by Ivy Smoak
“Awesome. This one’s on me.”
Thank God. I didn’t want to accidentally overdraw my account.
We walked back out in the rain, holding our books close to our chests so they wouldn’t get wet. “I should have driven,” I said.
“These books are ridiculously heavy. Especially the new ones. Is it just me or do the new ones feel extra heavy?”
I laughed. “Right? We pay so much for tuition. Textbooks should be included.”
“Add it to the list of how you’re going to change the world for the better.”
Most people who’d say something like that would be sarcastic. But not Penny. She believed in me. Her kind smile was proof of it. I stood up a little taller. I was going to change the world for the better. One case at a time. I was going to kick the world’s butt.
After Penny grabbed the pizza we had the almost impossible task of balancing it, the umbrella, and the books, all while trying not to get anything wet. And we did it all while complaining about our minimum wage retail jobs. We were pretty talented.
“I think we should get an A for multi-tasking,” I said when we got back to our dorm. I dumped the books onto my desk and stared down at the boxes and suitcases I had left everywhere.
Penny jumped onto my bed and opened up the pizza box on her lap. “Hopefully we’ll be as good at our classes this semester as we are at balancing awkward objects in a rainstorm.”
I sat down beside her and grabbed a slice of pizza. “Okay, I know you’ve been doing your best avoiding talking about Austin for the past few hours, but I need you to tell me exactly what happened. How many times did you call him?”
She shrugged. “I don’t know…several maybe?”
“And voicemails?”
“Only two where I actually talked. Possibly four if you count my breathing. But I don’t think he’ll put it together that it was me.”
“Unless he got any other calls in his recent call log, he’ll know it’s you.”
Penny squished her mouth to the side.
“But that’s if he even knows how to look at something like that.”
Penny laughed.
“And he’s pretty much an idiot in my book if he’s not calling you back.”
“Thanks, Melissa.”
“What made you decide to come to campus early anyway? You hadn’t heard from him all summer, right?”
“Yeah.” She slowly chewed her bite of pizza. “But he said he missed me. And if I’m being entirely honest, I missed him too. I never wanted to take a break in the first place. If you can even call it a break. God, I think I just hate him.”
I laughed. “Maybe you just need to see him one more time to get him out of your system. If he won’t return your calls, is there anywhere you could just casually run into him?” I thought about how seeing Connor had done the exact opposite for me. It had just messed with my head. But before I could tell her, she started talking.
“You know, you might be right. And I know for a fact that he goes to that coffee shop on Main Street most mornings before class. I could just see him tomorrow morning instead of stressing over the calls.”
It was a bad idea. Technically it wouldn’t even be a casual run in if it was so planned. But she looked excited. Just because seeing my ex hadn’t helped me didn’t mean it wouldn’t help her. She had been hung up for Austin for a long time. He was her first everything. Except for boyfriend. He was decidedly against labels. And to me, he was decidedly an ass. I only put up with him because Penny seemed smitten.
“Or you could just ghost him,” I said. Like he’s doing to you. “Forget about his sorry ass.” I grabbed another slice of pizza.
“No, I like your idea of running into him in the morning. I either have to get closure or see him to talk about if we’re going to keep going with whatever this is.”
The closure one. It’s absolutely the closure one. How could she possibly want to rekindle their lack of relationship? But I bit my tongue. She needed to make her own decision here. “Then you have to look super hot so he eats his heart out when you tell him it’s over.”
She laughed and pointed to some clothes that were folded on her bed. “I already have my outfit picked out for tomorrow.”
I walked over to her bed and examined the plain blue tank top and black leggings. Standard attire. She needed killer attire. “How about a dress?” I asked. The one I had left with my mom would have been perfect. It would have made Penny’s blue eyes pop as much as the tank top, but it would have been way cuter.
Penny shook her head. “I want to be comfortable on the first day of classes. And that’s my favorite tank top.”
“Dresses are comfortable.”
“Maybe to you. I’ll wear a pushup bra. It’ll be fine.”
I laughed. “Fair enough. Flaunt what you’ve got. What about a skirt with heels to go with the tank top?” Compromise was a wonderful thing.
“I’m pretty sure it’s going to rain. I’m going to wear my rain boots.”
“Not the hideous red ones you had last semester.”
“Melissa! I only have one pair. Of course it’s the red ones.”
I shook my head. “Penny, you can’t wear big clunky rain boots on the first day of class. Let alone when you’re trying to shove it in a guy’s face that he missed out on being with you.”
“But they’re comfortable.”
I laughed. This was useless. And if I was being completely honest, I didn’t want Austin to want her back. Austin was a dick. Penny deserved someone a million times better. Like that guy playing basketball with his perfect smile and carefree persona. Not him, though. I wanted him. I swallowed the piece of pizza I realized I had been chewing for way too long. What the hell was I even thinking? How could I want someone I didn’t even know?
“Hey, you okay?” asked Penny.
“What? Yeah, I’m fine.”
“I’ve been so busy obsessing with Austin I haven’t even asked if you were seeing anyone.”
I sighed. “Definitely not seeing anyone.”
“So…you’re still caught up on Connor?”
Why had I ever told her about Connor? “Of course not.”
“So…it’s that guy that you hooked up with outside that frat house?”
“Who?” I asked even though I remembered who. “No.”
“Oh, then is it the one that you gave head to in…”
“Okay I don’t need a whole rundown of all the mistakes I’ve made. You were right with your first guess. I saw Connor last night and he was fucking engaged.” I shoved the rest of my slice in my mouth and tried to focus on Penny’s horrible outfit choice again to no avail.
“Wait, what? Isn’t he like…19?”
“Yeah. I know, it was super weird. And she looked even younger than us.”
“I’m so sorry, Melissa.”
I shrugged. “Honestly I just feel bad for her. She probably doesn’t realize he’s a dick.”
“Do you want to talk about it?”
She had seen right past my blow off. “There’s nothing to talk about. I was the one that broke up with him. I shouldn’t be upset about this.”
“You’re allowed to be upset.”
I was allowed to be upset. And her saying it for some reason made me burst into tears.
“Oh, Melissa.” She climbed off the bed and wrapped her arms around me. “One day, you’re going to find someone way more deserving of you than Connor Barnes. And more handsome. And sexier. And just all around a good guy.”
I laughed into her shoulder. “I know. I just…I gave him everything, you know.”
“Yeah, I do.”
I squeezed her back.
“And if you ask me, you dodged a bullet. I’ve never met the idiot, but what kind of weirdo gets engaged when they’re 19?”
“Their wedding is this winter too, so he’ll officially be married when he’s 19 as well.”
“Total weirdo.”
I laughed. “Agreed. God, tonight’s supposed to be fun
.” I brushed away my tears and pulled away from her hug. “And this pizza won’t fit in our fridge. We have to finish it.”
“So we’re eating our feelings?”
“Absolutely,” I said.
“Count me in.” We both climbed back on my unmade bed.
“You know, I think this is for the best,” I said. “I think maybe I still was kinda sorta hung up on him?”
“No, really?”
I laughed. “Just like you are with Austin.”
“Well he’s scared of a relationship so I doubt he’s getting married any time soon. So how am I supposed to officially get over him?”
“By knowing for a fact that it’s over. Closure tomorrow.” I pointed my pizza slice at her. “No rekindling your romance.”
“You’re probably right.”
“Besides, if you really do officially call it quits with A-hole Austin tomorrow, we’ll both be single at the same time and sophomore year will be so much fun.”
“That’s true. Although I’m not sure I’m going to be ready to make quite as many risqué mistakes as you.”
“Not in the outfit you’re planning on wearing tomorrow you aren’t,” I said with a laugh.
“I will literally slap you with this piece of pizza if you make fun of my outfit one more time.”
“No you won’t.”
She shrugged, knowing I was right, and took another bite before tossing it back in the box. “Okay, I have an official proclamation. Let’s have our best year ever.”
“To totally rub it in Austin and Connor’s faces?”
“And to, you know…be happy.”
I smiled. “Sounds reasonable.”
“Best year ever?” She put her hand out for me to shake.
“Best year ever!” Instead of shaking her hand I threw both of mine into the air and fell backward in my bed.
She laughed and did the same.
Chapter 3
Tuesday
I successfully applied a little more eyeshadow to Penny’s eyelids before she slapped my hand away.
“I don’t want to look like a hooker on the first day of class,” she said and gave me a hard stare, which just caused me to laugh.
“You couldn’t possibly look like a hooker in that outfit.” She was currently sporting the very same blue tank top and black leggings I had begged her not to wear.
“Good.” She glanced in the mirror. “And fine, it actually doesn’t look overdone at all. Why are you so good at this? No one ever taught me how to apply eyeshadow properly.”
I shrugged. “Sitting with my mom on Fridays while she got ready for date nights had its perks.” It seemed like such a normal thing to have done. But I knew it wasn’t everyone’s normal. Penny’s Friday nights had involved family board game nights with her parents. We were from different worlds.
“I don’t even think my mom owns eye shadow,” she said.
“I’m sure that isn’t true. Mrs. Taylor can definitely rock a nice taupe.”
Penny laughed. “With absolutely zero sparkles.” She turned toward me. “Thank you for helping me with this. I’m totally useless.”
“You’re not useless. But you do need me.” I smiled at her. “You know…to tell you when your outfit sucks.”
She ignored me, walked over to her closet, and pulled out her bright red rain boots. They would be the final nail in the coffin of her terrible relationship with Austin, so I wasn’t sure why I was trying to get her to wear something else. Maybe it was just because it was a total fashion faux pas and I didn’t want her to start classes looking like a trash goblin. I watched her slip on the boots. No matter what I seemed to say though, Penny would not change her outfit. One more try. “They look like something that my grandmother would wear while gardening.”
“So…cute and practical?” She smiled at me.
I rolled my eyes. “You’re impossible.”
“I really don’t see why it matters. I’m probably just going to tell him we’re officially done anyway." She grabbed her ridiculously bright red umbrella that matched her rain boots perfectly.
Such a mom move. Actually, I felt like the mom in this situation. It felt like my little baby was growing up. Rebelling and not listening to my advice at all. “Good luck. And remember he’s an ass.”
She nodded, suddenly looking nervous. “What if he doesn’t show up?”
“Then your breakup was meant to be.”
“Right. Okay.” She took a deep breath. “Meet me for lunch?”
“Who the hell else would I be eating with?”
She laughed.
“Have a good first day breaking boys’ hearts.”
“You too, Melissa. And don’t forget to take an umbrella, it’s going to rain all day.”
Our roles reversed right in front of my eyes. She was definitely the mom in our relationship. I waved goodbye and started getting ready for my own day.
***
I was good at small talk and acquaintances. But as for real friends? Penny was my only one. I guess that’s what happens when you live with someone for a year. They break down all your walls.
Honestly, I liked having tons of acquaintances instead of close friends. Real friends meant talking about hard things like when your ex got engaged to someone else. I didn’t want anyone else to know that. It made me feel…pathetic. A bunch of people that were barely friends meant I could plaster on a smile and pretend everything was alright until I eventually believed it was true.
Besides, I never truly felt alone in a room because there was always someone I knew. Which was why I didn’t panic when the professor said there’d be a group project. I was sitting next to Kells, Abby, and Bethany. Or was it Britney? Shit, had I really forgotten her name? I tried to glance at her notebook out of the corner of my eye. But she wasn’t a five year old girl doodling her name in bubble letters, so no luck. I shook away the thought. It was definitely Bethany.
“So figure out your groups, write down the names, and hand me your decisions before heading out,” the professor said.
I leaned forward in my seat to see the rest of the girls in my row. “Us four?” I asked.
“Absolutely,” Bethany said. “Let me just write it down for him.” She pulled a page out of her notebook. And the first name she wrote was Britney.
Oh, crap. It really was Britney instead of Bethany. I’ll remember that this time. “See you guys on Thursday,” I said and slung my backpack over my shoulder.
“Except for me,” Kells said. “I’ll see you sooner. We have women’s studies tomorrow, remember?”
“Right.” We had signed up for it together at the end of last semester. “See you tomorrow then, Kells.” I walked away before she realized that I had actually forgotten all about it. Out of the three of them, Kells was the sweetest. So I was glad I’d have another class with her. I waved to someone from my class earlier today on the way down the stairs and pushed out into the hot summer air. It should be illegal to hold class inside when the weather was this nice.
I twirled around in a circle when I got to the path that cut through the center of the green. I couldn’t even contain myself. There was nothing in the world I loved more than this exact spot on campus. With a backpack full of books and the sunshine on my hair.
When a stopped twirling, I looked up to see a very amused smile on a familiar face. For a second it felt like I stopped breathing. It was the carefree guy who'd been shooting hoops with his friends yesterday. The one that looked so at peace. The one that could definitely find a girl that wasn’t as damaged as me. He was wearing a fitted t-shirt that showed off his perfect muscles. It wasn’t fair that anyone could look as good as he did. He was impossibly hot and he was still staring at me with his charming smile.
Instead of smiling back, I looked down at my feet. God, what is wrong with me? I wasn’t at home in a cornfield. I was in the middle of freaking campus being embarrassing. He was probably laughing at me as everyone else was trying to avoid running into me. Why did I suddenly car
e about what other people thought, anyway? I never had before.
What am I doing? I’m not that person. I had just been thinking that I was good at small talk. And I was even better at flirting. And I didn’t get embarrassed when I was completely myself. Connor had messed with my head. I looked back up, but the handsome stranger was gone. I turned around and almost knocked into someone on the path. “Sorry,” I said.
I wanted to rewind time. I wanted to lock eyes with him and make a joke to hear him laugh. I wanted to be pulled into his carefree world where my past didn’t matter. Only the future. And I wanted him to see the real me, not whatever weird remnant of me was here after hearing Connor was engaged. I didn’t recognize this insecure person I had become. I needed to get rid of her. I just didn’t know how.
By the time I got to the dining hall, Penny was already standing outside fiddling with the umbrella in her hand. For the record, it wasn’t raining right this second. So the umbrella and boots were totally unnecessary. But the weird rain gear wasn’t the most alarming part of her outfit anymore. She was wearing a super unflattering, manly looking gray sweater. Did I mention that it was baggy?
Her face lit up when she saw me.
“Tell me you broke his heart, made him cry, kicked him in the nuts, and stole his sweater for good measure?” Not that I could picture Austin wearing that sweater. It was much too sophisticated for him. Plus it smelled strongly of cologne. Again…too sophisticated for Austin.
Penny laughed. “None of that.”
“Then why are you so happy?” Oh God, they got back together. Couldn’t she see that Austin was the absolute worst?
“I met a guy.”
I practically squealed. “So you and Austin are officially done?”
“He didn't bother to show up, but yes. Screw him.”
“Wow, that turned around quickly. How’d you meet this new guy? Tell me everything.”
She nodded and grabbed my arm, pulling me toward the dining hall. “Melissa, I literally ran into him and acted like a complete idiot. But you would have too. He was seriously gorgeous.”