myself at him as he tries to stand up. He manages to catch me, though we almost fall over.
Love is radiating from every cell of my body. I’m so in love with this man. I love his heart and his compassion. I love the life we’re building together. And I love this moment he’s given me with my mother. This one last piece of her I get to have back.
He slips the ring on my finger before kissing me like the world is ending. When we finally pull apart, a warmth settles over me. Out of nowhere, my mother's laugh echoes in my mind, loud and cheerful as always, For just a minute, it’s like she’s here. I feel her presence so strongly that I’m positive she’d be there if I were to turn around and look.
She isn’t of course. But I know it’s okay. I’ll still take her with me when I go.
“I love you, Mom,” I say pressing a kiss to my fingers and pressing my fingers to the headstone.
We say our goodbyes, promise to visit again soon and then walk to the car hand in hand. With the warmth of the sun on my face and the love of my life at my side, I’m finally looking forward, leaving the pain behind.
****
That night, Christmas dinner turns into an impromptu engagement party. Pamela is practically already hiring a wedding planner, even though Parker keeps telling her we’re not in a rush. He wants me to focus on getting into school, deciding on my future career path. If I had it my way, we’d be at City Hall by the time it opens in the morning.
“So you went and saw your mom today?” Dad asks as we sip champagne by the tree.
“Yeah.” I smile. “It was hard at first, but I’m glad I did it.”
He nods, rolling his shoulder. “I think I’ll go too. It’s time.”
Reaching out, I squeeze his hand. “I’ll go with you.”
Smiling, he kisses me on the cheek. “I’d like that.”
The rest of the evening goes smoothly enough. It’s nice having everyone I love in one place. Jason and Sophie are high on candy and Christmas, running around the house like hellions but no one seems to mind. It might be awkward, going forward, as Dad reasserts himself as their parent. We have another custody hearing in June and if all goes well, I’ll be legally off the hook. A part of me is hesitant to let go, but I know I have to. Eventually.
Lorelai’s fiancé Spencer is here tonight, and she’s making a big show of doting on him. Boyd spends most of the night scowling. I don’t know what’s going on between them and it’s driving me crazy. Lorelai pretends she doesn’t know what I’m talking about when I ask, and no matter how much I beg, Parker refuses to get involved.
As sad as I am to see the night end, I’m also relieved. Right now, I just want to sleep. But first, I’m anxious to get in some private time with my gorgeous fiancé.
Once everyone has left, my dad takes the kids upstairs to get them ready for bed. Feeling sentimental, I slip back into the living room to gaze at the tree.
If you’d have told me last Christmas that this was where my life was going, I wouldn’t have believed it. So much has happened in the past year. So much loss. So much pain and fear and grief. But there was love too. And someday soon, the pain and fear and grief will fade away. But I’ll still have the love.
I’m about to head upstairs when a pair of strong arms wrap around me.
“Merry Christmas, sweet girl,” Parker murmurs in my ear.
Turning in his arms, I rest my hands on his chest as I gaze up at him. “Back at ya, big spender.”
He groans. “Please don’t let that nickname stick.”
“What? I think it fits.” Light catches in the diamond of my ring. “Besides, you’re all mine now. I get to call you what I want.”
“I’ve been yours for a while.” He covers my hand with his. “This just makes it official.”
“You’re that sure about me huh?” I ask, teasing. “You don’t want someone else? Someone older, maybe? Rich and successful like you?”
He shrugs. “Sounds boring.”
“Life would probably be more peaceful.”
“I don’t need peace.” He smiles, leaning in to kiss me. “I have Mercy.”