She turned and ran to her car, hopped in, and skidded away. Schmidt followed close behind, yelling and cursing. He threw a snowball that nearly took out her back window. Not bad for a defensive guy.
Emily took a deep breath as she pulled onto the main road. It was snowing harder now, making it more difficult to distinguish the pavement from the flat land surrounding it. What an idiot Schmidt was. Still, one phrase echoed in her ears over and over: low-life Jersey Shore whore.
Did everyone here think of her that way? Did Charles?
Maybe it was the adrenaline, maybe she was feeling especially bold after her encounter with Schmidt, or maybe it was simply the fact that Charles’s house was nearby and her car was skidding wildly in the snow, but she did something she should have done ten days ago. She pulled over and texted him. “Meet me at the barn.”
CHAPTER FORTY-FOUR
Emily awoke with a start, bumping her head against the metal railing of the loft. It took her a moment to realize where she was. She’d fallen asleep waiting for Charles. How long had she been there? Where was he?
She checked her phone. The only text was a quick “Thx and be careful” from her mom. Emily had sent her a message earlier to let her know she was waiting out the storm at a friend’s house. It was after four o’clock. School should have let out more than an hour ago. There would be no Bulletin this week because of the holiday, so Charles should have been home by now.
A knot formed in her stomach. He wasn’t coming. She’d finally gotten up the nerve to contact him, and he was ignoring her. Now what? She could walk down the lane to his house, but if he didn’t want to see her, what was the point? She sat up and brushed the hay from her jeans. Perhaps the snow had stopped. As she headed toward the staircase, she heard something. The door. A rush of cold air swirled up toward her as it opened.
She peered over the railing to find Charles stomping his boots on the hard concrete and shaking snow off his coat.
He glanced up, and she caught her breath. She’d almost forgotten the intensity of his eyes. He said nothing as he crossed the barn floor and slowly climbed the stairs. With each step he took, Emily grew more nervous. She’d worried so much about whether he would show up, she hadn’t thought about what to say when he got here.
When he reached the loft, he sat down next to her, his expression as cold as the snow still flaking off his coat.
“You made it.”
“This is my barn.”
“Right. I just meant … I was worried.”
“The roads are a mess.”
Of course. “Thanks for coming.”
“Like I said, it’s my barn.”
Emily shrank away from his harsh tone. Tears sprang to her eyes, but she blinked them away. He wanted nothing to do with her now, that was clear, but she had to tell him her side of things. It may not change his opinion, but she needed him to know. She took a deep breath. “So about the video. Not something you expected to see, I’m sure. Not the person you thought you knew, and—”
“What are you talking about?”
“The … you mean, you haven’t seen it?”
“No, of course I’ve … ” Charles’s face turned as red as the outside of the barn. “I mean, I know about the video. Because it’s out there, and you’re in it, and so … yes, I’ve seen it. But that has nothing to do with anything.”
Emily shrank into herself. Great. Now he was thinking about the video. She wished she could crawl beneath the hay and disappear.
Charles kicked the railing, sending a loud metallic clang echoing through the barn, but when he spoke again, his voice had lost its edge. “Listen, Em, I honest to God don’t care about that. It was more than a year ago. Those losers drugged you. And if you look into your eyes, you can see it’s not you, not really.”
Emily smiled despite herself. “You noticed my eyes?”
Charles blushed again and laughed. “That might have been on the second viewing. Which, by the way, was also the last.”
They sat in silence for a moment. Finally, she asked him, “So if it’s not about the video, then what? Because clearly you’re angry with me about something.”
He grabbed a piece of hay and twirled it between his fingers. “Why did you come here?”
Emily shrugged. “Mainly because of my sister. There’s really nothing left for us back in—”
“No, I mean, why did you come here? To the barn? You haven’t said a word to me since, you know … ”
That day on the bridge. Was that it? He thought the kiss—that wonderful, incredible, beautiful kiss—had somehow messed things up between them? Oh, man. “I came here because … ” She reached over and clasped his hand to stop the twirling. “Because I missed you. And I needed to know what you thought about all of this. Because I couldn’t bear it if you thought of me the way everyone else does.”
“What do you mean, the way everyone else does?”
“As … you know.” She pulled her hand away and imitated Schmidt’s drawl. “A low-life Jersey Shore whore.”
“What? What are you talking about? Of course I don’t think of you that way. Nobody thinks of you that way.”
“Oh, some people think of me that way. Trust me.”
“Well, those people are stupid. You should ignore them.” He started again with the twirling. “If you missed me so much, why haven’t you texted or called? Why did you blow me off for two days and then leave without saying goodbye? And why the hell didn’t you come to me when you figured out what was going on with the hacking? That was our story, you know.”
Emily blinked, her thoughts reeling. “Why do you think? I knew as soon as I outed Tommy my cover would be blown. You’d know everything, and I couldn’t deal with that. Which is also why I haven’t texted or called. I had no idea how you’d react.”
“So you decided to shut me out altogether? Because that’s so much better than giving me a chance.”
She closed her eyes. She’d been so worried for so long about what Charles would think if he knew the truth, she hadn’t considered the possibility that she might be hurting him. “I’m sorry. This whole thing has been really hard, you know? A lot to handle. And now to come back and face everyone … ”
Charles finally dropped the piece of hay, and he took her hands in his. “I know. The thing is, you don’t need to handle it alone. I’ll help, but you need to let me.”
Emily leaned into him. “What about the fact that I screwed up the football championship? Does everyone hate me for that? Do you hate me for that? Even a little?”
Charles grimaced. “Okay, I’m not gonna lie. Some people do hate you for that. But I repeat: those people are stupid and should be ignored. If we can’t win fair, what’s the point of winning?” He narrowed his eyes. “You did set off quite a brawl, though. Do you realize I spent a week in detention for jumping Tommy?”
She couldn’t help but smile. “That was a pretty good tackle for a kicker,” she teased. “Though I don’t think it was necessary. For some reason, he seemed to be trying to help me, but I have no idea why.”
“I do,” Charles said. “Believe me, we went over it a million times in Principal Keane’s office.”
“Really? So, why? I’ve been trying to figure it out for the past three weeks.”
Charles reached over and plucked a piece of hay out of her hair. “After you caught Tommy and Coach under the bridge, he started looking for something on you. Of course, the Marshals didn’t make that easy. They had pretty much wiped you off the Internet.”
“But with his hacking skills … ”
“Exactly. He found some pictures of you and the video and figured out basically who you were, but he didn’t know you were in Witness Protection until later. Once he figured that part out, he didn’t really want to out you. I mean, it’s one thing to blow someone’s cover if you think they’re trying to escape an embarrassing video; it’s another when you realize they’re running from the Mob.”
Emily nodded. Mystery solved. “Of course,
he didn’t tell me that since he needed me to keep my mouth shut.”
“Right.” Charles put his arm around her waist. “It was brave of you to speak up. Especially knowing he could blow your cover.”
There was that word again. Brave. Emily shrugged. “I knew I had to head back to Jersey for the trial soon anyway. I didn’t have much to lose. Well, except for you. Which did scare me.”
Charles pulled her into him and kissed her. A long, sweet kiss.
He still wanted to be with her. Even after everything. She knew now she should have trusted him, should have told him sooner about the—
She pulled away and leaned her head into his chest. Tears filled her eyes as she breathed in the smell of his leather coat. “There’s more to it.”
He stroked her hair. “More to what?”
She sat up and scooted away from him. “More to … my past. More than the video.”
A shadow crossed over Charles’s face. “What do you mean?”
She pulled her legs up and wrapped her arms around her knees. He didn’t need to know about all the guys she’d messed around with, but she needed to tell him. How else could she face him? How else could she kiss him? She buried her head into her knees. “After the video got out, people made a lot of assumptions about me. Guys. They had certain expectations, and I … well, I did my best to live up to those expectations.”
Charles said nothing. For a long time, they sat in silence except for her soft sobs.
“What must you think of me?” she asked. “What kind of girl do you think I am?”
Charles placed his hand under her chin and slowly lifted her head until her eyes met his. “What kind of girl do I think you are? I think you’re the kind of girl who would crawl under a tractor to save a tiny kitten. I think you’re the kind of girl who would move to the middle of nowhere to protect her sister. I think you’re the kind of girl who would risk everything to tell the truth for the sake of some girl she didn’t even know.”
Emily reached up and touched his lips, struggling to believe the words that were coming out of them. Is that how he saw her? Even knowing about her past? “I don’t deserve you,” she said finally.
“Of course you do. You deserve better, probably, but lucky for me, the competition in Boyd County is pretty slim.”
She laughed. “I’m pretty sure you’re the only nerdy, strip-dancing, football-superhero, pirate-loving cowboy. Which works for me.”
He rolled his eyes. “I told you, I’m no cowboy.”
“But you don’t deny the nerdy, strip-dancing, football-superhero, pirate-loving parts?”
He shrugged, a smile tugging at his lips. “I’m not much for labels, but if you insist.” He leaned over and kissed her again, a strong, slow, honest kiss. “Thank you for telling me everything. It means a lot. I finally feel like I’m unraveling the mystery that is Emily Slovkowski.”
“I’m not such a mystery,” she said. “Not really.”
“Well, you have been to me. Right down to your tan lines, which apparently were created by this tiny mermaid.” He reached up and stroked her ear cuff.
Emily blushed. She’d forgotten she’d put it on before she left the house.
“So what’s the story with this?”
“Nothing,” she said. “It’s part of who I used to be. Who I am.”
Charles kissed her ear, the tip of her nose, her lips. “Then I like it. I like everything about it.”
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
Writing often is seen as a solitary pursuit, but my writing, at least, is supported by so many. I owe you all a debt of gratitude.
To the Swoon Romance team—with special thanks to Georgia McBride—for taking a chance on a new writer and making my books a reality.
To my agent, Andrea Somberg, who somehow manages to keep the waiting (which is of course the hardest part) to a minimum.
To Ellen Braaf, for always giving so generously of her time and her encouragement.
To Kathy Chappell, whose questions make me see my stories in new ways.
To the Cudas—Lisa Amowitz, Heidi Ayarbe, Pippa Bayliss, Dhonielle Clayton, Trish Eklund, Lindsay Eland, Cathy Giordiano, Cyndy Henzel, Christine Faul Johnson, and Kate Milford. You are my tribe.
To the Writer’s Center, with special thanks to my fellow WC-Leesburg Committee members, Brash, Ellen Braaf, Louise Baxter, Brad Holzwart, Jeff Kleinman, Jennifer March, and Val Patterson.
To fellow writers Tom Angleberger, Erica Chapman, and Noreen Wald.
To my many friends in the SCBWI Mid-Atlantic Chapter, the Blue Boards, the Virginia Chapter of Romance Writers of America, and the Young Adult Chapter of Romance Writers of America.
To my college roommate Karen Folco, who will never let me forget it if I don’t acknowledge her.
To the LifeSigns Youth, with a special shout out to Claire G. and Emily J., who helped inspire one of my favorite lines in the book.
To my parents, Bea and Ted Acorn, and my siblings, Deb Acorn, Karen Benfield, and Ted Acorn, whose unending support means so much.
To Eris and Sarah, who are too far away but remain close in my thoughts.
To Joe, always to Joe.
And to God, in whom all things are possible.
LINDA BUDZINSKI
Linda Budzinski lives in Northern Virginia with her husband, Joe, and their feisty chihuahua, Demitria. She has two step-daughters, Eris and Sarah. She grew up in a tiny town in southeastern Pennsylvania called West Grove, and in the second grade decided she wanted to be a “Paperback Writer,” just like in the Beatles song. She majored in journalism in college and now works in nonprofit marketing and communications. She’s a sucker for romance and reality TV and has been known to turn off her phone’s ringer when watching “The Bachelor.” Her favorite flower is the daisy, her favorite food is chocolate, and her favorite song is “Amazing Grace.” Her first novel, THE FUNERAL SINGER, was released in September 2013 by Swoon Romance YA.
OTHER GMMG TITLES YOU MIGHT LIKE
THE FUNERAL SINGER
LIFE IN THE NO-DATING ZONE
RIVAL DREAMS
LOUDER THAN WORDS
Find more awesome teen romance books at
http://www.myswoonromance.com/
Connect with Swoon Romance online:
Facebook: www.Facebook.com/swoonromance
Twitter: https://twitter.com/SwoonRomance
You Tube: www.youtube.com/SwoonRomance
Blog: www.month9booksblog.com
Instagram: https://instagram.com/swoonromance
Request review copies via [email protected]
Table of Contents
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Sixteen
Chapter Seventeen
Chapter Eighteen
Chapter Nineteen
Chapter Twenty
Chapter Twenty-One
Chapter Twenty-Two
Chapter Twenty-Three
Chapter Twenty-Four
Chapter Twenty-Five
Chapter Twenty-Six
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Chapter Thirty
Chapter Thirty-One
Chapter Thirty-Two
Chapter Thirty-Three
Chapter Thirty-Four
Chapter Thirty-Five
Chapter Thirty-Six
Chapter Thirty-Seven
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Chapter Thirty-Nine
Chapter Forty
Chapter Forty-One
Chapter Forty-Two
Chapter Forty-Three
Acknowledgements
About the Author
Other GMMG Titles You Might Like
Em and Em Page 17