by Lizzy Prince
“It might have been that you were just blocking us, or anyone really, from connecting to your magic. A sort of self-defense your body created while you were asleep,” Ryan said, and I snorted at the word asleep. I wasn’t so sure I’d call passing out sleeping.
Ryan gave me a sheepish look before he continued, “Can you try to access your magic? You don’t need to do anything, just see if you can connect with it.”
I licked my lips, self-consciousness skittering over me and leaving me feeling exposed as I thought of doing magic in front of Ryan and Munro. Not to mention Lola was close by as well. Maggie didn’t count since she’d seen me trip over my own feet in my underwear before. There was basically nothing embarrassing left that I hadn’t already done in front of Maggie at one point or another.
“I’ll just wait in the kitchen.” Ryan stood up quickly, understanding part of my tension and left the room to me and Munro.
We sat quietly, and I struggled to understand what I wanted. Did I want Munro to follow Ryan and leave me to attempt this alone? Or did I want him to stay, even if he wouldn't be doing anything but sitting there? I’d never done magic without him close by. It had been a condition of the binding spell he and Ryan had placed on me, but now that I’d blown that to bits I didn’t technically need him close to use magic.
Now, as we sat in the living room, I didn’t know if I wanted him there as my crutch or if I just didn’t want him to leave. Whatever mess we were going through, I wasn’t ready to delve into how we moved forward. If we moved forward. I could only focus on one small task at a time. That was all I was capable of—one foot in front of the next. Sensing my indecision, Munro moved to stand but I held my hand up to stop him.
“It’s okay, you can stay. Just, close your eyes or something,” I said. Him watching me while my eyes were closed made a jumble of nervous feelings bounce around under my skin until I had the urge to start itching.
“Okay,” he said softly and sat back down.
He closed his eyes almost the second he sat. Following suit, I closed my eyes and focused on my breathing, taking a few calming breaths first before I started searching for those golden sparks I’d come to associate with magic. My mind was quiet and still but there was nothing. No spark, no rain-drenched forests that I’d come to associate with Munro’s magic, just a yawning abyss of darkness.
Panic welled up inside of me, and my throat tightened as my eyes flew open. Munro was still sitting with his eyes closed obeying my request while patiently waiting for me to find my magic. Feeling like I hadn’t taken a deep breath in hours, I gasped in huge lungsful of air, trying to fill them to their limit before releasing my breath back out. Munro must have heard the uneven hitch of my breathing because his eyes opened, and concern shone in their gray depths.
“It’s gone, there’s just nothing there. I can’t feel it. I couldn’t feel you like I always did before,” I said, shaking my head as my breaths grew more rapid and ragged. Someone might have to go get me a paper bag before I passed out. That did something right?
Munro leaned forward in his chair. His hand starting to reach out toward me until he realized what he was doing and pulled it back. “Annie, it’s okay. We’ve got a plan. It’s not gone, just buried deep.”
“Why can’t I find it? If I was the one who buried it, why can’t I dig it up?” There was a quaver in my voice as the reality of being helpless against Hattie washed over me. Well, more helpless than I’d been before.
“It was instinct, and your magic took over, casting a spell way more powerful than you are capable of now. But we’ll figure it out, Annie,” Munro said sternly, looking determined to convince me.
I stared at him, his eyes anchoring me to the room, hell, to the world, and my breathing slowed along with my racing heart. Whether or not I should, I believed him. I believed he would do whatever it took to get my magic back and keep me safe. Munro’s body was practically vibrating as he forced himself to stay still. I could see him fighting not to reach out to comfort me, like it was an instinct he couldn’t restrain, but he was doing it because right then I wasn’t comfortable with his touch.
My attention shifted away from Munro when a bald, tattooed giant of a man came thundering down the steps. His face broke into a contagious smile when he saw me.
“Annie-girl! You’re awake. And looking human again.” His voice was thick with a Louisiana accent and it warmed me from the inside out with the genuine feeling I heard in it.
He came into the living room and around the couch to sit on the coffee table in front of me. It was sturdy, but I worried it couldn’t handle a man as big as Butch perched on it so casually. Warm blue eyes looked at me and he held out his hand in greeting.
“I’m Butch. In case you didn’t remember from yesterday.”
I smiled at him, feeling at ease immediately. “I do remember, but it’s nice to officially meet you,” I replied, holding out my hand to shake his.
Butch enfolded my hand in both of his huge paws and held it for a moment. “Hmm… everything still locked up tight huh?”
“Um…” I didn’t know how to respond because I wasn’t sure if he was talking about my magic. And if he was, how did he know I had it on lockdown?
Ryan must have heard Butch from the kitchen because he came back into the living room, raising a questioning brow in my direction. I answered with a pathetic little shake of my head, feeling my brows scrunch in distress.
“Annie was trying to figure that out,” Ryan said, bringing Butch’s attention over to him. Butch released my hand and moved to sit in a chair on the other side of the couch, opposite Munro.
Butch didn’t seem to think he was inserting himself into a private conversation, and I didn’t have the heart to tell him to get lost. He was too nice, and I knew I’d feel like a jerk if I did. I could hear Maggie talking to Lola out in the kitchen and from the sound of things, it was a completely one-sided conversation. Bless her fierce and tiny frame for being such a good friend. I owed her pancakes or cupcakes, or something in the cake family.
Turning my attention to the trio of men sitting around me, I finally stopped at Munro.
“What now? What is the plan with everything? How do I get my magic to show its face again, and what are we going to do about Hattie? Speaking of Hattie, does anyone want to clue me in on why she’s on a…” I stumbled over my words, annoyed that I disrupted my impressive ranting. “Um… witch hunt, so to speak.”
“I think we need to get in touch with Mari.” Ryan’s eyes darted over to me before he looked back at Munro.
“Do you think that’s wise?” Munro didn’t even glance my way, but I could tell he was trying to telegraph all sorts of information to Ryan with his eyes.
“I don’t think we have a choice.”
Their conversation about me like I wasn’t in the room was about to drive me off the deep end. If I took out a pen from my bag and stabbed someone in the leg, I could not be held accountable. They would have brought it on themselves.
Blinking slowly as if that might suppress my irritation, I rolled my eyes before I snapped. “Yeah, let’s get Mari involved. Decision made,”
Anger and annoyance saturated my voice. Munro slanted his head, looking at me with a frown and opened his mouth to speak before closing it as though he had second thoughts about what he was about to say.
“Also, who is Mari and why do we need to get her involved?”
Ryan looked at me with a pained expression on his face, tilting his head and opening his mouth only to close it again. I was sitting with a bunch of fish, just opening and closing their mouths. I turned to Butch with a raised brow, waiting for him to join the dumb face fraternity, but he just shrugged like he thought they were idiots too.
“I don’t know a Mari. Sorry, Annie-girl.”
I gave Butch an understanding smile and turned back to Munro to demand more information when Lola came sauntering into the room like she was walking a fucking catwalk. Maggie followed closely behind and looked at m
e with a grimace and a shrug that told me Lola hadn’t been the most pleasant conversationalist.
“What did I miss?” Lola drawled, and my nerves grated. Although I was sure ninety percent of my distaste had to do with the way her eyes practically devoured Munro when she looked at him.
Maggie rolled her eyes with exaggerated disgust behind Lola, and I had to bite my lips not to laugh. Munro must have seen it too because he had a disapproving look on his face that couldn’t quite cover up the smile he was trying to keep off of his lips.
“Not much Lols, just recapping yesterday,” Butch tossed out in Lola’s direction. Before I had a chance to even think about interjecting, Munro stood up, catching my eye.
“Will you come outside with me for a second?”
I heard the uncertainty in his voice. He wasn’t sure if I wanted to be alone with him, but I wasn’t scared of him, not physically. It was my trust that had been shredded by all of the secrets he’d kept from me. There was so much I didn’t know about him or his past, and so much I didn’t know about magic that I needed him to teach me. I felt betrayed that he’d held so much from me when I’d been an open book, willing to let him access all of me without reservation.
I realized the entire room was staring at me while I’d been lost in my thoughts. Swiftly I stood and gritted out a terse yes as I moved to the front door to grab my coat with Munro trailing just behind. He opened the door before I got the chance and held it for me as I slipped by him.
The cool December air helped to chill my cheeks which had gotten awfully hot at some point inside. I took a deep breath and exhaled, watching my breath huff out in a barrel of smoky fog in front of me. I wished I could exhale some of the burdens swirling around inside of me just as easily.
Zipping up my coat, I stuffed my hands in the pockets for warmth and walked around the wrapped front porch. I wanted to get away from the windows that looked into the living room. There were too many prying eyes in there. Once we reached the side of the house, I turned to lean back against a heavy column and propped my hip on the railing that curved around the old Victorian house.
There was a set of wicker chairs that were faded and dirty like they’d been left out for the past ten winters in front of me, but Munro didn't sit in them either. Instead, he came to stand by the railing next to me, resting his hip as he angled his body in my direction.
“I wanted the chance to talk without an audience,” he finally spoke, zipping up a heather green hoodie he’d grabbed before we’d walked out the front door. It wasn’t thick enough for this kind of weather, but he didn’t seem too bothered by the cold because he pushed the sleeves up his forearms before crossing his arms over his chest.
“Okay,” I said gently because I did appreciate the privacy. It had been getting a little too crowded in their living room.
“I wanted to tell you about Mari in private.” His shoulders were slumped as his eyes scanned my face, and I saw guilt in them. It made my stomach clench with worry. Great, was Mari another not-a-drag-queen friend? Munro’s lips were pressed together tightly like he was struggling with how to break the news, whatever the news was, and I couldn’t take it any longer.
“Just rip the Band-Aid off. What is it?”
Munro nodded as if he accepted the wisdom of my statement and said, “Mari’s your aunt.”
“What?” The word lingered in my mouth like I was speaking in slow motion. Goosebumps rose up over every inch of my skin, and I felt his words like a jolt of electricity.
Munro licked his lips, and his discomfort rattled me. His uncertainty over the last day was throwing me off balance. I wasn’t used to him feeling uncomfortable or unsteady with his emotions. He was bull-headed and strong and knew his mind. Seeing him so anxious was like seeing a parent cry. Uncomfortable and just plain wrong.
“I didn’t want to tell you about her in there, in front of everyone, because I wasn’t sure if you knew anything about her.” He looked in askance of me, and I shook my head.
“No. I know nothing apparently,” I said as I slumped back against the column, feeling like it was hard to hold my body upright. My limbs felt weighted with anchors at the news. How did I have a family I knew nothing about?
Was she my mom’s sister, my dad’s? Why didn’t I know about her? Was it on purpose? Was she not a good person? All of these thoughts jackhammered around in my head, and I couldn’t focus on any of them long enough to speak them out loud. Instead, I just asked, “Who is she?”
“She’s your mom’s sister.” He said, pulling his hand over his face. I noted that he needed to shave and closed my eyes, trying to gain some focus.
Even though I knew it had to be either my mom or dad’s sister, hearing him say it out loud almost crushed me. I had an aunt. My mom had a sister. A sister she never talked about in fifteen years. My cheeks were burning again, and I unzipped my coat a little to let some of the cold air cool me down. Embarrassment crept over me, but I couldn’t quite put a name to why. Maybe because it appeared as though my mom had lied to me? That someone who I hadn’t even known a year ago knew more about my life than I did? When I didn’t say anything, Munro continued.
“When your mom hid from Hattie, she had to leave everything behind. All of her connections, they were too dangerous to keep. Ryan hadn’t seen her for over fifteen years when she showed up at our house asking for help.”
“Is she a witch too?” Trying to pull all of the various threads together made me uncertain what to ask.
“Yeah. She is. I think your mom didn’t go to her for help because Hattie would have been expecting it. She was probably worried that going to Mari would lead her right back here to you.” Munro answered the question I hadn’t even voiced.
“A fat lot of good that did,” I murmured, as a fresh wave of guilt washed over me, intent on drowning me in the feeling.
Munro lifted his hand like he wanted to reach out for me but must have reconsidered the motion because he placed it back down on the railing. It was starting to become a habit.
“Does Mari know about me? Does she know that my parents are… gone?” Oh God, were we going to have to go find her and do a surprise baby reveal slash obituary notice? Sounded real fun.
“Yes, she knows about you.” He hesitated for a moment, but not long enough for me to push him for more information. “But I don’t know if she knows what happened to your parents.”
More questions started to surface, and I felt like I was barely treading water. My chest was tight and I knew I was breathing but the air didn’t seem to be making its way to my lungs.
“You and Ryan came here, but she didn’t?”
Was she bitter that my mom had disappeared from her life? Would she hold my mom’s actions against me? Munro frowned, and I focused on him instead of all my disordered thoughts.
“She doesn’t know where you are.”
“You and Ryan never told her?” Ice coated my voice as anger and disbelief numbed me. My face was paralyzed, like all feeling had disappeared from my body.
Munro stood up and shoved his hands in the pockets of his sweatshirt, standing in front of me, a defensive slant to his shoulders.
“Annie, you have to understand, we’ve been trying to find Hattie for years. Even more so after your mom came to see us. We didn’t know about your parents until we found you. It was a delicate balance, trying to search but not alert Hattie.” He grimaced as he said that last bit. “Not realizing she’d already found you.”
I rubbed my forehead between my brows feeling a headache blooming there. My limbs feeling so tired and limp that even the thought of moving was too difficult. Everything that was happening was too much and I wanted to go home, hide under the covers and only come out when someone else had fixed all my problems. But that wasn’t how life worked.
“You should have told me Munro. Just like you should have told me half a dozen other things!”
Munro ran his eyes over me, taking in the sag of my shoulders and the bags that were carrying smaller ba
gs under my eyes. I could see that he was carrying his own burdens—guilt, fear, pain—but my heart was too seized up just then to acknowledge it.
“I should have done a lot of things differently, Annie.”
We stared at one another, our gaze unbreaking. His was determined but I could see the need for forgiveness within the gray depths. I knew mine showed anger, but also hope, because I had an aunt. My throat choked up with emotion and I blinked away from Munro’s intense eyes.
There was the barest hint of hope in his voice as he spoke, cutting through the cold silence that had settled between us. “How do you feel about a trip to New York?”
Chapter 3
“You guys get it all sorted out?” Butch’s good-natured voice practically clobbered us as we walked in the front door. I shrugged out of my sweatshirt and tossed it on one of the front entry hooks, still feeling heated after our conversation outside.
Everyone was still sitting in the living room. Maggie had taken over the spot I’d vacated on the couch, and Lola was in the chair where Munro had been sitting.
Munro grunted in response and I didn’t add anything else because, really, what was there to say. Yeah, hey, just learned of another secret Munro had been keeping from me and this one is a real kick in the ovaries. Not like the others hadn’t been too.
“Ryan?” Munro gave his uncle a look and nodded toward the kitchen.
Ryan gave me a tentative smile and headed after Munro. Butch must have felt he was missing out on the action because he got up a moment later and invited himself to the party in the kitchen. That left me, Maggie and Lola sitting around in the world’s most uncomfortable social gathering. Each of our faces displayed various levels of discomfort like we were at the dentist waiting for a tooth extraction.
I gave myself a mental scolding. I’d spoken less than a dozen words to this woman. Maybe she was really lovely, and I’d let my assumptions sour our interactions. Shifting onto the couch to sit next to Maggie, I told myself to try to be civil and make nice. She was obviously friends with Munro, so I could try not to hate her immediately. Or at the very least try not to be a total bitch out the gate.