by Dave Hazel
“Our missions were always to arrive at our locations in a timely manner,” Nomorek added. “So there was never the desire to confront the Kachjens.”
“We would never venture into the forest,” Soonme added. “We have always been warned to stay on the path.”
“There would be no reason to take their self-declared lands from them because there is nothing we would desire to hold on to,” Clontab said to give his two cents. “If the Supreme Ruler desired to annihilate them it would be done quickly and viciously.”
“The problem with that,” Hidtotim said and looked upward as if he was thinking through his understanding of the situation. “There would be no benefit to destroy the foul beasts. The Supreme Ruler would not commit the forces to take over and hold on to the ground that is currently occupied by the Kachjens.”
“That makes sense,” Mykal replied and turned to the older wizard. “Nordad, have you ever heard of these Kachjens?”
“No, I have never heard of such a group of,” the old wizard paused when he wasn’t sure whether to call them people or creatures.
“A group of fat ugly little lying tubs of shit,” Roy Jr. scoffed to be funny. “That’s what they sounds like to me. A group of fat assed ugly little lying Buddha tubs of shit,” he said with a snarl to get the men to laugh and they did laugh with him.
“Or in other words, Kimberly, his last girlfriend,” Randy quickly added which caused another roar of laughter.
“My brother is right,” Roy Jr. laughed with them. “Cuz that lard ass, lyin’, tub ‘o crap I was hooked up with would always try to stab me in the back after she lied her friggin face off to me,” he added and laughed. He could laugh about it now that a year had gone by and the heartache was replaced with anger. “When I go back to North Dakota I’m just gonna start calling that ol’ gal Kachjens. It has a nice ring for a lying tub o’ lard that used to be my girlfriend.”
“In the Marine Corps we call those type of females Suzy Rotten Crotch,” Anka said and started to laugh.
Ferria high fived him and laughed with him. “Ooh-rah brother,” Ferria laughed.
“Kachjens or Suzy Rotten Crotch or Kimberly, it’s all the same to me,” Roy Jr. Laughed and they all continued to laugh with him. It seemed to be easy to attack an imaginary villain that enabled Roy Jr. to be the butt of the joke.
“I do not know what the name of their race would be,” Soonme said to continue when he didn’t seem to understand their humor. “We have always known them as Kachjens because the name of their queen is Kachjensim. They all look like their queen. She mates with her offspring thus the appearance is carried on down the line. So you may also want to call the name of your old girl friend Kachjensim, which would be a more accurate name,” Soonme said with a seriousness that caused the men to start laughing. He didn’t seem to realize Roy Jr. was joking.
“Is there anything else we need to know about the Humpty Dumpty Kachjens?” Randy asked. “Besides the fact my brother might try to hook up with the queen once he sees her. You know, just to bring back old memories,” he added and caused the men to start laughing including his brother, the target of his dig.
“As was indicated, the Kachjens speak the common tongue,” Hidtotim said. “They do speak their own language which is a difficult language to understand. They use much grunting and hooting like large apes.”
“They talk like apes?” Roy Jr. laughed out loud. “So we got this big ass fat blonde haired Buddha type babe who lies like hell and they grunt like apes? Oh this is good. This is real good. It is making me feel more and more like I’m back home,” he added for the expected laugh.
“It does sound humorous as your people seem to express,” Hidtotim said. “From my short time with your people I have a small understanding how your men reason and I could understand a little of your thinking when it comes to expressing your humor. So I understand what you consider may be funny, however the Kachjens can be dangerous if one is not on guard with them. They can be like vicious animals.”
“I’m glad you’re starting to understand our humor,” Mykal said and laughed. “But we wouldn’t take them lightly.”
“No, we wouldn’t take them fat assed bitches called Kimberly -- oops I mean Kachjens lightly,” Roy Jr. laughed out loud and got the others to laugh with them when he pretended to accidently insert the name of his ex-girlfriend from Gilby, North Dakota. “Cuz we know they will lie to our faces and try to stab us in the back,” he added and raised his hand to high five any who would high five him. Most of the men high fived Roy Jr. including Nordad and his two men since they grew to understand the strange sense of humor of the people from Mykal’s world.
“Well, since we found out what the symbols pertain to, maybe we should head back to the group so we can head out,” Mykal suggested.
“Thanks Mykal,” Lieutenant Finley said with a wink and thumbs up. “I was just going to say that too.”
About twenty yards away near the bend in the road that blocked their view much farther away, they all could hear the whimpering of a dog or an animal that sounded like a dog that had been injured. They all turned to the sound of a dog crying to see what looked like a large golden retriever limping along the road. The dog looked close to a hundred pounds and limped like it was hurt. Its tongue hung out of its mouth and didn’t seem to see them standing there. The dog stopped walking, stood still for a moment and looked back as if to ensure it wasn’t being followed. It took a couple more short steps and collapsed.
Mykal’s heart went out to the animal immediately and something inside of him wanted to cry out for the animal. ‘Damn it,’ he huffed in thought and looked down at the ring on his middle finger. He knew the magic ring was causing his emotions to get out of control over a dog that appeared to be hurt.
“Aw man, what’s wrong with that doggie?” Randy asked and looked like he also was touched by the injured animal. “Man, I love dogs,” he admitted before they judged him as being soft. “Let’s go check it out and see if there is something we can do to help it.”
“Animals do not mean much to the people of our world,” Hidtotim said as if he was trying to say they wouldn’t normally give the injured animal the time of day. “They can sometimes be used as working beasts,” he added as if to show Randy that he wasn’t heartless or cruel when it came to the care of such creatures.
“Where we come from, we love our dogs,” Roy Jr. said. He raised his rifle and spied it through his scope to get a closer view. “I don’t see any blood or arrows,” he declared after his quick visual inspection was completed. “Let’s go check it out, unless you don’t think we should,” he said to Lieutenant Finley as if to get permission. “If it’s hurt bad we’ll put it outta its misery or maybe there is something we can do to set it on its way.”
Lieutenant Finley paused as if he was thinking over their options. “Yes, that’s fine,” he replied. “We’re not far from the main group and then we’ll return after we check it out. Let’s go.”
“Why would one care if the beast was injured or not?” Egoneal asked and looked slightly confused by their sentimental feelings for an animal. “It is only a four legged beast,” he added and looked to his partner Uminair who had the same point of view concerning a four legged creature because he too was an Elf and four legged beasts are used for work or for food.
“Where we come from, dogs are great pets,” Mykal answered. “Actually we treat them like they are part of our family. They are great companions back in our world. Some people love them as much as they love their family members and where we are from dogs earn their place. They are called man’s best friend and I’ve always loved my dogs too. So we hate to see anything bad happen to dogs,” he explained while they slowly approached the whimpering animal that was now lying on its side and trying to look in all directions.
The whimpering seemed to increase as they neared it. Mykal believed the dog was either scared or seriously injured since it didn’t wag its tail. He remembered a dog struck by a car that sti
ll wagged its tail when people approached it to help it. ‘Or maybe dogs are treated so differently here on this side of Towbar’s world that they don’t wag their tails when people approach,’ he wondered.
“This is really odd to hear,” Uminair the Elf said. “Your people seem to be so advanced with your weapons and machinery. Your knowledge must be a higher form of knowledge and yet you allow emotions to be lowered to such creatures. That is amazing,” he added but it didn’t sound like a positive comment.
“I have six dogs at home,” Green Beret Sergeant Aubrey said and laughed lightly because he knew the Elves and some of the others couldn’t possibly understand his love for the four legged creatures. “You don’t know what the hell you are missing by not connecting and allowing the closeness of a dog in your life.”
“I hear ya on that Sarge,” Roy Jr. said in agreement and laughed while he raised his hand for Sergeant Aubrey to high five him. “These damn pointy ears wouldn’t know a good thing if it came up and bit them on the ass,” he added and laughed. “I’m joking, I’m joking,” he clarified when the two Elves gave a disappointed look. “The good thing to bite you on the ass would be a dog of course,” he continued to laugh when they didn’t get his joke. “Damn, I wish Starling was here,” he added playfully as if Starling would have caught his wisecrack.
They approached the injured dog cautiously. Most of the men watched the surrounding area to insure there were no other dangers since the dog was injured. They agreed it had to have been injured from something in the general locale. They were also cautious because they didn’t want the injured dog to be frightened of them and in turn attack them to protect itself.
Green Beret Sergeant Aubrey approached the whimpering animal with a heartfelt concern. The animal kept looking back from where it came from and didn’t really seem to be concerned with the approaching group of strangers though it started to wag its tail while lying on the ground and continued to whimper. Aubrey dropped on his knees and slowly moved toward the injured dog to make sure he wouldn’t get bit. The dog seemed to allow him to get close enough and then Aubrey gently stroked the injured canine. He opened his canteen and slowly poured small amounts of water onto the poor pooch’s open mouth. The whimpering dog lapped up the water from Aubrey’s canteen and kept looking behind it from where it came from.
Mykal wasn’t sure if he was just being paranoid but he thought it odd the creature would look behind it from where it came from rather than from the approaching group of twenty-two strangers. Something in Mykal’s ‘gut’ didn’t feel right but he wasn’t sure what it was. He knew his emotions seemed be all over the place, but to be paranoid over an injured dog after his heart almost broke when he heard the original cries of the animal just didn’t seem right. He looked over to his closest friend the giant Towbar and Towbar seemed to be bored or somewhat confused by the waste of time on such a situation.
“I do not understand my friend,” Towbar said quietly.
“Understand what buddy?”
“I know you humans from your world love your animals and are devoted to your creatures,” Towbar said while eyeing the area as they approached the injured golden retriever. “However this is a stranger creature in a faraway place on the other side of my world. Why would there be the least concern for such a stray beast?”
Mykal couldn’t keep from laughing at Towbar’s observation. “You have to understand, dogs are dogs. We love our dogs. Now if it had been a cat,” he joked as if his feelings for a member of the feline group would have been received much differently. “I’m kidding, I’m kidding, we love all animals,” he snickered but his words were stopped short when the sound of air slicing near his ear exposed that their group came under sudden attack.
At least twelve arrows had been fired into their group from the tree line. There was a yell from the trees that sounded more like grunts and hoots from apes. As Aubrey tended the injured golden retriever he was struck with three arrows. One struck him in his forehead and two others drilled into his chest. Green Beret Aubrey collapsed and dropped near the dog. His canteen fell and the water spilled from within onto the dirt ground. Sergeant Aubrey died while trying to minister to the injured animal and the dog jumped to its four legs and began to bark as if it had all been a ruse.
One of the arrows struck Finley’s GAU butt and bounced off. If the arrow would have struck him he could have been killed, but his rifle positioned where it was had actually saved his life. He jumped with fright that he had been targeted.
Clontab, one of the ex-Zizmon-Tarl soldiers took an arrow to the center of his chest. He hit the ground and tried to scramble away. His legs kicked wildly as he groaned and gasped while whimpering out loud as if asking for help. He stopped moving and his groaning ceased within moments which revealed that he died from the arrow that penetrated deep inside his chest. Soonme, who was standing beside Clontab had been nicked in the upper left shoulder with an arrow, but it just scratched the top of his shoulder after ripping through his clothing. He ran from his friend who fell and withdrew his sword while he ran.
There was a brief pause for the men to adjust that they came under attack. Just as suddenly as the assault struck those who neared the whimpering golden retriever the soldiers of Mykal’s world counter attacked while Kachjens started to rush out from the cover of the trees. The rifle fire noise took the large heavyset Kachjens by surprise. The dog was on all fours and no longer appeared to be injured. It ran to the side of the heaviest Kachjen, possibly the queen herself, Kachjensim.
The numbers of the bloated looking blonde haired humanoids neared one hundred that charged from the trees. To look at them it wasn’t possible to tell if they were male or female. With the shocking noise of rifle fire, and the explosive grenade fire of the M-203s more than half of the Kachjens had been brought down quickly. It seemed to shock the bloated evil looking queen Kachjensim. She stopped and stood her ground when she saw how quickly her tribe was being decimated. By sheer numbers the humanoid beast must have thought they could quickly over power the smaller force they easily outnumbered five to one. The smaller group of foes even included a couple of hated Elves.
Kachjensim barked and grunted at the enemy that destroyed her force and gave the appearance of an ape that had been angered. With each bark and grunt that fat blonde haired leader thrust her arms together as if angrily crushing something between her hands. Her greasy looking blonde hair flung wildly as she shook her head. The shaking of her head was an overly angry demonstration of her rage. There were two of her Kachjens dead at her feet and that seemed to be what was setting her off. She was like an ape ready to wage war despite the beating sustained thus far.
The other Kachjens seemed to stop and look at the queen as if waiting for orders to attack or retreat. The golden retriever stood by her side and lovingly wagged its tail as if it didn’t understand the danger. It had been trained to play dead or to play injured to lure a potential foe into a trap. Kachjensim raised her arms above her head and flailed her arms just as wildly as her maniacal grunts and hoots were being barked out. She looked somewhat like an angry ape flailing her limbs.
Suddenly there were several squawks over head as the five Hawkmen appeared. They floated above and suddenly five arrows fired down into the Kachjens dropping five of them. Another twenty to thirty Kachjens came out from beyond the trees on the other side of the path just as the vehicles from Mykal’s group drove into place. Kachjensim, the queen, looked down at her feet one more time and with her manic barking charged into the smaller group as the vehicles approached. All those of her clan followed orders and attacked with her.
Mykal and those with rifles shot the large bloated wobbling attacking force of ‘fat assed blonde haired Buddha’s’ as Roy Jr. called them. Egoneal and Uminair were quick with their arrows and struck several of the enemy. The Hawkmen fired from above and dove down toward the larger force to help fend off the attack. Some of the Kachjens threw rocks while they rushed head long into the battle and swung their swords.
One of the large rocks hit Uminair in the head just as he readied his bow to shoot. It knocked him backward and his arrow flopped to the ground harmlessly. Mykal couldn’t tell if Uminair was dead or knocked unconscious. Egoneal dropped his bow and turned to his Elf brother. Egoneal knew Mykal’s weapons were far superior and they would end the assault of the Kachjens so he withdrew from the battle in order to tend to Uminair. Egoneal’s trust was fully in Mykal’s men and the Hawkmen who attacked from the air.
Egoneal didn’t see that he made himself vulnerable to the she beast herself, Kachjensim. The blonde leader herself, Kachjensim shrieked and grunted wildly as her fat bloated body charged at the back of Egoneal. At times she sounded like a squealing pig. She put everything into her attack as if Egoneal himself was the one who brought all the death and destruction on to her entire tribe. With her sword raised, her mouth was wide open and she drooled heavily from her mouth while she screamed. Her intended target was an easy kill. The Elf had his back to her while he tended to the injured Elf that lay on the ground lifeless.
Mykal turned his rifle to the fat bloated she beast, but Towbar was in the way. He wasn’t going to risk shooting his best friend. He watched as the giant cut off the fat little monster and punched her in the face with his massive fist. The collision was amazing. The fat heavy body of the she beast stopped in her tracks unexpectedly as if she didn’t see the giant step into view. Her heavy body lifted off the ground and started backward as her face seemed to wrap around the immovable force that was Towbar’s rock hard fist. Her grunting and squealing ceased as suddenly as his fist connected to her face.
Mykal thought for sure the punch to her face would have killed her. From the ground her legs kicked wildly and she screamed a horrific cry. The golden retriever began barking at Towbar and looked like it was going to attack the giant. Towbar swung his sword with his left hand and the sound of the glowing blue blade cracking the air exploded like a light thunder. The dog stopped and turned quickly. It yelped fearfully as it ran away. Mykal was grateful. He was just about to shoot the dog and now he didn’t have to. He feared killing the dog would haunt him because of the way his emotions had been going.