by Annie West
‘Is that why you wouldn’t let me kiss you?’
She swung round, feeling the hurt and anger well up in her throat despite her determination to stay calm. ‘What did you expect? I knew you had a reputation as a bit of a playboy, and that women flocked to you, but you didn’t even attempt to talk with me, not properly. You just expected me to kiss you because we’d signed a contract. As if you’d bought me with a signature on a piece of parchment!’ That still hurt.
‘That’s not true! I didn’t really know you.’ He shook his head. ‘My father made it clear you were a dutiful daughter, doing what her family expected. I was trying to do what was expected of me too, but you barely looked at me—’
‘Because I was shy and petrified you’d discover how I felt. Especially when I discovered how uninterested you were. Everywhere we went there were beautiful women ogling you, vying for your attention, yet you were stuck with me.’
Paul was clearly about to interrupt so she hurried on.
‘It doesn’t matter. What does matter is that I spent the next four years preparing as best I could to be your wife, doing the degree my parents approved of, but on the side learning Ancillan and everything I could about your country. I was convinced that once we were married and you saw how good a wife I was you’d fall for me.’ Her throat closed on the words and she had to swallow a knot of burning emotion.
She waved a dismissive hand. ‘But I saw my mistake last month when you rejected me. I realised nothing I ever did would change how you felt. That’s when I discovered I didn’t want to waste my life with a man who didn’t love me. I want to be appreciated, desired, loved for myself.’
‘Is that why you went to the night club—looking for someone who desired you?’ She couldn’t read Paul’s tone and his expression gave nothing away.
She shrugged. ‘It turns out I’m not into casual hook-ups, which is why I decided to leave so early.’
And then it all went wrong.
Eva drew her robe closer around her. ‘The details don’t matter. What’s important is that I’ve grown up. I’m no longer the little innocent who turned you into her Prince Charming.’
That was only half a lie. Eva still thought him the most appealing man she’d ever met, but she saw him as he was. Honest and hard working but prone to shoulder too much. Decisive and inclined to take charge. Sexy and gentle and...
‘For my own good I need to leave because I don’t want to be married to you, Paul. It would be emotional suicide. That’s why I don’t want to know yet if I’m pregnant. Because I need some space and time before I face that possibility.’
Admitting it should have made Eva feel weak but instead pride rose. She could do this, despite the gnawing grief at the thought of leaving.
‘Because you couldn’t bear it if we’ve made a baby together?’ His voice ground low and harsh.
‘I don’t...’ Eva floundered, caught between fear of the implications and heady joy at the idea.
‘Because you can’t bear to be near me.’
‘Can’t you see, Paul? Every day we’re together it eats away at me—this pretence that I’m special to you, that you care.’
‘I do care.’ Sparkling eyes snared hers but she fought their terrible pull.
‘Of course you care. You’re a decent man. But you don’t love me. And that’s what I want. A man who loves me.’
For a long, long moment he stood, unmoving, looking down at her from his superior height, his expression unreadable.
‘That night I tried to kiss you, the night of our betrothal ball, it wasn’t what you thought.’
Of all the things he might have said that was the least expected. Why wasn’t Paul agreeing that it was time she left? Why rehash the past?
‘My father had a word with me after our betrothal.’ Paul’s mouth quirked up at one side but she read no amusement in that lop-sided smile. ‘Too late, he told me I shouldn’t assume you wanted to marry me. He mentioned you’d been seen with a handsome young count in Tarentia. But that you’d been made to give him up to do your duty and marry me.’
Eva’s head jerked up. She knew who he was talking about. She’d gone on a date with the count, had kissed him, and thought about doing much more with him, to cure herself of her infatuation with Paul. But when it came to the crunch she’d shied away.
Paul spread his hands. ‘I was a young man with a young man’s pride, so perhaps I didn’t handle it well, but I had to know how you felt about me.’
‘That’s why you offered to kiss me?’
He inclined his head. ‘When you declined and looked at me with that frozen stare I knew you didn’t really want to marry me. I decided then and there to set you free.’
Eva stared, amazed at this new explanation for the excruciating scene she remembered.
‘I told my father I was calling off the engagement.’ Paul’s expression turned grim. ‘That’s when he informed me he’d already spent the portion of your dowry that was handed over on our engagement. I had no way of paying that back so no way of releasing you.’
Eva stared, realising how well that explained his distance, always polite but never anything more than that.
‘Thank you for telling me.’ The truth made it better somehow. ‘But you didn’t love me then and you don’t now.’ She was proud of the fact her words sounded even, almost crisp. ‘So it’s better that I leave.’
Warm fingers folded around hers and Eva looked down to see his strong hand cradling hers. The sight made her heartbeat blip and her breath hitch.
‘No, I didn’t love you, Eva.’
Her breath released in a silent sigh. The truth shouldn’t hurt. She’d known it so long she should be used to it. Yet the pain was there, the ever-present ache behind her ribs.
‘But I do now.’
‘Sorry?’ She swung her head up to meet eyes of heart-stopping blue and an expression that made her insides dance. He wasn’t smiling. If anything, Paul looked grave.
‘I love you, Eva.’
She tugged her hand but his grip held. So did that stunning, bright gaze, like lapis lazuli.
‘Don’t, Paul. You don’t have to pretend. I’ll tell you if there’s a baby, I promise.’
‘This has nothing to do with whether or not you’re pregnant.’
Her heart stuttered then took up a chaotic rhythm.
‘I love you. That’s why I don’t want you to go. Because I want to marry you and spend the rest of our days together.’
Her lips trembled. Eva realised her control was crumbling. Any minute now there’d be tears, for this was too much. She blinked and straightened her crumpled mouth.
‘You want someone to share your burdens, that’s all. But believe me, Paul, there’ll be women lining up to the other side of the island once they know you’re single again.’
‘I don’t want any woman but you.’
She opened her mouth but her words died when he pressed his finger to her lips.
‘When you came to St Ancilla this time, I’d resolved to end the betrothal. But, when it came to it, I was strangely unsettled. I knew it was the honourable thing to do, but it didn’t sit right and I didn’t know why. Later that night, I discovered why.’ He drew a deep breath that expanded his chest hugely. ‘I wanted you, Eva. I’d never known anything like it—desire so brutally potent it cut through every scruple, every good intention to keep my distance.’
Heat licked Eva’s veins. She knew exactly what he meant. It had been like that for her too. It still was.
Stiffly she shrugged. ‘Lust. That’s all.’
His head swung from side to side. ‘Don’t downplay it, Eva. I’ve never felt anything so powerful in my life. Well, except for once.’
She didn’t want to hear this. Surely he wasn’t going to tell her about some other woman? She cringed.
‘It was the same night. When I
saw that guy groping you, threatening you.’ Paul’s mouth twisted. ‘I felt a roar of rage so powerful, I couldn’t control myself. The idea of him touching you... I couldn’t bear it. I’d have acted no matter who you were, but that fury was because he hurt you.’ He hesitated. ‘And because you’re mine.’
Eva blinked, thrown off-balance by his words. ‘Officially yours, because of the betrothal agreement, but not really yours. Not in ways that matter.’
He was playing with her emotions and she didn’t think she could bear it.
‘That’s what I used to think. But that night it made no difference. I always counted myself a civilised man, Eva, but that night, once I got my hands on him, I didn’t want to stop.’
Stunned, she stared up at him, seeing something in Paul’s face she’d never seen before.
‘I told myself it was the heat of the moment. And later that it was just sex and four years’ abstinence that made our night together seem remarkable. But my feelings for you didn’t dim. They grew. I watch you with my people and you’re wonderful. I look forward to the time we spend together every day. I value your opinions. I admire your courage and determination. I care about you, Eva.’
‘I know you do, Paul, but that’s not love.’
Why wouldn’t he just let her go? This was torture.
He reached for her other hand, grasping them both tightly, as if willing her to understand.
‘I’m trying to sound reasonable, Eva. Because what I feel doesn’t seem reasonable at all. My heart thuds faster when you’re around. Or even when I think of you. When you smile at me, my heart squeezes so tight, sometimes I can’t breathe. I think of you all the time, imagining what you’re doing, wondering how I can make you smile, make you stay with me. The thought of you leaving scares me.’
He ground to a halt and to her amazement Eva realised his breath had turned ragged and there was a pulse beating frantically at his temple. As if he was in true distress.
What he described was so familiar. And the look on his face...
‘Paul, you—’
‘Please, Eva. It’s my turn. Let me tell you.’
He waited and, torn between hope and disbelief, she nodded, her heart racing dangerously fast.
Paul squeezed her fingers, his eyes never leaving hers. She shivered from her scalp to her toes, rocked by the profundity of that stare. She’d never seen him look so serious, or so determined.
‘I want to share my life with you, Eva—not because you’re a perfect princess who’ll do me proud, but because I can’t imagine not having you by my side.’
He swallowed and her gaze tracked the jerky movement, reading his tension. Eva dragged in a sharp, sustaining breath that burned in her tight lungs.
‘I want to have children with you and raise them together. Not as I was raised, but in a loving, warm family.’ His searing gaze held hers and she could almost swear she heard sparks sizzle. ‘Or, if we can’t have children, then we’ll make a wonderful aunt and uncle team for our nephews and nieces.’
‘Oh, Paul.’ Her throat was so clogged, the words were a whisper she doubted he heard.
He was turning her inside out.
‘I want to grow old with you, Eva. Though not just yet. There are too many things I want to enjoy with you before we reach old age.’ Paul lifted first one hand then the other to his lips, kissing her knuckles, sending flutters of delight through her.
‘I can’t tell you the exact moment I fell in love with you, darling, but I can tell you I will always love you.’
He sighed, then breathed in deeply while Eva still struggled for breath. What he said, the way he said it, was unlike anything she’d ever imagined. Far better than any fantasy. For this was real. So real and raw, it came close to pain.
‘Are you going to say something?’
His voice was the same, strong and deep, but she didn’t miss the hint of a tremor. Eva felt it too in the powerful hands grasping hers.
She freed one hand, saw him frown as she did so then planted her palm on his wide chest. There it was again—a tremor. His heart beat strongly but unevenly. Its rhythm matched hers, too quick and hard for comfort.
Slowly Eva smiled, the radiance of love given and returned unfurling within her. She watched him see it and his own mouth curved up into a grin so wide, she felt it brand her with its brilliance.
‘I say yes. Please.’
They had so much to talk about, so much to share. But that would wait. It had to, for suddenly his arms were around her, her hands were grabbing his shoulders and they were kissing with all the passion, longing and triumph of lovers who’d finally, against the odds, found each other. Lovers secure in the knowledge that this was the beginning of their very own happily-ever-after.
EPILOGUE
AS THEY WALTZED together at his birthday ball, around them whirled a multitude of guests, some from his wife’s homeland of Tarentia, some from further afield—like his half-sister Caro and her husband Jake, who lived mainly in Sydney. Though most guests in the gilded ballroom came from St Ancilla.
It warmed Paul’s heart, the way his people had welcomed Eva, and the way she’d responded with true generosity of spirit. On the day of their wedding, nine months ago, there’d been no whisper in his country of disquiet or innuendo about his bride, no raking up of scandalous old gossip.
His people loved her almost as much as he did.
His heart lurched as he looked down at her, slim and smiling in his arms, her off-the-shoulder dress of aquamarine a perfect match for her favourite tiara.
The enormity of his feelings hit him and he hesitated a second longer than optimal on a turn. Instantly bright silvery eyes snared his. His heart gave a mighty thump. They were so attuned, he still found it hard to believe.
‘Paul?’
The music ended and he raised Eva’s fingers to his lips. He didn’t dare kiss her on the lips, as he’d learned that even a crowd of onlookers couldn’t stop him wanting more when he tasted her mouth.
She really was the most special woman.
Suddenly it was imperative that he tell her so. Putting her arm in his, he led them through the glamorous crowd, nodding and chatting briefly as they passed, but never stopping.
Caro, vibrant with her red hair, jade-green dress and glorious smile, caught his eye from one side of the room. She waved a beckoning hand to where she stood with Jake and another couple, Eva’s brother Leo and a woman he didn’t recognise.
Soon, he mouthed to his sister. He had something vital to do before mingling with guests.
‘Is anything wrong?’ Eva asked under her breath as his pace quickened.
‘No, nothing wrong.’
He pressed her hand as they approached wide French doors guarded by a staff member in formal dress. Moments later they were on a private terrace looking out over the royal gardens. From around the corner came the sound of voices where guests took in the views.
The door closed and Paul turned to his wife.
‘You’re beautiful,’ he breathed, his gaze fixed on her shining eyes.
‘Thank you.’ Her smile grew impish. ‘You brush up well yourself, Your Handsomeness. Half the women in there are in love with you, but you’re mine, and I’m not letting you go.’
‘Excellent.’ He lashed his arms around her. ‘As for other women, I didn’t notice them. I was too busy warning off the men salivating at the sight of you.’
Eva shook her head as if she didn’t believe him, but it was true. Love made him possessive. It was a good thing he trusted his wife totally.
‘Why are we here?’
His mouth curved in a private smile. ‘Because I need to kiss you, my sweet, and tell you how much I love you.’
Eva looped her hands around his neck, a siren smile curving her lips. ‘Wonderful. I was just thinking the same thing. I love you too, Paul, so very much.’
Grinning now, he lowered his head, only to pause when she put her finger to his lips.
‘Since we’re here to talk about important things...’
‘Yes?’ Impatience stirred. It had been hours since he’d kissed her.
‘I have something to tell you too. A birthday surprise.’
He nodded. Hard to believe it had been a whole year since the extraordinary night he and Eva had confronted their feelings for each other.
‘You know I love surprises.’ He glanced around them. ‘Though perhaps with a little more privacy.’
His wife shook her head with an attempt at prim censure that didn’t reach her eyes. Then her expression turned serious. She reached round and grabbed one of his hands. A moment later it rested on her belly. Instantly his fingers splayed wide. He loved touching Eva, even through her dress...
‘We’re going to have a baby.’
He gaped down at her. ‘We are?’
It had turned out that early pregnancy scare was a false alarm. He hadn’t minded. He’d been happy to have Eva all to himself, though lately he’d thought she fretted a little whenever her period arrived. ‘Are you happy?’ he asked.
She nodded but her eyes looked huge as she surveyed him. As if waiting for his response.
‘Good,’ he growled, feeling a whole host of emotions slam into him. Delight, pride, excitement and not a little fear.
Paul tilted her chin up with a hand that was just a fraction unsteady, all the while holding her gaze.
‘I didn’t think anything could come near the joy of hearing that you love me. And now you give me this.’ He pressed a gentle, almost reverent kiss to her lips. ‘I don’t know how I can ever give you anything to make you as happy as I am now.’
Her mouth eased into a wide smile as she threaded her fingers through the hair at the back of his skull.