“Is that why you were smoking, too?” Amanda unlocked her door so they could continue their conversation inside.
“I do smoke occasionally, but only about a dozen times a year when I’m hanging out with the guys and we’re at a bar or shooting pool. That’s something I can easily quit if it bothers you.”
“I just didn’t know that about you,” she said.
“Here, let me do something for you.” He pulled out his phone and sent a text to someone. They waited in silence for a minute until a “ping” sounded for a reply coming through. He handed her his phone:
Lucas: Need a favor. Can you explain my nickname and why I have it so I can show it to Amanda.
Marc: Nerd. You always go back and read when we go out to the clubs on trips.
“Really?” Amanda asked. “Nerd?”
“You can ask him in person when you see him next, but, yes, really. That’ll be my second confession tonight. I read a lot.”
He reached for her hand, and she let him hold it. She was mostly relieved but still a little upset in the revelation that there was still a lot to learn about Lucas and it was hard to get a real picture when he was gone a lot. He could easily hide things from her if he wanted. She didn’t like thinking about that. She finally looked up at him and saw nothing but care and concern in his eyes. The bad feelings went away when she saw that, and she smiled. He had never really given her any good reason not to trust him, but she would be a little more watchful and cautious now. She needed to get to know him better, and it felt like their relationship moved in slow motion with him being gone so often. He pulled her in, and she let him just hold her for a while. When he let her go, he grabbed her hand and looked at her.
“Amanda, I see what some of these guys do on the road. I’m not naive, and I know you’re not either. It can’t be easy to be in a relationship with someone who is gone a lot and you don’t see that often. It’s not easy for me not being able to see what you do day in and day out, either. But I would never do something to intentionally hurt you. Please trust me.”
“I do, Lucas. I just feel we really need to get to know each other much better,” she said.
“I have an idea that might help that.”
They started writing each other a letter before each trip for the other to read when Lucas was gone. Lucas had found a list of 100 questions in a magazine to ask the person you’re dating, and they answered a few in each letter. Amanda read her first letter from Lucas each night and would jot down questions she had on the envelope. When she showed it to him when he got back, he admitted to reading her letter every night, too. He loved the idea of writing questions on the envelope. He had a few for her. They stayed up really late the first night he was back asking each other the questions. Amanda could feel their relationship moving at a faster pace over the next few months with the help of the letters. The more she got to know Lucas – his likes, dislikes, childhood memories, and plans for the future – the more she liked him as a person and the harder she wished that he wasn’t in the military.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Amanda loved teaching even more than she thought she would. The week before school started was full of meetings, training, and getting her classroom decorated and organized. One other person from her college was also teaching pre-calculus and calculus at the same school. Trent Mitchell wasn’t very social, but as the only two new teachers that year, they sat together during the meetings and training sessions.
On the first day of school, a Wednesday, she had a fun icebreaker game for each class, which gave her a good overview of the students’ personalities and social statuses. She took lots of notes on her “Who has ...?” paper so she could make good seating arrangements that night. Each student also filled in a questionnaire for her that would fill in the blanks for her on what activities and sports they participated in, if they had siblings or parents in the district, and some of their likes and dislikes. She had just enough time to pass out and quickly go over the syllabus for each class, too. She had three seventh grade and three eighth grade classes and a homeroom that was the last period and had a combination of both grades. Lucas had a night flight that night, so they planned to go out on Friday to dinner and a movie to celebrate. She found flowers waiting at her door when she got home that night with a note from Lucas.
Amanda,
I’m glad to be able to watch you fulfill your dreams. You are a great teacher and will influence many lives. Proud of you!
Love,
Lucas
Amanda put the flowers in the middle of her kitchen table, took the card, and sat down on the couch to read it over a few more times. It was the first time he had used the word “love,” and she couldn’t chalk it up to the florist accidentally writing it because the card was in his own all-caps print handwriting. They had been dating for almost a year and a half now and were easily calling each other boyfriend and girlfriend. Did she love him? She knew she didn’t want him to leave and missed him when he was on trips. Was that love? She wanted to call Juliana, but she knew this was something she had to figure out on her own. She propped the card in the kitchen as she made dinner and put it on the table while she ate. Finally, as she put it on her nightstand while getting ready for bed and read it for about the thousandth time, she said out loud, “Lucas, I love you, too.” She smiled. That was easy, and while it felt true and right, she knew she’d have no trouble saying it to his face even though she’d never really told a guy that before.
She decided to tell him that Friday. As they were saying goodbye at her apartment door, he whispered as he pulled away from a kiss, “Good night, Amanda. I love you.”
She whispered it back quickly, before she could even think about it, and was rewarded with a long kiss. He looked back at her and smiled at least three times as he walked to his car that night. Amanda knew she’d have to call Juliana the next day and tell her. Things with Lucas had finally moved over to the serious relationship category, and now Amanda was truly involved, with all her heart, with a military man. Despite all her best intentions and knowing that the military life was hard, here she was. Oh, why did this good man, this man she loved, have to be in the military?
Lucas flew to Florida to spend Thanksgiving with his mom, and Amanda went with her parents to spend it with her Aunt Vicky and Uncle Eddie. The weather was nice, so they all spent Black Friday in downtown Seattle and took a boat tour. Vicky spotted two seals as they were turning back into the harbor and declared it was a sign – she should decorate the nursery with seals. Eddie was sweet and told her they could do it anyway she wanted, they just had to finish by March with the baby due in April.
The next weekend, Lucas took her to the restaurant in Seattle they had originally planned to go to on their second date. It was a Saturday, and while he had made reservations, they left three hours ahead of time just to make sure traffic wouldn’t deter them. They could walk along the water if they had time to kill, which they did. Lucas had bought a few new CDs, and they spent most of the drive checking out the newest country music releases.
“I have some news I need to tell you,” Lucas said shortly after they began strolling along the water. She looked up at him, but they continued walking.
“We had a commander’s call this week and ... I’m really beginning to hate those things,” he paused for almost a minute and she just walked and waited for the news. “We have another deployment coming up in April for six months.”
They both stopped and just looked at each other for a few minutes. She couldn’t imagine him being gone for that long again – so soon.
“I thought you said when you came back that they were going to try to keep those about three years apart? You just came back a little over a year ago.”
“That’s what they had told us,” he said as they resumed walking. He grabbed her hand and squeezed it tight. “A few months ago, the higher ups decided to change how the flow of squadron deployments went since a few new squadrons are being added. The new ones got sent to the end of the list, and ou
rs got moved to the top. They said we had the people and the training and that they promised it would be on a three-year cycle after that.”
“That really doesn’t seem fair,” she said.
“It isn’t,” he said. “I also have to let you know one other thing. When I get back, it will only be a few months until I will get orders to move.”
Amanda felt a tear escape the corner of her eye. Her first instinct was to run back to the car, but then she looked at him and they fell into an embrace. Several more tears escaped before she was ready to let him go.
He reached up and wiped the tears from her cheeks. She took her glasses off and cleaned them on her shirt. As she put them back on, he put a hand on her shoulder.
“We’ll figure this all out, Amanda. It’s not great news, but we can figure a way to get through it. That is, if you want to.”
At first she was surprised by what he said. She had forgotten she had a choice. She didn’t have to stay in a relationship with a man who wouldn’t be there for long. But, she knew in her heart she wanted to try. She couldn’t let this man go just because the military required him to leave.
“I do, Lucas. Somehow we’ll figure this all out.” He kissed her and held her hand as they walked slowly back to the restaurant in silence to make their dinner reservation. They both tried at first to keep the conversation light, but they ended up talking about how to stay in touch during the deployment. They would give each other a small present to open on their birthdays. Lucas’ was in May. Amanda said she would find a different list of questions they could go through when he had the chance to email. With that all settled, they moved on to talking about their week. Neither of them mentioned the possibility of Lucas moving when he got back. A deployment separation was enough to face that night.
“So, what it sounds like is that you have at least an entire year before he’d be moving anywhere else? That’s actually a lot of time,” Juliana said on the phone that night. Amanda called her as soon as she was back in the apartment, even though she knew it would be late. Juliana wouldn’t mind.
“It sounds like it, but he’ll also be gone for half of that.”
“I was just reading an article last week about how long-distance relationships tend to last longer because the two people have to be good at communicating.”
“So you don’t think this would be grounds for thinking of possibly ending the relationship?”
“Amanda, I’ve seen the two of you together. You might as well realize that you are in love with a military man, despite saying you were never going to do such a thing.”
Amanda sighed. “Why does he have to be in the military?”
“Maybe it’s God’s way of keeping the universe in check. It seems he likes it when people say ‘Never’ so he can make sure it does happen.”
“True, true,” Amanda laughed. “I do know there is no way I could move in the middle of a school year, though.”
“You shouldn’t have to. Even if he moves in the school year, you could stay and he could get a place set up. He wouldn’t be there half of that time anyway, so it would be your turn to be somewhere you wanted, like when he’s deployed.”
“You’re right. The military doesn’t have to determine my life schedule – just the one of the man I’m dating.”
“Remember, too, Amanda, while you guys are serious, you’re not engaged yet, and you said he hasn’t brought up marriage at all, even when he told you about possibly moving. Don’t plan too far ahead, especially if he’s not. You don’t need to move across the country unless he’s your husband.”
“I guess I’m only really thinking about it now. I’d want some kind of decision like that before he moves, though. Long-distance dating with no end in sight is definitely not something I’m game for.”
“Good. Watch out for yourself. Um, hey, can I tell you about Brian real quick?”
“Brian? Who’s Brian? Tell me.”
Juliana then told Amanda all about a guy she had been dating for a solid month now. He was also in the structural engineering intensive master’s program, and he was from Colorado. Juliana had never dated a guy more than a few weeks at any time, so this was a big deal. Amanda noted she sounded more excited about Brian than most guys, too. She loved that he was smart and honestly sought out her opinions and thoughts on things, expecting her to be as smart or smarter than he was. She was always quick to dump any guy who talked down to her or thought she had gotten into a tough program because of her looks. Amanda smiled as she thought about Juliana actually having a possible long-term boyfriend as she hung up the phone. It had also been a nice distraction from thinking about Lucas.
Over the next few months, Amanda and Lucas talked about the deployment, but never about the move except for one time, while having dinner at his apartment with Marc and his newest date. He tended to only date someone once or twice before moving on to someone else. Amanda had asked if there were only certain locations they could move to with their job in the military or if they could go anywhere.
“They like to send us younger guys to Altus or Hawaii since not as many families want to go there,” Marc said.
“They like to go to Charleston,” Lucas said. “I did hear they might be sending some up to Alaska soon, though.”
“Alaska?” Marc’s date asked. “I’d never live up there – I don’t like snow!”
“It’s beautiful up there,” Amanda said. “Where’s Altus?”
“It’s in Oklahoma. There’s also New Jersey and that base in Northern California,” Lucas said. “Only the really special dudes get picked for the Dover assignment.”
“I heard they don’t have to do the trips all the time, either,” Marc said.
“Wouldn’t that be nice? Or maybe the war could end sometime soon and these planes could get a break,” Lucas replied. He and Marc spent most of the rest of dinner talking about how it wasn’t right how much they were gone and the wear and tear to the airplanes. Eventually, they were all sharing work stories, but Amanda had the information she needed about what the future could possibly hold. None of the locations were awful, except for maybe Oklahoma. Northern California would be really close, and even Alaska was a frequent destination for people leaving SeaTac. The East Coast seemed very far away, but Amanda remembered the adventure of Paris and knew she could enjoy a new location, if life were to take her that way. Although she was really glad he didn’t say anywhere overseas. She wasn’t quite that adventurous and wanted to be able to go see her family easily if she wanted. She also really didn’t want to experience a foreign country by herself if he would still be gone a lot while they were there.
The next few months seemed to pass quickly between work, spending time with Lucas, and trying to finish the project she was working on for him to take on his deployment. He told her that the Internet connection was much better over there now, so he would be able to contact her on a more regular basis. She knew there would be times when he was busy or flying, though, so she wanted to create something that would keep them connected. She bought two, 180-page journals, one black and one white. The white one was for her to keep track of things that happened each day that she wanted to share with him. The black one was for Lucas. She had gone through and put dates on the top of each page and she was also going through his to put a small encouraging note, quote, or picture on each page, hoping they would make each day a little brighter for him. They would be able to exchange notebooks when he got back and spend some time catching up on each other’s lives without forgetting things.
Lucas had taken her to a pre-deployment meeting for families, spouses, and loved ones. A lot of the topics didn’t apply to them because they weren’t married, but Amanda learned a lot more about what they would actually be doing during the deployment, why they had to take a turn again so soon, and how to send Lucas care packages. They were at a table that seemed like it was just for the guys who had serious girlfriends – just four couples. The three other women and Amanda shared contact information and planned
a small get together for two weeks after the guys left. They all liked romantic comedies and decided they would have a movie club once a month to watch the movies the guys wouldn’t want to see anyway. It sounded like fun.
Amanda also ran into Terri, who was pregnant, during a break while getting something to drink.
“Hi, there. It was Amy, wasn’t it?”
“Amanda, actually,” she said with a smile and moved her hair from her name tag.
“I’m glad you’re here. Have you signed up on the spouses list?”
“Well, I’m not a spouse yet. Just a girlfriend,” Amanda replied.
“Oh, sorry. But that doesn’t really matter. During a deployment, we always welcome the girlfriends to our events since you’re going through a lot of the same things we are and you sometimes have less support. Let me get the sign-up sheet. Where are you sitting?”
“I’m in the back with the rest of the girlfriends,” Amanda said and pointed to her table. Lucas saw her and waved.
“Oh, good, I can get all of you. Bethie will like that. She’s the commander’s wife,” Terri said and then walked off to get the sign-up list. Amanda went back to her table. Terri came soon after and got all four women to write down their contact information, making sure to note that they were girlfriends and not spouses. She told them there would be monthly social events, a book club, a few Seattle shopping trips, and times to get together and put care packages together. She would make sure they were added to the email list and sent a calendar. Most of the activities would be on base, so they would have to call one of the key spouses at least a day ahead of time to get their names put on the visitor list for the gate guard. It sounded slightly complicated to Amanda, but she was interested in helping with the care packages, so she was determined to figure it out.
When they left the meeting, Amanda had a list of questions for Lucas, mostly acronyms that she didn’t understand. She felt like she was entering a new world that had its own secret language.
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