by Janie Crouch
What was he doing here? Both sheriffs motioned her over, and she walked toward them, steps all but dragging, like she was being led to the guillotine.
“Thanks so much again for coming, Dr. Griffin,” Rogers said.
She handed him the evidence bags. “Please, call me Anne. And although I certainly hate that I was here under these circumstances, I’m always glad to help in any way I can.”
“We truly appreciate it. I’m certain having a female doctor made it easier on Kimmy.”
Anne fought the urge to rub her fingers against her gritty eyes. “I don’t think anything will make today easier for Kimmy.”
“I suppose not. But we appreciate you coming out here anyway.” Rogers gestured to Zac. “Do you know Zac Mackay? He and the rest of the Linear Tactical guys have some tracking and observation skills useful for a lot of crime scenes. He’s helping us too.”
She forced herself to look at him. “Yes, Zac and I know each other.”
Damn those gorgeous blue eyes. They’d always pulled at her. When Becky had been alive, it had made her feel guilty. Now, it just made her feel stupid.
But they kept pulling her.
They’d agreed to distance. It was the best thing. The smart thing.
“You look dead on your feet,” Sheriff Nelson said. “Let me get you home.”
“I’d be more than happy to take you, if you can wait a few minutes while I get things wrapped up here. Maybe we could get a bite to eat first.” She felt a hand touch her on the small of her back and realized it was Sheriff Rogers. Her eyes jerked away from Zac and over at the other man. She hadn’t really paid attention to him when she’d arrived, too focused on getting to Kimmy. He wasn’t nearly as old as Sheriff Nelson, probably only a few years older than her own thirty-one. Curly black hair just a tad too long. Friendly brown eyes. Chiseled jaw.
And was he asking her out? “Oh. Well, thank you, Sheriff...”
He smiled. “Please, call me Landon.”
That smile was potent. “Landon. Okay, wow, well...”
“Actually, Annie and I already have plans for dinner, Landon,” Zac cut in. Her gaze flew back to him. “She just moved back in town, and we’ve been wanting to catch up. We went to high school together.”
Zac and Landon stared at each other for a second. What in the world was going on? And why was Zac saying they were going out to dinner?
Anne wanted to go home. She didn’t have the mental fortitude to play a game she didn’t understand the rules for.
After a moment, Landon gave a slight nod. “I understand.” He turned from Zac and looked at her. “And we really do appreciate you coming out here. I hope next time it will be under different circumstances.”
He turned and walked back toward Kimmy’s room.
Sheriff Nelson popped Zac on the shoulder. “If you don’t mind taking Doc Griffin back to Oak Creek, I can get some more work done.” He smiled gently at her. “That okay with you, Doc? I know you and Mackay used to be pretty tight.”
That was not the word she would’ve used, but she wasn’t about to argue. “Sure, that’s fine.”
Zac said nothing, just held the door open and led her out, now his hand at the small of her back. He walked her to his truck, again opening the door for her. Silently they began the thirty-minute drive back to Oak Creek.
She knew she should say something. Just normal small talk stuff. It had always frustrated Darren that she’d never seemed able to carry a conversation with people. And right now, she was even less able to. The pitiful cries of a teenage girl filled her head, ricocheting through her mind with jagged edges, cutting her. She stared out at the stark Wyoming scenery as it flew by, forehead against the window, wishing it would sweep her away.
She relaxed some as the miles passed, her hands in her lap, realizing Zac wasn’t going to force polite conversation just for the sake of filling the silence. She had no idea why he’d told Landon they were going to dinner, but now she was glad he had. There was no way she would’ve made it through dinner with a stranger, even one as polite as the sheriff.
“Do you want pizza or burgers?” Zac asked after a few more miles. “And before you tell me no, you’ve got to eat before you fall into whatever coma you’re planning on going into. Otherwise you won’t get the rest you need.”
The hell of it was, he was right. Without food, she would sleep fitfully at best, then wake up nauseous and weak. But she couldn’t afford to go out to eat.
Another two years of paying off creditors and lawyer fees, and then she could start thinking about splurging. But not yet.
“I’m good. I’ll just grab something at home.”
She felt his eyes on her. “Really? You’re going to send me to eat somewhere alone? I didn’t think you were that mean.”
He didn’t fool her for a second. “Yep. I’m known world over for my cruelty.”
“Annie.” She felt his hand on hers for a moment, a gentle squeeze before letting go. A show of friendship that cracked something inside her.
Yes, she had to eat. But moreover, she didn’t want to be alone right now.
“Pizza,” she finally said. “The place down on Samuels, if that’s okay. That’s close to where I parked.”
She didn’t turn from the window, afraid she’d give into the temptation to get lost in those eyes again. To touch him. To ask him—just this once—if he would hold her for a second. Maybe if she were pressed against his heart, she wouldn’t hear Kimmy’s cries. Her chest kept tightening.
“She’s alive, you know,” he said a few moments later, like he could read her thoughts. “That’s the most important thing. I know that doesn’t eradicate what happened to her, but she’s got the chance to fight now.”
He was right. Tomorrow was going to be a rough day for Kimmy, but at least she would have one. “Did you find anything that will help catch who did this?”
“Looks like he was waiting for her. That probably eliminates a stranger and so, yeah, that will help Landon a lot.”
“I want them to catch this guy and put him under the jail.”
He reached over and squeezed her hands again, letting them go before she could figure out what to say or do. “I know you do, sweetheart. And they will.”
They pulled up at New Brother’s, one of the two local pizza joints in Oak Creek, just a couple blocks from the hospital. Hospital staff often chose it over the cafeteria.
She’d barely gotten her door open before Zac was at her side, opening it the rest of the way for her. She was still in her scrubs, but probably wouldn’t be the only person here in them.
As they walked inside and were seated in a booth near the rear, Zac’s hand stayed at her back the entire time.
“Still like pepperoni and black olives?” he asked when the waitress came to take their order.
She couldn’t hide her surprise as she nodded.
“What? We ate them all the damn time in high school.”
She was still smiling when she excused herself to go to the bathroom. One glance in the mirror had the smile disappearing. She looked exactly like she felt: as if she’d been run over by a dump truck that had then stopped and poured a pile of bricks over her. She redid her braid, but that was all she could do. She didn’t have any makeup. She wouldn’t really know what to do with it even if she did.
She slid back into the booth across from him and gratefully sipped her iced tea, which was unsweetened, never sweet like they had in Tampa. When the pizza arrived a few minutes later, she leapt for it.
She’d scarfed down nearly an entire slice—she wouldn’t have any feeling in the roof of her mouth for days—before she realized he was staring at her, smiling.
“I’m sorry,” she said, mouth still half full. Geez, could she be any more socially awkward? “I was hungrier than I thought.”
“And you’ve always loved pizza. You and Becky both. I remember how she always tried to talk her mom into coming here for dinner as much as possible. On all our dates too.” He flinch
ed and looked down at the table. “I’m sorry.”
“For bringing up Becky?” Anne couldn’t help it; she reached across the table to touch his hand. She kept her grip loose, friendly, fighting the urge to run her fingers along his skin. “You never have to apologize for talking about her or Micah. I know how important they were to you. I loved them too.”
He gave a brief nod. “I know. She loved you as well.”
She let go of his hand and slid it back to her plate. “Boggles the mind, doesn’t it? That she and I could be such good friends? We were so different. I never really understood it.” She took another bite of pizza.
“I did. At least from her point of view.”
“You did?”
He set his slice down. “You had a focus and determination Becky always admired. You had nothing really going in your favor at home—no encouragement, no support—but you refused to let that stop you. She never had one second of doubt that you would become a doctor, and she admired you for it. You were what she could never be.”
That was the most backward thing she’d ever heard. “Are you kidding? She was what I could never be. Beautiful, outgoing, charming.”
“And never able to finish anything she started, often loud, and always opinionated.” Zac laughed. “I should know, I was on the brunt end of those features quite often.”
She chuckled. “God, she was loud, wasn’t she? She had no idea what an inside voice was.”
Grinning, they both went back to their pizza. Their love for Becky would always be what bound them together, not pushed them apart.
“You already look better,” he said as he took another bite of his slice.
“I feel better. Thanks for making me stop. I learned quite a few years ago that working a really long shift and then crashing before I got any food in my system made for a pretty ugly next day. Today I just couldn’t bring myself to care, but I would’ve paid for it later.”
“I had some similar situations in the Army. When everything is over, sometimes it’s a battle for which biological need is strongest: sleep or food. It’s actually one of the things we go over in our survival training course at Linear.”
She raised an eyebrow. “So, it’s not all guns and knives? Blowing stuff up?” She’d looked up Linear Tactical online.
He grinned. “There’s a lot of that, of course. But not everything.”
“How’d you end up starting the company?”
He shrugged as she kept eating. “Mostly it was Finn, Aiden, and me. Finn found out that he had a son who was in foster care, so he got out of the Army and moved back here before I did. Aiden and I got out a couple years later, neither of us really knowing what we wanted to do in civilian life. Then we have some other partners too. Guys you haven’t met…Gavin, Dorian, Wyatt.”
“And Linear ended up being that? What do you do, exactly?”
“A lot of what we did in the Army but teaching it to others. Wilderness survival. Self-defense. Hand-to-hand combat. Concealed-weapon training. Marksmanship. Situational awareness. Basically, anything you need to know to protect yourself or others. People travel from all over the country to train with us.”
She put her slice of pizza down. “Wow. I had no idea.”
He shrugged. “We grew so much we had to bring in other ex-military friends. So, five of us work full-time here, then another half dozen part- to full-time.”
“You have enough work to keep that many people employed?”
“More than. We have law enforcement teams that train in our facilities—particularly our indoor weapons training center. It’s considered one of the top in the country. We have a silent financial partner who helped get us off the ground, allowed us to expand much more quickly than we would’ve been able to otherwise. He wasn’t in the Army and doesn’t do any of the training, but he still comes around once in a while. Cade O’Conner.”
“Wasn’t he in middle school when we graduated? He had the sort of capital needed to help you start Linear Tactical?”
“Most of the world knows him now as Cade Conner, country music superstar.”
She finished her last bite. “Oh. I guess I’m a little out of the loop when it comes to music. I had no idea Cade was famous.”
“He would love to know that. He comes here to get away from all the craziness of his public life and just be with people who knew he was a pain. Loves to do deep-survivalist training in the woods for a few days when he can. Usually keeps his location here a secret.”
“Wow. I remember him and Finn’s little brother always following you guys around in school. Weren’t they in, like, fourth grade when you caught them trying to ride your ATV?”
He chuckled. “Yep. Cade and Baby. Those two brats dogged our every step. Baby still works in town. He’s a mechanic.”
“I haven’t thought about them in years.”
“Baby works for us now and then. Thankfully, those guys are finally grown-up. I can still remember Baby and Cade hunting me down when I was a senior, wanting more info about sex.”
She couldn’t help but smile at Zac’s embarrassed grin. She loved hearing about these people, this town. She’d forgotten—or had totally repressed—how much she’d loved it. She’d never been as popular as Zac or Becky, but Anne had always known these people, studied them, liked them.
And she liked being here with Zac now. Maybe staying away from him wasn’t necessary. She could keep her feelings in check. She didn’t need to throw herself at him.
They could just be friends. Obviously, as far as he knew, since he’d forgotten that night, that was all they’d ever been. Was all they’d ever be.
He bit into another slice. “So, there I was, these two kids looking at me like I was some sex god or something, able to provide some surefire way to get a girl naked. I don’t know what they were thinking, asking me. Hell, I’d only ever been with Becky, and at that point not even for very long. Becky and I took each other’s V card. Taking one person’s virginity was traumatic enough. Thank God I’ve never had to go through that again. Would probably scar me for...”
She could feel the color leeching out of her face as he trailed off. She tried to regain her composure, knowing his words didn’t mean anything. He didn’t remember. He was just telling a funny story. But he was staring at her, eyes narrowed, like he could feel the memory of what had happened that night pressing against his brain.
She had to get out of here. She’d been so wrong. She couldn’t be his friend. Couldn’t be around him. Couldn’t bear if he found out the truth now.
“I have to go.”
“Sweet Annie...”
“No, don’t call me that.” Her voice was low. Guttural. When she dreamed of him at night, it was with the memory of him whispering her name in her ear as he kissed along her jaw: My sweet Annie.
He reached across the table and grabbed her hand to stop her from sliding out of the booth, concern clear in his eyes. “There’s something wrong. I know I did something that night. Tell me what it is, Annie. Did I...” He swallowed hard, agony etched on his features. “Did I rape you?”
God, no matter what had happened that night, how he’d crushed her, she couldn’t let him think that. She forced air into her lungs. “No. What we did that night, I wanted just as much.” And evidently much more. “You would never do that, Zac.”
Relief blanketed his features, but he didn’t let go of her hand. “But there’s something more. Something you’re not telling me.”
“We agreed to let this go, remember? It was a long time ago. It doesn’t affect us now.”
But it did. It had changed the course of her life, and as much as she didn’t want it to, it was still affecting her. Everything about Zac was always going to.
“I’ve got to go,” she said again. “I need to get some rest before my next shift. Thank you for dinner.”
“I want you to tell me what happened.” His voice was low, urgent. “I can’t make it right if I don’t know.”
He couldn’t make it right, e
ither way. It was six years too late. “Some things can’t ever be fixed. And there’s no point in trying.”
She slid her hand out from under his and walked out the door.
Exhaustion weighed on Anne as she drove home. At least Zac hadn’t come after her, although she’d half expected him to.
She didn’t know how long it would take before she would really embrace that Zac wasn’t ever going to, not in the way she’d wanted all her life. Yes, they’d had sex—sort of—but only once and obviously only after he’d been so drunk he was afraid he’d raped her for God’s sake.
She would have to tell him what happened. Not the real truth—because how pathetic was that?—but a version of it.
Once she told him, assured him no force had been involved, he would move on. He’d be able to let go of this fear he had and get back to thinking of her just as Becky’s quiet and rather pitiful friend, a shadow of the feisty woman he’d married, the woman who had held his interest from the time they were both twelve.
If he even thought of Anne much at all.
She pulled up under the portico at her house, wishing Carol were here to talk to. Obviously, Anne couldn’t have said anything about her feelings for Zac, but Carol had always listened to her, encouraging her to date. Anne hadn’t had the time or inclination in med school. Then, after what had happened with Zac, for a couple years during her residency, she hadn’t even been able to bear the thought of someone touching her.
When she’d finally gotten back on the dating horse, she’d said yes to the first medical resident in her program who’d asked.
When Darren had asked her to marry him six months later, she’d said yes to that too. It had seemed like the best option at the time. At least she wouldn’t be alone.
Note to self: getting married because it was the “best option” was never a good plan in the long run. She’d realized she’d made a mistake early on but had tried to make it work. That hadn’t been enough once Christina had caught his eye. Honestly, it hadn’t been enough long before that.
When Darren had asked for a divorce almost exactly two years after he’d first asked Anne out, she hadn’t said no to that either.