by Karin Baine
If he’d taken the time to recount the conversation they’d had, the way she’d shrunk away from him at the suggestion of having a baby together, he would’ve realised he was pushing her too quickly. Instead he’d panicked and thrown the biggest commitment he could at her in the hope she’d realise he was serious—that he was moving on from Renata. He could see now that his actions seemed desperate rather than impulsive, but it didn’t have to mean the end for them.
Running out of time to make amends, he gave chase, catching up with her just before she boarded the ship.
‘Sophie! Wait!’ He saw her hesitation before she stopped, which broke his heart a little more. She’d briefly considered carrying on and pretending not to hear him, without giving him one last chance.
‘We can’t leave it like this, Sophie. Forget what I said. It was a spur-of-the-moment, idiotic thing to say.’
‘Which part? Having a baby with someone I hardly know? Getting married? Giving up everything so you can lock me away until I produce the next in the Montavano line? I can’t just forget it, Luciano. I don’t want any of that and I won’t marry you, now or ever.’ She left no room for misunderstanding with the brutal rejection.
‘Okay, okay, I’m sorry. Marriage is off the table but we can still be together. You said you wanted to travel. You could still come out here. We could find a way to make this work.’
As she shook her head she dislodged the tears clinging to her eyelashes. It wasn’t a good portent for future plans.
‘I don’t think so. Not now. You’ve reminded me how very different we are.’
‘Opposites attract,’ he said in a last-ditch attempt to convince her.
‘No one’s doubting there’s chemistry between us but I think we’re incompatible where it matters. I’ve been in that kind of relationship before. It doesn’t work unless we compromise who we are for the other person. I’m not prepared to do that again for anyone.’
‘Tell me what you want me to do to make this right. I’ll do whatever it takes to salvage this.’
‘Don’t you see? Then you’re compromising who you are and what you want in order to keep me happy. It’s not a recipe for success. It’s not being honest. I was attracted to you because I thought it was exciting giving everything up to sail around the world. It’s become clear that’s not the real you. You ran away from the life you had but deep down you need to admit to yourself it’s the one you want back. There’s nothing wrong with that but I can’t be part of it. If I give up my job and my home it will be to do something amazing, something exciting. I’m afraid settling down again isn’t part of that.’
‘You don’t think what we’ve shared hasn’t been amazing and exciting?’
‘You know it was but unless we spend the rest of our days on board this ship, it simply isn’t sustainable. I don’t want what you’re offering. You need a partner who’s going to stick around long term and give you babies. I’m not that girl. Thank you for everything, Luciano. I’m never ever going to forget you, or this trip, but it’s over.’ She swiped her tears away and forced a smile that made him want to weep too.
‘So this is really goodbye?’ He couldn’t quite believe how this was ending when last night their future had seemed so full of possibilities. This morning when he’d remembered they hadn’t used any contraception he’d had that same frisson in his veins, his blood pumping harder around his body, as if she’d shown him a positive pregnancy test. There was a chance of a baby, of becoming a father, having a family again, and that prospect had overridden all the pain that had caused in the past. Even if he couldn’t have all that, he still wanted Sophie in his life.
‘Yes.’ Her tone and body language were firm, but it was Sophie who instigated one last sad, lingering kiss. It only reinforced the enormity of his loss to have her walk out of his life. Grief attacked his body like a swarm of bees stinging him all over, piercing his skin and poisoning his blood until his throat swelled up and he couldn’t breathe.
‘Goodbye, Luciano. I’ll never forget you.’
He was so choked up, so desolate as she left him standing there that he didn’t even get to say a last farewell before she was gone.
Though they hadn’t known each other long, he knew life was never going to be the same without her. She’d shown him that he couldn’t hide for ever. He had a family and a life to return to. He only wished Sophie was going back to it with him.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
IT HAD BEEN five weeks since Sophie had returned home. In some ways it seemed more like five years. Sometimes more like five hours. She’d gone straight back to work as though she’d never left, which hadn’t helped her sullen mood.
It was nice to see her patients and colleagues but nothing here was as thrilling as anything she’d left back at the ship: sun, sea and sex with Luciano in exchange for senior citizens and bedpans. It wasn’t in her nature to be mean but that was how it felt.
When Edith turned up at her door, unexpectedly, she burst into tears. ‘I am so happy to see you.’
‘So I see. Now, are you going to invite me in or let me freeze out here on your doorstep?’
‘Sorry. Come in.’ Sophie stood aside to let her neighbour shuffle inside. She was still trying to get used to the dramatic change in temperature herself, along with everything else. Never mind having to get up in the dark to go to work and cook her own meals, getting used to her own company again was leaving a lot to be desired in the wake of her holiday.
Edith flopped down onto her settee with a soft ‘Oof.’
‘You look well.’ Sophie saw the colour in her cheeks and the renewed spark about her, probably as a result of being in the bosom of her family again. She knew how it was to thrive in the company of others.
When she’d been with Luciano she’d flourished. She’d actually felt herself blooming like a flower in the sun. Since coming home she’d withered, wilting into the shadows, and not merely because of the inclement weather. Part of her was missing. Her heart. She’d left it back on the ship with Luciano. Coming back had highlighted the contrast between their lives and the one he’d offered her away from here.
It had been too much, too soon. If he’d given her time to get used to sharing her life with someone again, they might have had a different outcome. She would never have married him but she might have been working somewhere more glamorous, living somewhere gorgeous, loving someone fabulous. She might have been happy. At this moment in time she couldn’t see how she could be any more miserable than she was now. If things hadn’t worked out she could’ve moved on the way she used to do. A relationship didn’t have to be a death sentence to the individual but she’d learned that too late.
‘Mmm... I wish I could say the same about you. You look a bit under the weather, not at all how I left you on the ship. Missing your doctor?’
Sophie wasn’t sure if it was Edith’s on-point perception or her knowing wink that unnerved her more. She’d always been able to see right through her. All the times she’d thought she’d adequately faked her happiness with Ryan, Edith had known all along what had been going on.
‘No. Not at all,’ she spluttered, her denial too quick to be plausible. ‘I have been a bit peaky. It might be a stomach bug or something.’
Sophie could feel Edith’s eyes burning into her soul, seeing the lie for herself, but it wasn’t going to make any difference to her situation by telling her the truth. She’d only worry or blame herself for the predicament Sophie currently found herself in.
‘Maybe you need a holiday.’ Edith’s mischievous, twinkly-eyed smile managed to stop her from feeling sorry for herself for a moment.
‘Ha-ha.’ That was what had got her into this mess in the first place. ‘I don’t think I’ll be travelling again any time soon.’
‘That’s a shame. I was half expecting you to have eloped with Dr M. by the time I got back.’
She had nothing to
say to that.
‘There was a definite spark between you two and then he went to all that trouble so I could speak to you.’
There seemed little point in holding back the truth when Edith had it all figured out anyway. ‘We might have had a bit of a fling.’
Sophie tried to fake nonchalance but even the mention of it made her blush, her heart pumping all the harder.
‘I knew it!’ Edith clapped her hands together, clearly delighted by the news. ‘I’m so pleased for you.’
Sophie held out a hand before she got so carried away by the idea of their romance that she bounced off the settee and did herself an injury. ‘It was a fling, that’s all. We haven’t stayed in touch but it’s not all bad news. That trip made me realise how unhappy I am with my lot. I’ve handed in my notice at work and I’m thinking of selling up. No idea what I’m doing after that but I have to make a change.’
‘Good.’
It wasn’t the reaction she’d expected, especially when it had taken Sophie considerably longer to come to the conclusion it would be the best course of action for her.
‘I know it must come as a shock to you. You’ve been such a good neighbour and friend, Edith. I can never thank you enough for the cruise and I’ll come and visit you when I can.’ Edith was the one thing she’d worried about when making her decision. She’d had so many health problems and with her family living abroad she didn’t have anyone else looking out for her.
‘Don’t you worry about me. I’m glad to see you getting your spark back. Actually, I have some news for you too. That’s why I came back. John wants me to go and live with him and the family in Spain. He’s gone now to see the estate agent about putting the house up for sale. I said yes, of course. I’m getting on a bit and I don’t want to miss whatever time I have left with my family.’
‘That’s fantastic. I’m so pleased for you.’ Sophie went over to give her a hug, tears forming with happiness that Edith wasn’t going to be alone any more, but also with sadness at losing her friend.
‘You’ll come and visit me. John says there’s a bed for you whenever you need one. I’ve told everyone how you’ve looked after me and I know they’re looking forward to meeting you. You will stop by on your travels, won’t you?’ There was a slight waver in Edith’s bravado that almost set Sophie off too. She was worried they might never see each other again and the thought was too horrible to contemplate.
‘It will be top of my list of places to visit,’ she reassured Edith. Since going to recuperate with her family, she had a new lease of life. Instead of sitting in her front room by the gas fire, watching daytime TV, Sophie could see herself dining al fresco under the Spanish sun.
It brought unbidden images of Luciano, sitting around a table sharing antipasto with his family in the idyllic Italian countryside. Would that really have been so bad? Being part of that couldn’t be worse than sitting here at night alone with a TV dinner on her knees.
Edith’s fantastic recovery was proof that the power of love could work wonders for a person. At the time she couldn’t believe Luciano could have fallen in love with her so quickly, that it was simply the euphoria of a new romance clouding his judgement. Yet deep down she knew he wouldn’t have proposed unless he’d meant it when marriage and family had been so important to him. She’d had a lot of time to think since coming back and had come to the conclusion that it was the thought of falling in love with Luciano that had scared her more than anything. It left her feeling vulnerable and she had a right to be wary after the fallout from her last impulsive dive into a relationship. Except she reckoned she was suffering more being so far away from Luciano than if they’d attempted a long-term relationship and failed.
‘Earth to Sophie.’ Edith interrupted her wandering mind to remind her that they were both sitting in her living room and not lying on the deck of a cruise ship.
‘Pardon?’
‘Your thoughts are clearly still back there with your dishy doc. Is there no hope of you two getting back together?’ The idea of a fling was probably an alien concept to Edith, who’d married her first love and been with him for forty-five years. There hadn’t been anyone else. To her generation, when you met ‘the one’ you never let them go, even after death.
She thought of Luciano and his grief for his wife and unborn children. He’d had the same opinion when she’d first met him. That no one could replace the love he’d lost. By the end of the holiday he’d proposed to her. Perhaps she’d meant more to him than just a mere replacement for what he’d lost. She’d thrown it back in his face and run home. Away from temptation, away from a chance of loving again and away from being loved. Instead, she’d played it safe, or so she’d thought. Now she was alone and more broken-hearted than ever.
She shook her head. ‘I said some horrible things I can never take back. I wouldn’t even know where to find him.’
‘You’ve thought about it?’
She’d thought of little else over these past weeks and how different her life could have been. They could’ve found a way to make it work, or at least tried.
‘He’s crossed my mind on occasion,’ she said with a wry smile she knew wouldn’t fool Edith.
‘I’m sure the cruise company could track him down for you. Trust me, the only things you regret are the things you didn’t take a chance on.’ Edith got to her feet and Sophie escorted her to the door with the warning ringing in her ears, reinforcing what her gut and her heart were already telling her to do. Take a chance.
‘I’ll think about it. In the meantime, you take care of yourself and let me know if there’s anything I can do for you.’
‘John’s sorting everything out for me but I will want to see you before we go back. Hopefully with a plane ticket in your hand and Luciano’s itinerary.’
‘I’m not making any promises.’ She had to admire her soon-to-be ex-neighbour’s tenacity. It was that sheer bloody-mindedness that had no doubt saved her life on the holiday and now she was equally as determined to see Sophie and Luciano paired off. If only it was that simple.
Edith patted her on the cheek in that way only a grandmother could get away with. ‘Don’t live with any regrets.’ She started off down the path then turned back. ‘Oh, and tell him about the baby. It’s only fair. He’d make a great dad.’
Sophie was left standing on the doorstep open-mouthed, wondering how on earth Edith had figured out the secret she’d been slowly coming to terms with herself. She’d come home with something more special than a fridge magnet to remind her of her trip. It was part of the reason she’d been prompted into making those big life changes, knowing that if she stayed as she was she’d be stuck in this rut for ever with a baby to raise. This was her last chance to get away, relocate and start over before she was tasked with the responsibility of raising another human—something that would require a certain level of stability.
She’d considered contacting Luciano. After everything he’d been through she knew how strong his desire was to have a family but confirming her pregnancy would have left her open to further complications. Luciano was currently under no obligation to her for anything, but a child would change that.
He would definitely want to be an integral part of their baby’s life and she didn’t know how that was going to work out if he was still sailing around the world. That’s if he still wanted anything to do with her. They’d been caught in a romantic fantasy and the reality could prove different. He might’ve even found someone else by now. After all she’d told him, she didn’t want anything he was offering. It wasn’t true. She’d been scared of what he’d offered. A future. A family. For ever.
She wasn’t going to put him under any obligation to do anything in case he had moved on and made different plans. When she told him about the baby she’d make that clear. It would be difficult enough to see him again after her brutal rejection of his proposal, without going back to dump some more life-c
hanging news upon him.
Was she hoping for more than an acknowledgement of impending parenthood? Yes. It was too bad she’d tossed it away so carelessly and now she was afraid it was too late. Even if she knew how to contact him. Which she didn’t. She definitely didn’t.
CHAPTER TWELVE
‘LET ME AT least set the table, Mamma,’ Luciano pleaded, trying to be useful in some capacity.
‘No. Sit. Sit. You are the guest of honour today.’ His mother pushed down on his shoulders, forcing him into his seat at the head of the tables shoved together on the porch.
‘This is Papà’s seat. I haven’t done anything to deserve it.’ He was embarrassed by the fuss, his parents and siblings treating him as though he was a celebrity.
‘You came back to us, son. That means more than anything.’ Unnervingly, his stoic father was welling up as he shook his hand.
Luciano was forced to sit and watch as his family swarmed around him, filling the tables with enough food to feed an army. He felt like a fraud. A conman who’d benefited from the generosity of vulnerable people under false pretences. He didn’t deserve praise and he certainly didn’t want to celebrate past, or present, failures. Left to himself, he would have slipped quietly back into his old life as though he’d never run away from it.
‘I came home a month ago. You made a big enough fuss then.’ The crying, the kissing and hugging when he’d shown up unannounced had convinced him he’d made the right decision, although he hadn’t imagined the outpouring of gratitude and affection to extend this long. He just wanted to get back to normal. At least as normal as it got around here without Renata or Sophie.