by Jared Stone
Lucian found the words to say, “Good, thanks.” He smiled back at Sam blankly, wondering anxiously why the handsome young man had come.
“I actually tried to stop by a couple of times over the weekend, but you were never home,” said Sam with a hint of disappointment in his voice.
“Oh, yeah, I took a little trip,” Lucian responded. He wasn’t sure to what extent he should be freely distributing information regarding the events of the weekend before. Even though he felt certain he could trust Sam, there was still some hesitation toward fully disclosing all of the details.
“Oh, where to?” Sam asked jovially.
“You know…. Just to visit an old friend,” answered Lucian, purposefully being as vague as possible. He knew that he often gave out too much information when he was nervous, and no one made him more nervous than Sam.
“Oh, interesting,” said the upper classman, nodding his head with a look of intrigue. Lucian wished so badly to share everything with Sam at that moment, but, deep inside of him, something was saying that he really shouldn’t.
“Well, anyway, Lucian,” Sam continued, looking down at the binder in his hands, “I just stopped by to return some of Blake’s belongings to you. He left some of these things at the frat house before he went missing. I found them last week, but I realized I don’t have the contact information for his parents at all. I was hoping that you knew how to get it back to them.” The look of caring and concern on Sam’s face melted Lucian’s heart, and he found himself willing to do anything to help.
“Of course,” Lucian responded dreamily. “I’ve got his parents’ contact information written down, just in case Blake ever showed up again. I’d be happy to take it and give them a call.” He held out his hand for the binder.
“Oh, thanks so much, Lucian,” Sam said earnestly as he handed over the item to the boy. “I’m sure they’ll be very appreciative!”
Lucian took the binder and nodded in agreement. Sam’s bright hazel eyes met Lucian’s, and Lucian felt as though he could get lost, staring into them endlessly until he forgot to eat and slowly withered away. Then, he realized how absolutely ridiculous he was being and looked down at the binder.
“So, Lucian,” Sam began again. “Give any thought to joining the frat?”
Lucian paused for just a moment before shaking his head. “You know, I don’t think I’m really cut out for it. Plus, I’ve been so busy with schoolwork and everything, I just don’t have time!” He found him-self desperately hoping that Sam couldn’t discern that he was lying.
“Pity,” said Sam as the smile dropped from his face. But, just as soon as it had disappeared, it returned again, and Sam added, “But hey, we should still get together to eat again sometime or something!”
Lucian’s heart leapt. “Oh, definitely!” he responded very enthusiastically.
“Awesome! Well, I’ll let you know!” said the upper classman, stepping back from the door. “I’ve gotta run now. Thanks for taking care of that, Lucian,” he said, pointing down at the binder.
“Yeah!” said Lucian gleefully, still overwhelmed with joy that Sam had invited him to go out to eat. As the smitten boy stared, Sam turned and walked away down the hall.
Lucian slowly closed the door again, completely forgetting for the moment that he should be leaving for the park. He couldn’t stop smiling. He had the sudden urge to jump up and down in excitement, but he restrained himself for fear of looking too much like a high school girl with a crush. Exhaling strongly, he let both hands drop to his sides, one of which still held Blake’s black binder. As he did so, he heard something flutter out and land softly on the floor. Looking down, Lucian could see that it was a picture of someone.
Bending over to pick it up, Lucian stopped as his eyes focused on the photographed face staring back at him. It was a picture of Blake, with his dark features and piercing blue eyes – eyes which had only otherwise been known to Lucian as silver.
Lucian stared in horror, frozen to the spot. Blake didn’t disappear; Blake is Zagan’s host! As all the pieces began to fit together in Lucian’s mind, the boy snatched up the picture and grabbed his coat from the bed. He raced out of his room, slamming the door behind him and not bothering to stop and lock it. He descended the staircase in bounds of two steps each, running out onto the lawn and down the street to the transit stop.
He couldn’t reach Deer Park quickly enough.
13 - Awakening
Friday, November 7th
“Gus! GUS!” cried Lucian as he raced across the field to the giant tree, barely dodging the children that still ran and played in puffy autumn coats.
“Woah, slow it down, buddy,” said Gus, holding out his palms in front of him as the frenzied boy came near. “What’s up?”
Lucian bent over panting with his hands placed on his thighs for support. “He’s Blake!” he sputtered.
“Wait; who’s Blake?” asked Gus, visibly perplexed by Lucian’s completely random assertion.
“Zagan!” Lucian gasped, only slowly regaining the proper use of his convulsing lungs.
“But who’s Blake?” Gus asked again, still unable to piece together what the boy was saying.
“ZAGAN!” Lucian cried out again, exasperated.
It slowly became apparent to him, however, that Gus had never actually heard Blake’s name before; so he elaborated. “Blake was supposed to be my roommate this year. But he disappeared right before I got here. But look!”
Lucian pulled the picture out of his pocket and shoved it in front of Gus’ face. By this point, it had been thoroughly smashed and wrinkled in Lucian’s jeans as he ran. “Blake is Zagan!” he stated again adamantly.
Gus reached up and slowly plucked the photo from Lucian’s outstretched hand. After looking at it for a second, he mumbled, “Well, isn’t that something.”
“Something!?” exclaimed Lucian indignantly. “It’s super weird is what it is!” He wasn’t quite sure how else to properly articulate what he was feeling. “Of all the people that Zagan could have possessed, it somehow ended up being my roommate!”
“Actually, it makes a lot of sense…,” Gus said, still absently staring at the picture. Looking back up at Lucian, he explained, “It’s likely that the two of you are karmically connected somehow. It’s impossible to say for certain how or why, but there’s a high likelihood of a connection between the two of you on a much grander scale.”
Lucian at first doubted this abstract hypothesis, but, on the other hand, he couldn’t think of any more rational explanation than just sheer coincidence. Either way, there was one thing he was certain of….
“We can’t kill him!” Lucian asserted emphatically. “There has to be some other way to separate Zagan from Blake without killing him!”
Gus’ face was somber. “That could be difficult…,” he said. “I’ve never seen a case where the demon was successfully extracted from the occupied body without it resulting in the host’s death.”
Lucian refused to believe that nothing could be done. Surely, if they concentrated, one of them would find a solution. Lucian had been exposed to a world of infinite mysteries and possibilities in the time he had spent with the Kílánór. There had to be some other way.
Lucian frantically looked around the park, as if he was searching for clues with which to unravel this complex predicament. Off to his right, he could see Panhavant wandering around beneath the tree, look-ing at the ground curiously with every step. As he did so, he would occasionally pick up a fallen leaf and hold it up above him, examining it with the wide-eyed wonder of a young child. The sunlight now shone through the bare gaps in the branches above, and the gold of the leaf in his hand at that moment lit up, eliciting a joyous laugh from the old man.
“Gold…,” said Lucian aloud as he watched.
“Huh?” Gus asked, once again trying to follow the unclear reasoning of his young companion.
“Gold,” repeated Lucian as if it was an epiphany. “That’s it! The gold coin! Do you think th
at’s how Zagan is controlling Blake?”
Gus paused for a moment. “Possibly,” he stated. “I wasn’t around for the final battle when Zagan was sealed away. It is common, though, for all sorts of artifacts and talismans to be used to entrap demonic energies…, especially if that item has a significant connection to the demon in question.”
Gus grew silent again while he reasoned out the logic in his own head. “And Zagan does have a penchant for turning all sorts of metal into coins. You’re likely onto something, I think….”
“That’s it!” cried Lucian, practically jumping up into the air with excitement. “All we have to do is remove the coin from his body and separate the demon from the host.”
“Well, it’s worth a try,” Gus said hesitantly. “But, if it doesn’t work, you’ve gotta be ready to do what’s necessary to eliminate Zagan.”
Lucian nodded. “As long as we’ve done all we can to avoid killing anyone,” he affirmed, “I’m in.”
“Alright,” said Gus, cracking a smile at the boy’s determination. “Now, we’re gonna have to plan carefully. Set up the battle on our terms. Demons are strongest when they’re cut off from sources of life energy, and, if we have any hope of weakening him to the point of being able to tear him out of Blake’s body, we’ll need to ensure that we’re not isolated.”
“How about in a mall?” Lucian suggested, not fully considering the disastrous consequences which that scenario might provide.
“No,” responded Gus bluntly. “Zagan has the ability to influence susceptible minds to bend to his will. He would be able to empty the place within a matter of minutes. No, we’d need some location where he wouldn’t have that power.”
What, like people in cages or something? Lucian thought to himself incredulously. I think a prison is out of the question….
After some more thought, Lucian suddenly blurted out, “What about animals? Are they considered the same kind of life energy?”
“Of course,” responded Gus. “Life energy pervades all beings, large and small. Humans have a peculiar way of thinking of themselves as the only ones with souls or divine presence, but that’s just a mistaken sense of self-importance.”
“Well, what about at the zoo?” Lucian suggested hopefully. He remembered going to the zoo as a kid with his family. Though he loved seeing animals, he had always left feeling sad and depressed at their miserable lives, and he hadn’t returned at any point as an adult for that reason.
“That would be perfect!” exclaimed Gus, slapping his hands together as he said it. “You’re smarter than I give you credit for sometimes, Lucian!”
Ummmm, thanks? thought the boy. He knew that Gus’ intention was honorable, but his thoughtless phrasing needed some work.
“But, wait,” said Lucian as his excitement faded. “The zoo won’t be open at night. There’s no way we could get in and wait for Zagan to come to us.”
“Although I could get in, it would complicate things, yes. That’s precisely why we’ll do it during the day!” replied Gus enthusiastically.
“But I thought Zagan could only come out at night,” Lucian added, unsure of precisely why he believed this. Perhaps it was because he had only ever seen Zagan at night, and Lucian simply assumed that demons couldn’t exist in the light.
Gus looked confused for a moment, then shook his head. “Oh no,” he said. “Evil can just as easily exist in the daylight too. Ironically, it’s usually just more difficult to spot….” Gus grew silent after this, as if lost in thought.
“Well, how do we convince Zagan to come?” asked Lucian, now quite anxious to continue formulating their strategy.
“We’ll have to use you as bait,” responded Gus with a mischievous smile. Lucian laughed at first at this seemingly obvious jest, then grew serious as he realized that the Kílán actually had every intention of following through with this absurdly foolhardy plan.
“What!?” Lucian said in shock as the implications of the situation seeped into his mind. “You can’t be serious. I’m still not strong enough!”
“I know,” said Gus reassuringly. “I’ll be there too, but I’ll have to be hiding and actively suppressing my energy signature. Zagan will only attack if he thinks you’re alone. We’ll lure him out that way, then catch him completely by surprise.”
Seeing the worried look still on Lucian’s face, Gus said, “Everything’s gonna be okay. Trust me!”
“You’d better be right!” Lucian responded with some hesitation. “I will be really upset if I get killed by a demon under your watch,” he added, trying to alleviate his nervousness with a bit of humor.
Gus laughed. “I know!” he said, slapping Lucian on the shoulder. “Now, come on. We have to do this soon, before Zagan has the chance to cause more trouble with the dagger. I don’t know what his plan is, but I do know we don’t benefit by giving him more time. If we’re gonna do it this week, you need to gain better control over that qi of yours!”
* * *
Sunday, November 9th
Lucian spent the next two days almost exclusively devoted to meditation at Deer Park. He peppered in some sparring with Gus, but, in the end, all of them knew that it would prove of little use if the boy could not generate some of his qi. On Sunday morning, the final day of preparation before Lucian would have to return to classes, the pressure was high to perform. Lucian still hadn’t been able to summon any energy like he had at the library or while fighting with Gus, and he was beginning to fear that he would never learn how to consciously do so.
“I’m telling you, Gus,” said Lucian in despair. “I just don’t think I’ll be able to do it.”
“Have some faith,” replied the Kílán supportively. “You’ll never be able to do it if you don’t think you can!”
“Thanks, dad!” Lucian replied sarcastically as he squirmed around to get more comfortable in his meditation posture. He had come very far in the month since he first attempted to sit this way. While it was still not his preferred position for relaxation, he no longer felt excruciating pain in his legs and could instead focus more deeply on his own mind.
“It’s just, like..., no matter how hard I try, I can’t see clearly into my mind. Like, if my mind were a mirror, there’s still this thick layer of dust or some-thing over it. It’s still preventing me from bridging that last gap standing in the way of harnessing my powers,” said Lucian, proud of himself that he could make such a seemingly enlightened metaphor. Along with his advancement of sitting techniques, Lucian had also learned much about himself, his own mind, and the tenets of Gus’ and Panhavant’s beliefs.
“No mind,” replied Panhavant, bobbing his head side to side as he said it, with his massive earlobes swaying comically along with him. “On what can dust lie?”
“Oh…,” replied Lucian, feeling as though the air of pride had been succinctly knocked out of him.
“All Panhavant is saying,” began Gus, noticing that Lucian’s confidence had once again taken a beating, “is that the mind is inherently empty of existence. Everything is actually empty. When you understand this, you’ll gain true understanding of reality.”
“That just seems so… negative,” replied Lucian, puzzled. “Saying that nothing exists; that’s a really depressing way to go through life.”
Without warning, Panhavant wacked Lucian on the top of the head with his long wooden staff. Lucian hadn’t even seen the staff in his hand just a moment before, but he certainly felt it now.
“Ow!” cried the boy, reaching up and rubbing his head. “Panhavant! What’d you do that for!?”
The tiny sage just sat there with a big, beaming smile on his face. “Nothing exists,” he said, simply parroting Lucian’s point from a moment before. “From where does anger arise?” He tilted his head and stared expectantly at Lucian, grinning.
Lucian continued rubbing his head while trying to work out what the old man meant. It was always so difficult to determine for certain what truths lay hidden within his complex, mystical riddles; but, th
ankfully, Panhavant rarely required an answer, so Lucian thought it best to simply meditate on it for a while…. If he could get past his instructive head injury.
Huffing out a loud sigh and closing his eyes, Lucian once again turned his sight inward. As he breathed deeply – which had, by this point, almost become instinctual for him – he felt his muscles relax and his mind begin to quiet.
Okay, relax. Quiet your mind. …………
Emptiness…… What is emptiness? …………
Everything is empty? But stuff still exists? ………….
Is emptiness empty? The emptiness of emptiness?
…………….
If emptiness is empty…………, then would reality be something? ……………
What would reality be? …………… Truth?…………
If my mind is empty, but that emptiness is empty, then my mind would be truth? ……………
Truth……………………
Lucian felt his mind seemingly lift up and open, though he couldn’t really conceptualize it in words or even thoughts. His consciousness was completely empty for a fraction of a second, but, within that miniscule point in time, Lucian felt infinite. There was no separation between him and reality; it was an experiential truth of absolute interconnectedness and understanding. As he began to come down from that high, he slowly felt a tingling sensation in his arms. Thoughts began to flood back into his mind like unwelcome invaders, and the clarity which had existed just a second before began to vanish just as quickly. Lucian tried desperately to chase after that feeling of elation. But to no avail.
“Yeah, Lucian!” Gus’ jubilant voice cut through Lucian’s despair. Opening his eyes, the boy at first felt intensely depressed to once again feel so cut off and segmented from the ultimate reality around him. He could only see a blurry world before him, as his eyes had inadvertently filled with tears. He looked down at his uncomfortable limbs, where he noticed that they were glowing with a bright white aura.