Love, Riley: Redemption Highway: Briarwood

by Leaona Luxx

  “How’s that? So, I gave her a phone and some groceries. I want to take care of her.” I shrug.

  “You’ve also given her more love than she’s ever known. Now, in her mind, it’s gone. Give her time, she’ll find her way home.” He’s right. But she’s given me so much more.

  “How can I be sure she’ll wait?” I can’t help my doubts and fears.

  “Remind her.” He gives me his easy smile.

  “I appreciate the talk, I guess I have a lot to do.” He nods with me. “We good here?”

  “Yeah, we got you.” He smiles. “What about the keys when we’re done?”

  “I had planned for you to give them to Ava but I guess, Walker?”

  “We’ll work it out. Be safe and get back home to her, that’s the best way to show her.” He stands, offering his hand. “Thank you for your service.”

  “You’re welcome, thank you.” I walk toward the front door when Brannon steps from his office.

  “Be safe, Riley.” I nod before pausing.

  “Take care of her?” I ask, hating that I did.

  “Always have.” Brannon can be such a fucker when it comes to Ava.

  “How about trying this…” I step in his face. “Give her a goddamn break. She’s more than proven herself.”

  “I know that, do you?” He fists his hands at his sides.

  “I do,” I huff, angry with myself more than him. “I can’t make her work it out with me if she chooses not to.”

  “Don’t give her the choice,” he growls.

  “And do what, Brannon? Make her love me the way she tried to make you for years?” I bark the truth as if it’s never been heard.

  “She already loves you, asshole. More than she ever loved me.” He shakes his head. “Don’t leave without reminding her.”

  “I won’t.”

  “Stay safe, it’ll destroy her if you don’t come back.” I nod my head. He’s not telling me anything I don’t know already.

  I leave before I say things I don’t need to say to him. I stop by the bank, get my hair cut, and dart into a specialty store for Ava. I have a few more errands before heading to my parents’ house to pack my things. I spend the entire day thinking of Ava.

  I miss her already.

  I stand in the middle of her apartment, looking around at what’s left of us. Even though I love her, I have to leave her. My chest heaves with a crippling ache of missing her. My arms have never felt so small, empty.

  Picking up my bag, I reach inside, grabbing my favorite Panthers t-shirt. It needs to be washed. I usually sleep in it, but I feel as though I need to leave her something. I want her wrapped in me, knowing I’m still here, loving her.

  I lay the shirt on the bed as though I forgot it. I leave the box for her on the nightstand, on my side. The letter, I set by the front door. I rub my chest, where my heart used to be, trying to ease the all-consuming pain.

  I pray we can find our way back home to one another. I’m not sure how I’ll make it without knowing she’s waiting for me. For so long, it’s what got me through the days. Knowing she’d be waiting. No, she wasn’t mine, never had been. But to think she was here and could be, meant everything.

  Now, I have no idea if she’ll ever be again. I’ve done all I can for now, there’s no more time. I have to let her find me. Laying the key beside her letter, I gaze at her place one last time. Before closing the door, I turn and say, ‘I love you, Trouble.’

  My mother and her parties. I love her but, I’ve never felt more undeserving of anything than I do right now. I fight the urge to run to Ava, beg her to stay with me and wait. I know I can’t, and that hurts more than anything.

  I know when she finds out what I’ve done, she’s gonna be mad. That’s okay, I’ll take feisty Ava over this one any day. I had to do it; not just for her, but I needed to know she was going to be safe, taken care of. I’ll be gone for at least six months.

  I give up the fight and make my way over to the edge of the yard. Looking out over where our land is being readied for our home. Pulling my phone from my pocket, I text her old number, praying it goes through.

  Hey, Trouble.

  Party at my parents’, wish you were here.

  You’re more than welcome.

  I understand if you can’t.

  I’ll text you before I board the plane, my phone stays here.

  I love you, Ava.

  Always have, always will.

  I watch my damn phone for an hour, waiting to see if she reads it. If she’ll answer. Or if she decides to come. I see something from the corner of my eye, turning, I watch my big brother walk up to me. His face looks how I feel.

  “Here ya go, man.” He hands me a beer. “You doing okay?”

  “Fuck no. I feel like I’m dying.” I grab my chest, trying to catch my breath. My knees get weak, forcing me to stumble as I try to sit.

  “I get it, but there’s nothing else you can do.” Walker looks out over the back fields.

  “I knew after this morning she’d never come tonight.” I drop my head between my knees.

  “I always thought we’d build houses on these back acres. Our children growing up together, cooking out on the weekends. Camp out in the summers, and holidays with Mom and Dad.” I nod, looking in the same direction. “When you decided to go into the Marines, I stopped dreaming about it.”

  Taken by surprise, I look up at him. “Why?”

  His eyes pull together, he looks pale. “Don’t get me wrong, Riley, we support you. But did you ever consider what it puts your family through? Why do you think Mom throws these parties? Or why Dad is always cracking odd jokes?”

  “I just thought it was them, how they were.” I shrug.

  “Every time you leave, Mom cries for a week. Dad withdraws from everything. It’s their way of coping, readying for anything. Since losing Sallie, they’ve been different. They hold onto life tighter. Never knowing if you’re going to return alive. And even if you do, your job requires an intensive training, specific skills,” he says.

  “I know, I’ve been trained to kill. I’ve also been trained to not be killed,” I try to reassure him.

  “That doesn’t matter to a parent or to someone who loves you.” He shakes his head.

  “What am I supposed to do? I have to go,” I ask with disdain for the situation.

  “Riley, even if you do come home, the things you’ve seen, had to do—we never know if you’ll come back… you. It’s frightening, it’s given me so much more appreciation for you and our parents’. I can’t imagine Ava’s position.” He shoves his hand in his back pocket, unfolding some paper. “Here’s a copy of everything you wanted. If anything were to happen to you, it’s all legal.”

  I take my papers with a heavy heart, knowing he meant well but just adding to my misery. I hear others talk it all the time, but this is the first time my brother has said it to me. Fear. The fear that every deployment brings, me never coming home or if I do, will I be the same.

  One thing’s for sure, I’m going to hug my mom a little tighter. Tell my dad I love him. And get this asshole in one more headlock before the night’s over. And before I leave, I’ll tell Ava I love her, one more time. Like I always have, in a letter.

  “Let’s go harass Dad for a while.” I punch him in the arm.

  “Fuck.” He rubs the spot my fist left. “Why does our mother think you’re still a baby?”

  “Cause I’m her baby, asshole.” I glare at him, making us both laugh.

  I wrap my arm around his shoulder as we walk back to our parents. They beam with pride as we join them, happy we’re together, for now. I spend the evening making polite conversation with our guests, it helps to keep my mind off Ava.

  I moved into the guest house after my first tour. I wanted a little more privacy and my mom wanted me close to home, knowing I would be gone soon. Walking to the closet, I pull down my old box. It’s a simple brown box, the lid doesn’t even lock.

  I sit on the edge of the bed, opening
it. I pull the contents out, looking over the years of letters I’ve written her. From the first one when I was six to the last one I wrote a few minutes ago. Ava’s had my heart for so long, she has no idea that she could never lose it.

  I read through all the years I never had the courage to tell her how I felt. The years I watched her go unloved. My heart breaking every time she chased Brannon. My spirit revived when I would see her again.

  The sway of her hips as she’d walked toward me, the hypnotizing way she walked away. Her lips on mine, the way she tasted. Her face as she lay beneath me. The way her body moved on top of me. Memories burned for life, she and I. Something I thought never would be.

  Placing the pieces of paper back in the box, I lay my last installment in, thanks to Walker. Setting it on the floor beside the bed, I fight sleep for as long as I can. I know when I open my eyes, it’ll be at least six months before I can hold her again.

  “I love you, Ava.”

  I’ve never felt so broken or been in so much pain. The last thing I want to do is go to class. I dress the best I can today, I look like an addict. I suppose I am, I’m addicted to Riley’s love. I know I’ll never be the same.

  I know he can do better than me, and I’ll miss him more than he’ll ever know. I zombie crawl through the day, and Willow texts me multiple times. She offered, once again, for me to stay with her for a little while longer. I wasn’t home for a night and I’m ready to leave because he’s not there. I said no but then Lea texted and asked me to think it over for a few more days.

  I’m wasting away at work. I’ve enjoy working at the library. the past few weeks have just been hard, and I’m ready to have a good cry and a hot bath. Driving to Willow’s, I make a mental note of all I need to get from my apartment to last a few more days.

  I’ve read Riley’s text a hundred times, it gets no easier. I always thought love was so simple. You fall in love and live happily ever after. I guess Brannon and Torrie should’ve taught me something. Because of me and life, it took them ten years to find their happily ever after.

  I toss and turn for the better part of the night, nothing but thoughts of Riley. I have to see him. There’s no way he can leave without me seeing him. I don’t care what we’ve said or done, I need him. I need to be in his arms tonight, even if it’s one last time.

  I put on a haltered summer dress and pile my hair on my head. Slipping into the driver’s seat, I’m surprised as to how nervous I am. On the drive over, I think only of Riley, what his love means to me and if I’ll survive his leaving the next few months.

  I pull into his driveway, hesitating before I go further down. I want this, there’s no doubt, but I don’t have the words to say what I’m feeling all I have in my heart and what that means. Will it be enough for him to understand how I feel?

  Will he see the love I have for him and that it will never go away? Whether we make it past this point or not, I want him to know he will be forever in my heart. All my broken pieces fit because of him. He sees the best of me and makes me see it as well.

  I touch the keypad with hesitation, and once the last number is in and the gates swing open, there’s no turning back. Parking beside his truck, I step out, stopping to catch my breath. The closer I get to the guest house, the faster I walk.

  The moon my only light as I stand at his door. I push the door open ever so easy, tiptoeing in. Riley lay on the bed, a light on his nightstand lights up his features. His hair cut shorter, wearing ball shorts that hang low, showing the deep ‘v’ in his abdomen.

  His abs cut and pronounced. His chest broad with his arms, strong enough to hold me up when I think I might fall. His chiseled jaw outlines his perfect structured face. A frown plays on it, his brows pulled low, his mouth set.

  I pull my dress over my head, dropping it to the floor. Climbing on the bed, I do my best not to shift it. His breath hitches and I freeze, my nipples pebbling at his proximity. The warmth of his breath makes hair stand on my arms.

  My leg between his, the other straddling him. I hover over this perfect man who dares to love the unlovable. The unwanted. His love curing me in so many ways, I can’t hold myself together without him. He’s given me so much of the things I’ve lost in life.

  I need to feel him, have him touch me. Tonight, I need to fall for him all over again. I want to fall so head over heels with him in love that our hearts beat as one. Always knowing we aren’t whole until the other is with us.

  I lean in, brushing his lips with mine. I place my lips lightly on his, the feeling making me gasp. I already miss him. I search his face, waiting for him to feel my heart as I feel him when he’s close by. I wait on his heart’s recognition of its counter point.

  His eyes open sleepily, never surprised, thankful. His hands fist in my hair as he presses our lips closer. My breath hitches at his touch, my heart breaking open at the memory. He rolls me over, hovering above me. Searching my eyes for whatever it is he needs, he finds it.

  He takes my mouth as he has my heart, silently and quickly. He presses into me, making me gasp. His hands roam my body, worshipping as they find their way home. I wrap my hands around his head, his hair too short to fist.

  He drags my panties down my legs, breaking our kiss long enough to discard them and his shorts. When he lay over me again, he opens his mouth to speak. I lay my finger on his lips, telling him everything that needs saying is to be shown.

  A tear rolls down my cheek, and his brows pull tight as I wrap my legs around him. He enters me with love, slowly telling me with every push the things I need to know. His last push filling me as I cry out. I’m not sure if it’s from the action or my heart-shattering.

  He stops, gazing into my eyes. I can’t handle the look in his eyes, so I pull his mouth down to mine. Riley rocks into me with a desperately slow push. Pulling from me with the same unhurried rate. His slow-moving speed aims to leave no doubt he’s making love to me.

  Revealing his heart to me in a way we have never shared. Our pace steady, unyielding as we give of ourselves as we never have—a goodbye. My soul shatters as his push and pull rips me apart, placing within me the love he wishes to stay while he’s away.

  My legs slide down over his hips, rubbing his thighs against mine. My feet trail his calves as I twist our limbs together. I want to feel every part of him, burning it to memory as if I’ll never touch him again. My fingers raking his back as I drag them back up his torso.

  I grasp his shoulders, running my hands over his arms. I embrace him, holding him to me. Our bodies sliding against each other, fitting perfectly together. Riley’s hands wander my body, traveling to places I thought were long dead.

  Once, his touch healed my broken pieces. Now, he gathers them up to leave for me to figure them out like a puzzle. His hands hold each side of my face as he stares into my eyes. His thrusts become faster, plunging deeper, marking me as his.

  As if he didn’t already own me.

  I begin rocking my hips, knowing it will bring an end to our time together but needing him to fill me with his love. Our bodies meet in a frenzied desire of a push and pull. My pussy clenching him, trying to hold him deeper, longer. His drives into me harder with shorter pushes.

  Our mouths meet as our climaxes do—together, forcefully. Bringing with it love and pain. The sweet release making the hurt bearable. I squeeze him between my thighs, praying it will hold him here. He slumps over me, taking my breath.

  I almost hope it would; I’m barely holding on, imagining a life without him. When he raises on his elbows, he uses his index finger to trace my features. Watching as he touches every inch of my skin. Blazing a trail that will, without a doubt, leave what’s left of me in ashes.

  We lay here, tangled, binding our souls to one another. We don’t speak, we both know everything that’s been done is all that needs saying. I love him. He loves me. We both pray we can find our way back. Back to us.

  Riley drifts off to sleep; funny how he helped make me feel safe so I could sleep. Now, he sleep
s in my arms. Hours before putting it all on the line, I bring him peace. Another balm for my scars. I hold him to me, praying his body imprints on mine.

  As dawn breaks, I bite my lip, willing the tears to cease as I slip from his bed. And from his life. In my haste, I kick over a box sitting next to the bed. I pick up the papers in a hurry, hoping he doesn’t catch me. I can’t handle a goodbye.

  A name on the paper catches my eye. I flip the lid to find my name is scrawled over the top in different forms of script. Every piece has my name on it. I slide the lid on, stepping away to find my clothes. Before I leave, I grab the box with my name.

  I lean over him, placing one last kiss on his lips and my gift on the nightstand.

  I find myself halfway home when I do a U-turn. I hit the gas, speeding toward Myrtle Beach. My tears fall once again as I think of him leaving and I’m not the last person he sees. I need to be the last thing he sees. The fissure my heart has suffered begins to quake as I pray I make it back to him.

  I park at the airport entrance, racing through every checkpoint I can before actually yelling, “He’s leaving. I have to tell him I love him.” The airport officials have mercy on me when I explain he’s a soldier and I’m crazy for him. “He may not make it back, he’s deploying.”

  Pointed in the right direction, I sprint to his departure gate. His family standing close by the window, I know then he’s already boarded. I push past several onlookers to the wide expanse of glass standing between us.

  I search, switching between his family and the plane, to gauge where he will be. My chest constricts as I get a glimpse of him for the first time in fatigues. He’s breathtaking. As my pride swells, I lay my hand on the window, reaching for him.

  I begin to lose hope when his eyes suddenly dart to me. A smile growing on his face as I fight to dry mine. The plane begins to roll, and I follow it, never moving my hand from the clear barrier. When Riley raises his hand, pressing it against the glass, I fall to my knees.